Should a guy tell a girl he likes her if she's in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

[Knighted2170]

I've done this, and still do this. However, I'm respectful about it.

I've told a lot of women that I like them and didn't know they were in a relationship.
I've also told a lot of women I like them and knew they were in one. But, I don't pursue them.

The way I see it, all it does is clear the air between us. She knows where I am. I don't have to tip-toe around the issue that I find her attractive.

The other thing I do is I talk to her. If she's in a relationship I let her know I don't want things to get weird. So, I let her know that I'm not trying to make things difficult or trying to put her in an awkward position. But, if she's seeing that I act a little different around her, this is why. Then I ask her for some boundaries, and I respect those boundaries. I won't cross them.

There is a woman I work with who I find very attractive, we have talked for weeks on several different topics. We do a little polite flirting and I let her know I liked her. She told me she enjoys talking, but she's married (no ring for job safety reasons). I just acknowledged what she told me and said "Well, with the elephant now out of the room, what are some boundaries we can have so this doesn't get awkward?" A few minutes of chatting about getting awkward and the only boundary was don't ask her out. Nothing has changed and we still carry on like before. The only difference, if there is one, between us is that she is now aware of the fact that I find her attractive.

Another woman I told this to I found out liked me as well. Turns out she was single and had been hoping I would ask her out. Looking back there were a few subtle signs she gave, but not enough for me to act upon. Then I told her I liked her. Things did change between us after I told her. She started flirting more and letting me know her schedule. She would go out of her way to be where she knew I would be. When I did ask her out I didn't even finish the sentence before she said yes.

In my case, I haven't found any harm in telling someone I like them. The big part is how you act and treat her afterward. You have to stay true to your word and not cross the line that places her in a position to make a decision about you. I told her I like her. Now it's up to her as to what she wants to do with that information. I have to be willing to accept whatever it is she does. She's married or in a relationship, okay, friendzone it and move on. Don't try to get romantic or overly flirtatious.

She's single, great. Find out where she is at and move from there. I find it amazing how receptive women can be when you are just honest with them. Most will open up and tell you pretty much everything you need to do if you want to go out with them. There is a caveat to this though. You can't be needy or arrogant. No hidden agendas.

[hahahmm]

Literally say, "I like you"? No. If she's not engaged/married and DO NOT know her boyfriend then you can try flirting if you want. Start out small... if she reciprocates you up the flirt level. Personally, I had no interest in cheaters so when I was 20s and I tried this I wouldn't really be trying to get in their panties. More like, signal that I was interested. It worked. It also worked by accident when I did NOT flirt and I was just friendly to them. They would just assume I was interested actually. Many times I wasn't. You see it's also about what they want. Anyhow, when their relationship ends, if they really found you interesting they will look you up and come to you. That can be good or bad depending on what kind of situation you're looking for and depending on their character.

Some other posters said stuff, like why would you want to mess up somebody else's good relationship? It must not be that good if she turns your head for you. That said... if you're looking for some kind of serious relationship this isn't the best approach. Better to just wait till you find the right single woman. And when you do get into a relationship, remember that there will be 100+ dudes just like you used to be, trying to get into her panties so if you want serious you better pick one that can be loyal, right?

[hahahmm]

Oh, and don't try this on a platonic friend. Also don't be friends with a woman if all/most of what you want from the relationship is something she's not interested in giving you. Plus if you got into this with a platonic friend, now you're in a situation where her boyfriend has good reason to beat your azz for being a snake. It's not the same as if you flirted with someone you barely know.

[DollAlone]

Yes but in a respectful way to her partner. But you should always discuss your true feelings. Even if its not the right time because you may find out its actually the perfect time. For example... Say a girl is in an abusive relationship with an asshole guy. And he has degraded her so much that she lacks a self esteem or any security cause of his abuse, and then suddenly a good guy that would be a better partner comes along and sees she has a boyfriend so he keeps quiet about his feelings for her. ... if he had been thruthful and let her know, it may give her the courage and self worth to know and worthy person sees better in her and is just the right outlet she needed to step out of her current situation and better herself. doesn't mean she needs to jump. From one guy to the next but it may be just the incentive her life needed at the time to better herself.

[yofuknutz]

Now that is the elephant 🐘 in the room! Bravo!

