Why doesn’t he want to get physical with me?

Question

So I’m dating a guy. He is wanting to be a pastor one day, and he’s getting life back on track for God. I totally respect that. However, tonight when we hung out, he told me that cuddling the other night “did things” to him and it was too far. He told me he’s wanting to wait awhile before kissing so he doesn’t take a part of myself. This is the same guy that had said all those things in my previous questions. He mentioned tonight that he wants to change my last name so I know he likes me. He says that if God isn’t in the center of a relationship, there’s no reason to move forward. I was a little offended, not going to lie when he didn’t want to cuddle. I’m very confused because I thought he really liked me. Why doesn’t he want to get physical with me much?

DJB72 · Accepted Answer

I've been married 17 years. Before my wife I had two serious relationships, and one girl I spent two days basically with our lips glued to each other. I deeply regret that I can't tell my wife she's the only woman I've ever been sexual with.

Not the only girl I've slept with.

Any sexual contact at all.

Both girls before my wife were girls I cared about enough to want to marry. In both cases we both thought that was enough and things got physical.

I'm guessing that he very much wants to get physical with you. I mean, assuming your profile pic is you, he'd need to be blind NOT to be physically attracted to you and wanting to go down a physical route.

That being said, if he wants to be a pastor you need to understand that that calling means he wants to put God first in everything. Especially his relationships with women in general and the girl he wants to marry in particular.

You need to accept that or move on. If you don't and he gives in to the temptation you offer eventually he'll regret it and resent you. Be patient. Let him put a ring on your finger.

And until he does, get to really know the man. Get to being on the same page emotionally and spiritually.

If handcuffs and whips are your thing, you can take them with you on honeymoon and yell out "surprise!"

Wiredone · Accepted Answer

So your new boyfriend doesn't want to cuddle with you or kiss you. He also wants to change your last name. I've heard about taking things slow but not wanting to kiss you or cuddle with you? Is this the same guy you have been dating? Did he just all of a sudden spring the pastor thing on you. If he is trying to push his religion on you, that is a bad thing. You need to clarify that with him. It's fine if he wants to be a pastor but I am sure you might have different beliefs.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Him wanting to be a pastor is the big reason why. He loves God and his mission to become a pastor more than risking temptation with you. He is also concerned going to far with cuddles and kisses will make him lose sight and give in to temptation.

That is why marriage and waiting is important to him. Religion is what is keeping him from doing what you would like with cuddles and kisses.

If it bothers you that much, you have two options. If you really seek that bit of intimacy and he is hesitant, you have to either let him go or be willing to take him to talk to other pastors about your concerns with intimacy and see what they say. Maybe listening to a man who became a pastor will give more insight to both of you and how to strengthen your relationship so you both are supporting each other and your needs are being met.

TheLawAroundHere · Answer

Honey, this boy is trying to read from too many lists. He needs to find out what he wants for himself, and what kind of life he really wants.

I dont agree with people that sacrifice the relationships with other people for the sake of holy reasoning. I think that a relationship centered around God is doomed from the start. I dont think that something like that is even possible.

A relationship has only 2 main parts. The way these 2 parts interact with themselves and and each other can ne influenced by outside firces. I. E., God. But nothong more than that should be expected, or even attempted.

There is too much interpretation when it comes to religion. That can lead to a whole bunch of misunderstandings. Relationships can be tricky. Keeping the other person at an equal level helps keep things clear.

Anonymous · Answer

Then this dude sounds like he has some issues and you really need to reconsider being with someone like this , Just because someone goes to Church doesn’t make them a good person just because someone wants to cuddle doesn’t make them a bad person , All I am saying is be careful with this guy he doesn’t sound like a right fit for you considering all the other posts you posted about him, It sounds like a control tactic to be honest , especially when that someone tries to push religion on someone making them feel like they are Right and the other is wrong , When he said He wants God in the center? It doesn’t work that way , He needs to learn more about God because he is way off , God can be his savior but you never push religion onto someone else and demand orders , If I was you I would run

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You have to respect his wishes. Please don't take it personally. He's just trying to do the right thing. (And it doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you; on the contrary, it means he's VERY attracted to you! ;) )

I think it's awesome that the dude wants to be a pastor! Even though that isn't an occupation that I am interested in personally. Pastors are very respectable people.

