Are you single because women ignore you? Are you a man women would look for as a partner? Are you actively out there asking ladies out or are you just passively “looking” for love? Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out, to talk with the ladies when you get the chance, to ask them out, or make any outward effort?
I wanna understand from both sides of this question if one sides to blame or if there’s a disconnect. If your voluntarily single then you needn’t give an opinion. This question is for the men searching but have yet to find their Belle.
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+1 y
Thanks for all the direct answers. The ladies version of this question has them insulting me and saying “being single isn’t a fault” so I appreciate all the answers.
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+1 y
Sorry if I don’t reply to you all this question blew up!
Men: Is it your fault your single?
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I think it's just cause I'm not desirable. That's just kinda it, and that's just life. Sometimes we're born with advantages, sometimes we aren't.
I've got certain quips about me, my ADHD or my overwhelming emotional capacity, that could be seen as undesirable. Do I throw a fit? No, cause at the end of the day, everyone has something about them that isn't desirable. It's sad, but at the end of the day, what can ya really do? I'm not willing to force change upon myself for someone else, as my pride is just too selfish for it. Will that hinder my ability to get women? Probably. Will it make me happy? No. But I'd rather live in complete loneliness than have to change my mindset for someone else, woman or man. In a relationship, in a workforce, etc, I don't care. I'm not changing the way I do things for other people, but for myself.
Well I've been on do many dates. And I'm fed up none work out. I'll take part of the blame. I'm not very open, charismatic when I meet new people, if I get the chance too. I get social anxiety at times. Women rarely show intrest in me. I guess I'm not handsome enough? So that gets to me. I havnt dated in a few years. I'm so lost I the dating world, wish I would get more chances. I've been single for so long, it hurts. I don't know why, but I still swipe here and there hoping. Then rare tines I get someone liking me and it's far from what I'm attracted in.
I am the kind of man that MANY women would want for a long term partner, but most of them are not good enough for me. I'll list some things about myself and who I would be interested in. I don't put any effort into finding someone because I have been too busy these last few years and realistically I wouldn't have much time for someone for the next year either until after June 2022.
Me: White, 6' tall, Strong, Trustworthy, Loyal, Affectionate, Never done any hook ups, No contact with any ex, no kids but I do want some with the right person, I am very good with kids, I have worked in schools for over 11 1/2 years, I don't do any drugs, alcohol, or smoke, no tattoos, I work (no welfare or food stamps), I know how to cook, I'm educated (not indoctrinated). I enjoy physical stuff like riding bikes, lifting weights, and also indoor stuff like board games, video games, movies, tv series, comedy videos, learning new things, reading a book, bowling, pool, air hockey, amusement parks, and other stuff. I will try new things as long as it isn't gross or immoral. I prefer things to be planned most of the time. I like to make the important decisions for the family/kids/etc. but I would also take responsibility for those choices and the outcomes too. One example of a decision I would make is the kids won't have smart phones. Another example would be no alcohol allowed in the home. So gatherings would be with sober people only. Once in a relationship I believe people shouldn't be making NEW opposite gender friends to hang out with one on one. I wouldn't be doing that either. I am good to people that are good to me, but there is no obligation for me to help strangers. What I earn is for me and people I care about and I won't share it freely.
Potential Girlfriend: 18 to 30 (over 30 equals no interest), hasn't done any hook ups or ONS, doesn't do any drugs (no weed either), doesn't drink alcohol or drinks very rarely and is willing to quit, doesn't smoke, no kids from past relationships, but does want some with the right person, no contact with any ex, once in a relationship won't be posting revealing and flirty pictures online for attention, will be very affectionate with me and she initiates the affection sometimes too, doesn't have an immoral job or one that requires her to spend multiple days away from home (traveling), no tattoos or very few (each tattoo makes her less attractive to me), will exercise every week just like I will to stay healthy and in shape for long term, is not hypocritical.
