Do you feel when a guy is becoming closer to a girl ( talking to her laugh with her... etc) other guys start making moves and hit on her as well, just to prove that they can win any girl?
>>So guys do you compete or do you backoff as this will just feed her ego?
>> Ladies how do you feel when there are multiple guys are hitting on you but there is one guy doesn't?
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+1 y
Nothing official just a guy talk to a girl more than other guys... Barely started getting closer
Do men like to compete over a woman?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
No I don’t enjoy this at all but women LOVE this shit. There are countless romance novels, TV shows and movies about love triangles. And the love triangle is almost always 2 guys competing for one woman but never 2 women competing for a man.
Unfortunately some women will sometimes setup this crap in real life. It was done to me in college. I had a huge crush on a girl (being young and dumb I wore it on my sleeve).
This girl did give me some hope. She approached me first and we kissed once. She said multiple times that “she liked me”. However she then met her new boyfriend (future husband) right in front of me in a PT class. But after I started backing off she still kept reaching out and talking to me while she was dating him. She did this to 1) make him jealous 2) exploit me vía friendzone bs for her own conceited validation.
Now I didn’t know what the hell I was doing back then. The term “friendzone” didn’t really even exist in the common vernacular at that time.
I took her reaching out to me as an opportunity to steal her back. That was the one of the worst friendzone experiences I ever had in my life. I really hated her for that.
It’s more of a turn off for me. If she’s really into some other guy that’s fine, but if she’s not into me at all, I lose interest. I’m not the type to show off or try to make myself look better than other people, so I’m not turned on by men acting that way, or women who encourage men to act that way.
Talking about competitive sports: I love team sports and do my best, but when people start getting their egos involved, get violently aggressive (even when practicing martial arts, I feel self discipline and the ability to stop yourself at any moment is a critical skill), or carry bad feelings off the field because one team scored more points that the other: these are all childish behaviors. I lose respect for people I see acting like this.
Back to dating/romance: I don’t want to be involved with someone I don’t respect.
I never understand when guys tell women have many options. Yes we have many options when it comes to Sex-Partners but not marriage-partner. All these men compete to have sex with you, not to marry you. So extrem useless and not an option for me. This is the same as prostitutes compete on the red light street to have sex with you. Anyway i dont understand why many guys are jealous about women having " many options" when many of these opinions are shit. Women usually have sex with men who they really like while men would have sex with random woman when they want sex. So if a woman wants to have sex with you, she really likes you. So if you dont want to date her, please dont fuckzone her. I also dont the understand advantage about this so called option. As a woman you can't just have one night with random man sex since it is extrem dangerous and you can get raped/murdered. I even know bisexual men who dont have one night stands with men and also women get slut-shamed so much. In short i see no advantage of these so called options. It does more harm than good.
I believe that after they start competing for a woman it becomes more about the competition and not about the woman. They end up going for her for the wrong reasons. To prove a point. My advice is to not focus on the other guys. If it's about her then make it about her.
I don't have experience with guys competing over me. So I don't know how she would feel if you didn't. Tbh being hit on isn't any indication that they guy actually wants that woman. Could be for fun, sex, maybe to win the competition or any other superficial reason. I personally don't assume anything.
Don't matter... I don't want someone hitting on me out of competition... People aren't some prize to be fought over, they're people. . No-one should play with people just to feed their ego
I've been surrounded by couples my entire life so you it kinda sucks now, but everytime I see bullshit like cheating and stuff I am happy to be alone for a while
Only low value men who don't respect themselves compete actively against each other for another woman. I've seen this behavior prevalent in the typical simps who pedestalize women. A man of value who knows what he brings to the table isn't going to compete. Either she chooses him, or he finds someone else who will. He may talk to a woman who gets lots of attention from possible suitors, but he isn't going to try and one-up them. Either she can take it or leave it.
Out of all the men who pedestalize a woman, the one who doesn't always stands out the most to her. And I'm speaking from experience.
Male competitiveness is a thing. But for hot girls obviously. If two guys fond the same girl hot and think they have a chance with her. You can pretty much guess both will try.
One of the most annoying things I deal with when I'm out is if I go up to a white girl I want to talk to. When other black guys see it going well they will come around to shoot their shot.
Because in their mind they're like, "oh she's into black guys! I've got a shot!". Even tho they saw her first and had opportunity. But they told themselves a story as a means not to do it.
When they see me their story gets killed so it's do nothing and feel like shit, or be an asshole by talking to the girl I'm talking to.
