Is it weird/wrong to date interracially if you have no interest in learning more about the other culture?

Question

I want to know more about if you try to get to know someone’s culture when it differs from your own. I think I’m guilty on this one because I tend to tune it out.  Its like it just doesn’t exist to me. Maybe its because I’m pretty routine and stick to what I know. My main preference is dating American men and more specifically my own race due to having things in common. However, I can’t help who I fall for, so of course I’ve dated men of different ethnicities/races. Their country or skin color would not get in the way of our future but I could see their words/actions or even their family’s opinion of me having an effect on if i want to date them or not . I personally do not have any interest in learning new languages, trying new foods, or looking into the history of someones culture . I like to focus more on our future than their past. I tend to date someone because i like their looks, personality, and similar interests/morals/beliefs. So yea I dont exactly care to know much about their customs and cultural background.  Is that as awful as I probably just made that sound?  💀 #FeelFreeToList #InterracialDating

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

I’m gonna be super honest here. I don’t think I’m allowed to date ever. I’m going to move out after I graduate college, so I can do whatever the hell I want, but coming to the part where my parents “approve of” my boyfriend, yeah, that’s totally different. My mom is incredibly conservative, so she thinks only bad people date to marry. For her “culture” is very important and she believes im marrying a stranger WITHOUT dating to find “true love” 🙄.

The thing is, I’m not like that. I’m the complete opposite of her. I prefer falling in love with my partner, before marrying him. My mom would definitely care about race because she’s kinda racist and Indians often tend to be endogenous. However, I don’t care what my mom thinks because its my life.. right? Just because she brought me into this life, does she have the right to choose my partner? Absolutely not. I don’t care about race, but religion wise? I’m agnostic and I don’t believe in the concept of religions, if he’s okay with me not being religious, then I’m okay.

Too much cultural difference can be a tad hard to make it work, but hey, everyone has problems and we gotta make it work somehow right?

theothersider · Accepted Answer

My husband is Puerto Rican my kids are half Puerto Rican. personally I had little interest in learning his culture and as ignorant as this sounds... before I met him I didn't realize there was such a difference between Hispanics ( Mexican, Puerto Rican, Guatemalan etc etc ) I can now tell you most of the history of Puerto Rico. Speak clean enough Spanish to hold simple conversations and cook a rather good pot of rice. So while I sympathize with not having a interest. if you enter into a long term relationship with some one of a different race you take on their culture as much as they take on yours ( his family lament that I turned him into a redneck)

Lonewulf57 · Accepted Answer

Okay, I'll be the bad guy here, and call everyone out.

First, if you are only talking about shacking up with someone for one night, or just dating someone of another color, etc, then it's okay to just do so for attraction reasons alone.

Second, HOWEVER, if you get married, and especially have kids, then it's irresponsible to be blind to the fact you are with someone of another culture/color/whatever.

As a child of mixed color, with a mother who didn't give a &$/#÷@ until she got divorced, then had to look at her kids as constant reminders, you either accept and learn, or you stop before you have kids. I'm not saying you have to be an expert, but to be blind to the fact, to me, is utter ignorance.

My dad was mixed himself. He never said I should be embarrassed by what and who I am or to ever hide it. He taught me about both my heritages. Color wise, I take after my mom, as do my sisters, but my brother takes after my dad, although features wise, my brother looks like my mom, while I have my dad's features.

silkjames · Accepted Answer

Lol shit I guess I like diving to something that is completely opposite of me it's more fun and interesting I learned a lot of different cultures growing up and I am really great friends with most of my exes out of all the interesting females is Russia women some are tough I think I still have a black eye when she punched me my buddy was teaching how to speak Russian when I was there on vacation I was trying to say hi and gave me totally something naughty to say she walked right up too me I'm smiling like damn yeah I know I'm handsome then she just blasted me with this right cross I seen the punch and I could not believe why after my bell ringinger she spoke English to me saying fingvmy self a new translator my friend is going to get me killed lol I don't know this was anot 20 years ago I stayed there for 1 year I miss Russian culture but I still want to travel so bad lol and meeting another female I don't want someone like me lol and I have dated different races everyone is pretty cool lol in my book lol

OlderAndWiser · Answer

My girlfriend is Chinese. I did not start dating her because she is Chinese, but because I like who she is. I have only learned a few words of Mandarin (Hello, I love you, and have you lost your mind?) I have eaten man Chinese foods at least once and some of them I don't want to eat again. She has no desire to ever return to China and we live in the culture of the Southern US, so I don't feel a driving desire to learn all about Chinese culture except that I need to understand the forces that have shaped her life and brought her to this point in time.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

This is a typical North American mindset that I've come across a lot. When you go to Europe, a lot the people are multi-lingual and well-versed it various cultures.

