Should a guy tell a girl he likes her if she's in a relationship?

Question

Knighted2170 · Accepted Answer

I've done this, and still do this. However, I'm respectful about it.

I've told a lot of women that I like them and didn't know they were in a relationship.
I've also told a lot of women I like them and knew they were in one. But, I don't pursue them.

The way I see it, all it does is clear the air between us. She knows where I am. I don't have to tip-toe around the issue that I find her attractive.

The other thing I do is I talk to her. If she's in a relationship I let her know I don't want things to get weird. So, I let her know that I'm not trying to make things difficult or trying to put her in an awkward position. But, if she's seeing that I act a little different around her, this is why. Then I ask her for some boundaries, and I respect those boundaries. I won't cross them.

There is a woman I work with who I find very attractive, we have talked for weeks on several different topics. We do a little polite flirting and I let her know I liked her. She told me she enjoys talking, but she's married (no ring for job safety reasons). I just acknowledged what she told me and said "Well, with the elephant now out of the room, what are some boundaries we can have so this doesn't get awkward?" A few minutes of chatting about getting awkward and the only boundary was don't ask her out. Nothing has changed and we still carry on like before. The only difference, if there is one, between us is that she is now aware of the fact that I find her attractive.

Another woman I told this to I found out liked me as well. Turns out she was single and had been hoping I would ask her out. Looking back there were a few subtle signs she gave, but not enough for me to act upon. Then I told her I liked her. Things did change between us after I told her. She started flirting more and letting me know her schedule. She would go out of her way to be where she knew I would be. When I did ask her out I didn't even finish the sentence before she said yes.

In my case, I haven't found any harm in telling someone I like them. The big part is how you act and treat her afterward. You have to stay true to your word and not cross the line that places her in a position to make a decision about you. I told her I like her. Now it's up to her as to what she wants to do with that information. I have to be willing to accept whatever it is she does. She's married or in a relationship, okay, friendzone it and move on. Don't try to get romantic or overly flirtatious.

She's single, great. Find out where she is at and move from there. I find it amazing how receptive women can be when you are just honest with them. Most will open up and tell you pretty much everything you need to do if you want to go out with them. There is a caveat to this though. You can't be needy or arrogant. No hidden agendas.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Literally say, "I like you"? No. If she's not engaged/married and DO NOT know her boyfriend then you can try flirting if you want. Start out small... if she reciprocates you up the flirt level. Personally, I had no interest in cheaters so when I was 20s and I tried this I wouldn't really be trying to get in their panties. More like, signal that I was interested. It worked. It also worked by accident when I did NOT flirt and I was just friendly to them. They would just assume I was interested actually. Many times I wasn't. You see it's also about what they want. Anyhow, when their relationship ends, if they really found you interesting they will look you up and come to you. That can be good or bad depending on what kind of situation you're looking for and depending on their character.

Some other posters said stuff, like why would you want to mess up somebody else's good relationship? It must not be that good if she turns your head for you. That said... if you're looking for some kind of serious relationship this isn't the best approach. Better to just wait till you find the right single woman. And when you do get into a relationship, remember that there will be 100+ dudes just like you used to be, trying to get into her panties so if you want serious you better pick one that can be loyal, right?

DollAlone · Accepted Answer

Yes but in a respectful way to her partner. But you should always discuss your true feelings. Even if its not the right time because you may find out its actually the perfect time. For example... Say a girl is in an abusive relationship with an asshole guy. And he has degraded her so much that she lacks a self esteem or any security cause of his abuse, and then suddenly a good guy that would be a better partner comes along and sees she has a boyfriend so he keeps quiet about his feelings for her. ... if he had been thruthful and let her know, it may give her the courage and self worth to know and worthy person sees better in her and is just the right outlet she needed to step out of her current situation and better herself. doesn't mean she needs to jump. From one guy to the next but it may be just the incentive her life needed at the time to better herself.

Rei02 · Accepted Answer

First be honest and real with yourself, why would you want to tell her that you like her?, because you feel something for her?, do you really love her?, you only want to express your feelings about her and nothing more?, do you pursue a relationship with her?, you want her to be your girlfriend?