So the ones you’ve seen aren’t quality enough. You seem to be in B try he minority of men. That being said do you actively put yourself out there and pursue and see what women offer or do you just judge based off what you see in surface level?
I haven't put myself out there for years or put in any effort to find anyone. I've been to busy with working full time and doing more than full time college. (18 units last semester) When I finish so I can have free time again in a year then I'll put some effort in.
"Is it your fault your single?" Kind of. I'm short and unattractive. I didn't choose any of those things, especially my height, but if the question is asking "Is it women's fault you're single," then the answer would be 'no.' It is my own physical shortcomings and flaws.
"Are you single because women ignore you?" They don't ignore me; they just treat me like sh*t and tell me they want to date taller, whiter, richer, and fitter.
"Are you a man [that] women would look for as a partner?" Physically, no. Not ever. Personality wise, they SAY that I am: Intelligent, opinionated, witty, funny (not online, but in real life), and a romantic. But I know not to trust what women CLAIM they want in a man's personality traits; you never see funny guys and stand-up comedians getting laid, do you? Personality means nothing without the looks. Also, I'm missing one mandatory trait: High ego. I'm modest, not prideful. A man without "confidence"/cockiness doesn't matter to women.
"Are you actively out there asking ladies out or are you just passively 'looking' for love?" I literally spent my entire twenties looking for love. Came close, once. Then she died. But other than her, it was a giant waste of time. I learned to stop wasting my time on people who could/would never appreciate who I am as a person and what I have to offer. So I mostly gave up on women. *IF* something comes along, I'll pursue it. But I have a better chance of becoming a billionaire by next year than to find my Unicorn woman out there.
"Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out?" Yes. But I do that for me. I wear business professional clothes for work even though I'm an English teacher (and could wear whatever I wanted that weren't open-toed shoes or jeans), and used to wear a necktie before I gave up with the dry-cleaning bills. So I dress for me and no one else.
"[Do you] talk with the ladies when you get the chance, to ask them out, or make any outward effort?" Yes, only because I hate regret and "what ifs" more than rejection and being told I'm 'sexually harassing' a woman for talking to her. It usually ends in mean rejections, nasty comments, or being flat-out ignored by women 50% of the time. So why bother?
"Do you still want a relationship with a woman?" Of course I'd still love to be with a kind, caring, good woman. But I'm not getting taller anytime soon, I refuse to lower myself into dating gold diggers, cheaters, or abusive women, I'm no one's simp or personal ATM, and single mothers are not an option, as I don't want to be someone's surrogate father. If I meet a woman, then I'd want her to love me for me, and not use me as a cheap commodity. So with THAT said, women are very, very, VERY unlikely to be in my future. Even *If* I could grow a few more inches, I still only want to be with someone who'd mutually love me and respect me. And well... People like me don't get that.
"Are you a man women would look for as a partner?" Probably only very specific women, but then I'm just as picky about them.
"Are you actively out there asking ladies out" No. Thats absurd, those are strangers.
"or are you just passively “looking” for love?" No. I'm looking online with a fine tooth comb to find a needle in a heystack, but haven't found one I like in my country thats not some kind of internet celeb yet.
"Do you put forth the effort to look nice when you go out," No. But I honestly don't have to do anything to look nice.
"to talk with the ladies when you get the chance," No. Not romantically, as friends? Sure, lots of times, hasn't lead anywhere I wanted yet.
"to ask them out," No.
"or make any outward effort?" No. Not yet anyway aside from searching.
I wanna understand from both sides of this question if one sides to blame or if there’s a disconnect. Ok, well to start, I like women who initiate, and I only accept advances if she's been a close friend for 3 years who shares my interests and hobbies.
