Why doesn’t he want to get physical with me?

[Anonymous]

So I’m dating a guy. He is wanting to be a pastor one day, and he’s getting life back on track for God. I totally respect that. However, tonight when we hung out, he told me that cuddling the other night “did things” to him and it was too far. He told me he’s wanting to wait awhile before kissing so he doesn’t take a part of myself. This is the same guy that had said all those things in my previous questions. He mentioned tonight that he wants to change my last name so I know he likes me. He says that if God isn’t in the center of a relationship, there’s no reason to move forward. I was a little offended, not going to lie when he didn’t want to cuddle. I’m very confused because I thought he really liked me. Why doesn’t he want to get physical with me much?

[DJB72]

I've been married 17 years. Before my wife I had two serious relationships, and one girl I spent two days basically with our lips glued to each other. I deeply regret that I can't tell my wife she's the only woman I've ever been sexual with.

Not the only girl I've slept with.

Any sexual contact at all.

Both girls before my wife were girls I cared about enough to want to marry. In both cases we both thought that was enough and things got physical.

I'm guessing that he very much wants to get physical with you. I mean, assuming your profile pic is you, he'd need to be blind NOT to be physically attracted to you and wanting to go down a physical route.

That being said, if he wants to be a pastor you need to understand that that calling means he wants to put God first in everything. Especially his relationships with women in general and the girl he wants to marry in particular.

You need to accept that or move on. If you don't and he gives in to the temptation you offer eventually he'll regret it and resent you. Be patient. Let him put a ring on your finger.

And until he does, get to really know the man. Get to being on the same page emotionally and spiritually.

If handcuffs and whips are your thing, you can take them with you on honeymoon and yell out "surprise!"

[Asker]

This was a great answer!

[DJB72]

Why thank you kindly miss!

[Wiredone]

So your new boyfriend doesn't want to cuddle with you or kiss you. He also wants to change your last name. I've heard about taking things slow but not wanting to kiss you or cuddle with you? Is this the same guy you have been dating? Did he just all of a sudden spring the pastor thing on you. If he is trying to push his religion on you, that is a bad thing. You need to clarify that with him. It's fine if he wants to be a pastor but I am sure you might have different beliefs.

[ShadezMcgee]

Him wanting to be a pastor is the big reason why. He loves God and his mission to become a pastor more than risking temptation with you. He is also concerned going to far with cuddles and kisses will make him lose sight and give in to temptation.

That is why marriage and waiting is important to him. Religion is what is keeping him from doing what you would like with cuddles and kisses.

If it bothers you that much, you have two options. If you really seek that bit of intimacy and he is hesitant, you have to either let him go or be willing to take him to talk to other pastors about your concerns with intimacy and see what they say. Maybe listening to a man who became a pastor will give more insight to both of you and how to strengthen your relationship so you both are supporting each other and your needs are being met.

[TheLawAroundHere]

Honey, this boy is trying to read from too many lists. He needs to find out what he wants for himself, and what kind of life he really wants.

I dont agree with people that sacrifice the relationships with other people for the sake of holy reasoning. I think that a relationship centered around God is doomed from the start. I dont think that something like that is even possible.

A relationship has only 2 main parts. The way these 2 parts interact with themselves and and each other can ne influenced by outside firces. I. E., God. But nothong more than that should be expected, or even attempted.

There is too much interpretation when it comes to religion. That can lead to a whole bunch of misunderstandings. Relationships can be tricky. Keeping the other person at an equal level helps keep things clear.

[Jamie05rhs]

You have to respect his wishes. Please don't take it personally. He's just trying to do the right thing. (And it doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you; on the contrary, it means he's VERY attracted to you! ;) )

I think it's awesome that the dude wants to be a pastor! Even though that isn't an occupation that I am interested in personally. Pastors are very respectable people.

You just need to be aware that pastors have VERY high standards of conduct.

Don't worry; please be assured that this is only temporary. After you guys get married, you can have all the physical contact you want. (Sex, too! :) )

[Anonymous]

Then this dude sounds like he has some issues and you really need to reconsider being with someone like this , Just because someone goes to Church doesn’t make them a good person just because someone wants to cuddle doesn’t make them a bad person , All I am saying is be careful with this guy he doesn’t sound like a right fit for you considering all the other posts you posted about him, It sounds like a control tactic to be honest , especially when that someone tries to push religion on someone making them feel like they are Right and the other is wrong , When he said He wants God in the center? It doesn’t work that way , He needs to learn more about God because he is way off , God can be his savior but you never push religion onto someone else and demand orders , If I was you I would run

[Minahh]

I know right there's something shady about people who try to push their religion onto others

[Opinion Owner]

Yes , you can speak of your religion to others but to force it onto others is a sin , me personally thinks those kinds of people are wack jobs

[proNutro]

Respect his choice in not wanting to do anything and also now knowing that after you last cuddled it did things to him. Don’t tempt him to have sex or do thing that will make him want to have sex as that would be quite trashy to tempt a person. Of course at the end of they day he makes his own choices but don’t make that difficult for him. I’d you don’t want to wait until marriage to have sex then the relationship is going nowhere as you both want different things.

