Been encountering this girl and have a thing for her but not sure whats going on here?

[Anonymous]

we both live in the same area , small city you could say. i had meet her once at a bar downtown a couple years ago but hadn't really seen much of her since.

but lately during the last 2 months i've encountered her several times in 3 different locations. and each i found her to act slightly different.

the first spot was a small pub downtown , i had been there one night and she showed up with a girlfriend but we didn't really talk , i'd notice her there cause she's pretty good looking and that was the spot i had meet her years earlier

also been seeing her at the chain restaurant where she works , she had been working the bar both times i went so i was able to talk to her both times and felt that things went well. although i'm not always sure what to talk about so we didn't get into anything deeply personal

i also saw her at the gym , had just renewed my membership after a long absence and wasn't even aware she was a member there but i just saw her from a distance using one of the machines and wasn't able to talk to her.

she'd make an interesting option to date , i'd certainly be curious to see where things go if she was interested , pretty certain she's single

[btbc92]

You are obsessed with her. That is what is going on. You are too obsessed that your making things up that isn't there. It is clear that your infatuation with her looks and driving you to that obsession and you're not realizing how far you're taking it. Whatever the case may be, you are obsessed. And obsession is never a good thing. You both live in the same town, in a small city. Not much coincidence there. Even if she was single, that isn't your business if she is or isn't. All you can do is like everybody else does, talk, and ask. While I wouldn't agree with how you're going about this and your intent why, that is, however, between you and her. But just remember, at the end of the day, it is your obsession that is what is going on here, and you two just happen to be in those places.

[Asker]

she's definitely good looking , likely why i first noticed her years ago. i didn't see much of her during the summer if at all , i didn't even go to the restaurant she worked at this summer , only been there a few times more recently. i did know she worked there as i had seen her there once before last year , truthfully i did hope to see her there , got lucky that she was working the bar and actually able to talk to her there

[btbc92]

And what is your intent with this? Dating? Dating somebody who you barely even know and again, is highly obsessed. If you wanted to get to know her years ago, why didn't you talk to her then and ask her on a date, if she was open to that? What you do not understand what your doing is starting to become stalkerish and some women especially today would not be receptive about that. Just understand that again, it is an obsession. You need more logical and rational reasons than what you're indicating here. Because if you were serious, you would have done something. You had more than enough chances. However, unless you can handle rejection, I would suggest you reevaluate what is the purpose of this. If you are not looking to talk about personal things and are willing to talk to her, what are you really there in her personal space for? You need to really think about it before you potentially cause her problems.

[Asker]

i've only seen her 4 times since Sep if my math is right , 1 pub , 2 restaurant and 1 gym. was also at that restaurant 1 or 2 times when she wasn't there. but not an intense amount of in person contact in my view.

recall i talked to her once at the patio of that bar , if was sort of random one summer night during 2019 , as i talked to a lot of different people that summer didn't see it as a big deal

i agree that its not clear what my purpose is , its possible she does think that i like her or possibly not as i've never really made a move

[btbc92]

Asker, again. Your not being truthful on your intent here. You already said she would make an interesting option to date. It is clear that your goal is getting and snagging her up because she is attractive. And you testing the waters to see if she has the same sexual and physical interest. You keep going back because you want to know what your chances are and whether or not SHE wants to make a move. She is being neutral, so now you don't know what you're doing. And I am telling you, your that obsessed with her, and whatever is drawing you towards her, it may not be good. It is clear she is guarded and isn't trying to be uncivil. That is a normal behave for guarded people like myself. And even if she is single, it is very clear that either she had poor experiences with men, especially when your behavior sadly is scary enough because most of us don't want guys looking at us. Especially not in that way. While at the same time, if she is not as inexperienced dating as I, she most likely just got out of a bad relationship with other men, or her dating prospects have either been the same and or you remind her what she keeps experiencing. Again, until you be honest with yourself and what you're looking for, you wasting hers and your time. If she is not reaching out wanting to get to know you, it's more and likely, she not interested in your subtle advances. But until you go and ask her out for a date, NOT asking for a number, I believe both of you understand where you both stand on this. It is not like you don't know where she's at. It is you not doing anything because again you don't be rejected by sorry again, an attractive girl. Why? More and likely ego and your pride. And until you deal and handle those things, you're not helping anyone or yourself with this. And that person may end up hurt. Bad enough neither of you is even friends. But again, she probably knew years back you were attracted to her and said nothing.

[Asker]

i don't think there is anything wrong with testing the waters with this girl , how else would i know if it was worth putting more effort into. i didn't even know she was a member at that gym , she's never mentioned it before and i literally just renewed my membership this month.

the restaurant she works at is fairly busy and a lot of people would pass through each day , doubt she'd make much out of my 2 random visits other than the fact i talked to her specifically

its possible she thinks that i'm trying to get to know her specifically cause she's really attractive and i've noticed her around here before , either way rather harmless to get to know her a bit at a restaurant setting when she is sober

[btbc92]

"i don't think there is anything wrong with testing the waters with this girl , how else would i know if it was worth putting more effort into." Would you like it if others treated you this way as if your not a human being or a person? There are others like myself and probably this girl who rather not be the victim of your experimentation or looking for an experience. And does those relationships seriously. There are girls like myself who want desire real relationships with bonds with people we only trust. I think I made it very clear that there are people like myself who don't LIKE what you're doing. We don't care if you find out physically attractive and want to test whatever you think it is. What we care about is what are YOU really looking for. We aren't trusting of everyone, especially when you lack awareness. Not everybody wants what you want. And if they do, NOT in ways your doing. If you don't already know what the heck you want, again, you wasting your time and ours. We don't have time for games. Either you want to get to know us or you don't. You don't need to date us to get to know us. Be serious and start communicating. What effort, firstly are you putting in to and for WHAT? relationships, dating, is NOT what you think it is. That is what others do, but that doesn't mean you have love or something real or if people actually care about you or not using you. You have to BUILD relationships, and it takes work if you actually want that. If you are not certain, then you shouldn't do what you're doing. That is why I prefer being friends and actually getting to know people where they are so I can determine what I want and do not want. We're not stupid, WE KNOW what you want. We just hope it isn't true that your main idea is sexual and nothing actually realistic or serious.

