Can I message him?

[Anonymous]

I went on 3 dates with this guy. He seems to be a terrible communicator in between dates but in person is amazing. He asks me lots of questions and seems genuinely interested in my life. Last date he asked what I was looking for. I told him a relationship and convo got cut short but he didn’t say he was not looking for that. He also mentioned his friends said he should invite me out with them but he wasn’t sure if I would want to go. We held hands and had extremely passionate intimacy and cuddling.

He is 27 and I am 36 and have a child. My concern is our dates have been like 3 weeks apart and he won’t even text me for like 2 weeks. It feels like he doesn’t like me in between dates but then dates he is opposite. I have never initiated any messages or dates. Last message was right after last date a week and a half ago. He just stopped talking mid convo. Do I wait for him to initiate or can I message him and/or ask to get drinks?

[HollyK21]

Hey I remember chatting with you about this a few days ago. Sorry to see you’re still struggling with this. If you want to message him then you should, especially since you don’t initiate conversations. However I think his lack of communication may be less about not being good at it and more about who he is as a person. With days on end passing between conversations, how can you truly build anything? What’s more is with that age gap, you two are at such different points in your life. You at one end of the spectrum with a child, and him 27 with none. You should find someone in their 30s, preferably with a kid too so they can relate more to your life as a parent. A guy who doesn’t want 1-3 weeks passing with no communication. Who sends clear signs and not mixed signals, so there’s no confusion about where either of you stand. A mature dude, not this guy who’s probably still on dating apps swiping away (if that’s how you met). I know you like him a lot, but it shouldn’t be this hard and I think you know that. You can still pull out of this and find someone you don’t have to adjust your standards for.

[Asker]

Yea I’m still struggling. This is so hard ! Have been single for almost 3 years now and have found it so tough to find someone. But being with this guy in person brought me back to what it felt like to be in a relationship.. the cuddling, affection etc.

I agree I don’t understand if he did actually like me how we could build anything without talking? He has done this after every date and then just reappears like no big deal. Was planning on bringing that up if there is another date. But yea i think if there is a date I need to really have a talk with him because this is just driving me insane and it shouldn’t be like that.

Thanks for responding again!!

[HollyK21]

I definitely hear you, I struggled for a while with dating and playing the field sort of sucked, like thinking one thing of a guy then experiencing another. Sounds like you’re having that sort of experience a bit as well, so I get that with this guy it’s just nice to feel like something can work. But the communication thing, I just feel like that’s a set trait of his, and it’s more of a “if he wanted to he would”, and there’s just way too many fish in the sea to deal with his inconsistency. If you left it now, I’m sure it would suck but it’s better than investing more time, falling in love and feeling stuck. It’s the worst! But anyway, if you do decide to pursue that further, then I really hope he adjusts the communication thing. If he doesn’t, or he does for a bit and then stop, you should definitely walk away and spare your future self the hurt and disappointment. Also, you’re very welcome! My DM is always open if you need help with this in the future. Take care☺️

[Asker]

Just to give an update I ended up message him Friday and he asked me to go out last night ! We had a great time but unfortunately I didn’t get to bring up the talk ugh. The place we went to we ended up standing at a bar so I felt weird having a serious talk there. I did say this morning though that “am I not going to see you for a month again. “ and he said let’s do something in a week or 2. Guess that’s better than the once a month. Will mention then. Thanks for the help !

[HollyK21]

I’m glad you had a good time, don’t get me wrong! I am just looking at these gaps of time and in a big way feel like you’re settling and/or adjusting your standards to accommodate his lack of communication. I wish you brought this up with him but I think a fear held you back. Like “we’re finally hanging out, I like him a lot and don’t want to mess it up”, so you sat that very important conversation to the side, and will accept not talking for another week. I’m not trying to come off in any rude way, I am guilty of being blunt lol. I’m just talking to you not only how I would a friend, but from a place of understanding because before the relationship I’m in now, I was in your shoes and it’s exhausting. But don’t settle, he’s doing the bare minimum and you deserve more. Especially since you had to reach out, I feel he may not have and more time would’ve passed. I’m not a fan of that.

[HollyK21]

You seem like a very nice lady, and I don't know maybe there’s a sense of urgency to settle down or be with someone, or loneliness, we all get that, but you deserve a great person. Who’s giving you the right amount of prioritization in general. You are setting the standard for your daughter as to what she should accept from a guy, and more so, you will bring that guy around her at some point. Let him be the right guy. A great example of what she should accept from someone.

[Asker]

I totally see where you are coming from. I was prepared to have the talk but it really was just not a good setting for it. Definitely didn’t think I would mess it up bringing it up. He’s a really sweet genuine guy and I’m honestly not scared to have those discussion with him. I was disappointed I didn’t get to bring it up.

Even though I did reach out to him, it does seem our dates are getting closer together so maybe that’s a progression? Last date was 2 weeks ago. You are right though that I shouldn’t settle if he’s not giving me what I need so I will 100% bring this up next date. To be honest after last night I feel like he will be receptive. He is seriously a great guy and after each date I feel more reassurance that he does like me. But yes I need to clarify the intentions.

[HollyK21]

Yeah I definitely get that, the bar is not the best place for a serious conversation lol. Hopefully you two get a chance to discuss the whole situation and he does better, because it’s like sometimes nice guys throw you off the hardest since they’re underestimated. From an outside perspective I’m only basing my opinion off his actions and in general he should do better, you deserve that and I hope you hold him to that standard. But it sounds like you intend to, maybe with like a dinner setting or somewhere you can actually chat?

[Asker]

Yea I definitely will. Not getting my hopes up but was thinking besides that just being the way he is maybe he wasn’t sure how I felt since I never reached out to him before. I feel like I’ve been trying to give more hints I’m interested in him.

