Girls, What makes a man boring in your eyes?

[ShadezMcgee]

I feel a lot of men get discouraged when trying to date women because it does not take much for a woman to get bored with a guy despite being a good guy and having hobbies, personality and goals.

So for the ladies, if you ever rejected or left a guy because he was "boring" what made him boring in your eyes?

Updates

+1 y

I appreciate the answers, ladies. A lot of them were what I expected.

I saw a lot of them ranging from talking and basic conversations. Now, is that conversation that you personally find interesting that makes it boring or just the way a guy talks? Like he doesn't make an effort to speak what gets his interest or have much to offer to the conversation you are focused on?

[AmandaYVR]

I suppose every woman's idea of what 'boring' is will vary.
Someone talked to me about this subject yesterday, as a matter of fact. He is, coincidentally, concerned he may be too boring.

Maybe you want each woman's particular, specific, point of view.
Mine would be that I want a man who isn't afraid to think. He's introspective, he gives a shit about what's going on in the world, (and obviously he cares about what's going on with me and my thoughts), and he enjoys thinking about and discussing challenging things. I don't mean so much, political differences, or wedge issues that divide people; more like analyzing the how and whys of life, of this world we all have created.

If he plays video games, for instance; or he is obsessed with one sport, when I was young, I used to think those could very possible be deal breakers for me and [him] having a relationship. But I no longer see life this way. I now have a lot more perspective, years under me, and although there definitely are disadvantages to that, it's given me a greater distance in objectively analyzing things like this.
Now I see it merely as passion. And any man (person) who has passion, is healthy and emotionally engaged with the world.
Of course, he could be obsessed with it. What qualifies as an unhealthy obsession? A person who doesn't have balance, and who places an unhealthy prioritization to whatever it is (unless he's a scientist on the cusp of some discovery, or an athlete at the top of his field who needs that level of training in order to remain competitive - been with one of those and no problem), and devalues all other elements of his life to the point of them suffering - whether that be his work, future, friends and family, or partner/me.
Really, as long as he still makes a concerted effort for me, I don't feel I would be as sensitive to it today, as the more ignorant/emotional me of, let's say, 25, would be. I was always nice, sweet, to my guys. But I would feel hurt more easily.

Anyway, a person who isn't boring (let's play devil's advocate)... what would they look like? They might be, for instance, hyperactive. They might couch their behaviours as having more meaning, purpose, righteousness, etc., under the umbrella of "I'm active, I like to stay busy, be productive" when in fact they are hyperactive, can't sit still. (This is just one example.)
A person who appears to have lots of hobbies may actually have commitment issues, as they jump from one idea to another, without every fully flushing them out. He may give up too easily. He wants to be "the best" and when he finds it's not coming easily, quickly, he moves on. Because he has an inferiority complex.
What about a guy who has lots of friends, but they are not very deep relationships? He stays surface. Maybe because he's a narcissist. Or he's very competitive, always wanting to stay one step ahead of his buddies, and he shuts them down or out when they do have some successes. So a person who has few friends may be 'too successful' to have a lot of friends. Or have bad luck. Is he boring? No, not to me. He could also be shy, reserved, or very selective.

I've never got the impression that girls are less tolerant or guys being 'boring'/dull, than guys are of girls.
I think I'm boring to some/many. I think me not being into [sports and video games, let's say] could be problematic, but I still found a husband and we are still together.

The main thing, I believe, that's of crucial importance in order to have healthy relationships, is caring about the person; and treating them well. Honestly, all the other stuff, it's superficial, it's surface-level. And anyone who strongly disagrees with that... well I think they have more than just that one preconceived bias in their heads.

[ShadezMcgee]

Very in depth answer, @AmandaYVR. I was expecting to see different answers because each woman is different, but I found it interesting that a majority of them involved conversation.

I can see conversation for sure because otherwise it won't be sustainable as a relationship down the line if there is nothing to talk about. However I think Devil's advocate comes into play here a but because in context of conversation it can be from issues the woman wants to discuss, but the guy has no opinion or no knowledge of the things she wants to talk about, and he can in turn be labeled boring because of a simple lack of interest. Same thing with passions and desires.

Simple lack of interest in someone else's passions or beliefs is a quick label as boring because it doesn't match up to what the other person values personally.