[MrCommodore]

Your comment gave a different perspective I would never have considered, very interesting.
Personally I would never pursue a girl who is in a relationship, but in the recent past I had a girl seemingly pursue me while in a long-term relationship. I did not act on it and avoid certain situations, and didn't like it at all. But now I am wondering.

[Rei02]

First be honest and real with yourself, why would you want to tell her that you like her?, because you feel something for her?, do you really love her?, you only want to express your feelings about her and nothing more?, do you pursue a relationship with her?, you want her to be your girlfriend?

If your reasons are just about expressing what you feel about her and have enclosure, then yeah, it is ok even if that means that she will automatically reject you and it will close forever the chance to begin a relationship in the future.

However, if you are with the hope, the illusion about starting a relationship with her, forget it dude, don't tell her and go on with your life.

[coachTanthony]

-----------------No. Sometimes you timing is off so accept it and leave other people's relationships alone. If it is meant to be down the road then it is but move on with your life. Don't be selfish.

"He who wants everything every time will lose everything any time."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[PinkMichae]

It's amazing how many shady people think it's ok to pursue someone that's already taken. Or even think it won't hurt to mention it. Lol!

[OlderAndWiser]

If she's in a relationship with someone else? Absolutely not. Leave her alone and don't pursue unless and until she becomes unencumbered.

If she's in a relationship with you? Absolutely!

[TruthBringer]

The real question is: What are you trying to achieve by telling her?

The most likely scenario is that you're going to get rejected. All you give her is an ego boost at the expense of your feelings.
What do you want? Her leaving her boyfriend for you? If she does that, then she was trash from the very beginning. She would leave him for you today, tomorrow she will leave you for someone else.

This is one of those moments that you have to wear your bigboy pants and suck it up. Rather than waste your feelings for a girl who is already taken, it is time for you to invest those feelings in someone who actually chooses you. We all had crushes on people we never got, or could get. All we could do is take back our feeligns and stop having a crush on them. There is plenty of fish in the sea. If you have no respect for your own feelings, at the very least have respect for their relationship.
So in short: Don't tell her. Let the feelings die out and try move on and get to know single girls out there.

[yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo]

There is a healthy way to go about this and an unhealthy way to go about this.

You cannot be forceful or disrespecting of the already existing relationship. But you also can't hold the regret of not telling somebody how you emotionally feel about something.

I think you should be straight forward and just tell her, hey I know you're in a committed relationship, but I like you, and see how it goes from there.

If she says she can't abandon what she has, and you lover her man, let her go so she may be happy. You will have the peace of having expressed yourself, and then you can move on to whoever may be meant for you in life.

If she says she's unhappy with the relationship and likes you as well it's all good anyways.

She may try to tell you politely she isn't interested and not happy in the relationship, and she may leave to be with somebody else. You must have peace in this too.

However, you must be understanding, that this isn't only your life we are speaking about.


You miss 100% of the shots you don't throw. But you got a 50% chance of making the shot and a 50% chance of missing. Take your chances and shoot the shit

[pjf1958]

Most of the time no! That is a potential 'unabomber' explosion that could blow up in your face. Also, if she's in a relationship with someone you know, that the risk is much higher. However, if there's a genuine connection between you two and, you're determined to go for it, then the following criteria may help.
1). If she's being abused, neglected, or unappreciated, then proceed with caution.
2). If the couple agrees to end their relationship, and you've been given permission to have a relationship with her. That would be the best outcome.

[YesYummy]

Yes. Why not? She might not be happy in her relationship and if you tell her you like her even though she’s in a relationship that might help her leave her man. Build up that attraction and emotional attraction as well. Keep giving her sweet heart warming charm and kindness, but she has to know you like her first before you start trying to slowly grow on her. Your feelings for her must be genuine. You might just open her eyes and she’ll see there’s still more in life and she can be with someone that could treat her better and be happier. Sometimes people just settle for the person they are with even though they are not happy and need a little push to leave and find true happiness. Also, even if she doesn’t want to leave I would still flirt with her and tease her. Girls like that and you might have fun and start having some fun secret sex.

[YesYummy]

Treat her kindly and give her little hints that you care about her. Keep doing that and grow on her a little then tell her. My mother in law found her husband that way. It's a cute story. He was always respectful and so kind to her. Always showed her he would treat her better than anyone and would be the best lover. She was in a relationship and fell in love with him. Like I said, you have to grow on her a little before you tell her. So just keep at it with that kindness She fell in love with him because he always treated her so kindly and giving hints that he liked her. Girls know when you like them. He was very respectful and showed her that he would treat her the best and love her the best. That's what made her fall in love and make her realize she could be happier and why settle for less and live the rest of your life being with someone that doesn't treat you with enough love that someone else can give you 10x more.

