Our first 2 dates we hot boxed in the car and chilled. The 3rd date I spent the night at his place, we had sex, and got breakfast the next day. 4th date we hung out and made out. So it's been a chill thing. Then we talked on the phone for 3 hrs one time.
I honestly don't see how he could be falling for me tho? I feel like it's a bit early and he doesn't know me enough. But perhaps my pace is just hella slow? I don't know why him confessing he has feeling for me is strange to me.
Advice? I really don't know what to do about it. I feel bad about posting this but this is what he sent me.
A guy told me he's falling for me after our 4th date? Advice?
1) Now that you know or have an idea of where his feelings currently stand, you should be upfront and honest about where you currently stand at this time. If you don't feel the same way that he does, let him know so that he can guard his heart by not pursuing too hard. Side note: not pursuing too hard doesn't equate to not pursuing AT ALL. His feelings are getting stronger, so he's going to naturally start to try and spend more time with you. The heightened level of attention he'll give you will become annoying or a turn off if you don't feel the same way about him. Plus, he's going to be hurt if he gets to a point where he thinks the both of you are ready for a serious relationship, only to find out that you are not ready to get out of the just talking/just dating phase.
2) Did the lack of confidence he showed in his delivery of that message turn you off by any chance? I only ask because after reading that message, I must say that I didn't come away from it thinking that this guy is all that confident. The part where he said he didn't want you to respond is the part that sticks out to me. He feared your answer because he feared the possibility of rejection. I understand that's a common problem with a lot of people, but a confident man doesn't let that stop him from progressing in his pursuit of a woman. Basically, he told you "I like you a lot, may even be falling in love with you, but I don't believe you like (or love) me as much. So instead of meeting you face to face, telling you how I feel, and having a discussion to get to the truth (s) of the situation, I am going to throw this bombshell in your face from a distance and run before you can even respond". A confident man wouldn't use that approach.
Girls tend to fall in love more slowly than guys because they're usually more emotionally intelligent. Guys usually fall in love from their dicks. They relate love to good experiences. So this guy has associated the few good times he's had with you to being in love. He also seems a little immature-ish. His message to convey his "feelings" and then asking you not to reply sounds like something I would have written when I was 18 years old in my first relationship. Now I'm just a lot more aware. Not saying that he is... just saying it's how he comes across. I don't believe from what you said that it's love either. I think he just doesn't understand what he feels right now properly.
That being said, if it feels right, then just go with it. If you aren't feeling you're in love right now, then that's that. Nothing weird with you. Go at your own pace.
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I feel the same way. I feel like he's just young and doesn't understand what he's feeling tbh. So imma just keep going my pace and see where it goes with time. Thank you!!
I would say take everything with a grain of salt. Just don’t get your emotions invested too much into it. Let him lead and Incase he pulls away don’t panic. It’s a mind game men play for you to fall for them and once they realize they got you. They’ll pull away. The best you can do is invest as much he invests. Don’t ever go overboard with your emotions. Have fun, don’t overthink and act like your really cool person. What you’re doing untill now it’s good.
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Asker
+1 y
Okay bet, I had a feeling. His response confused me but I wasn't going to take it seriously because actions speak louder than words. So I'll only invest as much as much as he does and be chill about it. Thank you 💖❤💖
---------------There isn't much to say on this one. He told you how he feels now its your turn to accept it, move on, discuss it with him, etc.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
He's just caught up in the initial excitement (which some women do also, no different here), which some mistake for "feelings" or "love". He's feeling all right, but just excitement lol. But he can possibly yet. I don't know how you feel, but if you like him and want this to continue, then I'd just kind of "remind" him of reality and help him keep his head on the ground. You don't know each other well enough yet and might have to slow it down a bit. Take time to get to know each other more. It's great to be excited, but don't get carried away. Now he says you don't want a relationship, is that true? If so, maybe it's best to do what he says and don't respond? lol Or maybe have to end it? Maybe he's not capable of friends with benefits? Some aren't.
Some people fall in love faster than others. I tend to fall in love quickly but I also don't say that until at least a month in because it tends to frighten a girl away, unless she has already said she is in love with me. At that point I'll admit to it.