It is well proven a woman will dump a perfectly good man if she thinks she can snag a better one - better looking, more money, more power, etc. So whether a woman is in a relationship or not is kind of irrelevant. And we only get to use her for awhile and then she becomes someone else's. The terms loyalty and committed are nebulous terms in a woman's brain. They are true only until she feels it doesn't suit her, and then her feelings change. Don't believe me? Listen for the word tracks... "I love him but I'm not IN love with him." "I was bored." "I just wasn't feeling it." "He made me _____ " insert her feeling here.
A woman's brain runs on feelings and emotions. And are subject to change at any given moment. It's their right to do so. "I just changed my mind."
@msc545 - Yes, that's it in a nutshell. Guys would do well to understand this. They're just sure she'll have the loyalty and commitment to him that he has for her. When she walks out unannounced, there his sits crying in his beer cuz he thought he did everything right, gave her everything she asked for. And why you NEVER put a woman on a pedestal. EVER. And you never cede power over to her in your relationship. EVER. If she doesn't like it, SHE can pack her shit and go. Same reason SHE can sleep on the sofa. You don't wanna share a bed then GTFO. See if you can find another provider.
I dont like competing, at all. Sure as hell am not going to stand in line with 10 other guys and idolize a woman. Just not going to happen.
If someone is taken, I won't push the point. If there is chemistry between her and I... we will find a way to decrease our physical proximity to each other and... away we go, together.
If she likes something about another guy, Im not going to change her mind or whine about it.
Lifes too short. There are a few billion people on the planet anyway.
My dream is for men to compete over me. Whatever it’s romantic lol. Then it did happen eventually and I ended up heartbroken... definitely not what the movies made it out to be. Still I wouldn’t mind lol.
Oh it was a fun thing to do back in the days. Today most girls are not worth it when not contested, no way I'd fight some other dude for one. I don't need either, but I hope that said need won't come knocking at my door prepotently for I don't know if I could stand today's females.
High value men are eagerly willing to compete. Low value men will tap out as to avoid risks of rejection or humiliation. Of course, this is a generalization and there are exceptions.
Well think about the general principles of competition. If you know you have what it takes to win or reach your goal, you’re going to participate. Why would you not? Because you’re too cool or too good? No.
Well the woman didn't prove that she is worth it, the man get attracted by the look, but that isn't everything. Even if there is no competition, there is still a risk of getting rejected. Why wouldn't he compete again, maybe she isn't worth it? Maybe she is using them for attention? I really doubt he will look like a high value man if that is true. This actually the generalization, the exceptions would be if he doesn't have confidence which is hard to tell in this case.
It depends on each’s options. Women typically have more abundant options. If the guy has more options than her, she’ll compete or be the one proving her worth to him. However, this is less common than when the genders are reversed.
It’s less common because guys do NOT look to set this up. If it happens by happenstance that’s one thing. Quite another to intentionally throw bones to the other woman just to keep her in the orbit for conceited purposes.
I had a girl cruelly set me up with this back in college. I was originally very interested in her (she was somewhat interest me). She then started dating another guy she met right in front of me (their married now). Then when I started pulling away I noticed she started reaching out to me. She even called me a few times. However she was smart enough to never mention him in conversation but she was giving me false hope that I could get her back (I didn’t know what the friendzone was back then m).
It was all just selfish ego trip on her part to 1) toy with her boyfriend 2) get extra validation from the attention I foolishly gave her (I was young and naive at the time).
But seriously you don’t see guys intentionally setting up this bullshit. That was cruel lesson I don’t wish on anyone.
Maybe to a point. The minute a woman starts in with the competition routine, I'm gone. You want to date me and 5 other guys? Fine - have fun, but forget you know me since I wasn't good enough for you, apparently. I can easily find someone who thinks I am good enough.
She shouldn’t hit you with any routine. If you approach a woman, it’s going to be a given she has other men interested in her also trying to get her attention. So there is a competition In that way as she is weighing her options. She doesn’t have to tell you about it. In fact, it’s probably a good idea she keeps it to herself. But it’s usually going to be the case regardless.
@MzAsh I’ve met some grown ass women your age and older that STILL try to pull this shit. Like it makes them feel younger or something.