[TheorionMage]

'Diplomacy' is the fine art of HOW you express your attraction...
MANY women remain in unsatisfying relationships because their self-image prevents them from the 'true' perception of their desirability.

I'm blessed to have been the past & Present Paramour of two amazing women, 'blind' to the 'value' of what they brought to their relationships. The FIRST stayed too fixated to her perception of her 'freedom' ... to her NEED to try to be the Belle of every, NEXT party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oSjhuIb6Us

The second, FINALLY realized that she and her sons, deserved a BETTER 'return' for her life's efforts and upon her divorce, explored and asked if I'd care to try making a life together. She'd been "a ruby midst the rot" and "pearls before the swine" ... and has now been MY 'Goddess' since 2008. :)

[ChrisMaster69]

I am in too minds about this,

in one part no, it’s wrong.

the other part is that I believe in being open with people.

I've done this before with someone, as I did care for them a lot and her being in a relationship meant that I was a bit torn with it and did not want to simply go without her knowing why.

I could do this as I had known her for ages, I did not get in with her new boyfriend and I would have said something detrimental.

This was more of ‘I’m here for you and I really care about you, not just I want in your pants’

if it is getting into her pants, or trying to it’s wrong.

it’s not often black and white in the real world.

[SashaAMB]

This is a great point - if the guy truly cares about her, then it is probably ok. If he just wants sex, he ought to keep the attraction to himself.

[ChrisMaster69]

@SashaAMB yes life is never black and white

[HiveBee]

I choose to do what girls have done to me.

I've had girls tell me I'm cute while their boyfriend stands there holding her hand... these females are savages.

I've never told a girl who had a man that I like her. But given how women dont seem to care and do it themselves, I might as well too! But i probably won't cuz I see it as wrong. Curse these morals I have. Wish I could be more savage like these females.

When it comes to relationships, women are 100% selfish. And they see it as justified. So if I want to tell agirl with a man that I like her, than i should. That's what I learned from women.

[JosephPit]

I don't think it's a good idea... The bigger question is, what do you want to achieve with this. It's probably not going to change anything since she is in a relationship, and will probably make things awkward.

I think it's best to move past it even though that's hard to do

[Honesttguy]

Exactly what he wants to achieve by this, thats the real question.

[natured]

No, it's disrespectful, I think you should stay away from people that are in a relationship, it's very rude, how would you feel if somebody told your girlfriend ( when you have one) that they like her?
Not funny right?
Stay away

[Browneye57]

Sure, why not. Tell us why he shouldn't.
And if you have any game at all, you don't have to SAY it, you SHOW it.

Hypergamy says any woman will dump a perfectly good man if she thinks she can snag a better one, richer, better looking, more powerful, etc. etc. etc. So any guy worth his salt will pursue if he desires her, whether she's in a relationship or not. Trust me, guys will hit on YOUR girl, if you have one, as well. Women do this too - and they're really good at a thing called 'mate-guarding'. "Don't you even LOOK at my man!"

It also says any woman CAN and WILL fuck any guy they want, any time they want, any place they want. Just ask them!

[Hypnos0929]

As a man: No it's disrespectful to the other guy and to relationships as a whole. Even if she's someone known as a cheater it's not right.
As a guy: Shoot your shot but know you'll have trouble sleeping. If she's willing to cheat for you she more likely to cheat on you. You've gotta know your line and if you can't stomach being able to know cheating is a probability, and treat her as dispensable or simply push it out your mind, then walk the fuck away. DO NOT BE HER FRIEND. DO NOT BE HER CONFIDANT. DO NOT TRY AGAIN OR PASS GO.

[SashaAMB]

I’ve have this happen. And the guy did it basically the best way I can think of.

He told me how he felt, said I was so special and that he respected my relationship, valued our friendship, but wanted me to know that if I ever decided to move on, to please consider him as a choice. We are closer friends than ever.

