Are you single because women ignore you? Are you a man women would look for as a partner? Are you actively out there asking ladies out or are you just passively “looking” for love? Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out, to talk with the ladies when you get the chance, to ask them out, or make any outward effort?
I wanna understand from both sides of this question if one sides to blame or if there’s a disconnect. If your voluntarily single then you needn’t give an opinion. This question is for the men searching but have yet to find their Belle.
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+1 y
Thanks for all the direct answers. The ladies version of this question has them insulting me and saying “being single isn’t a fault” so I appreciate all the answers.
Updates
+1 y
Sorry if I don’t reply to you all this question blew up!
Men: Is it your fault your single?
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I think it's just cause I'm not desirable. That's just kinda it, and that's just life. Sometimes we're born with advantages, sometimes we aren't.
I've got certain quips about me, my ADHD or my overwhelming emotional capacity, that could be seen as undesirable. Do I throw a fit? No, cause at the end of the day, everyone has something about them that isn't desirable. It's sad, but at the end of the day, what can ya really do? I'm not willing to force change upon myself for someone else, as my pride is just too selfish for it. Will that hinder my ability to get women? Probably. Will it make me happy? No. But I'd rather live in complete loneliness than have to change my mindset for someone else, woman or man. In a relationship, in a workforce, etc, I don't care. I'm not changing the way I do things for other people, but for myself.
Well I've been on do many dates. And I'm fed up none work out. I'll take part of the blame. I'm not very open, charismatic when I meet new people, if I get the chance too. I get social anxiety at times. Women rarely show intrest in me. I guess I'm not handsome enough? So that gets to me. I havnt dated in a few years. I'm so lost I the dating world, wish I would get more chances. I've been single for so long, it hurts. I don't know why, but I still swipe here and there hoping. Then rare tines I get someone liking me and it's far from what I'm attracted in.
I am the kind of man that MANY women would want for a long term partner, but most of them are not good enough for me. I'll list some things about myself and who I would be interested in. I don't put any effort into finding someone because I have been too busy these last few years and realistically I wouldn't have much time for someone for the next year either until after June 2022.
Me: White, 6' tall, Strong, Trustworthy, Loyal, Affectionate, Never done any hook ups, No contact with any ex, no kids but I do want some with the right person, I am very good with kids, I have worked in schools for over 11 1/2 years, I don't do any drugs, alcohol, or smoke, no tattoos, I work (no welfare or food stamps), I know how to cook, I'm educated (not indoctrinated). I enjoy physical stuff like riding bikes, lifting weights, and also indoor stuff like board games, video games, movies, tv series, comedy videos, learning new things, reading a book, bowling, pool, air hockey, amusement parks, and other stuff. I will try new things as long as it isn't gross or immoral. I prefer things to be planned most of the time. I like to make the important decisions for the family/kids/etc. but I would also take responsibility for those choices and the outcomes too. One example of a decision I would make is the kids won't have smart phones. Another example would be no alcohol allowed in the home. So gatherings would be with sober people only. Once in a relationship I believe people shouldn't be making NEW opposite gender friends to hang out with one on one. I wouldn't be doing that either. I am good to people that are good to me, but there is no obligation for me to help strangers. What I earn is for me and people I care about and I won't share it freely.
Potential Girlfriend: 18 to 30 (over 30 equals no interest), hasn't done any hook ups or ONS, doesn't do any drugs (no weed either), doesn't drink alcohol or drinks very rarely and is willing to quit, doesn't smoke, no kids from past relationships, but does want some with the right person, no contact with any ex, once in a relationship won't be posting revealing and flirty pictures online for attention, will be very affectionate with me and she initiates the affection sometimes too, doesn't have an immoral job or one that requires her to spend multiple days away from home (traveling), no tattoos or very few (each tattoo makes her less attractive to me), will exercise every week just like I will to stay healthy and in shape for long term, is not hypocritical.
So the ones you’ve seen aren’t quality enough. You seem to be in B try he minority of men. That being said do you actively put yourself out there and pursue and see what women offer or do you just judge based off what you see in surface level?
