If your partner smokes, drinks or does tobacco should you try to stop them?

[ragequeen]

Yes!

Absolutely not

You should encourage them to stop, but you can't make them do anything

I don't know

[btbc92]

I wouldn't date a person who smokes, drink, experiment or experiments with drugs and or have premarital sex anyway. Trying to stop them won't solve anything because it will stress you out and some are badly addicted. The most you can do is encourage that them to get help and revoking any privileges from you in that relationship other than basic support. We cannot reward toxic behavior, especially when married. Otherwise, you are better off not dating and marrying somebody who has your dealbreakers. You can not change them. They can only change themselves and have to want to change. Only God can do that. We can only influence them in either for the good or for the bad. But if we love them, we would want what is best for them, or else we have no choice but to think for ourselves and our livelihood. Or should I say our personal health?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

If you're in a relationship, you have to accept your partner for her they are, flaws and all... That's why it's important to establish what your "deal breakers" are before getting into a relationship. You can encourage someone to be more healthy. But you can't force it on them or stop them. If someone wants to quit drinking or smoking, that want has to come from them, not someone demanding it of them.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

It really depends on whether it is in unhealthy conditions or personal preference. I don't mind someone that drinks as long as they aren't an alcoholic. Occasional beer or glass of wine is acceptable but not if they start drinking at 11am on a Saturday. Having a couple of beers every night is fine. I have made a firm decision on no smokers as I can't stand the smell but I have that slight lean on it because some girls are incredibly sexy when they smoke. Drugs are a hard no for me. But, don't settle because in the long run you will not be happy. I don't understand how someone can wake up roll over, turn the alarm off, and then light up a cigarette right there in bed first thing in the morning.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I can't and won't force her to stop, just encourage her to at least limit her intake.
When we first got together we were both drinkers and smokers - now I've kicked both habits and also follow a vegetarian diet; while she still drinks, smokes and eats meat.
I don't raise stinks about it, it's fine with me but as long as she does an effort to not drink and smoke excessively, for her own wellbeing and health.

[OlderAndWiser]

Dating people with the expectation that you are going to change them, or that they will be motivated to change for you, is one of the biggest and oldest mistakes people make in dating. Accept someone as they are, or find someone else. It is not your duty or your right to try to change someone else.

[Finchie40]

Was he smoking and drinking before you met them and started dating them? If so then no you can’t stop them , you can encourage them to cut down but you can’t force them , It also depends on how much they are drinking , if he is getting wasted everyday then yes he has a problem but if it’s on occasion then no you shouldn’t’t say anything , Me personally likes to have some brew at the end of a work week to relax and unwind , if a girl tried stopping me from doing that I would kick her to the curb considering I am not doing it everyday , if she doesn’t like the fact that I enjoy beer on a Friday night see ya , don’t let the door hit ya in the ass on your way out

[Interstate]

Never try to change somebody to suit your own happiness. You accept them for who they are. If they are abusing alcohol, encourage them to get help. If nicotine is something they enjoy, let them have it. You may not approve of their nicotine or chewing habits, but that is the point when you decide if you can love them strongly enough to not let their habit (s) bother you. If the answer is no... it is time to walk away.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Well said!

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

I don’t support tobacco products or acts around me. I’ve tried to date people in the past who smokes and I don’t really like it so nah im good on that.


I do enjoy a casual drink so I don’t have a problem with it but the key important is moderation in my opinion

[TruthBringer]

If they started doing that AFTER we got together, then yes. I would actually not try to stop them. I'll give them an ultimatum. Either they stick to their intoxication or they choose the relationship. The ball is in their court.

If the person was consuming all that stuff before we got together, then I wouldn't even get with them, in the first place.

[EmbraceThePain]

Should you try?


Yes, you should ALWAYS TRY to do what’s right.


Does that mean you will be successful? No


Does that mean you try indefinitely? No


Does that mean you should do unreasonable things to get them to stop? No

[HugoThe2nd]

I wouldn't try to.
I mean, if I started dating them knowing they have those habits, it would be kind of a dick move trying to change them to my liking afterwards.

If someone's behavior changed during our relationship, I would definitely voice my disapproval and potentially even give them an ultimatum, if it was starting to affect our relationship in a bad way.

[Lliam]

My wife doesn't like that I started smoking a (tobacco) pipe. She doesn't like the smell on my clothes and is concerned for my health. But she doesn't nag me about it. She respects my right to make my own decisions. And I love her for that.

[Browneye57]

No. It's not your place, not your duty, you can't fix them, you're not their mommy.

Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change.
Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them long enough or hard enough, he MIGHT change into somebody she can stand to be with. FAIL

[msbrightness]

Try... don't know.
When you have someone in your life it makes sense to adopt the habits of the one that has the better ones.
Smoking is only a substitute for kissing.
Drinking - entirely unnecessary if you don't have to hold back your emotions when sober.

[Anonymous]

I of course wouldn't want to force him. But I would also make it clear that im not about that and don't want to be with someone who does it. Drinking is fine but excessively isn't. I have both people dying from lung cancer and abuse of alcohol in my family, so I have me reasons for being so against it.

[Jjpayne]

It depends on the effect it's having on their life. I'd maybe say it's bad for them but only gently so unless it was a huge problem then I would be out looking for their best interests and helping them follow a doctor's order for example

[ohshee]

I mean if you don't like it you can tell the person that you don't like it but You Can't Stop them from doing anything

[Lauren-green]

If they say they want to stop, try get them too. How we if they don't have the motivation or don't want to stop, you pestering them is just going to piss them off more than anything.

[Anonymous]

Drinking is fine as long as they're classy about it.

Chewing tobacco is an absolute NO NO

Smoking, I don't like it, but girls who smoke are usually chill, and I've crushed on a lot of smokers, so I'd probably just try to slowly ease her out of it.

[slatyb]

If you don't want to be with a user, end the relationship. Never stay in a relationship thinking they will change.

[AdithyaR]

I won't make them stop, it's their choice.
I will however exercise my choice, the right to leave. I won't stay if my partner smoke or does tobacco. Drinking is only a problem if they drink excessively or forces me to drink.

[Dchrls78104]

Not really. I'm not in the business of controlling a grown woman, as though she were my child; I don't have time for that. I'd just dump her or else not date her in the first place. Those things are instant dealbreakers for me.

[Wiredone]

In moderation it's ok. You can encourage them to stop or cut down but you can't force them. If you're looking for a partner, don't date someone who does these things and you won't have a problem

[Riebeck]

You should test the relationship by taking up the habit yourself. If they know it's bad for them and don't like seeing YOU do it, it should highly motivate them them to stop.