[Jazquee]

No... they are with someone and most likely happy. Why would you want to throw a wrench into their lives like that
That's homewreakers mentality
She is not available. Don't be a natsasstic and move on
What if you tell her and she never talks to u again.. then you ruin the chance to be friends.
It's just a crush I would say look else where and let her be

[Jazquee]

*(Don't be a NARSASSTIC person... and move on ) *

[pjf1958]

A narcissist is someone who never listens to advise, is arrogant, narrow minded. I had no idea I gave that impression. I take it back ladies, and I'll remove my response

[Jazquee]

I did not call u natsasstic... I said DONT be...
To go after another man's lady is very errogant and narrow minded.
Think of her happiness instead of just yours

[pjf1958]

Hey, I apologized. I didn't mean any harm im just trying to figure out how to delete that post

[pjf1958]

Calm down

[pjf1958]

Could I ask a favor? I don't know how to remove my post. Any suggestions?

[Jazquee]

I'm calm just explaining my answer. Should read to much into typed words.. no emotion involved.

[Jazquee]

I think you can only "disvow" it after 48 hours. You don't have to delete it. You asked a question you will get different opinions no need to delete it just take all opinions openly and come to your own decision.
I was just stating why I thought it not ok

[pjf1958]

Didn't see my post to you?

[pjf1958]

I was trying to take the post down. I don't know how

[pjf1958]

You've made way too many wrong assumptions about me. You need to re examine your 'deductive and inductive' abilities when judging character. You were way off.

[Jazquee]

Lol... guilty man runs when no one Pursues... have a great night

[arodriguez664]

I feel like being transparent about your feelings is always a good thing. You can have feelings for someone and not act on them. If she knows you like her she can be more sensitive about your feelings and avoid detailing out her relationship with you. If you accidentally over step a boundary she can help correct it and might be more forgiving about it. I believe that men and women can be friends romance and sex aren't required.

[AD240pCharlie]

It all depends on how it's done. Often, expressing your feelings is the fastest way to move past it.
Going up to her and saying, "Hey, I know you're in a relationship and I respect that, I just wanted to let you know that I have feelings for you" is a respectful and healthy way to handle it.

[spiritualgangster]

I agree, mention it without any expectations at all. Also mention it if you’re trying to move past it like someone replied with.

[spuitkaas]

I wouldn't do it. It's a bit selfish to dump that information on her and making her feel responsible to be careful with your feelings. It might make things awkward, you could get beef with her boyfriend and there's no use for telling her. If she asked, you could tell, but in this case I would say ignorance is bliss.

[spuitkaas]

I have an example here why my opinion is so strong. My coworker has a job on the side at a supermarket. The store owner, who is 70 years old and whom she always saw as her grandfather (she has worked there for years) recently confessed to her that he liked her as more (she is 26 by the way). Now she feels very awkward around him and their dynamic has changed. She wants to quit her job etc. I think it's selfish of the old man that he has told her this info, because it made her aware of a different dynamic than before and now she feels weird. Ofcourse other people's feelings are not entirely your responsibility, however, know that your actions have consequences.

[texas_giiirl30]

Yes because you never know if she could be In a bad relationship but if you tell her do it in a way that you respect her relationship. Like for example tell her you've started to develop feelings for her but know she has a boyfriend and want to respect her relationship with him but wanted to let her know how you felt

[rounddablock]

If she’s in a bad relationship she can take responsibility and leave. Also most women can sense it when a guy is interested. He doesn’t need to say anything. Last but not least if she’s willing to cheat on her boyfriend then she will likely cheat on him also.

I don’t know about other guys on here but I have NEVER in my life gotten good résults with pointing out the obvious when it comes to women.

[texas_giiirl30]

I didn’t mean cheat on her boyfriend. I just said to bring it to her attention just incase she possibly could be or they aren’t working out because you never know. But I said in a respectful way not in a horrible way

[rounddablock]

Well she can know he’s an option. But still the respectful thing is to make himself scarce. He should not being hanging out with her. He’s hurting his own position anyway. She will just get used to seeing him as “a platonic friend” and we all know how that usually turns out.

I once straight up told a girl who was in a relationship I had strong feelings for her. I met her before she met him. The look of absolute disgust in her face never left me.

I guess I had it coming. Very stupid to say that. I was 22 and young/dumb. Never made that mistake again.

But still why is that women always want the “verbal” and for men to point out the obvious? You all know 99.99% of the time he’s interested on some level. Why do you want us to confirm it?

[ZackBan]

I've wondered that for many years and somehow no answer felt like the correct one. I can tell you one thing it's that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and unless you find an alternative you'll only be hurting yourself. Maybe try meeting someone else