The reason I asked the question was because every woman wants a man who is interesting, but it varies on what women value. I just feel bad for the guys and remember back in the day when women I went on dates with just looked bored or straight up said "you're boring" despite trying to make conversation or have fun and create chemistry.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, that's a very valid point, and one that I didn't bother to address (as I had so much else to say, ha ha), but I acknowledge, yes, that could be the case (in some girls' minds.)
It is very possible that the girl will talk much more. (Not just possible, but likely.)
And that doesn't make it his fault, you're right.
I wrote a mytake about how girls should speak with men, but as per usual, they weren't much interested, and it was the guys who had more to say.
The Pink Guide to Speaking Blue ↗

My views on this are it is the man that makes topics interesting, not the topic itself. I really mean that. (This is why I watch so many documentaries, for a similar reason - because if it is really well done, with the right amount of detail, and the right flow.) I have talked and learned about all sorts of things that I had zero interest in, or so I thought. But the right man , or presentation, can change that.

And who is 'the right man', to me? He's intelligent, introspective, analytical, observant, independent, thinks for himself, not showy or braggadocios, nor lives for attention from others. His passion + technical, detailed knowledge, + good communication, with some psychology or sociological or humanistic or emotional bent in there... this is a very powerful draw to me.

[AmandaYVR]

I will, overall, if you count total words, talk/write more than him (and I feel bad about that, and do apologize for that often. I'm just verbose, and that's the way it is, compared to men. I like details. Surface is just totally dull to me.) But I don't ever mean to dominate conversation, or to be the only one choosing topics (actually I'm terrible at small talk, and getting-to-know-you talk.) I'm really sensitive to others. I might go on a rant sometimes, when something's really bugging me (not about him, but about life, or others), but if it is too long, or if I repeat ideas or topics, I really do expect him to tell me, cut me off, lose patience, etc. That's ok. I'm passionate about injustices, how the world is fucked up, or how stupid people are. I like to analyze and commiserate on that. I tend to talk about things in a way that analyzes them, deconstructs them, or asks 'why' (even when I go for a nature walk, I think about 'why's' a lot, about what I see around me), more than I talk about my personal interests that one would consider preferences or hobbies. I kind of have a fair bit of separation with those.

A boring guy wouldn't have thoughts about the world. He would stay mute, and do the same things, day and day out, and they are solitary, and he doesn't care to share them with me. I guess I am about ideas, information, and conveying and sharing those. And that works out pretty well with guys, because I find they do like information, whereas girls seem to focus even more on their personal life and feelings about all that. I also find that interesting, but I'm really a combination of both.

[AmandaYVR]

Another thing that will make me think a guy is interesting is his use of language. I don't want always dull, straightforward, the quickest and easiest way to convey things. I like colour. He needs to be able to compose a decent sentence, whether that's verbal or written, and be a clear communicator, using punctuation and all that. He can write literally 1/4 of the total I write, but if he writes it well, I will totally get where his head is at. (Same thing goes with speaking.)

So it's probably overall not all that focused on his hobbies, but interests are important. And life experience helps a ton. I have always had a type, in one specific way - they are travellers. I think the commonality is there's more broad life experience then, and perhaps an intellectual curiosity, and maybe some risk-taking and independence (but those last two don't matter much to me.) But if he doesn't have any of those, he at least needs to exist in a world of ideas where he enjoys thinking... with me. And ideally, I would like about half the ideas to come from him.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

A boring guy is one who has no zest for life, no dreams, no hopes. One stuck in a rut with no desire or fight to break out.

Example, my ex.
Had no career plan, no skills he wanted to develop, no physical activity hobbies, and he played non-stop shooters and idle clickers.

He got mad that I spent 20 a week in my hobbies of martial arts and music.

He got butthurt when I'd progress in my career or my weight lifting and he didn't (even though he put zero work in).

A boring man is one who lives a boring life. As long as you have something in your life you get passionate about, then you've got no need to worry. Passion is the antithesis of boredom.

[AmandaYVR]

Well said. 👌

[Emmaraghavs]

Basically most women are attention seekers than men.. So basically when he fails to give the attention to woman... Woman will start to see the other things... Which she will find extremely interesting than him... Which basically makes man boring in her eyes..

Attention- not only noticing my hair cut or nail paint changes... But making me feel present in a moment... Basically women are best conversation company... When they didn't get anything from you... Obviously you will be portrayed as a boring person... I'm not telling you to keep her entertained always... I'm telling you that don't make her think that.. Why I'm here?

[ShadezMcgee]

When you phrase it like that it sounds like the man's responsibility for keeping you entertained otherwise he is boring. In this case, not giving you the attention you personally seek, he is then deemed boring.