My wife is Lebanese so I ended up becoming fluent in Arabic in order to converse with her family and I know everything about their culture, language, food, dialect, customs et cetera. Especially prior to marrying her because her father didn't like me at first due to me being white. He didn't trust me and didn't think I was fit for marrying her. Needless to say, I shut him up real fast because I learnt all there is to know and showed him that I'm not some typical "white person".

My wife did the same... she knows all about the history of Ireland, the troubles it had with the Britain, the Gaelic language, the food, the slang etc.

Point is, if you truly care about someone you'd take the time to know things about them, including where they're from and their culture. I would consider it very offensive if someone told me they didn't care about my Irish culture.

America is a cesspool though and many of the people there have forgotten the culture of their ancestors. It's funny when an "Irish American" talks about how Irish they are but they didn't even grow up around Irish culture. The only places outside of Ireland that get a pass are Newfoundland, Boston, and Nova Scotia because they actually have a tightly knit Irish community.

TruthBringer · Answer

I could honestly never understand people who date interracially but would never be interested in exploring the culture of the person they are dating. Sure, you get with the person because you like them for them, however, how can you not be interested in trying to get to know a person's culture and the values they were raised in? Honestly, it sounds like a recipe for toxicity where two people without knowing end up being incompatible, after all. There is a reason why statistically speaking, interracial relationships tend to have a higher failure rate.

If I love someone who happens to be from another culture, I would surely invest time and interest in getting to know the background/culture they were raised in. Not only because it allows me to get 'closer' to that person, but to also see if there aren't any potential obstacles because we happen to be from different cultures.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

1. Race doesn't predict culture, you can be a jewish Asian who plays the accordian while drinking earl grey tea, eating totinos pizza rolls, and celebrating day of the dead while planning out the designs of your underground hobbit home you want to fill with fish tanks.

2. I have no interest in culture period, I only like something if it's fun, or tastes good, or is otherwise pretty or beneficial, and I don't have traditions, and prefer dating someone who is also like this.

3. What makes people have things in common is genetic only on an individual level, and not inheretance based, so people of different ethnicities can (and often do) have tons or everything in common mentally through convergent evolution of the brain.

desidoll · Answer

Yes, because whether we like it or not, there will be many things that need to be adapted/adjusted. I am Indian who has dated interracially mostly. I figure that there is no way for both of you to be “neutral” to one another custom. I have said this many times to my friends and other people, but for some reasons, they won’t take my advice. I told them it is not as simple as “just respecting” each other’s culture.

It has way more works than most people can imagine, especially when you are getting serious or thinking about marriage. My current partner is white, and I remember my parents didn’t like the idea of me dating him because they knew it won’t be an easy journey for me. They turned out to be right. Our first few years of relationship was a disaster, and I almost give up. There were so many incompatibilities between us, but eventually we managed to compromise. Now we are doing good and getting married in a few months time.

DaveJord · Answer

Well if your dating someone because you like them and find them attractive then honestly there not wrong with not really caring about their ethnic heritage or having an interest because that is not why you wanted to date them to begin with.

But I am a white guy and everyone assume they know everything about being a white guy and where we came from... so do people really get into white heritage or culture? Or is it assumed that we don't really have a specific culture, or do we all just share a common culture as Americans regardless of ethnic heritage?

SphynxUK · Answer

My ex is from another country. We were together just over two and a half years, so yes, we had some conversations about his home and country. He also taught me some great recipes! I was with him because of who he was, so it’s only was natural that I’d be curious about him. I did teach myself a little of the language because I wanted too.
With me being mixed race, he learned stuff off me too.
What I will say is, I hate people asking me where I’m from. (He didn’t). It seems it’s an English thing. I’d much rather they ask what my ethnicity is.

Oigit · Answer

In general you need to have an interest in learning about someones culture if you are going to date someone that isn't from yours. Because culture can very much be a big part of who a person is. Also your unwillingness to learn can create some negative situations. Like a person is from culture where they still strictly fallow traditional gender roles in a relationship. Not learning that and not knowing that could create some issues if you are not into traditional gender roles in a relationship. Some might be willing to try a relationship without typical general roles and for some people your unwillingness to do so is a deal breaker.

Birdlegs · Answer

I feel like that’s just a part of learning who the person is. If you date a hella religious person you should probably know about their religion or if you date a person from a super familial culture you should probably know their family. Like why not there’s literally no reason not to😭 I dated a Vietnamese girl for a while and she taught me some words so I could speak to her mom and we went to the Asian market to get candy and stuff those are things I never would’ve experienced if I hadn’t learned about her culture.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I guess it depends on how much the person cares about their culture… if the person could not care less about their culture and they only want to participate in your culture, it doesn't matter whether you care about their culture or not. That being said, I think most people would want their interracial partner to enjoy learning about their native culture.