[TruthBringer]

You've been dating for a short period of time and he already wants to marry you? Big red flag in my book. There is a difference between dating with marriage as a goal than dating and wanting to get married asap. Religion is your obstacle. Either you accept it or you move on to someone who is more aligned with your reality. He also deserves a girl who happens to be a conservative like himself. If you're not that girl then do both yourselves a favor and end it.

[Illegitimate_Thought]

Wow what a Jezebel... these church boys could have any dried up pussy virgin girl if they wanted to but here they entertain the whore in the closet who be willing to tempt him with the apple at first chance she gets. Let him get cast out of the garden of eden see how well that went for humanity.

[Asker]

Hmmm I’m a Jezebel because cuddles are important to me... okay🤔

[Illegitimate_Thought]

Nah hun. You know why. You’re not very innocent so don’t act stupid.

[Illegitimate_Thought]

Have fun being controlled and living a constant pressure for perfection with this guy. You’re gonna have to clean up your act big time and not go on sites like these posting about your sexual desires. You’ll have to be the perfect woman who has to put on a smile and carry this whole fake persona about being deeply in love with God. Then one day he gets tired of your bullshit and bored of you so he’ll cheat on you because of his own constant pressures for perfection and not controlling his desires. Leaving you and your 5 kids in shame in front of the church and it will just be this massive scandal. I can see it now.

[bowenw]

If you're very religious like he is the relationship may work although in my opinion it's a few years too soon for him to be discussing marriage. He may also be using religion as a control mechanism. If being obedient to him or a higher power isn't for you it may be time for him to find a new girlfriend that is.

[Stevefiveo]

It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page. You want to be affectionate and he doesn't. Do you think that is going to change after marriage? It doesn't sound like it. You better talk to him and ask him when you are going to get married and how affectionate you think this marriage will be. It would be awful to be stuck in a sexless marriage. Or even if you two will be sexually compatible? It's definitely something you need to know before you marry someone. Good luck.

[Horny-ashell]

Just an opinion. But it sounds as if he is having some trouble with his place with god and his place with you I wouldn't take any kind of offence to it. But I would suggest that you sit down with him and have a serious conversation about your concerns. And be completely honest about everything. Hope this helps.

[AshleyTaylorDanny]

He seems to forgot that God put these sexual urges in us. I say next time you throw him down, get on top of him and grind yourself good into him while you kiss him. When the flagpole goes up his inhibitions will go by the wayside.

[Abtraction]

Guys can be insecure about intimacy also. Many women these days have more experience then men. Women get offers all the time, men get turned down all the time. I another words, it's easier for women to get experience and obtain confidence, not so easy for men unless they are of remarkable looks.

[Surely]

He sounds like he either was heavily involved with drugs or he was in jail and found his god during his rehabilitation.
I have known people like that and they are to say the least, Weird! when they turn to religion to be saved.
Not saying religion is a bad thing.
My other thoughts are with him wanting to change your name. He is involved in some sort of cult.
Better throw this one back and find someone to enjoy life with!

[EyebrowChewie]

It's because you're waiting to launch cream at his face and eat it off with whatever strawberries you could find after they all landed.

Other than that he's a pastor and is struggling with his conscience

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to get physical because one of the rules of God is you shall not have sex before marriage. He's trying to save himself before marriage and in doing so, it might be offensive to you but he wants a relationship with you and God. For him to follow God's path for him, this is something he must do.

[Swordnen]

Try to answer these honestly

Do you respect him?
Do you respect his will to improve his lifestyle and way he lives and getting his life on track?

[Asker]

I do respect him in every way. It’s real hard though to say no to some things. It’ll be worth it

[Swordnen]

then be patient,
when the time is right and he feels comfortable he will approach you.
and after that he will not stop

[Elliegirl]

It sounds like cuddling was too far last time because it “did things” means he had lustful thoughts about you. Kissing will probably yield the same effect, if not stronger.

[Kit_Kat88]

Judging by your picture you seem like a good and wholesomeb white girl. There shouldn't be a rush to get married. Ask him if physical intimacy is important to him in a marriage. I think if you truly do love him and truly want to marry him then go for it and it'll be worth the wait

[Anonymous]

first you do realize a pastor isn't the same thing as a priest right? second anyone who lays that crock of horseshit on you is likely to sell you the golden gate bridge. and finally priests pastors nuns etc all have sexual urges (*eyes bugging out now*) yes it's true they all get their little wee wee's hard from sexual stimulation because after all (another shocking revelation) they're all human too just like you

[Opinion Owner]

in a nutshell this shit for brains sack of turd is trying to play reverse psychology on you by saying he doesn't want to get physically close to you when in fact he does hoping you would buy his crock of horse shit so you would initiate more physical intimacy and physical contact with him with him hoping you will touch his little ding dong and he can see and play with your boobies. even a 4 year old can see he's playing reverse psychology on you

[nawtee_me]

Putting God first is very important to him. The lust of the flesh is sinful nature to a Christian. If he wants to be a pastor then he has to be beyond reproach. which means dating without the physical. And sex after marriage.