Am I dumb or is there hope?

[Anonymous]

So, I'm 26, about 4 months ago met and dated this guy (Also 26). We got along great immediately and basically have seen each other almost every day since. Its for sure the healthiest and most honest dynamic I've been in. He is really a friend to me and I feel safe and comfortable with him. I know he genuinely cares about me too. We were also exclusive and official. It wasn't a casual situation. Sad news, as of tonight we (sort of?) split. He said a week or so back he came across some pictures of him and his ex and was more affected than he thought he would be. He told me this tonight (while crying) and said he knows it isn't fair and that he can't hold up a relationship like this. So we agreed to take a week and talk next weekend. I genuinely care about this guy and really really don't want to lose him. He told me that our relationship has meant a lot to him, and that he could see a future. Just needs a bit to clear his head. Also to note, I don't think the risk is him going BACK to his ex,. just needing time to process emotions. Because she kind of never left him alone after their breakup. So it makes sense I suppose. He's had her blocked. She's made new numbers and contacted him saying she's been raped, then confessed it wasn't true. Showed up at his house twice. Where he told her to leave and didn't let her in. But is taking a week and talking a good plan or am I stupid and just need to move on now?

[Anonymous]

You're not stupid, but right now there isn't "hope". He's not over her, and that's the bottom line and a week isn't going to change that. He should not be (and never go into) a new relationship until he was completely over her, and maybe he thought he was, but he clearly isn't. And isn't going to be until she is out of his life and stays out. Then it's going to take time for him to "get over" her. Knowing how I felt when I'm not over someone, I wouldn't trust what they tell you they feel about you, because until they are over the other person, they can't possibly have feelings for you because there's no room for that, the other person consumes all their thoughts and feelings. That's my view anyway.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. I definitely see where you're coming from. You could absolutely be correct. And I'm prepared for that to be the case. I just hope not. I just know that pictures of good times can stir up confusing feels that you just have to shake off sometimes. I hope that's all and that he can be in a good headspace again. But, I definitely recognize that it's a possibility that I'll need to move on.

[Opinion Owner]

To me, it doesn't sound like "possibility" and "hope" are an option here. Only setting yourself up for more heartache. Just give that some thought and really think about it. Look out for yourself, because he won't (as far as being hurt). He won't be intentionally hurting you, but will.

[mark000h]

I would give it the week and see where it's at next weekend. He sounds like he's having old feelings for his ex and she's trying to pull him back in. He was right to let you know so he wouldn't be deceiving you and cheating. Nothing you can really do now. It's up to him. Of course, you can decide to move on if you feel that seeing what happens is something you don't want to do.

[Asker]

Thank you.
I truly hoping it's just a case of pictures of good times bringing up some confusing feelings and that he just needs a little bit to clear his head.
Obviously if he isn't in a better headspace next time we talk, I'll go my own way. I'm prepared for that. I just really hope not. I appreciate him being honest about the situation with me.
Thanks for your response

[mark000h]

Hope it works out 😊

[Asker]

I appreciate that :)