Ladies: Is it your fault your single?

[VanillaSalt]

Are you single because you overlook men you think are not worth your time? Are you having a hard time finding a man of genuine quality or could your standards be too high? Are you actively looking or just going through life expecting to be picked? And finally are you appearing as available as you think?

I wanna understand from both sides of this question if one sides to blame or if there’s a disconnect. If your voluntarily single then you needn’t give an opinion. This question is for the ladies searching but have yet to find Prince Charming.

Updates

+1 y

Jesus Christ women. Stop arguing semantics and answer the question. So many of you just wanna tell me “bring singles not a fault”. I don’t care answer the question and move on if you can’t be respectful enough to do that don’t fucking answer.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Yes sir, it is. And I have no shame in admitting that-
I used to believe anyone could get in a relationship. That dating was "easy," fun, and a guy would just approach me if he was interested in me.

... that was younger, naive, idealistic me. I've definitely grown up and matured since then.

Let me cut to the chase, as I need to hit the gym before I head off to work.

I live in a small town where the majority of men my age are already taken and married. The rest flat out refuse to date me. Is that fixable? I'm sure if I moved, but I refuse to do so at this point in my life.
I've tried dating apps in the past and had terrible experiences- was that my fault? Maybe. Perhaps I'm just unattractive or guys saw my profile and said "F that, she's not my type." Or maybe I'm just unlucky; who knows?
My point is, said bad experiences caused me to stop using dating apps- which yes, not looking or trying to pursue a relationship probably doesn't help with my lack of luck. Trust me, I've learned a guy isn't just going to appear in front at my front door and ask me out, haha

And most importantly, I'm happier single! Basically I gave up on dating. Yes, my self esteem and sanity improved, but at what cause? I'm single. So it's a double edged sword; it's good and bad.

[VanillaSalt]

Appreciate the response. I’ve heard your story a few times now and understand yours is a particularly difficult situation. I’ve also seen that attitude you like to throw around too lmao. For someone that’s “happier single” you comment a lot on posts like this. I think you’d be happier in a good happy relationship but your current situation is better then your experience with dating up till now. I feel what your saying it sucks yo feel your so much better then how others see you and when they don’t value that well… they say fuck me well fuck them.

Your still insane lol. But thanks for the response. It’s nice to understand that others suffer from the same issues and have the same feelings as others.

[TwinkleLily5]

I chose to be single but I also see now how some of the choices I made kept me single as well. I always picked my career and working over my dates (unintentionally). My standards were super high/still are but more realistic nowadays. I don’t tolerate bs or disrespect 1 wrong move your out (now I know communication is key). Just wanted to have fun and not be stuck in a relationship-& I’m sure my actions spoke volume.

[VanillaSalt]

I worry about people that have high standards that are unreachable. Let’s be honest a “1” can’t expect to find a “10” and the focus not only effects the “1” that choose this fate but also effects the “1,2,3s” they might have been able to have where both could've made each other happy. That being said having other focuses is great for everyone. In my single life I’ve found the answer to my loneliness in my brother and his family and my niece especially. Also I’m glad you understood what I meant by “fault”. Thanks for the reply. Very informative.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I am going to provide you a very unique perspective here. You know I am married, but I am also poly. I struggle to find another partner and that is entirely on me. One, I seem to be drawn to finding guys to fit a very specific need, but I don't want sex with them so it ends up falling apart there. Two, even if I did find a partner I have very specific thoughts about how it should work within my marriage. I don't want someone who just wants me. I want it to be the three of us which means my wife being interested in them too which has been hit and miss. Three, I intentionally have been picking partners too far away to actually be able to do anything with.

So in the end, yeah those are all on me. It hasn't been hard to find someone willing to do it, it's been hard for me to get out of my own way to let it happen.

[VanillaSalt]

Hum. Interesting. Though yours is a specifically unique issue. You have to find someone that you AND your wife like and that like both of you back… that’s difficult enough but then you also expect a very specific arrangement from the relationship. Super hard. But the. To take sex out well I’m pretty sure you just made it completely impossible. Very few men AND women would give up sex all together making that impossible then yo expect them to meet any of the other expectations… you know how I feel about women expecting more then they can achieve lol.

