How to deal with a coworker who keeps asking me out?

Question

I'm not really into him, I've expressed no intrestes but he just keeps asking. I don't want to come off as a bitch but I want him to stop asking? How do you deal with it?

enbyofenvy · Accepted Answer

Id recommend discretely recording any interactuons with the coworker. Make sure the recordings also voice your making it clear you dont appreciate the repeated advances. Once you have a collection if these recordings, take it to your boss or HR if applicable as a sexual harrasment complaint. Youve made it clear your not interested which makes repeated attempts harrasment of a sexual nature and you have proof.
With proof to back it up the only thing the boss or HR can do that won't give you the right to sue them for big bucks is fire the employee guilty of sexual harrasment.
Dealing with repetitive sexual advances from a male coworker who can't seem to take no for an answer is NOT just a normal part of working as a woman. You DO deseve to be respected and treated with respect as a human being by your coworkers.

loves2learn · Accepted Answer

If I were you I would be very direct. Tell him something like “I am sorry. You are a really nice person. I enjoy working with you. I am not interested in having a relationship outside of work.” Smile. Thank him. Move on. If he still does, time for HR.

Andres77 · Accepted Answer

general rule in dealing with conflict: resolve it at the lowest level possible.
so, if he asks and u say no. it should end there. if not, tell your supervisor and ask him for a timeline in which it should be resolved. if he won't commit to resolution then u go over ur boss's head and make it public.
if the boss won't fix it then make it as public as u can (be aware of ur "whistle blower policy").

Browneye57 · Accepted Answer

"I just don't date at work. PERIOD"
"I'm not in a place to date right now, but thank you."
"I"m just not interested. Thank you."

If he still doesn't get it, tell him to FUCK OFF.

And if he STILL doesn't get it, report him to HR. It's called sexual harassment.

On_cloud_wine · Answer

Next time he asks, take him to the side where no one can hear you and explain to him that you’re not interested, that you can’t see yourself with him, that you have no desire to be more than what you are with him. “I apologize if this is painful to hear, but it is what it is” and don’t say you’re sorry more than once; one time is enough.

jim009 · Answer

Be firm, and put it in an email... i appreciate you asking me out, and no hurt feelings, but my final answer is no and i need you to please stop asking me, i'm not playing hard to get. If i change my mind i will ask you, you do not need to keep asking me. If you do not stop, i will begin to feel harassed at work.

Novacane · Answer

Look I don't condone people acting like a "bitch" BUT. . . if you already told him nicely and he still does not understand sometimes the only thing to do is to come off as a "bitch" maybe that way he will finally understand. If he doesn't stop he will eventually spread rumors and then everyone will think y'all have a thing etc. then at that point HR would have to get involved if you don't feel safe around him.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

You might have to resort to coming off as a bitch. It sounds like it's going that course to effectively make him cease his persistence. Otherwise, get a supervisor involved.

libsaretards · Answer

First, you directly tell him that you wish for him to quit asking you out. "Hey Bob, I understand how you feel, but I do not want a date. I do not want to sound mean, but I do not feel comfortable with you asking me so please stop and respect my boundaries". If that fails, then it is time to have a meeting between you, the coworker, your boss and another witness of higher rank than yourself and coworker. If that fails, it is time for a formal harassment complaint.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Although, this might not work because most guys just don't seem to get the message and think THEY'RE the one that's gonna change your mind, you COULD say, "I'm a lesbian".
Or, "MAYBE, in a year or two after I heal up from my transition."
or, "I don''t know if my husband, Killer, would like that. But, I'll ask him for you."

JClone55 · Answer

First tell him that if he persists then you'll talk to his boss. Give him that fair warning. If he ignores you, then talk to your boss. You've been nice and taken the high road. But obviously this isn't working so it's time get tough with him. Go to the boss. Or cut the brake lines on his car or something. Whatever gets the job done.

OddBeMe · Answer

Toughy, cuz you have to see him everyday and don’t want him messing up your career. If he was smarter or cared more he would stop on his own.