There is this silly idea that you can sleep around while dating as long as you are not official. I say it is silly because it brings a lot of problems down the lane. Maybe this guy is smart enough as to prevent this from happening. Or at least to try to prevent it. He is telling you how he feels in hope of you being a decent person. Such a person would not sleep with other guys while dating a guy who is falling for her. Instead a decent person would either stop dating and making clear it is over. Or keep dating but taking it seriously.
you had sex too early there didn't ya. I was lucky enough not to do what this guy did and react the way he did lol Please just do him a favour and leave him be, you aren't interested or else you'd have responded to him by now. I hope the long wait for a reply has him realise this
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Asker
+1 y
Lmao, I responded to him a LONG time ago. I said thanks for telling me the we moved on to a different topic because he asked me not to reply directly to the message. But I guess because we couldn't talk it through I'm asking advice because I don't know how to address it personally atm. 🤷🏽♀️
Haha oh okay then and you think that's alright? tables turned you pouring your heart out and because of low self-esteem, confidence, nerves whatever.. you say don't reply to it.. course you want a reply and fucking quick one! 😂 no girl wants a guy in control/power. Would you want to be in his situation? ☠️
It's normal for guys to fall in love early. We tend to say it out loud rather than keeping it to ourselves. From my experience, it often results in fake love, so be careful. I would advise to cool him a bit and maybe have more dates to see if he doesn't change his mind.
You: Sex on third date is fine. Also You: He likes me already? Thats moving too fast! What do I do?
Him: I have feelings for you. Also Him: Don't talk to me.
Wtf is wrong with you people? I'm sorry but thats just batshit crazy.
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Asker
+1 y
I don't have an issue with him liking me, but I just feel like falling is a strong term for just 4 dates 💀💀 as for his response. I don't know I guess he feared what I'd say cause I don't want a boyfriend rn. I'm just chilling single and taking my time. I don't know the whole situation is weird you right 😂😂
Unless you wanna be a single mom and come up with the money that both parents would have to provide to raise a kid these days, I suggest either getting a tubaligation, or just not having anymore sex.
I'm aware of the risks of having sex and the different birth control options. 💀💀 I doubt I'll be a single mother I'm pretty damn safe 🤷🏽♀️ and not brining a baby into the world till I'm happily married. Thanks for the suggestion tho.
this is because the "99% effectiveness" of birth control is a lie, it's almost 0% in reality. because of how the percentages work when compared to gestation period.
If it takes 9 months to have a baby, that means you are limited to one pregnancy a year off of birth control.
Now if something is 99% effective, and you used it once a day, that means that 1 out if every 100 days it will fail.
Now there are 365 days in a year, so it will fail up to 3 times per year guaranteed, and rarely 4 times per year.
Now since gestation takes 9 months, that means the body will nullify the consequences of 2-3 of those failures, meaning 1 pregnancy per year, just like when not taking the pill.
I'm guessing he's just young. You were straight up from the start it sounds like so I'd say it's whatever you want it to be if you want to dip out then dip if you think you want to see what happens or if you just want to kick it but not be exclusive then whatever. Just keep on being straight with him. Of course keep an eye out for him being stalkerish
Where is he falling into? The pit of hell or a bath tub 😂😂, so hilarious. My dear if he can't come up and tell you straight up how he feels about you and how you make him feel then he is just stalling especially if he hasn't had sex with you yet or hasn't fulfilled his goal yet. People should learn to be straight about this things, Your grown ups for crying out loud !!!
People fall at differnt rates maybe he has fallen with the image he has off u
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
It's pretty normal for guys to Have feelings that fast but guys with experience know women actually move slower so they don't say anything about it.
So I'm not surprised he's feeling it that fast but him saying it is either inexperience or because you'd said "no relationships" at the start and he thought he should say sooner then later that he's getting attached.
Nothing unusual about that, although everyone prefers their own pace. I think it's good that he communicated his feelings to you, now the ball is in your court.
I always know by a fourth date if she's the one I want to be my girlfriend.
The best thing I would suggest is that if you don’t feel the same about him, tell him that. The next thing I would suggest that you don’t feel bad about it or feel obligated to either feel the same way he does or apologize. He will get over it, we’ve all been there, he was probably hung up with the feeling of hanging out with you not you particularly, and he’s just confused the too.
Its your turn to say how you feel. If you want to continue going on dates then suggest that idea. Or maybe it's time to tell him what's going on etc. Be honest with him
I mean, the third date is the SEX date, so i would hope so... Unless of course, you still haven't had sex by then, which would make me thinking, uh, maybe you're not in to him, as much as you think you are