I would expect women over the age of 30 to start having a better understanding of men. Start having more respect for what men have to deal with. I know I treat women differently now that I did at 29 and definitely at 19. I’m not perfect nor will ever will be. But I can respect women I’m not attracted to. I had to turn down one that really liked me 2 years ago. I was tactfully honest because I know she has her own dreams and goals for romance. I treated her the same way I wanted to be treated if the roles were reversed.
But WTF is wrong with grown ass women who still want to do this crap?
You have written some good insights but that “High value men are eagerly willing to compete. Low value men will tap out as to avoid risks of rejection or humiliation” was WAY off. No and fuck no on that.
If anything if a woman has more than one guy in her orbit she will usually be most attracted to the one who gives her the most challenge (as long he is semi good looking). . The one who acts like he doesn’t give a shit will seem the most value. Women love mystery.
@msc545 it’s funny because if a older woman can pull this off it will be extremely temporary. She’s not a hot coed on a college campus anymore. Men are also wiser to this bs. But if still if the opportunity presents itself they will milk it but ultimately it harms everything.
@msc545 the problem is society generally gives women a safety net and a shoulder to cry on for their own shitty decisions. They will get get in a relationship with a violent asshole KNOWING there is a high risk it will end badly and it usually does. Then when they reap what they sow other women, simps and feminist doctrine in general tell them it’s not their fault but it ultimately is.
If women were held to the same standard as men for their bad decisions then we would live in a different society.
@msc545 I’m just wondering when the day will come when more people will wake up to this. Are western women generally happier now then they were 50 years ago? Maybe some are. Some necessary adjustments were made to call out the real (but minority) pieces of sh*t that got away with using their power to abuse women (Harvey Weinsteins).
But do you seriously believe that most men back in the 50s and earlier physically and sexually subjugated women? Hell no. There was a thing called chivalry back then and it worked for a reason.
I don’t think most men in the 50s physically and sexually subjugated women in general. I’ve just heard more stories from elderly people in family and my time in volunteering in hospital and nursing homes to know that the relationship dynamic I seek is not well aligned with the relationship dynamics that were the norm back then. I can’t speak for other women, but I know I need respect and autonomy. Space and freedom. An equal partnership. None of my grandparents seemed to have ever had this in the way I need to have it.
@MzAsh I self sabotaged a very good relationship years ago ago because I too craved freedom and space and I feared that increased intimacy would reveal more of my internal quirks, fears and insecurities. I didn’t cheat on her but I kept her at arms length for an entire year. I wanted some disconnect and I also failed to communicate.
It’s said because she was the only women I’ve ever dated were I thought true compatibility might of been possible. Also the universe seemed to conspire against me because I was going through some very real struggled in my career.
But many long time married people managed to pull it off and how did they do that? Sacrifice. They don’t go into a relationship thinking about what they can get out of it. They know they have to give.
I still have hang ups on what I could have had with this girl. But she went down a very twisted path herself after we split. But that was her choice and different conversation.
No composition I love my man so if I see he is uncomfortable I'll say something and tell him to leave because nothing compares to a true connection with someone
If you're interested, just generally talk to her and get to know her as if she were your friend and you weren't sure if she would work as more than such. Don't treat her poorly but don't pedestal her and flirt with her like the others, at first. She'll tell the difference and see that you genuinely care. Not just want her as a trophy from others.
NOO and women that *want* me to compete for them are a huge turnoff.
Dating is competitive enough all on it's on. There's no need to make people compete over you. When women do that to me I just move on because I deserve more respect than that the same way that they deserve more respect than that.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
If she responds to other guys hitting on her it pisses me off and makes me think she’s disloyal and would be fast to “trade up” if she thinks she could. I don’t blame the guy-guys are always trying to get laid and don’t care if it’s already spoken for. So if she flirts in front of me it makes me like and trust he try less and wonder if anything more than a toss in the hay is worth it with her.
No, men don't like to compete over women. If I see that a guy is taking his shot on a woman that I may like, chances are he will succeed, or fail. It would be very stupid of me, to think that competing with him is wise. Because if I do, chances are the woman will reject us both. So I wait for him to fail if he fails, before I take my shot. If he doesn't fail, good luck to him. Perhaps it's meant to be.
It is just silly competing over women. Guys that do so are young and immature.
I never compete with anyone. I have no time for those games.
If another dude starts maccing on a girl that I'm talking to, I just leave her immediately and let the guy say what he wants to say. It's a test to see if she likes me enough to reject him. I don't really believe in "tests" as a matter of principle, but I think this one is informative.
