Guys, Is pursuing someone worth it or is it better to let it happen naturally?

[Egirl28]

I tend to chase guys and try to create a connection and I am sick of doing so. I want to know if guys still pursue the girls they like or if I need to keep pursuing them.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for your honest opinions

[JPrez]

As a woman, you’re in a good position. If you notice a guy you like, drop hints with staring and smiling and see if he reacts. Then hopefully he will approach you and ask you out. If he seems shy, it never hurts to be a bit forward and talk to him and go from there. You can probably get the attention of a lot of guys with some great smiles, eye contact and some body language that implies you’re easy to talk to.

[Egirl28]

I try that but most guys still find me intimidating. I am really nice but they don't give me a chance.

[JPrez]

I am sorry to hear that. These guys obviously don’t know what they’re missing out on. You seem like a really great person and attractive so not sure what they’re thinking. I can understand if you wanna forgo approaching them. Instead, I think what I mentioned about smiling and staring should affect a guy enough to hopefully approach you. I feel pretty confident that doing this and based on your appearance some lucky guy will make a move.

[RagnarRedbeard]

Whether you're a man or a woman, if it's not 50/50 it's not worth it. When one or the other is pursuing more that's usually because the other one isn't as into them. When people say that something happens naturally it's just because the interest goes equally both ways.

I'd say that it's probably best to look, but don't put too much effort into someone who isn't putting in effort in return.

[Egirl28]

What if the effort is intense than dies out than returns?

[RagnarRedbeard]

Personally I'd lose interest if it died out and move on even if they later decided they liked me again.

[Egirl28]

Thanks I am have been conflicted about what to do

[RagnarRedbeard]

Yeah I'd say leave it. Some people are desperate so they start off really intense, but they're like that with everybody they like. Then they meet someone else and shift their attention to the other person, then when it doesn't work out they shift it back to you.

The key thing to understand is that if someone really likes you it will be smooth, easy - that's what people mean by "naturally".

[Dragonpurple]

Pursuing is worth it, but its hard to know how far to go before calling it quits if your not making any progress.

Example, my ex wife I pursued too far and too long, we were friends for a couple of years, dated for two more and engaged for two more, got married and it was all over. I should have quit pursuing her before we ever got engaged.

However after her, I took a mixed approach of pursuing at a slower easier pace and then things just happened naturally.

The biggest downside I see to not pursuing, I have actual co-workers in this situation is they just went about their lives and no one ever came after them. Thus they are older now and still single.

Hard to meet people if all you ever do is go to work and go home, got to put yourself out there to be approached and take those chances on the ones you are interested in.

[ShadezMcgee]

Guys pursue women to an extent and that depends on how she is responding to the advances. Is she reciprocating messages, agreeing to meet up on a date and staying true to her word while they are hanging out? Or is she flaking on dates, unresponsive to messages or questions, inconsistent with her attitude and behavior, constantly giving shit tests?

If she is doing the latter, most men will drop those women like a hot tamale. Why waste your time on someone who can't even give you common respect or be upfront and transparent with you from the start without the dog and pony bullshit games?

[Egirl28]

What if its the guy who flakes on the girl than comes back. Is she supposed to forgive him?

[ShadezMcgee]

Same concept applies. I am just giving it from the perception as a man who would be looking at a woman to potentially pursue like you asked.

[Gosceewual]

What does “let it happen naturally” mean?
doing nothing? Pretty sure that would never work out

cos, once when I saw a girl as “pursuing me”
she would smile at me and wave and come sit next to me and try to talk to me,
now if she never done that how the fuck would I even knew she had a crush on me?
i stay in my house pretty much 247... if she did nothing literally nothing would happen and no one would be dating

not that I dated her anyway, cos to “Persue her back” like show signs I liked her back, that could possibly land me a date with her, but since I “jus did the natural thing”
which is stay in my house and avoid her... nothing happened and we never dated

so I would have had to persue her back for us to ever date

doing “what’s natural”
or let it “happen naturally”
means do nothing. And that never gets you a date, trust me... never. You will be alone forever if you do that, like me

[Gosceewual]

Someone has to do at least a little bit of Persuing on both ends for anything to ever happen

[ChrisMaster69]

Try not to pursue.

leave breadcrumbs for the guys to follow.

if they are interested they will take up all those breadcrumbs.

you are too nice to be chasing guys, they need to learn

[Egirl28]

Thanks its starting to doubt my worth and desirability. I need to stop!!

[TOTEMPLASTER]

Uh... boys have chased girls, successfully, from the beginning of time, which is why boys are still chasing girls. Just use the traditional bait that girls have always used to hook boys,: a sweet smile, coy look, cleavage, and tossing your hair.

[Shihab-91]

don't chase but let them know it's ok to approach you, like smiling a little when they stare.

-nice new picture by the way

[Egirl28]

Thank you! Its a picture from this weekend. I could work on being more approachable

[Shihab-91]

yeah nice one and good luck

[Iron_Man]

I’ve done that before and I worked very hard on it. But once I have established A connection then she’s going to have to put her 50% in as well. If I have to do all the chasing then I think that she’s not interested

[devil_8888]

No need to pursue them. You are worthy enough for the guys to approach you..

[Egirl28]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

well now you now how guys feel, tons of guys strongly resent how it still falls on their shoulders to make the first move or be the initiator in starting a relationship

[Egirl28]

I could see this point of view!! Thanks for sharing !

[Opinion Owner]

yup, can't speak for every guy, when you say that you have pursued or chased a guy and it didn't work out, it sounds like he was never interested in the first place, well welcome to the world of being a guy, so all the guys you dated, the guy asked you out first or made the first move?

[Egirl28]

He was interested in just wasn't consistent interest.

[Opinion Owner]

how long have you been single now?

[Mark987]

In my whole experience... I have only had a few women pursue me yes it is hot... but if you are tired of it maybe you need a change.. test out the waters