Why is he still my friend and watching me on social media?

[Anonymous]

So before I met my current boyfriend (who I love very much), I briefly dated a guy who tricked me into having sex with him. When I thought things were about to get serious, he just never tried to see me again and used his test as an excuse.

I saw he updated his dating profile too, at the time. Anyway we would still talk off and on. Then I got my current boyfriend. The guy got jealous and tried to flirt and get me to sleep with him. I'm loyal and told him that it was flattering but no, we'd only be friends.

A few months later, he tried again. I told him that I don't want to bring up the past, I'd only care for him as a friend, I'm loyal, and I love my boyfriend. He said okay. He has yet to try to speak to me again but he looks at my stories time to time. Especially ones I mention my boyfriend. Shoot, even my display picture is of me and my boyfriend.

When he first mentioned that he was jealous of my boyfriend, he said that he'd honestly never commit. To add to the weirdness factor, he's told me his full name, where he is from, and we have similar spiritual beliefs. he's told me that very few people know his real name. He keeps me on his Facebook but adds and removes people or finds himself removed.

Why does he hover or talk (ed) to me if he just wanted sex from me? He's Indian and so is my boyfriend, if that helps.

[OlderAndWiser]

You certainly picked a winner!

Why are you still talking to the guy? Do you want your current boyfriend to get jealous or distrustful? What good will come of talking to the guy?

And the jerk couldn't have tricked you without your complicity in the affair.

[Asker]

I feel bad for him. He's got no family and uses alcohol to dull a lot of his pain. I don't plan to see him again and I don't initial conversation. I did set boundaries though, the last time he talked to me. I just like to analyze and understand the human mind. I plan to probably get into mental health. I asked the question not of interest in the guy but to understand the mentality behind why.

As for tricking me (months before I met my boyfriend, all the way back into December), I expressed to him that I wanted a relationship multiple times. He got me to his apartment and pushed, begged, and touched me until I gave in. Prior to that, i had been single for 2 years and didn't understand new dating norms/never been used for sex. Any time I had sex, i had a boyfriend. The guy intentionally lead me on to believe that he wanted more and just avoided discussing the situation. He KNEW i wanted a committed relationship before I had sex. I expressed that i was not one for casual sex. I'm just not built that way.

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't choose a case study or which you have a conflict of interest. Pick another subject because this one is dangerous for you!

[Asker]

How so? Just so I understand the rationale behind it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Your current boyfriend may become jealous or accuse you of sending the wrong signals to your ex.

[Asker]

True. He doesn't know that he's an old mistake. We have not talked for a few weeks but he will eventually message me again or something related to my story on Facebook. He called me beautiful and tried to bring up our first date. I told him that we did have good times and it's not out of anger or anything personal but I don't want to bring up the past. Especially since I'm loyal to my boyfriend.

I'm not sure what to do if and when he tries again. I don't understand why he's trying. Let alone viewing my stories. I only let him stay on my friends list because he's not been trying to cause me trouble and for the most part, besides trying to flirt with me time to time and I shut him down... he's been harmless.

I guess I only asked the question because I don't know why he is trying. Especial how things went when I was single and willing to be with him at that time.

I'm especially wondering if I should worry that he would try to medal or if he will get the hint that we are just friends and nothing more and give up past that.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why take a chance on what he might or might not do? Tell him that you have a boyfriend who you think is The One and you need to say goodbye. Ask him to not contact you again and advise him that if he does, you will block him on all media.

[Asker]

Okey dokey! Thank you! If he bothers me again, I will straight up tell him and proceed to block him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Good luck!

[es20490446e]

"Sorry, but now I have a boyfriend and I'm not interested in having anything sexual or sentimental with anyone else."

[Asker]

I feel bad for him. He's got no family and uses alcohol to dull a lot of his pain. I don't plan to see him again and I don't initial conversation. I did set boundaries though, the last time he talked to me. I just like to analyze and understand the human mind. I plan to probably get into mental health. I asked the question not of interest in the guy but to understand the mentality behind why.

[es20490446e]

Not the what, but the who.

Not what you could do to help him, but who should be able to help him.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[es20490446e]

It's not your business to fix his life.

[es20490446e]

There are people more adequate for that.

[Asker]

True. My boyfriend doesn't know that he's an old mistake. We have not talked for a few weeks but he will eventually message me again or something related to my story on Facebook. He called me beautiful and tried to bring up our first date. I told him that we did have good times and it's not out of anger or anything personal but I don't want to bring up the past. Especially since I'm loyal to my boyfriend.

I'm not sure what to do if and when he tries again. I don't understand why he's trying. Let alone viewing my stories. I only let him stay on my friends list because he's not been trying to cause me trouble and for the most part, besides trying to flirt with me time to time and I shut him down... he's been harmless.

I guess I only asked the question because I don't know why he is trying. Especial how things went when I was single and willing to be with him at that time.

I'm especially wondering if I should worry that he would try to medal or if he will get the hint that we are just friends and nothing more and give up past that.

[es20490446e]

He's trying because he has nothing else going on, otherwise he would easily move his attention to more interesting and fruitful topics.

Actually this happened to me. When I was mostly alone, due to work in my case, I greatly missed a girl who I didn't have a future with. But as soon as I meet people and better options the appeal to pursue such stupid shit goes away.

[Asker]

I suppose. Rather that's an insulting way to look at it. Stable job, no kids, loyal, attempts to be understanding... I'm not terrible looking but I could lose about 20 pounds. I don't see what could be better. I mean that logically speaking. He does work a lot of crazy hours. I guess maybe his issue is that and allegedly he got out of a 5 year relationship about 4 months before he met me.

Either way, my boyfriend now is better to me, and though he also works a lot, he does make time for me. I try to be understanding too, when he can't see me as much. Granted I guess the difference is my boyfriend got the party phase out of his system where the other guy... though going about it the wrong way, is making up for it.

He just needs to higher a hooker or something and honestly just let me be. He could easily find someone else to play with. Especially given his job title.

[Sam_The_Savage]

The question is why you talking with him when you have boyfriend?

[Asker]

I feel bad for him. He's got no family and uses alcohol to dull a lot of his pain. I don't plan to see him again and I don't initial conversation. I did set boundaries though, the last time he talked to me. I just like to analyze and understand the human mind. I plan to probably get into mental health. I asked the question not of interest in the guy but to understand the mentality behind why.

[AlinStLouis]

You have a stalker. Men who stalk usually have dysfunctional personalities. You should consider blocking him if he annoys you. You should not do anything to encourage him (and it sounds like you have not encouraged him).

[In_Trance]

Because you didn't block him