You just need to be aware that pastors have VERY high standards of conduct.

Don't worry; please be assured that this is only temporary. After you guys get married, you can have all the physical contact you want. (Sex, too! :) )

proNutro · Answer

Respect his choice in not wanting to do anything and also now knowing that after you last cuddled it did things to him. Don’t tempt him to have sex or do thing that will make him want to have sex as that would be quite trashy to tempt a person. Of course at the end of they day he makes his own choices but don’t make that difficult for him. I’d you don’t want to wait until marriage to have sex then the relationship is going nowhere as you both want different things.

TruthBringer · Answer

You've been dating for a short period of time and he already wants to marry you? Big red flag in my book. There is a difference between dating with marriage as a goal than dating and wanting to get married asap. Religion is your obstacle. Either you accept it or you move on to someone who is more aligned with your reality. He also deserves a girl who happens to be a conservative like himself. If you're not that girl then do both yourselves a favor and end it.

Illegitimate_Thought · Answer

Wow what a Jezebel... these church boys could have any dried up pussy virgin girl if they wanted to but here they entertain the whore in the closet who be willing to tempt him with the apple at first chance she gets. Let him get cast out of the garden of eden see how well that went for humanity.

bowenw · Answer

If you're very religious like he is the relationship may work although in my opinion it's a few years too soon for him to be discussing marriage. He may also be using religion as a control mechanism. If being obedient to him or a higher power isn't for you it may be time for him to find a new girlfriend that is.

Stevefiveo · Answer

It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page. You want to be affectionate and he doesn't. Do you think that is going to change after marriage? It doesn't sound like it. You better talk to him and ask him when you are going to get married and how affectionate you think this marriage will be. It would be awful to be stuck in a sexless marriage. Or even if you two will be sexually compatible? It's definitely something you need to know before you marry someone. Good luck.

Horny-ashell · Answer

Just an opinion. But it sounds as if he is having some trouble with his place with god and his place with you I wouldn't take any kind of offence to it. But I would suggest that you sit down with him and have a serious conversation about your concerns. And be completely honest about everything. Hope this helps.

AshleyTaylorDanny · Answer

He seems to forgot that God put these sexual urges in us. I say next time you throw him down, get on top of him and grind yourself good into him while you kiss him. When the flagpole goes up his inhibitions will go by the wayside.

Surely · Answer

He sounds like he either was heavily involved with drugs or he was in jail and found his god during his rehabilitation.
I have known people like that and they are to say the least, Weird! when they turn to religion to be saved.
Not saying religion is a bad thing.
My other thoughts are with him wanting to change your name. He is involved in some sort of cult.
Better throw this one back and find someone to enjoy life with!

Abtraction · Answer

Guys can be insecure about intimacy also. Many women these days have more experience then men. Women get offers all the time, men get turned down all the time. I another words, it's easier for women to get experience and obtain confidence, not so easy for men unless they are of remarkable looks.

EyebrowChewie · Answer

It's because you're waiting to launch cream at his face and eat it off with whatever strawberries you could find after they all landed.

Other than that he's a pastor and is struggling with his conscience

Anonymous · Answer

He doesn't want to get physical because one of the rules of God is you shall not have sex before marriage. He's trying to save himself before marriage and in doing so, it might be offensive to you but he wants a relationship with you and God. For him to follow God's path for him, this is something he must do.

Swordnen · Answer

Try to answer these honestly  Do you respect him?  Do you respect his will to improve his lifestyle and way he lives and getting his life on track?

Elliegirl · Answer

It sounds like cuddling was too far last time because it “did things” means he had lustful thoughts about you. Kissing will probably yield the same effect, if not stronger.

