He broke up with me bc of my body count?

[Anonymous]

A guy I recently started dating broke up with me after he asked about my body count during the middle of sex and I was honest and told him 9. When we first started dating 2 weeks ago he had asked me during sex and I wasn’t comfortable and I was afraid he’d judge me and I had told him 2.

Now he says that he can’t trust me and hates the fact those men have treated me like a c** bucket. He also is worried that I would cheat on him since were long distance. I have never given him any reason to think I’d cheat on him and I’ve never cheated on anyone before in my life.

He’s asked me to message my hookups to tell them we can’t talk and that I’m seeing someone. I’m fine with this even though some of them were friends and I’m sad to lose them from my life completely.

I don’t know… I guess I’m just depressed I’ve hurt him but also am questioning the relationship…

[HighValue]

Both people are in the wrong here.
1. You are in the wrong for lying and not telling him before.
2. He is wrong for calling you what he did.

That kind of stuff should have been discussed BEFORE having sex with each other.

You you want someone to take you seriously though, you shouldn't be friends with any ex, relationship or hook up ex.

Also, if you have done hook ups/ONS/friends with benefits before, you should tell your partner that when you first start dating before it goes too far. Many people that never do hook ups/casual sex would not want a partner that has done that. People's past will always matter.

Did you ask him if he ever did hook ups/casual sex with anyone before? Because if he has then he would be hypocritical if he expects a partner with a different past than his own.

[RearEntryGuy]

Oh no, he doesn't break up because you have 9 (because he has 14).

Rather he broke up because:

1) he's an insecure man

2) he's trying to make you feel guilty inorder to control you (standard cult operandi).

3) you lied the first time (indeed his fault to ask, worse during sex).

But, I agree with almost every answers:

You dodged a bullet. Be grateful. And if he tries to contact you, then you can be sure we're all correct. Block him.

Future, please don't hurry to tell. Statements like "it's my past private life and I like to keep it private. Don't ask, Don tell." Whoever insist is not worthy of you. Move on.

[Asker]

Thank you 🥺❤️ this is very helpful

[RearEntryGuy]

Welcome.

A word of caution: do not let anyone make you feel guilty over your past. Such ones are dangerous.

Reason: we can't change our past.

Hence whoever guilt us using that is up to no good, including religious leaders. So do not fear them.

[Shamalien]

Don’t allow this appeaser to warp your view. He’s just another sad male groveller trying to appeal to women by selling his own kind down the river. If a man asks you about your body count and you lie, that is a red flag and he has every right to leave. A high body count is a turn off to men looking for a long term partner, this is just straight up fact. If a woman refused to tell me hers after some time in a relationship I would leave because if she’s that hesitant about it it’s probably fucked

[RearEntryGuy]

@Shamalien I think guys, especially those with high body counts, should start to learn to accept girls who are non virgins.

It's 2021 coming 2022, not 1922.

Society has changed and women are no longer illiterate and foolish baby factories.

Many are CEO and more are Engineers and Doctors and Auditors.

Us men should recognize this and accept the truth of modern society. Otherwise we really look like freaks and assholes.

[Engineer207]

Don't believe this BS, most guys don't believe this BS. This is what we call a beta male simp. Your body count matters and you made the mistake of lying. Personally I would never date a girl over 4 no matter how much I lover her (and 4 is pushing it). But if you listen to people like this your future will either be a spinster with 50 cats or a wife of a beta male living in his moms basement. Guys like this are sad, pathetic, and the minority.

[Jessica405]

The issue is that different guys have different limits. It is something they have already thought about and made up their minds. Some guys have no limit, while some thing 4 or 5 too many.

You do seem to be a little bit ashamed of a count of 9, as you weren't honest from the start. Perhaps it has gone one higher now, to 10. Always be truthful, no matter how bad. No one can then accuse you of being untruthful.

I hope it works out for you.

[cookiecrusher]

Exactly, it's their every right to want an honest partner and one who is not "used" by multiple men.

[Asker]

I am not an object and have not been “used” by anyone. The misogyny I swear to god

[SecretsofKB]

Hold up... slam on those brakes...

You need to run from this guy...

He is incredibly insecure and that is going to be horrible for you in the future. He's already manipulating you emotionally.