I haven't put myself out there for years or put in any effort to find anyone. I've been to busy with working full time and doing more than full time college. (18 units last semester) When I finish so I can have free time again in a year then I'll put some effort in.
"Is it your fault your single?" Kind of. I'm short and unattractive. I didn't choose any of those things, especially my height, but if the question is asking "Is it women's fault you're single," then the answer would be 'no.' It is my own physical shortcomings and flaws.
"Are you single because women ignore you?" They don't ignore me; they just treat me like sh*t and tell me they want to date taller, whiter, richer, and fitter.
"Are you a man [that] women would look for as a partner?" Physically, no. Not ever. Personality wise, they SAY that I am: Intelligent, opinionated, witty, funny (not online, but in real life), and a romantic. But I know not to trust what women CLAIM they want in a man's personality traits; you never see funny guys and stand-up comedians getting laid, do you? Personality means nothing without the looks. Also, I'm missing one mandatory trait: High ego. I'm modest, not prideful. A man without "confidence"/cockiness doesn't matter to women.
"Are you actively out there asking ladies out or are you just passively 'looking' for love?" I literally spent my entire twenties looking for love. Came close, once. Then she died. But other than her, it was a giant waste of time. I learned to stop wasting my time on people who could/would never appreciate who I am as a person and what I have to offer. So I mostly gave up on women. *IF* something comes along, I'll pursue it. But I have a better chance of becoming a billionaire by next year than to find my Unicorn woman out there.
"Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out?" Yes. But I do that for me. I wear business professional clothes for work even though I'm an English teacher (and could wear whatever I wanted that weren't open-toed shoes or jeans), and used to wear a necktie before I gave up with the dry-cleaning bills. So I dress for me and no one else.
"[Do you] talk with the ladies when you get the chance, to ask them out, or make any outward effort?" Yes, only because I hate regret and "what ifs" more than rejection and being told I'm 'sexually harassing' a woman for talking to her. It usually ends in mean rejections, nasty comments, or being flat-out ignored by women 50% of the time. So why bother?
"Do you still want a relationship with a woman?" Of course I'd still love to be with a kind, caring, good woman. But I'm not getting taller anytime soon, I refuse to lower myself into dating gold diggers, cheaters, or abusive women, I'm no one's simp or personal ATM, and single mothers are not an option, as I don't want to be someone's surrogate father. If I meet a woman, then I'd want her to love me for me, and not use me as a cheap commodity. So with THAT said, women are very, very, VERY unlikely to be in my future. Even *If* I could grow a few more inches, I still only want to be with someone who'd mutually love me and respect me. And well... People like me don't get that.
"Are you a man women would look for as a partner?" Probably only very specific women, but then I'm just as picky about them.
"Are you actively out there asking ladies out" No. Thats absurd, those are strangers.
"or are you just passively “looking” for love?" No. I'm looking online with a fine tooth comb to find a needle in a heystack, but haven't found one I like in my country thats not some kind of internet celeb yet.
"Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out," No. But I honestly don't have to do anything to look nice.
"to talk with the ladies when you get the chance," No. Not romantically, as friends? Sure, lots of times, hasn't lead anywhere I wanted yet.
"to ask them out," No.
"or make any outward effort?" No. Not yet anyway aside from searching.
I wanna understand from both sides of this question if one sides to blame or if there’s a disconnect. Ok, well to start, I like women who initiate, and I only accept advances if she's been a close friend for 3 years who shares my interests and hobbies.
For the most part yes, considering I am set in my ways from all the hell I experienced in relationships before , That I am just focusing on myself and my kids , I still put myself out there but not as much , cuz I don’t feel that I am fully ready to give myself a 100 percent , so it pretty much has to come down to a girl that can sweep me off my feet go me to even consider trying a relationship again , To me times have changed and people have become more selfish and don’t really know what the true meaning of a relationship is , people tend to treat each other more like conveniences over actually loving someone. When shit hits the fan they run to the next person instead of trying to fix it , Or I meet girls that lie about already being married or in a relationship, Cheating all of a sudden as become the new norm it seems. So to find someone these days that know what it means to be in a relationship is hard to come by , I feel social media played a big part as to why relationships fail these days
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yes and no.