Kit_Kat88 · Answer

Judging by your picture you seem like a good and wholesomeb white girl. There shouldn't be a rush to get married. Ask him if physical intimacy is important to him in a marriage. I think if you truly do love him and truly want to marry him then go for it and it'll be worth the wait

Anonymous · Answer

first you do realize a pastor isn't the same thing as a priest right? second anyone who lays that crock of horseshit on you is likely to sell you the golden gate bridge. and finally priests pastors nuns etc all have sexual urges (*eyes bugging out now*) yes it's true they all get their little wee wee's hard from sexual stimulation because after all (another shocking revelation) they're all human too just like you

nawtee_me · Answer

Putting God first is very important to him. The lust of the flesh is sinful nature to a Christian. If he wants to be a pastor then he has to be beyond reproach. which means dating without the physical. And sex after marriage.

clampfan101 · Answer

Talk with him about what he would be comfortable doing now, what he’s saving for marriage, and what he’s never going to do. See what you can agree with and compromise about.

Lunatic1 · Answer

Sounds like he has had a somewhat dark past in some way and wants to change his future after finding religion. So he is trying to doing something different.

iseekpinetrees · Answer

Pastor people r freaks. They internally fight with themselves all the time about what's right and godly. He doesn't want to touch u because it's not right ur not married. Ur lucky he touched u at all.

PurSeduction · Answer

If god or "anything else" is the center of a relationship between 2 humans... Tell him/her to fuck off and have his/her relationship with whatever he or she is placing as monumental pillar

REALSTEEL · Answer

pastor says it all he is completely devoted to god nust like a nun he will be your best friend but dont except to get physical

Minahh · Answer

He doesn't want to get physical with you because of his religious background I'd say. I don't care about sex much but I couldn't wait for cuddles and kisses.

jimmy2 · Answer

Well he is trying to be in Hods will. You got to choose stay with him and life gets hard leave him and life hets hard. I know choices in life are so hard to make. I hope and pray for the best choice is made

fonduegirl · Answer

He'd like to marry you first before things go down and dirty.

Angelo75 · Answer

Perhaps you could try to find out more about his religion?

worldscolide · Answer

Hate to say it, but religion is getting in the way.

Tomtom9090 · Answer

He has restraints and good on him, if that is too much you can find someone who isn’t a man of God to please you.

foxrider77 · Answer

What’s his friend up to? Maybe he knows how to hold a women.

BeachLuvR97 · Answer

This sounds strange to me, and I'm very pro-Scripture and anti-sin (I am far from perfect, though).

Maspolomas · Answer

Maybe he’s old school and is waiting for you two to be married before that happens I’m guessing

Sevenpointfive · Answer

well it's only one guy. you have a lot of others to fulfill your needs

Anonymous · Answer

he doesn't want to have sex too early. if the relationship ends it will be more awkward. he wants to make sure it's the real deal

Floppy2112 · Answer

Ah, cracks are starting to appear. Do you share his religion? Are you are fervent?

Waldoe · Answer

what a weird question... #1 he is religious (wants to be a Pastor) #2 he is resisting Sin #3 what is wrong with you that you have NO respect for this man?

Makeushiver · Answer

You can always let him tend to your spiritual needs while I tend to your moisted, squishier needs

Gosceewual · Answer

That’s what happens when you date nerdy poindexters

na2398 · Answer

Darn! Even I am perplexed. Did you communicate this to him?

Anonymous · Answer

I think he doesn't want to get physical before marriage because to do s would conflict with his religious convictions. This has nothing to do with you personally, but more to do with his own ethics.

MrCreep · Answer

Are you making things up to ask as question nothing you say seems real maybe your following a porn script for a laugh I got not a clue

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Cuz he feels its a sin

AmeerX · Answer

He is being chivalrous

psychoticanimaIIover · Answer

Because he wants to be a PASTOR ONE DAY.

IveGotNoName · Answer

Does he want to wait until marriage?

Anonymous · Answer

Play him the "Let's get physical" song

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I don't see this working out

colivares878 · Answer

Fuck that I'd be knocking that ass down

Lion91 · Answer

He probably not seeing your signs, assuming.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Oh Shit!

Calgarydirty69 · Answer

call me! Danny 587-351-8132, Danny

Shymysteriousguy · Answer

Probably shy like me

Why doesn’t he want to get physical with me?

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Why won't he have sex with me?

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