If your reasons are just about expressing what you feel about her and have enclosure, then yeah, it is ok even if that means that she will automatically reject you and it will close forever the chance to begin a relationship in the future.

However, if you are with the hope, the illusion about starting a relationship with her, forget it dude, don't tell her and go on with your life.

coachTanthony · Answer

-----------------No. Sometimes you timing is off so accept it and leave other people's relationships alone. If it is meant to be down the road then it is but move on with your life. Don't be selfish.

"He who wants everything every time will lose everything any time."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If she's in a relationship with someone else? Absolutely not. Leave her alone and don't pursue unless and until she becomes unencumbered. If she's in a relationship with you? Absolutely!

TruthBringer · Answer

The real question is: What are you trying to achieve by telling her?

The most likely scenario is that you're going to get rejected. All you give her is an ego boost at the expense of your feelings.
What do you want? Her leaving her boyfriend for you? If she does that, then she was trash from the very beginning. She would leave him for you today, tomorrow she will leave you for someone else.

This is one of those moments that you have to wear your bigboy pants and suck it up. Rather than waste your feelings for a girl who is already taken, it is time for you to invest those feelings in someone who actually chooses you. We all had crushes on people we never got, or could get. All we could do is take back our feeligns and stop having a crush on them. There is plenty of fish in the sea. If you have no respect for your own feelings, at the very least have respect for their relationship.
So in short: Don't tell her. Let the feelings die out and try move on and get to know single girls out there.

yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo · Answer

There is a healthy way to go about this and an unhealthy way to go about this.

You cannot be forceful or disrespecting of the already existing relationship. But you also can't hold the regret of not telling somebody how you emotionally feel about something.

I think you should be straight forward and just tell her, hey I know you're in a committed relationship, but I like you, and see how it goes from there.

If she says she can't abandon what she has, and you lover her man, let her go so she may be happy. You will have the peace of having expressed yourself, and then you can move on to whoever may be meant for you in life.

If she says she's unhappy with the relationship and likes you as well it's all good anyways.

She may try to tell you politely she isn't interested and not happy in the relationship, and she may leave to be with somebody else. You must have peace in this too.

However, you must be understanding, that this isn't only your life we are speaking about.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't throw. But you got a 50% chance of making the shot and a 50% chance of missing. Take your chances and shoot the shit

pjf1958 · Answer

Most of the time no! That is a potential 'unabomber' explosion that could blow up in your face. Also, if she's in a relationship with someone you know, that the risk is much higher. However, if there's a genuine connection between you two and, you're determined to go for it, then the following criteria may help.
1). If she's being abused, neglected, or unappreciated, then proceed with caution.
2). If the couple agrees to end their relationship, and you've been given permission to have a relationship with her. That would be the best outcome.

YesYummy · Answer

Yes. Why not? She might not be happy in her relationship and if you tell her you like her even though she’s in a relationship that might help her leave her man. Build up that attraction and emotional attraction as well. Keep giving her sweet heart warming charm and kindness, but she has to know you like her first before you start trying to slowly grow on her. Your feelings for her must be genuine. You might just open her eyes and she’ll see there’s still more in life and she can be with someone that could treat her better and be happier. Sometimes people just settle for the person they are with even though they are not happy and need a little push to leave and find true happiness. Also, even if she doesn’t want to leave I would still flirt with her and tease her. Girls like that and you might have fun and start having some fun secret sex.

TheorionMage · Answer

'Diplomacy' is the fine art of HOW you express your attraction...
MANY women remain in unsatisfying relationships because their self-image prevents them from the 'true' perception of their desirability.

I'm blessed to have been the past & Present Paramour of two amazing women, 'blind' to the 'value' of what they brought to their relationships. The FIRST stayed too fixated to her perception of her 'freedom' ... to her NEED to try to be the Belle of every, NEXT party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oSjhuIb6Us

The second, FINALLY realized that she and her sons, deserved a BETTER 'return' for her life's efforts and upon her divorce, explored and asked if I'd care to try making a life together. She'd been "a ruby midst the rot" and "pearls before the swine" ... and has now been MY 'Goddess' since 2008. :)

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I am in too minds about this,

in one part no, it’s wrong.

the other part is that I believe in being open with people.