My life purpose is not to be enslaved by some women in a marriage.
My life purpose is to live happy life, if any women will decide to live that life together, great, but it is secondary.
These days we live in fast life society and a lot of women think, that they will be able to get any man fast and think that all of them 'deserve', top 1% and only think they need to do is wait, be pretty and open her legs. In the end they hit the wall at ~35 and end up crazy cat lady.
And yes it is my fault, that I'm single! Whose else? She will not knock on my door and ask do I need a wife... I need to get my self in a situation where I can meet a women, of needed quality to me, not just sit and cry how world is unfair, actually do something about it.
In case you that desperate go to poor country and you will get one instantly, but will she be good quality women and when you will bring her to western world, she might decide to get someone better then you.
I am single myself and have never had a proper relationship. It doesn't bother me because I have a comfortable life.
My social life has been getting better this year (it was starting to improve in 2019, but Covid interrupted that process) and I am confident that dating opportunities will come from that, even if it takes a few years.
I have Asperger's Syndrome, which does not mean that my social skills are poor, just that it took longer to learn them while growing up. I didn't even ask a girl out until I was 22, but by that time I had left education and had far less opportunities to meet people my own age.
I think as well that there has been a broad decline in face-to-face social interaction in the last 50 years. This has not just made dating harder for everyone, but also made socialization harder too. Young men only complain about being single when their social life is unsatisfactory to them in other ways.
I'm single because it is my choice... not a "fault"
I came out of a relationship in late 2019, and it was my choice (as usual) to take some months to myself... and then the pandemia happened, so it was my choice to just remain single... then the pandemia went hardcore which really hurt my business, and once more I decided to focus on my business and finances because it takes a lot of dedication, it was my choice not to just wait till a better moment...
and almost two years later, it's still my choice when I say that I'm not really in a rush... I'm just still single and it does not bother me one bit
I have never rushed these things in the past, and I am sure that sooner or later, something will happen along the way... as it always has been
Kewl answer but as argument… if you choose the babe Ruth over a Butterfinger is your “fault” you can’t eat a Butterfinger. Don’t argue semantics on my question.
if you choose the concept of fault... and then you choose to put the blame on someone else or yourself, or a set of circumstances... and by result of that, you also choose to feel miserable
that's all of what the concept of "fault" carries... so, like I said... I don't have none of that
my choice is happiness always, whether I'm single or paired... makes no difference to that
The younger generations go *bad* advice when it comes to romance. The message was be free, be safe and be yourself, it turns out that sucks and it fucked people up, men and women.
The culture was telling us to find love by just “being ourselves” and finding someone who “likes us for us”. Sounds nice on the surface but it seems like actually it fucks people up.
You have to do the work to be a REAL MAN sonny. If you don't the ladies won't want you. I guarantee it.
You need three things to get the women: looks money confidence. Irrational confidence. You can get by with any two of these, but having all three is key. So hit the gym, HARD, and make a shit-ton of dough. You'll gain the confidence you need through the effort. DO IT FOR YOU. And you'll have all the pussy you can stand, I guarantee it. The hotties will literally THROW themselves at you. It's just the way it works - it's biology.
Sure it does. EVERYTHING in YOUR life is YOUR fault. PERIOD. YOU get to decide where you'll be, what you get, what you'll accomplish, what you'll gain, who you'll be with. If you can't get women that's on YOU. Cuz they want REAL men.
I'm not looking for love right now. I'm fully focused on my career moves at the moment. However, when the time does come, I admit I am afraid of dating in the current societal and political climate in the U. S. First, I have only ever had 2 serious relationships. Second, the quality of women available to date seems very low. Third, a woman just has to say a man did something to her and by God he is guilty. Finally, it seems like women have this expectation that they can just take from men and not give something back. In other words, women my age and younger are brats.
Honest other than dating sites I hardly talk to women or come into contact with. No in my 20s I approached women. But now when out in public, in tge era where everyone is so easily offended? No, in the "Me to Era", I am lucky to gey a hello in return, or eye contact from a women these day. I don't bother women unless I am approached, which honest its not very often... if ever.