Just a few days ago, I was learning about a traditional style of Indian dance called "Kuchipudi." I enjoyed learning about it, somewhat because it was a way to keep a fun conversation going, but I mostly did it because dancing is something she's passionate about and learning about her culture is a way to honor and respect that part of her.

This is not a woman that I'm dating, but the principles are the same.

talka20 · Answer

I dont see anything wrong culture is their thing n not a must thing... if u adopt some thats fine... if u dont thats also fine... if u dislike or hate some parts of it thats also fine... and i think that would also be fine or great if u mix the flavour of yours n their, culture wise... or raise kids somehow in that way... but that needs some acceptance not everyone gonna like that mixture result... i personally prefer own race for same reasons that u mentioned... and also other things u said seem same like not a person to try many food items or languages or their history... little bit of all this is fun if it remains little bit

msc545 · Answer

It is not awful. We all take from our experiences those things we need and want and that interest us. You are not obligated to take an ad hoc course in (insert name of culture here) in order to have a romance with a member of that culture. I enjoy dating Hispanic and Scandanavian women, and I know comparatively very little about their cultures, but I know a lot about them as individuals.

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

I grew up in predominantly white, Asian, and latino environments. Learning someone's culture wasn't a chore. I was around these individuals 24/7 so learning their culture came naturally. There wasn't very many black kids like me around and the ones that were around I didn't relate to ( in grade school). I was listening to nirvana, peal jam, prodigy, puddle of Mudd, smashing pumpkins, sound garden, garbage, sneaker pimps, ace of base while they were listening to pac and big. I was a wutang fan tho

( outside of grade school) Dating in cali mostly military men of many racial backgrounds Vietnamese, Filipino, African, Jamaican, white, Salvadoran, Mexicans, Dominicans. This was after high school. But even then it just wasn't a chore it was just natural to be introduced to their culture by them and being around them was enough to learn about the culture.

yeahthatsskindacool · Answer

I think if it's a relationship that you want to be long lasting, yes you should want to know more about their culture and upbringing. I'm black. My boyfriend is white. I like hearing about his family traditions and things that are common in his culture. I also like comparing how similar our cultures are and how different they are (though my boyfriend and I's upbringing, despite being different races, is quite similar). If we're to get married and have kids, our children need to know where they come from on both sides. If someone is not willing to understand their partner for all they are, the relationship won't survive. Interracial or not.

AdithyaR · Answer

It's not really that much of an issue but it depends on your partner I guess.
If your partner wants you try something it would be rude to be completely closed off to it.
And when it comes to something like language, it's always good to know a bit of it when talking to them.
Personally I'd love to try out things in their culture to show that I'm willing to put in the effort towards things they are close to, but of course I wouldn't do something rhata directly against my culture or own moral code.

kellytheman · Answer

It doesn't really matter what race, ethcity, or culture she is from for me if I am attracted to her and like her looks and have similar interests and other things I like I would date them. I also might learn a bit about there culture if they are into there roots. I learned about Spanish, multiple European culture like french and German and some Indian cultures. I try to make a effort just to learn about them and background. With most Americans like my race or black or ethnicity I don't have many problems with culture.

Aurora1010 · Answer

Maybe not wrong, but showing interest in every aspect of his life is good. Culture is often a big part of a person's life and can help you understand each other, it's also often important for the person so I think they would appreciatd it. Their family would probably appreciate the interest in their customs too.
At the same time, it's important to know because you'll know ahead of time if you're compatible in certain things or if they aren't what you're looking for.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

It is just that you are mixing race and culture. I don't know how to even respond.

You identify as an Indian woman, right?

There are thousands of cultures within India. Can you marry a person from Kashmir without learning about or understanding at least part of their culture?

Why is it that people see cultural differences along racial lines, when race is only supposed to refer to skin color/phenotype?

snowboarder720 · Answer

Yes.
Dating interracially means understanding your cultural differences. If you’re not open to understanding those differences to form peaceful solutions to disagreements then the relationship will plummet because the relationship is one sided. It’s extremely selfish to think that you won’t understand the other person for who they truly are and what makes them work, which is ENTIRELY cultural.

JoseJr · Answer

I wouldn't say its wrong on the low, I have a thing for middle eastern girls and european girls, but have no interest on learning or getting used to their customs or culture, I respect it, nothing against, just have no interest in doing all that. But I also know that if Im considering her a serious relationship I realize, I'll have to get used to some of their customs or cultures for lack of a better word

Is it weird/wrong to date interracially if you have no interest in learning more about the other culture?

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