I've done this before with someone, as I did care for them a lot and her being in a relationship meant that I was a bit torn with it and did not want to simply go without her knowing why.

I could do this as I had known her for ages, I did not get in with her new boyfriend and I would have said something detrimental.

This was more of ‘I’m here for you and I really care about you, not just I want in your pants’

if it is getting into her pants, or trying to it’s wrong.

it’s not often black and white in the real world.

HiveBee · Answer

I choose to do what girls have done to me.

I've had girls tell me I'm cute while their boyfriend stands there holding her hand... these females are savages.

I've never told a girl who had a man that I like her. But given how women dont seem to care and do it themselves, I might as well too! But i probably won't cuz I see it as wrong. Curse these morals I have. Wish I could be more savage like these females.

When it comes to relationships, women are 100% selfish. And they see it as justified. So if I want to tell agirl with a man that I like her, than i should. That's what I learned from women.

JosephPit · Answer

I don't think it's a good idea... The bigger question is, what do you want to achieve with this. It's probably not going to change anything since she is in a relationship, and will probably make things awkward.

I think it's best to move past it even though that's hard to do

natured · Answer

No, it's disrespectful, I think you should stay away from people that are in a relationship, it's very rude, how would you feel if somebody told your girlfriend ( when you have one) that they like her?
Not funny right?
Stay away

Browneye57 · Answer

Sure, why not. Tell us why he shouldn't.
And if you have any game at all, you don't have to SAY it, you SHOW it.

Hypergamy says any woman will dump a perfectly good man if she thinks she can snag a better one, richer, better looking, more powerful, etc. etc. etc. So any guy worth his salt will pursue if he desires her, whether she's in a relationship or not. Trust me, guys will hit on YOUR girl, if you have one, as well. Women do this too - and they're really good at a thing called 'mate-guarding'. "Don't you even LOOK at my man!"

It also says any woman CAN and WILL fuck any guy they want, any time they want, any place they want. Just ask them!

Hypnos0929 · Answer

As a man: No it's disrespectful to the other guy and to relationships as a whole. Even if she's someone known as a cheater it's not right.
As a guy: Shoot your shot but know you'll have trouble sleeping. If she's willing to cheat for you she more likely to cheat on you. You've gotta know your line and if you can't stomach being able to know cheating is a probability, and treat her as dispensable or simply push it out your mind, then walk the fuck away. DO NOT BE HER FRIEND. DO NOT BE HER CONFIDANT. DO NOT TRY AGAIN OR PASS GO.

SashaAMB · Answer

I’ve have this happen. And the guy did it basically the best way I can think of.

He told me how he felt, said I was so special and that he respected my relationship, valued our friendship, but wanted me to know that if I ever decided to move on, to please consider him as a choice. We are closer friends than ever.

Jazquee · Answer

No... they are with someone and most likely happy. Why would you want to throw a wrench into their lives like that
That's homewreakers mentality
She is not available. Don't be a natsasstic and move on
What if you tell her and she never talks to u again.. then you ruin the chance to be friends.
It's just a crush I would say look else where and let her be

arodriguez664 · Answer

I feel like being transparent about your feelings is always a good thing. You can have feelings for someone and not act on them. If she knows you like her she can be more sensitive about your feelings and avoid detailing out her relationship with you. If you accidentally over step a boundary she can help correct it and might be more forgiving about it. I believe that men and women can be friends romance and sex aren't required.