You need to get out now while you can. For your own sake. And block him on everything immediately.

I'm about to beg you!!

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[888theGreat]

I think he is right

[KrakenAttackin]

@888theGreat Yup, in her early 20's and has already been ran through like a yellow light.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SecretsofKB. No man wants to invest in a woman who has had the sweat and semen of a hundred other men ground into her.

[SecretsofKB]

@KrakenAttackin okay sure. Not like showers are a thing lol

[Lunalila123]

The thing is, lack of self respect is not the only reason people sleep around. You never know what goes on in somebody life and mind. This girl could have been going through something really tough in her life and wasn’t thinking straight, maybe not. The fact is, everybody makes mistakes and it’s not fair to judge or shame women or men for their past (especially if they regret their decisions and are trying to make things right). The most important thing in a relationship is love and if you love and trust somebody, instead of shaming them for their past, put yourself in their perspective first. If they are mentally struggling, help your loved one through these things and move past them together. Maybe she shouldn’t have lied but everyone is human and everybody makes mistakes. I’ve experienced this exact experience first hand and seeing your loved one hurt about something (body count in this instance) the first thing you would do (without thinking) is to make them feel better and secure. In the long run, lying is probably not the right thing to do, but in the moment this lady probably wanted to do everything she could to make things better, but down the line ruined things.

[SiberFox]

"I was afraid he’d judge me" This alone shows your cognitive dissonance.
The problem with having a high body count is a lack of self-respect, choosing to be intimate with people that do not care about you and who you do not care for causes issue in that you aren't exclusive to people that put in the work to be responsible for you. You disrespect yourself and the one you ultimately will choose to be with. You've made your decisions and he has made his. This is the reality of the matter.

[ChrisMaster69]

Well he was a pathetic fuckwit and sounds very controlling.

you were lucky it never got serious.

Do not message your friends.

you really dodged having a controlling nightmare in your life.

personally as soon as people start mentioning body counts etc, it’s a sign to move on and leave them.

[Staximus]

Nevermind that long distance bullshit. 9 isn't bad, I knew a girl that had fucked at least 30 guys by the time she was 20. About 5 years ago, my 19 year old niece was complaining about how much of a slut her friend was who has fucked 4 guys by the time she turned 14. You're small potatoes on the slut scale. Just be honest next time. Tell that guy to get lost, not every girl is going to be a prude. No guy is going to want you hanging around with other guys when he is not around. If you want to do that, don't be in a relationship or agree to an open relationship where the two of you can see other people.

[Shamalien]

Women with high body counts have difficulty getting a long term partner. They are usually just pumped and dumped forever and get really depressed in their late 20s. Anything under 20 is still salvageable in my opinion so long as you are honest about it and express that you are done with that phase of your life

but if you lie about it it’s a big red flag. A person accustomed to having sex with strangers is likely to continue doing so, and men do not like getting cheated on. A person with a low body count is more likely to continue having a low body count and be happy with one person

[Shamalien]

I mean if his is 14 he shouldn’t complain, so it sounds like with this guy its more that you lies

[cookiecrusher]

Yeah from 2 to 9 wasn't very smart thing to do.
Who knows, maybe it's even more, in his oppinion.

Should have been honest from the get go.
Then see if he accepts that.

You said 2 for a reason, we all know why.

Sleeping around as a woman has negative effect on your dating life. As it should, because most men value a woman who is not fucked by a lot of guys.

If you want to sleep around, good for you.
However, be honest, let them know in advance and be ready to face rejection if the number is too high for them.

He could have acted a bit more tastefully too after finding it out, a lot of guys do find it even somewhat disgusting. However the goal is not to shame a woman for her choices, just to move on.

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

It seems to me that it has been ok for a guy to have sex with 3 or 19 women thats ok why can't a woman have the same amount of lovers. As long as she takes all the precautions as a guy would in having sex. Looks like two sets of standards at work one partner for women and as many as you can screw for the guy. So play it safe your personal rule don't ask don't tell he does'nt like it get lost.

