Do you follow the “rules” when it comes to dating?
Meaning; Date 1 is getting to know them and seeing if there’s chemistry and mutual attraction. Date 2, you get a sense for how comfortable the two of you are together while still getting to know them. Date 3, you decide if you’re a good fit long-term. By the third, you’ll know if you want to be in this potential relationship.
Today, many people go at their own pace, Whether it be kissing on the first date, hooking up on the second, or calling it exclusive on the first date. Whereas, some people try to stick with “traditional rules of dating.” Where do you stand? If you don’t follow these rules, what do you do on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd dates?
Not usually... less and less as i get older thats for sure. Most of those things become less and less of a thing the older you get. BUT one thing I still pretty stick to is if i find a guy i REALLY like a lot and would love to be in a committed relationship with, ya just can't have sex with him right away. I dont know why or what it is but that is the fastest way to lost a guys serious interest. He will call you back yes but only at random times when he's lookin for a hook up and he won't ever really look at u as the girlfriend type and it sucks when that happens. SOME men however dont really do this, if a guy likes u enough from the start then u can have sex with him and it won't alter how he feels. But he has to be REALLY into you for this to happen. If its a guy who thinks ur hot and seems cool to kick it, but thats the extent of it, if u sleep with him right away then it just usually ruins ur chance of him ever taking u seriously. So if i find a guy i like a whole lot i will hold out even tho i dont want to, JUST to avoid this from happening. And any time i hold out, it seems to make him more serious about the WAY he wants you.. if that makes sense.
I guess I'm pretty traditional, but I also tend to be a bit slower on those numbers, I don't see it as a rush to find out if we are a match, just having some fun and enjoying each others company is fine. As such I don't usually make it to the tough talks until date #6 or so.
Keep in mind that could be just one week of dating, if I am going out with them every night.
I find that time also helps, the new love sensation makes me kind of overwhelmed with emotion, as that fades a little into more long term then I can think about things better.
I also only call it dating unless its official and there is nothing wrong with going out 7 nights a week with 7 different guys. I don't usually think of it as a waste of time, so long as we/I'm having fun. At some point I'll have the talk and if we aren't moving along, ask to just stay friends and we can hang out sometime if we want after that.
I've been in two relationships and okay I know both women before dating was on the cards
The first relationship was basically just a realisation of rule 3 and lt lasted 8 wonderful months until she had to move abroad
The second skipped the rules because it went from her flirting and me doing nothing to; due to actions that are part of another story, we were in a frankly pretty hedonistic relationship for 4 months
I pictured building my life around my 1st relationship but nothing of the same with the second maybe it was too soon to think like that or maybe I knew deep down it was what it was when it ended for her to go to university
It's by and large meaningless in my opinion. You can know 80% of what you need to know on the first date and that's aside from chemistry. Doesn't even have to be awkward
When I have a date I get into real shit. If you only go out with girls you're attracted to and you're a genuine person you can quickly see chemistry in the first few minutes-hour.
Talk about real shit. Childhood experiences, your true deeply held values, non physical traits that you respect in a girl, things you care about, and take genuine curiosity in her.
You can pretty much go from A to Z and it'll feel like "this is crazy"
I don't have an agenda or a formula. By the end of the third date, I usually know if this is someone who I want to have a a long term partner, but that doesn't mean sex on the third date.
No, if we get to date 1 if you make a massive ass of yourself I walk away. (racism, pushing me to be physical, bad etiquette, rude jokes or topics, bragging about wealth)
If we get to date 2 im still only greeting you with a hug.
Date 3 well that's depending upon how much we've been talking in between and how well the dates went. Sometimes dates are days apart sometimes they're weeks or months apart. Someone I'm seeing often although I feel like it's a whirlwind I'm still not sexing on date 3. And the same if not more keenly so when we've had massive gaps between dates.
I'm a flirtatious person but I was always taught women indicate whether they're ready for the progression physically. A guy can ask but not take rejection as a final and cut off moment. Time is always necessary. Time..
in my opinion, I think everyone should just go with what feels right. For example, I waited four dates before I kissed my boyfriend, and we made it official on the fifth. On the other hand, my friend got together with her man after the first date and they're in a pretty strong relationship. So, I think it just depends from person to person and what everyone is comfortable with. The most important thing is not to force anything because it will only backfire. If you don't feel like kissing on the first date, don't do it. If you do wanna kiss on the first date and your date does to, then go for it.
Pretty much. By the third date I would either decide on a LTR or to end it and move on. I like to get to know her before dating though. And there won't be any sex for months. I need a strong emotional attachment before I can do that, so maybe 3 to 6 months.
Really back when I was single I didn’t do first dates I was just hooking up and I didn’t chase you the way I seen was I was grown and knew what I wanted and if you didn’t no big deal I would of just moved on I can only think of two times everything lined up right but she wasn’t down the one I would talk to her whenever I’d run into her and she would just tell me I was cute but too young when I seen her again when I was 18 it was on and she was worth the wait and the second one took me three days to get with her as a matter of fact I was about to bounce out when she gave in that was almost thirty years ago we’re still married kinda
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I won't kiss someone unless I really like them. Meaning I've never kissed someone while dating.
Sex depends on if I decide they will just be a hookup. And that hardly ever happens. They'd have to be super hot for that.
Most people don't try to get to know each other before trying to swap spit and that really pisses me off.
Which is why I always pay for my own dates and have my own transportation.
I think people that go too fast into a relationship after only a few dates are complete and utter morons. And will say so to your face.