AD240pCharlie · Answer

It all depends on how it's done. Often, expressing your feelings is the fastest way to move past it.
Going up to her and saying, "Hey, I know you're in a relationship and I respect that, I just wanted to let you know that I have feelings for you" is a respectful and healthy way to handle it.

spuitkaas · Answer

I wouldn't do it. It's a bit selfish to dump that information on her and making her feel responsible to be careful with your feelings. It might make things awkward, you could get beef with her boyfriend and there's no use for telling her. If she asked, you could tell, but in this case I would say ignorance is bliss.

texas_giiirl30 · Answer

Yes because you never know if she could be In a bad relationship but if you tell her do it in a way that you respect her relationship. Like for example tell her you've started to develop feelings for her but know she has a boyfriend and want to respect her relationship with him but wanted to let her know how you felt

ZackBan · Answer

I've wondered that for many years and somehow no answer felt like the correct one. I can tell you one thing it's that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and unless you find an alternative you'll only be hurting yourself. Maybe try meeting someone else

Mofunfour20 · Answer

No because it will come off as desperate especially if she isn't showing signs of high interest. Attract other women. Work on your purpose, stay fit and women will always chase you. Women only look for guys other women find attractive hence the 90/10 rule of dating

Napoli · Answer

It depends what you are looking for. If she is happy in her relationship, there is nothing to be gained from it ( Unless you simply need to get it off your chest)
if you're doing it the hope that she will leave her partner for you, you will probably end up disappointed. Especially if she has been with him for a long time.

Honesttguy · Answer

Gonna come off weak and only lowers attraction anyway. I would think wow that's pathetic as fuk.
Too much movies dude, love is overated. Disneyland, time to wake up to real world.
Its only "cute" when powerfull guy does it cus he finally "opened up to her" when weak guy does it he only comes off even more weaker and thus falls even more down in value.

molonski2 · Answer

ABSOLUTELY.. Why would you possibly not? So she's in a relationship.. BIG DEAL , they come and go. Make your feelings known , make it Black / White clear , and progressively why you are a much better choice.
If she doesn't like it? So what ! Nothing ventured , sometimes you need to go and collect what you want to be yours.

Alyssa11 · Answer

I mean why not? Lol. Maybe her man ain’t shit and she’s staying with him cause she’s scared. You tell her how you feel, and what she decides to do with that is her choice.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

Hell no hed give me cheater vibes.. if he's trying to get with a girl whose in a relationship.. once he does he will be trying to get with another woman those type of men aren't ever pleased with what they have.. same vise versa

Minahh · Answer

I'd say yes. You never ask, you never know. She might be unhappy in her current relationship and feels the same way about you. If she is not interested then she just says no. No big deal.

JHNS98 · Answer

No. I can tell you  that it doesn't end well.

rounddablock · Answer

No. Hell no. If you were smart then you would just make yourself scarce.

I did this once when I was 21 and it was a huge mistake. Albeit I met her before she got into a relationship it was still very stupid. It actually hardened her disgust for me.

Even if she likes you back and she’s leaves him for you, can you really trust someone like that?

Anonymous · Answer

Why to tell her? She will not mind it because she already has a partner and will see you as a someone very disrespectful who dont know to respect their limits. In addition to changing the concept that she already has of you, she will stay away from you.

throwsomecheeseonit · Answer

Depends on scenario have you been crushing on chick forever and feel. like she might marry wrong man. Then maybe but if we are being honest if a girl has a man but she conversing with you enough that you like her unless you have known her awhile that is red flag in relationship. Unless y'all work together. However I would not flat out say that unless you ready to fight boyfriend you can compliment her and I she is really feeling you she will get hint.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I mean I suppose he could if he feels he needs to get it off his chest. But there's little reason to. I mean she's not going to dump him for you and if she dumps him for you what does that say about her loyalty? The only way it would be worthwhile is if things didn't work out with him. And later she sought you out. But there's a lot of if in there lol. And in the meantime it might make your current friendship with her uncomfortable.

TsundereMatrix · Answer

It never hurts. The worst thing she can say is that she’s in a relationship. The positive is if her relationship ends and she has feelings for you she might consider a relationship with you instead.

loveslongnails · Answer

What's the point in that selfish act? Unless you're saying " if it doesn't work out with him, I'm interested", which is INCREDIBLY weak anyway, why do it? If you really "like her", you should be glad she's in a relationship she's enjoying. If she's obviously miserable and troubled, or can't seem to leave the relationship and you know this, it's a different story.

MLGbreezy · Answer

Guess it all depends on your situation tbh I don't really know your relationship with this person or her so I don't really know how she'd react. But I'd probably just wait till she's out the relationship cause if she's happy with that person chances are she's just gonna reject you anyway. So then at that point there really is no reason to tell her as much as you might want to.