So here's the thing, it's never just one person's fault that a guy who doesn't want to be single is actually single. At the same time the guy has to acknowledge that he is part of the reason. That's the problem with the incel culture. Incels don't believe that they bear any responsibility for being single. I was a virgin without going on a date until 27 (lost my virginity 6 months later). I was just smart enough to recognize that my paralyzing shyness and social awkwardness was probably the biggest reason I was single. Since I never blamed others for me being single, I never became an incel.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
I barely have any attraction to a given girl (I am straight) so I don’t often ask one out. When the case is I start dating one it doesn’t work out. I’m too superficial. I’m one of those people who shies Everyone, family , friends, strangers, a mask of confidence, and joy. Which I think attracts people, sometimes it’s too “freindly” for a romance sometimes not and I drop the face slowly. But when I start dropping that face I don’t think people are prepared at all, I become to clingy, dependent, truthful, self conscious, and in general calmer. Which is different to how they would first see me. Really it’s just ‘me’ why I’m single still, and In pure honesty I believe I’m best not with someone.
When I was single for extended periods of time it was because it was my choice. I enjoyed my freedom to come and go, no pun intended, and I was able to do that quite often, but I was having a great time, and it would of been very hard to find someone to share that with.
Quality. So your saying without purpose. That answers my question in a way I wasn’t considering. I got a gym membership but I haven’t used it in months. I work gy 6-6 6 days a week and it wares me down.
With so many guys failing to meet standards I think it’s easy to be quality if you apply yourself. But I don’t feel the need to apply myself much more than I already do. 72 hrs a week at work then I help my bro at his place with cars, yard work, my niece… anything I can help with so my schedule between work and family is fun. When I get vacation time I’ll drive to the coast and fish or go hunting with family.
Yep pretty much. I’ve seen how someone said something about his parents and the reason why he was born the way that he is. That caught my attention because I never thought of that. I have an older brother that’s married, a little brother that has a girlfriend, another little brother that has a girlfriend and 2 kids, a little sister that tells me how boys like her but treat her bad (I really don’t appreciate and I know that my brothers wouldn’t either), another little sister that says no guys like her, I have a sister that I never met before and I bet she’s in a relationship. I have another older brother that has his fair share of relationships. Another little brother and little sister that aren’t old enough to date yet. Then there’s me the 4th oldest that can’t get a girlfriend if my life depended on it
I've never looked for a job either... So could I complain it's the world's universe for not handing me one? That would be stupid
I'm the same with girls, I mean yeah I'd love to have one... But I've never even tried to talk to a girl or even looked in a girls direction, so it's only my fault for never trying...
It's always in your hands, I don't know if fault is the right word for it. You can choose to be single, and like it sometimes. I went single for three years once. I'd have a lot of flings and a lot of fun, but settle for no one.
If you are single and you don't want to be that is entirely on you. You can choose at any moment to make an effort not to be. Nothing is out of your control.
If you make a choice and miss out even if you made the “right” choice is still your “fault” you didn’t experience the other choice. Don’t argue semantics with me please. Just dealt with 40 replies from the ladies version of that bullshit.
Would prefer reasons for your situation rather than justification as that’s the point of this question.
"Are you single because women ignore you?" Usually the ones who are interested in me are weird and gross. Brown girls love me, but it's complicated.
"Are you a man women would look for as a partner?" For the most part, no. Physically some and maybe in personality and hobbies a little bit. But in other aspects, I think no.
"Are you actively out there asking ladies out or are you just passively “looking” for love?" No, not actively. I tried a little in high school and university, but gave up after multiple rejections. I don't know what the second part of that question means.
"Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out, to talk with the ladies when you get the chance, to ask them out, or make any outward effort?" My dress really depends on the occasions, but I certainly don't go out in PJs and Slippers. But I don't go out with the sole purpose of picking up women.
So I want a relationship but I am not good at all at socializing. I can't initiate conversation or I start to get physically sick. Dizzy, nauseous, my vision will even blur. It's because of years of abuse from my father. He didn't want me talking and annoying him so I was forced into only speaking when spoken to. I need a wingman but none of my friends get that. I fact even with my few friends I jut sort of stand or sit around tunic they talk to me first because of how badly I was treated.