[SurMer1805]

I love how women use the "misogynistic" card every single time they hear something they don’t want to hear. This is real world, every single person has the RIGHT to not like you! I have my own standards and if you do not meet them, you are out of the question, end of story. Feminazi are pretty much the reason why I stopped dating and taking women seriously. The amount of people you’ve slept with tells me that you DO NOT value long-term relationships so why should I bother dating you? It’s my right to say "Yo, I don’t think you are what I am looking for and maybe we should go on our separate ways!". Women entitlement of being accepted and respected for every single sh*t they do is as big as men entitlement to virginity. So, snowflake, wake up, no one owes you anything, we have the right to say that we don’t want to date you.

And for the beta simps saying this is ok, I am pretty sure their body count is less than 0.

[MzAsh]

You dodged a bullet. There are already a few red flags with him in just the short text you’ve mentioned. Also, I would recommend never telling a guy your body count and definitely never show a man you care that much about what he thinks or that he might judge you.

[cookiecrusher]

So lie to your partner is your solution?
Who would want a woman/man like that?

[MzAsh]

I don’t advocate lying. However, some things you have every right to keep to yourself.

[cookiecrusher]

And their potential partners have every right to turn them down from witholding that info (although not saying it does say it in a way).
Or when they say a number that is too high for them.

[MzAsh]

Yes. And the other person has every right to not care.

[cookiecrusher]

Indeed, thus no bullet was dodged.
But an equal excange of their ideals clashing. Albeit without much class.

[MzAsh]

I think she can do better than a guy so obsessed about her past. This guy has relationship anxiety to the max and instead of dealing with his issues, he’s trying to pin the responsibilities on to her to make him feel secure. That’s a big no no.

[cookiecrusher]

And i think he could do better than somebody who is untruthful about her past or has been with too many partners.

No bullets were dodged, just not compatible. Those two.

[MzAsh]

We’ll agree to disagree.

[TheorionMage]

And what was HIS 'body count'?
My present wife and I are both Divorcee 'retreads'
the first agreement we'd made was a 'blanket amnesty' for our live's past mistakes.
We ARE no longer whom we'd been back then...
NO ONE can take either of us aside in an attempt to air old laundry.
NO surprises~

[Better_off_here]

well we all have a past but maybe it should stay in the past too.
he should of focused on what he has now you, and not the other guys.

trust me i have seen women with a lot more body count than that and your not the worst i have heard about. it seems that it is his problem.

[275153]

seriously, why would you want to date a person with such hang ups? He did you a favor. He sounds pretty insecure and if he didn’t break up with you now, trust me, you’d break up with him in a year because he’d drive you nuts with his insecurities.

[RHK36]

I'd have been mad too. Not by the body count, but the lying about it. When you lie about who you have slept with it kinda alludes to either you're a liar or maybe unfaithful before someone thinks that you were uncomfortable answering.

I wouldn't have broken up over it, but he's not me. He might be jaded from past relationships dealing with lies and unfaithfulness.

[Anonymous]

I'd question the relationship as well and honestly, this is a big "red flag" to me. HE has several issues if this bothers him that much. And "can't trust you"? Really? You're better off without him I think. This sounds really immature and what about his body count?

[Opinion Owner]

In re-reading, you told him a number and then changed it, so just like if it was reversed and he did that with you, it makes you question them more and if what they are telling you is the truth or not. I don't know if you explained that to him or not? But, still over reacted big time.

[blissinanarchy1]

9 is very low for a female your age. There's lots of females that are in their 20's. Being honest from a guy's view, he probably has less than that and is insecure.

[Waldoe]

NEVER answer that question... it is always about "Judging" you... if you MUST answer say something like "You're #1 in my heart, that's what should matter", if he keeps asking, "cut him loose" asking is ALWAYS about judging

[Leonharted]

I don't think your body count is too high, but if I was dating someone, I would want you to be able to bring your friends around me, BUT I also wouldn't want you to bring people who have had sex with you around.

[Anonymous]

You are not good enough for each other:
He does not like women who lie and maybe women with your body count.
You, need some one who will be fine with above and always has a good timing with his questions...

LDR never works anyway. Only when it is for short term and you know when it is ending and you are close together after.

[spartan55]

Man, dump that fucker TONIGHT. You have nothing to feel bad about.

[slatyb]

What an ass. Be glad you only wasted a couple of weeks on him.