For the most part yes, considering I am set in my ways from all the hell I experienced in relationships before , That I am just focusing on myself and my kids , I still put myself out there but not as much , cuz I don’t feel that I am fully ready to give myself a 100 percent , so it pretty much has to come down to a girl that can sweep me off my feet go me to even consider trying a relationship again , To me times have changed and people have become more selfish and don’t really know what the true meaning of a relationship is , people tend to treat each other more like conveniences over actually loving someone. When shit hits the fan they run to the next person instead of trying to fix it , Or I meet girls that lie about already being married or in a relationship, Cheating all of a sudden as become the new norm it seems. So to find someone these days that know what it means to be in a relationship is hard to come by , I feel social media played a big part as to why relationships fail these days
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yes and no.
My life purpose is not to be enslaved by some women in a marriage.
My life purpose is to live happy life, if any women will decide to live that life together, great, but it is secondary.
These days we live in fast life society and a lot of women think, that they will be able to get any man fast and think that all of them 'deserve', top 1% and only think they need to do is wait, be pretty and open her legs. In the end they hit the wall at ~35 and end up crazy cat lady.
And yes it is my fault, that I'm single! Whose else? She will not knock on my door and ask do I need a wife... I need to get my self in a situation where I can meet a women, of needed quality to me, not just sit and cry how world is unfair, actually do something about it.
In case you that desperate go to poor country and you will get one instantly, but will she be good quality women and when you will bring her to western world, she might decide to get someone better then you.
I am single myself and have never had a proper relationship. It doesn't bother me because I have a comfortable life.
My social life has been getting better this year (it was starting to improve in 2019, but Covid interrupted that process) and I am confident that dating opportunities will come from that, even if it takes a few years.
I have Asperger's Syndrome, which does not mean that my social skills are poor, just that it took longer to learn them while growing up. I didn't even ask a girl out until I was 22, but by that time I had left education and had far less opportunities to meet people my own age.
I think as well that there has been a broad decline in face-to-face social interaction in the last 50 years. This has not just made dating harder for everyone, but also made socialization harder too. Young men only complain about being single when their social life is unsatisfactory to them in other ways.
I'm single because it is my choice... not a "fault"
I came out of a relationship in late 2019, and it was my choice (as usual) to take some months to myself... and then the pandemia happened, so it was my choice to just remain single... then the pandemia went hardcore which really hurt my business, and once more I decided to focus on my business and finances because it takes a lot of dedication, it was my choice not to just wait till a better moment...
and almost two years later, it's still my choice when I say that I'm not really in a rush... I'm just still single and it does not bother me one bit
I have never rushed these things in the past, and I am sure that sooner or later, something will happen along the way... as it always has been
Kewl answer but as argument… if you choose the babe Ruth over a Butterfinger is your “fault” you can’t eat a Butterfinger. Don’t argue semantics on my question.
if you choose the concept of fault... and then you choose to put the blame on someone else or yourself, or a set of circumstances... and by result of that, you also choose to feel miserable
that's all of what the concept of "fault" carries... so, like I said... I don't have none of that
my choice is happiness always, whether I'm single or paired... makes no difference to that
The younger generations go *bad* advice when it comes to romance. The message was be free, be safe and be yourself, it turns out that sucks and it fucked people up, men and women.
The culture was telling us to find love by just “being ourselves” and finding someone who “likes us for us”. Sounds nice on the surface but it seems like actually it fucks people up.
You have to do the work to be a REAL MAN sonny. If you don't the ladies won't want you. I guarantee it.
You need three things to get the women: looks money confidence. Irrational confidence. You can get by with any two of these, but having all three is key. So hit the gym, HARD, and make a shit-ton of dough. You'll gain the confidence you need through the effort. DO IT FOR YOU. And you'll have all the pussy you can stand, I guarantee it. The hotties will literally THROW themselves at you. It's just the way it works - it's biology.
Sure it does. EVERYTHING in YOUR life is YOUR fault. PERIOD. YOU get to decide where you'll be, what you get, what you'll accomplish, what you'll gain, who you'll be with. If you can't get women that's on YOU. Cuz they want REAL men.
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