Does he have feelings for me?

[Sarahmoore]

I've been seeing this guy for a few months (not dating, just casual). When we first met I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship, I've recently gotten out of an abusive one and I travel for work, and he travels for work and has a young son that stays with him on the weekends. He said that was understandable and assured me there would be no pressure. Every time we see each other, he stays the night (his decision, not mine). He's always very affectionate, caring and attentive. He holds me all night, kisses my neck and shoulders, holds my hand. When he leaves in the morning, he'll stand there and hug me for a very long time, kisses me, hugs me more then leaves. Then I don't hear from him for a week or 2. No calls, texts, nothing until he wants to get together again. I can text him and he always answers me, but he never initiates the communication until he wants to come over. I'm getting very mixed signals, is this casual for him as well? Or is he developing feelings?

[caring__1]

Guys are lousy mind readers. If you tell him you're not interested in a relationship, he's unlikely to invest in you, as that would only set him up for disappointment. Never say one thing when you actually want something different. If you're truly not interested in a relationship, it's irrelevant if he has feelings or not, as long as he is respectful of you. If he does, he'll put forth a good effort to keep them in check. When you want something different, clearly let him know.

[Sarahmoore]

I truly don't want a relationship, and that's why I said it. I'm not changing my mind on it. With how affectionate and attentive he is, it worries me he may be developing feelings and I don't want that. I like him, he's attractive and a nice guy, but what we have going right now works for me. Being in a relationship is not going to happen. I'm not good at communicating these things though, I tend to come off very harsh. I don't want to hurt his feelings or give him false hope.

[caring__1]

Do you see yourself wanting a relationship in the future, or have you written off commitments? If you want one in the future, what are you looking for that will tell you it is time to commit? In other words, it could be a specific passing of time, finishing a career objective or other project you want to get out of the way, or looking for specific qualities in a potential partner. If this person doesn't possess the qualities you are seeking, just let him know you like him as a friend but don't see anything developing in the future.

You can ask him if he's ever been in a friends with benefits arrangement in the past and how that\worked for him. If he's never been in one, ask him how he sees it differing from other relationships he's been in. Seeking clarification comes across more caring than giving people ultimatums.

No one here can know if someone has feelings for you. Only that person has that knowledge.

[Sarahmoore]

I don't see being in a relationship at all, I'm sure that'll change eventually, but not anytime in the near future.
And yes I think I will ask him, that seems like a good way to bring up the topic. I tend to be a bit on the blunt side and can seem very insensitive about things. I'm trying to not do that in this situation which is why I'm seeking advice. So thank you, it's much appreciated.

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[Avicenna]

It's hard to say for sure, but he obviously likes you. My guess is that he thinks he isn't getting strong enough signals from you.

[IncognitoBandito]

Sounds pretty casual on both ends

[In_Trance]

talk to him about it

[Sarahmoore]

I'd prefer not to, I don't want to open up that conversation.

[In_Trance]

Why not? You can't go on like this

[Iron_Man]

Yes sure