I most likely knew them at least a month before the first date. By the first date, i’m only nervous for the first hour or two. Ater that, we’re goofing around ad making out by the end of it. Then one of us will proceed to ask if we want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. Then there's pretty much no more actual 2nd/3rd date labels. We’re just in a relationship and if we go out on a date, we go ona date. But usually its just considered hanging out while in a relationship 🤷♀️
If your following rules it’s not the one. The rules of love tend to just occur with very little guidance from your brain. Your chemicals rule you in affairs of the heart. You should trust you second mind which does indeed dwell in your gut. Gut feelings are true. Science has proven we have gut feelings we should follow.
Hell no I follow the fucking smoke some speed and suck my dick so I can fuck you rule! Fuck that first date second date third date bullshit... I've entered into many amazing relationships that started out with fucking the first fucking 12 hours of meeting that person 💯
I thought most people today think of dating as 1st, 2nd, and third - sex, sex, sex. And when they say goodnight it's like, "Er, what was your name again?"
It all depends on how long I’ve known them before we start dating. If it’s a new person, I will get to know them. If I already knew them, there is no point in wasting any more time. In such cases, I’m usually pretty sure and probably want to know what they are like in bed.
My husband and I were friends for 4 years before we went on a date so... it's a different perspective.
On our first date we basically said that if we were going to date we were going to do so with the intent to find a spouse and that we'd either wind up married or we weren't going to be friends lmao
For me I am always trying to see if she is a match for me.
Other rules I will follow are... I will initiate a kiss on the cheek at the very least on the first date. If she initiates more than I will do it. Within the first month or so, I won't sleep with her if we have been at a bar and she has had a few drinks. If we know that we are "exclusive" or serious about each other then I would consider breaking the rule.
I get to know them first. I'm not going on dates with a random. That's typically a huge waste of time since one wrong thing can break that early on and o just wasted money on a dat and that got triggered or was out for a foodie call or led a life I don't approve of. And despite being this idea that people don't need no one's approval, I would say they are only going to find people with that same mentality.
Yes, absolutely. When guys come up asking for my number and they're absolute strangers, I probably won't accept. It'll only happen with people I know, at least faintly, before I bother getting to know people better and following through with the rest of the steps.
nope I follow my own rules which is to go for things when it feels right. I don't go on a date with someone I don't know, and I have to know the guy some, and have some interest in him to even agree to give him a chance on that level, so the dates would just be a way for me to confirm whether the interest could grow into something deeper or not.
No, I follow the girls pace. If Iike the girl and feel romantically attracted to her then I wouldn't mind going further. It's just that some girls go faster and other's slower, however it is nerve-racking if they don't give that many positve signs but that's a part of it!
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
No rules. I get the idea about rules and why following them might be a good thing, but in the end I always go with how I feel in the moment. Hell, I thought I was shy and reserved until I had a 1st date with my boyfriend; we kissed 10 minutes within the date and spent 10 hours together, ending up in his place heavily making out. The reason we didn't have sex is because I was on my period, and to be honest it was kind of a sweet torture waiting for it.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
It's not really this black and white. In general, I think your definition of date 1 sounds about right. Date 2 is still usually not super comfortable - they're still basically a stranger. Date 3 can be a point where you decide this has potential, but that can really happen on date. I don't think life is this defined. We go out into the world, we meet people, we either click or we don't, and we see how things play out.
I suppose it makes sense, but somehow I still think even if by date #3 you can figure out whether you will consider this person as a potential partner, it'd still take a few weeks to a few months to really understand who this person is and how you stand with them.
I think one date is really enough 99% of the time if you are actually good at being honest and objective.
You should have a list of must haves. You ask about these on the first date. If they don't match your criteria its over. If they do then if you had fun go out again.
I did not knew about this till now. It seems to be a good formula. We have lots of data on what makes relationship fails. We should have appendix a or generic check list. And again bow matter how good you design nothing is stupid proof. And every thing doesn't apply to every body either. So we can have some what one size fits all check list or race specific or gender specific check list and such.
never followed those rules, never even heard of them to be honest. my rule was always a connection either physical or mental or both preferably was needed to either date or hookup.
I don’t think anyone actually does that. If there isn’t any chemistry or making out minimum from date 1 people ghost. They have what feels like limitless options with online dating.
No I don't date either but I always needed just one right conversation to know if I'm really interested in getting to know them closer and like I only had 4 second dates ever
No. I always play things by ear. Sometimes we'd hook up after the first date, sometimes things would go very differently. Each woman is deserving of bespoke treatment.
I don’t follow a rule book. The flow of the dating stage will be determined by the way the guy treats me. The guys that I was getting to know never made it to a 1st date so there’s that.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I don't have experience but I would guess you just take it one date at a time and never do more then both parties are comfortable with. So I could never kiss on the first date but if she wanted to j would hope sometime like a kiss on the cheek would be a fair compromise if that makes sense.
I follow my heart and my passions. If that means waiting till the tenth date to kiss or having crazy sex the day we meet then so be it. Rules can’t stand in the way of love
Is they where rule as it relates to dating, I don’t know or remember them because today minds don’t encourage what ever rules they need to be in dating, I guess there are now new dating rules that many people love
Most of the people I've dated I've been friends with for at least 6 months, someone's up to 10 years, before dating was ever considered, and I'm still friends with most of them as well even after dating didn't work out
Yes, i did it that way before I knew they were rules of dating. Sadly most want to get into relationships via hookups then if the sex is good, see where it goes
I skip date 1, because we're already friends and if she agreed to date me there is mutual attraction. If I dated outside my friend group, that is probably the case
To be honest, the only dating rule I follow is only to date a woman who has shared hobbies, compatible lifestyle, shared political views, & a woman who values work-life balance.
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