PinkMichae · Answer

If you respect her you'll respect her relationship and keep it to yourself. I think it would be selfish.

NoLookingAtSoleil · Answer

Good q. I hate crushes on girls already with someone - but most are bored to tears and just stuck with someone out of habit, so, if you do click - why not?
(It would be nice of her to make up her mind, or even date both, quickly, rather that create drama just for the sake of having some drama in her life)

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

And what good is that going to do? You're either going to make the existing rapport awkward. Or you'll end up with a woman who fucks anyone and is less than loyal.

DaisyAimi · Answer

Rather not.. nothing good will come out of it other than hurt or trouble. Just wait when the relationship will be over. If the relationship won’t be over, just know that she is happy and that you should support her happiness.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

If she is in a good relationship there wouldn't be much point, and If she's in a bad relationship then her antenna would be SO attuned to anyone showing interest in her that she would already know.

Bottom line is. Nope

Coulis · Answer

Yes you should. The reason is because you're just going to die anyway if you keep it inside and if she's really dedicated to the other person it really doesn't matter what you tell her.

dimmy01 · Answer

Just tell her that you like her and tell her that you have no intention of ruining their relationship. And accept that you can't have her because she already had her partner.

tupacs_only_wife · Answer

Oohhhh now that, yeah don't do that. You'll get flat out rejected and you'll also get some juicy beef with her partner.

katiesmuff · Answer

Yes he or she should do that. It lets her know your real feelings and who knows what is going to happen with the current relatlionship.

Avicenna · Answer

Absolutely not. It's very awkward for her to deal with that, especially if she's someone she's in regular contact with, plus the boyfriend may take exception to him telling her that.

Qdbrown · Answer

All is fair and love and war. Many women can be wooed away from a subpar lover. Happens millions of times per day around the globe. Especially in the West.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Love is a wonderful thing & I always say if you love someone or like someone let them know however she’s in a relationship so respect that & do the simplest thing of them all, move on.

spartan55 · Answer

Fuck no, how is this even a question? Would you want some clown disrespecting your relationship like that?

Mamaganja · Answer

Not if she is happy with the person she’s with. Best to take some time, find out if she’s happy in her current relationship and if she isn’t, befriend her, get to know her and then pounce.

Becky316 · Answer

I think a guy should respect the relationship, telling me he wants to "get with me" may be flattering but I then have to limit situations where I run into him. Great, more work for me, thanks! (Sarcasm)

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

The more positive of a relationship she has I believe the less you want her being happy with someone else if you tell her.
The more toxic her relationship is the more help she will need to better herself before getting into another relationship.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No. Not unless she's in an abusive relationship, and not unless you're willing to be there for her and rescue her and not abandon her if she does work up the courage to leave him. Otherwise you're just a huge asshole.

Anonymous · Answer

No, nothing good can come of it. It's best to respect her relationship and stay back as a platonic friend only, or to just distance himself if he can't do that.

Dazed0N0Confused · Answer

You can always tell her, but dont expect anything in return

he-takes-a-part · Answer

Defo, No answers nothing over here but repression and yes can solve the issue but nO can't do anything if the girl anyway loves the guy why she would be disturbed i guess those who advocate negative are afraid of distraction

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah fuck it man Fight the Power who gives a damn about Sense and Sensibility.

TwistedTube · Answer

No, she's in a relationship. just keep it to yourself

girl2034 · Answer

Um sure he can but it won't mean anything to the girl if she's happy in her current relationship.

Lionman95 · Answer

I´d say no because you´re in relationship and you could build feelings in the other person.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

Nope. You can hang around and see if her situation changes and tell her if she becomes single but don’t make moves, don’t screw with her relationship, don’t play games.

Should a guy tell a girl he likes her if she's in a relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should a girl ever tell a guy she likes him, or is that a no no?

Should a guy tell a girl he likes her if she's in a relationship?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should a girl ever tell a guy she likes him, or is that a no no?

We're glad to see you liked this post.