But I keep advising chicks to “Slow Ghost” their way out. Keep smiling, pretending to like his jokes, but start ignoring him more and more. Slow transition to actual ghosting as it were.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Just be direct but polite. "[coworker's name], I keep declining your advances because I was hoping you would lose interest on your own without me needing to say this: I am not interested in going on a date with you. I appreciate your interest and I am sorry if I did something that led you to believe that I see you in a romantic way. I do not, and I never will. I hope we can continue to work together. I'm sorry for any role I played in the misunderstanding."

TurningGraves · Answer

Tell him you are just not interested in a relationship at the moment. If he’s not totally daft, he’ll realize that that means you’re not interested in a relationship with him, ever.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Once you told him more than twice and he still is bugging you about it, I think its time to report him to management.

TallAnon · Answer

Just be a bit snarky, when he makes a comment, just obviously raise an eyebrow and keep working while shaking your head

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Explain it again, but if he keeps doing it, it would be time to report him. Past a certain point it can be considered harassment.

clampfan101 · Answer

“Sorry, I already said I’m not interested. Please don’t make talk to the boss about this.”

If something like that doesn’t work, you’re 110% not being mean in the slightest for actually reporting him to your boss to deal with it for you.

NightOwl8801 · Answer

Tell him straight up I am flattered but no thank you , and if he persists HR may get involved

Cnlngler · Answer

I have a rule not to ever date coworkers or someone I worked with, I see you as a friend and nothing else. Sorry.

spartan55 · Answer

Why does he keep asking? Let me guess, you won't actually decline but instead come up 1001 excuses.

CoolGuy7532 · Answer

Talk to HR and tell them that you turned down his offer.

kellytheman · Answer

Just straight up tell him tell him why your not interested in him. If he knows you don't feel attracted to him he might stop wasting his time.

Wise4myage · Answer

Come off as a bitch, and if he still can't get a clue, then talk to your boss.

DaveToo · Answer

"Thank you (his name), I'm flattered but no, I don't wish to go out with you."

Rudon00 · Answer

Telling him out right Tiptoetamm. No! . He is not someone who is ready to date if he does not understand No!

Z1pTD · Answer

Keep saying no. Otherwise he’ll think if he asks for long enough you'll say yes to anything

ItsMeItsMe1989 · Answer

It's sexual harassment in the work place. You've said no. Tell HR

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Call HR, this dipshit should know better than to ask out a woman from work.

Cowboy6666 · Answer

bro zone him or tell him you are already seeing someone else..

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him nicely to not ask you again. If he doesn't stop you should report him to the boss.

DonkeyDan · Answer

Tell him you bat for the other side 😂

IcedLemonade · Answer

Subtly insult him or flirt with someone else

Anonymous · Answer

Do you think he is a bad person or he just doesn't get it?

BobbyC65 · Answer

Lie to him and say you're a lesbian.

Den1971 · Answer

Tell him to jump in the lake. Tell him your taken

Lonely888 · Answer

Are you leading him on?

Kvynhanma · Answer

Tell him you have anal herpes

Anonymous · Answer

Go out it's late you can't chase the Chad anymore there's no chance more the wall undefeated

exitseven · Answer

Tell him to ask you again once you are cured.

eagle1951 · Answer

honestly, do the bitch thing

Fuentes · Answer

Tell him no or you'll report him to HR

noohair · Answer

If he persists, is there an HR department?

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

Did you tell him no?

Gramkabir · Answer

Ohk... You better give him straight answer...

Tim-loves-it · Answer

"Its not a professional thing to do"

CubaPirate · Answer

A kick in the balls should get the message across

Starman5 · Answer

don't care for a while. leaves over time

lycanthrope3 · Answer

just be honest, then continue to be friendly

scooogy · Answer

Maybe turn him off by appearing disgusting to him?

IncognitoBandito · Answer

Tell him you're involved with someone

Anonymous · Answer

Just be serious when you say it

Green96 · Answer

Is he ugly?

ChiPaPa · Answer

Human resources

krin_m · Answer

Tell him honestly.

Hotboy_booblover · Answer

Tell him u have std

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