[Blackcupcake]

- He can’t hold a conversation
- He doesn’t get my humor or sarcasm
- He takes everything I say literally
- He agrees with everything I say and if I disagree with his opinion he just backs down and agrees with me even tho he doesn’t agree with me...
- He talks about the same things over and over again
- He gives short boring answers which doesn’t keep the conversation going

[tatianamay]

- Doesn't bother to carry on the convo
- seems disinterested in everything i say
- i do not have much in common with him
- too flirty

[tatianamay]

Also add late replies every single time

[ShadezMcgee]

Define late reply

[tatianamay]

Like he’s online, and he replies like an hour or two late even though he’s online and is chatting w other people. When a guy replies the next minute, that’s not good either. He should reply 2 minutes late lol. If he’s not online, that’s fine, but if he is, then he should reply after around 2 minutes. That’s ideal

[tatianamay]

I’m not too picky, almost all girls would say the exact same thing

[ShadezMcgee]

... I think your expectations are very high with this one. 2 minutes if he is online to reply, seriously? What if he is having more important conversations? Doing work on another tab and doesn't see it? What if he is actually away from his phone/computer or it hasn't been refreshed to show if he is online or not? Is that what you also expect of a turnaround text message you send?

[tatianamay]

I said he has to wait 2 minutes, not reply within 2 minutes. reread my opinion

[tatianamay]

It totally depends. If he's having an important conversation, that's fine, but not replying after 3 hours even if he's online is not that cool

[ShadezMcgee]

Take it easy. I saw what you wrote.

"He should reply 2 minutes late lol. If he’s not online, that’s fine, but if he is, then he should reply after around 2 minutes." That still means 2 minutes at the earliest of your message.

Regardless, I appreciate the response to the question.

[tatianamay]

Well, I didn't mean it like that, but you get what I mean right?

[Eelephant]

It's not a specific quality or hobby that makes someone boring, it's a lack of them. Some people just have totally different interests, and that's fine I just won't necessarily be as interested. But when people have like one hobby and it's completely unrelated to anything I like then it's hard to form a connection.

[Katebfun]

Well I've dated a lot in the past couple of years and what makes a guy boring is not having common interests... That is super important and gives you something to talk about. Also if a guy doesn't have much of a life doesn't go hiking or many hobbies or friends...

For me I want to meet somebody that can teach me something and we can talk about pop culture from the '80s and '90s.

[slackbabbath]

When all he did was talk about himself and he had no character. I don’t care about your hobbies or how interesting your work is, I care about YOU. It’s either he’s got a fun personality/we hit it off or he doesn’t/we don’t. I think what one may consider boring another would find electric. Just depends on that chemistry.

[Somegirl408]

if he just doesn't talk then i would find him boring, he doesn't need to be funny or have an amazing sense of humour. all im asking is if he can talk lol

[muscularbumblebee]

Usually a boring guy is the type that calls watching Netflix a ‘hobby’ as well chilling at a pub drinking beer with mates


Personally I also find gamer guys boring but hey that could also be just my opinion

[iseekpinetrees]

Someone who never makes conversation.

The simple hey how's ur day or how are you you both answer then he doesn't say anything else.

[Aquariusmystery]

When they talk about something you’re clearly not interested in and don’t take the hint. Or just talk about themself.

i went out with a guy before and he spent the whole time talking about planes, trains, cars, motorbikes etc. I was so bored!

[Anonymous]

For me, a boring guy is someone that I can’t have interesting discussions with, that talking to him brings me no excitement or interest. Sadly, I find that most men are like that.

[ShadezMcgee]

Now this is where it gets interesting. Are men boring due to lack of discussions or because there is nothing he says that interests you personally?

[Opinion Owner]

Mainly lack of discussions. I am open to many type of discussions, even those that don’t necessarily interest me. I like to learn new things.

[ShadezMcgee]

Could you give an example of how a guy would talk with you that instantly makes you think he is boring or makes you want out of the interaction?

[Anonymous]

When he has no topic of conversation. If that is the case I will try to be the one to bring up a topic but if despite that he only responds with short sentences then he is a complete bore to me.

[kyleelyn199723]

If he had no sense of humor and can’t make my time with him a goofy experience

[JennBITx]

I hate when all he does is play video games and has no goals

[Goldnessy]

Personally I would say a man without any goals, meaning, aspirations. A man without a vision is boring. And a very shy guy would be boring..

[Anonymous]

No sense of humor, can't start a conversation, only responds with short sentences when asked a question.

[InsertNameHerex]

One worded responses (dryness) as well as lack of humor

[pink_and_inlove]

I’d imagine constant nagging, not wanting to watch shows with me, unaffectionate, etc. I find that stuff boring

[iamsafespace]

When he never initiates

[ghvvvch]

Yes !!

[doopayo]

No motivations/is doing nothing with themselves.

[Anonymous]

That he is not into strap-on dildo

[Opinion Owner]

Ok sorry. I had to do it. I personally dont mind "boring" guys. I am not so picky. As long as he is nice, it does not bother me that he is "boring"

[Sketti2021]

No sense of humor