No it's not worth it. Any woman that wants you to compete for her is not worth competing for. So unless you win the competition without extra effort. Why would you bother. Technically you are always competing with other guys, because somehow they will make their decisions if you are it or not. And don't think for a moment there isn't other guys in that comparison.
I wouldn't want to compete for any girl, especially when there's too many guys on her constantly. not my thing at all. Because even if you do manage to "win" her, there's no telling if she'll dump you right away for the next guy that comes into her life.
My answer is no. So is about 99% of other men. We have more important things to do than give you that sort of entertainment. I get it makes you happy that you get such a selection but the "winner" then has to deal with the girl who enjoys guys fighting over her. That attitude doesn't make that girl a catch that makes her a burden and I feel bad for the "big winner"
This can make things uncomfortable Fast. If they compete, that is between them, but whatever happens, it is my choice. If that one guy does not act like the others, there can be many reasons. Yes I want an alpha, but I know that person will be with me forever
I know I do, but only once other people make me question where I really stand in her eyes usually it's not even her that causes it. People get in my head and then I just completely fuck things up in my head because of thoughts they encourage me to have. Usually ends badly, haven't had a happy ending to it yet.
Nah, I'm good on competing over women. I don't compete for shit in my personal life. I don't even approach women. I let them approach me and it's worked A-okay for me.
If you are seriously competing, you lack circulation between your ears. Even if you win, that will be your life for the duration of that relationship, constantly competing with other men because she most likely gets off on it or creates situations in which it forces you to compete. If you want to compete, be my guest. It's your funeral.
Be with someone who wants to be with you without any outside interference.
Nobody likes to compete, but sometimes it's a necessity. Most people like to be competed over as well. But most people want people that other people want because they desire serves as validation of the individual being desired.
I think most men dislike it, and I personally won't participate in it. if a woman insists on dating other guys while she is dating me I am immediately DONE with her. I've had this happen a few times, and I have never been comfortable with these situations.
Nope. Women love attention first and foremost. If you're stupid enough to put your self on the line like that, you just might be putting your life on the line. You could get hurt... or worse. 2 things a guy will go all the way for. 1. His money. 2. His female (or even one he perceives as his).
I have fought a lot and I personally hate it. I have also loss every fight for a girls attention. For most guys I would say it is not fun. For 10% of guys it is probably a game.
I certainly don't. I firmly believe if a woman desires you you don't have to worry about competition at all since she will only care about you and no other man.
5
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
lol. God no. Fuck that.
Many girls like to rationalize it as inferiority in guys or whatever else to make themselves feel better what they got or what they might have missed. But really it's just that as soon as another guy is involved, it feels gross. I think most straight guys don't appreciate any kind of sexual association with other guys.
I would compete for someone I loved if I needed to, but I wouldn’t be enjoying the competition. It would be purely for what felt like a necessity. (Her)
Yes, this also trend, guys get jealous on some guy who has beautiful girlfriend, so they try to win and some time fight, do you know the story of Helen of Troy, two countries fought for 10 years for Helen
No, not really. If I have interest in a girl and she seems to be juggling me along with a few other guys I'll just move on and keep meeting other girls.
If dueling were legal men would because it would eliminate their competition and guarantee they win the woman. However, without dueling, men don't like competition because there is no way to guarantee that they win the woman.
No way. Not worth it. Even if you get through the first round, there will be a second and a third and a fourth. Most women that love the competition just love the attention and have to have more attention one way or another.
I wish I was more competitive, but actually when I see a man already approaching a woman I'm too much of a pussy to compete with him.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Yes, it's fun seeing who could get her first but there are times when it's serious where one is interested in the girl romantically when that's the case it's time for the rest to either stand back or lead her his way
I don't want to deal with competition and drama, watch the batchelorette, it's crazy. If a lady wants me, then she should show me.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
To any girl reading this... The older I get, the less I give a shit about chasing you and wasting my time with the 50+ dudes you're sucking dick with. I don't need to go after an attention whore.
Depends on if it's against someone we are close with or not. If it's a family member or a friend we eill back off most of the time but if it's not then all is fair in love and war.
Is that a thing? Loyal is an option. Volunteering to treat women as a sport would probably be very flattering to the ladies. I've never dated only a sex puppet.
Nah if she's making men compete for her affection then there's no point because she'll be loving the attention more than any of the guys involved. Just walk away, there's no winning there.
It depends on the guy, remember man if you haven’t married the girl then she is open game man and anybody can try so if you like her you have to let her know your in it for marriage.
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