[btbc92]

There are plenty of attractive people everywhere. What about HER that makes you desire to get to know HER? You don't know her, never bothered asking, had 4 shots in doing so, keeps going to the place, and yet you do NOTHING. So what are your ending results? Nothing. Can't blame us for something you desperately want and say nothing about. We're observing and looking at YOU, making judgments and calculating decisions based on every encounter we have. So far, what are you showing to this person? Not to further your insecurities or whatever you got going on. But as a man, you need to step it up. This is what you want or say you want. You an adult, not a child or teen. Your even way older than me. The things I am telling you, you should be teaching me. It is a choice. What are you going to do and how long can you keep this up. Like I said you didn't even reach a stage of friendship, yet you never offered that either.

[btbc92]

" i didn't even know she was a member at that gym , she's never mentioned it before and i literally just renewed my membership this month." That is no excuse. That is none of your business. You just making excuses for what you do not want to deal with, REJECTION. Again, it is ego with you, thinking she is a prize and your so blinded by that you're not recognizing that she is not like your membership card. She is a human being. Heck, you renewing your membership has more value to you than how you treat her. This confuses women. Because you say we're beautiful, you like us, desire us, etc. But what good does it does for us? Where is the LOVE? Where is the LOVE, man? Where is the LOVE? And if you say you can't or don't know if you love her yet. Then buddy, no offense, e you need to wake up and stop going to a bar and start smelling the coffee of whatever wakes you up and get you back to planet earth. You are at the gym for yourself. Not for her. Now you are motivated to go because she is there. I bet you if she stopped, your going to stop. You now go to a bar you KNOW she is there, or going there, and you are motivated to go. If she God forbid left this earth, no doubt you feel like your going not breathe even though you're fairly capable. In the matters of LOVE and romance, relationships life, in general, is not a GAME. People get hurt, people feel used and abused. And she may have her fair share of experimenting and dating different men only to be burnt in the past because she has been there before. Perhaps even with your type with the puppy eyes. Again, in no way to disrespect, judge, or condescend you. But speaking the reality for women. I especially have dealt with guys with your character, be it innocently or not.

[btbc92]

For me, I cannot allow that for myself. I am the type that needs a real bond emotionally. SHE may need a bond similar. And if that is true, you obsessing over her physical is tell her all she is to your eyes is just another pretty face you can't help but want to claim and take for yourself. JUST BECAUSE she is attractive. But what about if she wasn't? A woman's value is based on how you men make us. Understand not all we enjoy male attention even if you were attractive to us. Other women may lavish in it. But she is a mystery to you that makes you think she is different. And because she is different you know you have to have her because again, she piques your interest. If it was innocent, I wouldn't be feeling the need to tell you all of that. But again, the reality is, if sex is not your concern, respect this woman or find somebody else who gives you the sexual attention you desire.

[btbc92]

Harmless according to you. A threat to us because again, we are more than that. And you want to know why are more interested in other men than you in general. Every woman is different. if we didn't think it wasn't harmless we would be more open and wanted to get to know you more. That is not the case because again, either you're scaring her off or she is just not interested in your type. I especially am not attracted to guys who are only looking at me because I am attractive. That means he just likes me for my body. If I wanted to get to know a person, be a guy or not, that is my choice. And his physical is not a determining factor. Unless I am friends with him for a long time and get to know who he is, his character, actions, beliefs, etc, as if I date to court and marry and isn't having sex before marriage either, his looks is not my concern unless I consider him somebody I may want to be serious with, and that is also ONLY if we're already compatible, and it's mutual. Otherwise, I am not playing with a man's heart or using him for the body. I care about his heart. And if she's guarded like me, we are more than just your looks. Who are YOU as a MAN? You want to date her, tell her. And stop playing games. Tell her the truth, and let HER be the one to decide what she wants and how she thinks of you. I cannot tell you who she is and what she wants. But I can tell based on your character and what your telling me about, I'm telling you NOW. She's been there, she's done that, and she is not going back. Until you prove yourself to her, you are just in line like maybe any other guy possible trying to get into her pants. What your saying is excuses, and that becomes a turn-off.

[btbc92]

A woman needs a man she can depend on. If you can't even tell her what you want, it says a lot. And it makes us frustrated and if there is ever a possibility of liking you", that attraction like in The Sims start going from positive to negative, or green to red very quickly if you are in the middle. You need o make an effort for YOURSELF. This is for adults. And if at your age not ready to handle it like an adult, don't "play" an adult "game". Bad enough too many are playing games. She never turned you away. But you twiddling your thumbs doesn't solve your problems that could be easily fixed. Either she is interested unless she tells you she isn't ready or she isn't. Whatever her answer is, handle it like an adult and like a man. As you are a male. Now grow to become a man. And if she does tell you about possible interest, RESPECT her rules, or just call it quits.

[In_Trance]

I don't think you have the thing for her at all. If you did you would have cut the crap and made the move a long time ago