Yeah. Still insecure and anxious, not very good looking, don't really do much to take care of myself, don't get out much... Doesn't help that a lot of the girls I like end up being crazy or horrible people.
Are you prepared to sacrifice a family and wife for such a reason? For men I think it’s easier as we can dump ourselves into work, friends, orbits family… but even still the life your choosing is a lonely life.
I'm single for the first time in a few decades because I've chosen to be single after my divorce. I still have casual relationships with women but I'm not looking to be serious with anyone at the moment, and have turned a couple of girls down over the past couple of years. I'm always upfront about what I want from someone, and don't have a problem saying to them that I'm only interested in a purely physical relationship right now. Works for me at the moment.
I think it's both. Actually I'm just in my own head a lot I think people think the worst of me and that's false. It's definitely about your mindset but I get frustrated. I'm human. I have much to offer and I look damn good sometimes.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
It's my parent's fault coz because of them I got pathetic genetics and I was born ugly.
Coz they them selves are very ugly but my sister is born slightly better looking but I'm born total shit just a carbon copy of them. And it was not even my fault but people bullied me high school for being ugly.
They should've used contraceptive or just slept early.
I have forgiven my parents for this but I'm suffering from something I have no fault.
so I'm an incel now.
Govt. Must approach me for birth control 🛂 ads.
P. s life is not fair with everyone at least not with me. Some live like a king, some live a pathetic life and wait for deliverance ( but their sufferings continues ).
Wow that might have been the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read…
Skipping all that waffle, what effort do you put into looking good since that seems to be your major concern? Do you go to the gym? Have you tried picking up a visually attractive hobby? Or do you just wallow in your self pity?
My face is ugly, with acne I have a weird nose. My teeths are crooked can't be fixed with braces I need to do jaw surgery to correct it and I'm not rich enough to afford that. And most people don't have to do that to look normal but I do. You see! If am to look normal ( or less ugly ) I gotta pay for it with real money and even after that there's a risk of side effects for just to look normal.
I'm 5'6.
I think gym can't even fix it.
My point is it's not my fault because I didn't choose to be born like this.
"Have you tried picking up a visually attractive hobby? Or do you just wallow in your self pity?"
I wish, I could! but you need to have at least a little hope and let me tell you when you see people around you are not nice to you, and you see most people can look normal without much effort you get discouraged because it's not your fault.
Hey but let me tell you, I'm cool with it now😎. I don't seek relationship with opposite sex anymore. I have acknowledged it accepted it. It is what it is.
I don't self pity, I just sometimes feel sad 😢 about it. That's it but mostly I'm fine.
I'm single because I dont have any role for a female to fill once they come into my life. I dont need them, they dont need me, probably. It works out better that way I think, at least when we're young
Seems a shame to lose all that time bonding but I understand. As men age and grow into their maturity they have better luck with women unlike women whom eventually lose what they have giving them value.
that is mostly due to age giving you a mysterious aura which is attractive... girls are more into mystery/drama than looks (mainly cuz they hate themselves being valued for their looks so they dont do that to men)
Its not that I can't attract girls. I have before. I know tactics and strategies to do that. The thing is, I have no reason for them to be in my life. There isn't much for them to do. Its a bit like getting a pet when you dont have time to take it for walks, play with it etc.
It's hard to meet someone that I like, I'm working all the time. Women made up labels about men and believe them, and there are so many women of all age groups that sleep around. So the way women are these days, is the problem, so that's the big part but because life is so hard is the other part. I would love someone but it seems impossible.
Seems like you need to be… more. If you give up because of failure you limit yourself to being a failure. At least refocus yourself on a better future.
For me, if every single person says no, no matter what I do, where i tried everything in the pursuit of someone, it just wasn't worth the effort any more.
Not so much ignore me as fail to materialize. I meet very few women - my work is remote since covid, but even before that my workplaces were 80% male or more. I go to a bar or brewpub, same ratio or worse. Women my age tend to be attached so I don't feel comfortable approaching at grocery stores or bookstores; the only places I know of where there are lots of single girls are college campuses, and that isn't really my target age group anymore.
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