Your case is also unique in the fact you already have your wife. It’s terribly sad that an individual could be a good person man or woman and still end up going through life alone and unloved. In your case you already have your wife so that part overall wouldn’t effect you since you have that person.

Appreciate the response.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Anytime my friend!

[Summer03]

It’s not my fault for my preference and ideal boyfriend which is too impossible to be realised. Single is my choice and my own freedom for a while. Maybe never! Who knows? I’d rather spend my time to make my life better and independent than rely on a man who couldn’t keep their words to true.

[VanillaSalt]

An interesting thought. One that many younger women fell yet you see many women in their older years wishing they handled themselves differently in regards to this.

I’m curious. Let’s say you reach 60 without a partner and without your own family. How will you fill your free time giving your life value and meaning? Do you think it’s value would be greater with a family or alone?

[Kayla45]

Before I got married I deliberately decided not to be with anyone at the time, mainly because I wasn't quite financially stable as I am now.

In terms of being broke in a relationship, I didn't feel like I would be as worthwhile to potential boyfriends, so instead of putting the burden of the financial situation on them I decided to go solo until my situation improved and I got hired at a better paying job that pays almost twice as much as I was making prior.

[VanillaSalt]

Thank you Kayla for being one of the few that seem to have read the question and comprehend what I’m looking to understand.

[Kayla45]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

I don’t go out often. I tried online dating but I only met liars/immature men. I’m also pretty shy and it’s not helping. I live In a small town where people my age are either in a relationship or not to my taste. I know I should move in a bigger city but I prefer my rural town. So I guess I’m at fault here.

[VanillaSalt]

You are definitely to blame. But I don’t think that’s necessarily bad. If you have a simple inconsequential choice to make like babe Ruth or Butterfinger and your choice the Ruth (duck you) your to blame for not getting to enjoy a Butterfinger. But that don’t mean it’s necessarily a bad choice either.

Thank you very much for the honest answer, this is exactly what I’m looking to understand.

[Ninani]

Well, yes. I chose to leave my ex. I don't want a relationship atm and wouldn't initiate one with just any man.

[VanillaSalt]

Kick ass. Thanks for the response.

[tatianamay]

Well, im 16, dont want a boyfriend until at least im 21. Guys are a huge distraction. Im in my senior year, so can't really date anyone now as tge year is going to end soon. Amd college can be quite stressful, so not until i graduate.

[tatianamay]

Also being single is not a fault

[VanillaSalt]

Thanks for your answer. Also Ide appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell me how to word MY question. The guys didn’t make s a big deal about the wording they answered. I expect the same courtesy from women but all if you seem to wanna argue semantics rather than answer but in your case thank you again for the insight.

[Anonymous]

99% of the problems you have will always be your fault. If people only would accept that. It is the truth.

[VanillaSalt]

Your correct and even the decision to do the right thing over the wrong thing comes with fault.

But Ide prefer if you answered the question with a more self-identifying answer.

[Sualina]

Some women just want to remain without a boyfriend, and that's fine. Respect that lol

[VanillaSalt]

It seems your admonishing me for my question. The guys arnt when I asked them the exact same question.

And I respect anyone’s decision to make a choice as long as their willing to accept the consequences as well.

[Sualina]

Thats cool, I wasn't. I was just saying in advance :) thanks for the like XD

[KatieSims22]

I had more bad expecice with some relationship. women that i was friends with while at college try to tempoment my some of my boyfriend do cheat and yep they got way with it. one women tried to force a friendship evne i didn't want to have friendship with her since she ruin the trust to begin.

[Anonymous]

Yes. And it's entirely because I'm too socially anxious and self conscious to meet people. It's been dealing with this issue my entire life basically. And now at 22 I'm just as stuck as I've ever been. I'm losing hope that I'll be able to change and open up to the world. I was starting to come out of my shell a bit before covid hit and now I'm back to square 1.