[HollyK21]

Hmm, could you just tell him you’re interested? It’s definitely been long enough, and it would give you clarity as to where he stands. For me, I’m big on knowing someone’s intentions and not wasting my time. It might be good to know where he stands, so you can make your next move accordingly.

[Asker]

Yea well I was going to ask what he’s looking for and then also say if dating someone i need more communication for it grow. Scared to actually just say I like you though. But I have said I really like hanging with you and said it last night too.

[HollyK21]

You totally should! Putting yourself out there in general is scary, but knowing what you’re dealing with makes up for it. Let’s say you asked him, and his response isn’t so great, then really what’re you losing, you know? 9/10 you’ve been through worse, you’re just tired of going through it and I completely get that, but it just kinda comes with the territory when you’re trying to find a match. If his response is positive then that’s great! But with that, he’s gotta do better. If he can’t, or won’t, then that’s just him as a person and you have to decide if that’s what you wanna sign up for more of going forward. Honor your standards, be true to yourself, no matter how much you like that guy. One of most powerful things you can have in your arsenal when dating is an abundance mindset. It helps keep the perspective that he isn’t the only guy on earth, so if he isn’t meeting your standards you can move accordingly.

[Asker]

Yea that’s true. Nothing to lose and much better to know now instead of being dragged along and wasting my time. This is all been really helpful advice. I appreciate it ! Thanks!

[HollyK21]

No worries love! If you need to chat at all just comment here or dm, I don’t mind☺️

[Asker]

Well here we go again! The same 2 weeks and nothing from him. We had msged for a few days after the last hangout and he was very flirty. We had discussed hanging again a bunch of times during the date and also via text. Now nothing and I am going on vacation in a week. Really need to have that talk with him. At this point it may end up through text. Just getting fed up and just need to end this. If I don’t hear from him by mid week should I message something about his work? He’s in busy season. Maybe sometbing like “ Hope work is letting you breathe. If you could use a break let’s meet for a drink! “ ?

[HollyK21]

Hey there! Sorry you are still going through this but I’m glad you reached out☺️ if you don’t mind me asking, what specifically is making you hang on and pursue this dude? Like on a deeper level, what’s keeping you there? I think you want a relationship, something real, consistent, etc. I love that you had good dates with him, but outside of that, what’s he got to offer? In a way, you’re chasing this dude, and I truly feel like you’re above that.

[Asker]

Yea I mean in person it’s completely opposite of what happens after the date and is why I’m completely confused. We get along and connect really well. He asks me tons of questions and seems genuinely interested in me and we just have a lot of fun together, lots of physical attraction on both sides. It has been super hard to meet anyone that I have had a connection with. He’s also in my same field of work which makes things easier to connect. It just seems like a relationship when together but then complete opposite when apart.

Yes I want a relationship and i thought he did too but now I have no idea what he wants. But I feel like I just need to end it because now I just feel lead on and deceived.

[HollyK21]

I’ve been there before, so I totally get that whiplash feeling of confusion. It’s kind of like why does he even agree to hang out and stuff if this is how he’s going to be, you know? But tbh, you’re getting a lot of your answer about where he stands based on his actions alone. He has some redeeming qualities and sure you have a nice time when you’re out, but beyond that, he just isn’t being good or worthy of your efforts. Like if you put those nights at the bar aside, and look plainly at the rest of the picture, what’s there? He isn’t making you a priority, or making effort in general. He is perfectly fine with letting days and weeks pass without talking to you, and that alone should be enough to make you say screw all that. At this point, I think that even if you have that deep conversation with him, he may shape up for a few days, but he’s just not boyfriend material (could be an age thing). This right here, what you’re getting from him, that’s him. Those nights of drinking and stuff, aren’t substantial enough to make him worth such effort. Maybe you two align with careers and stuff, but he’s not the only guy with those simple qualities.

[Asker]

Yea I agree. He’s not giving me what I want and I do want to say screw him. I guess it’s hard for me to just end it in my head without talking to him about it. I think In the back of my head I’ll just keep thinking when is he going to message me. So I’m not sure if I should just message him and cut it off or wait it out.

[HollyK21]

Whoops, the site crashed before I could send the rest of what I wanted to say lol. But anyway, I feel like this dude is looking for something casual, otherwise he would definitely be making more effort to build something with you. I dated someone like him in my mid 20s, and it wasn’t until I turned 30 that I realized I can’t be with a guy like him. Why? Because women like you and i are real adults. We are workers, providers, and role models to our kids. Our 30s are for learning from our 20s, and making better choices. You should want a partner who will be a good example of what a man should be to your daughter when the time comes (not taking dads spot or anything of course, just a good dude). He should be taking you on real dates, like movies or dinner and stuff. He should just want to talk to you every day, check in and hear about those days. Spend time with you even if you’re staying in, just building something. The fact that he’s not just says so much about where he stands, and at this point in your life, you deserve the right guy.

[HollyK21]

Definitely hard, but I mean 9/10 you’ve been through worse and cutting him off won’t be as bad as other things, just disappointing because you’ve invested your time, and the dating scene kinda sucks. Closure is nice but not a necessity. Tbh in most cases it’s just us wanting them to say something redeeming. We want to understand why they won’t fight for us, or maybe at the risk of losing us they will shape up. But closure is often what we do for ourselves, without that external finalization. Mentally you’ve put a lot into wanting that guy, but it’s ok to let him go. He just isn’t worthy of your efforts and tbh, it shouldn’t be so difficult. You shouldn’t have to settle for bare minimum, and that is all he’s offering. Like if you don’t reach out, and he hasn’t in all this time, will he in the future? If he never heard from you again would it be as big of a blow to him as you? If you can tell yourself no, then don’t reach out. If you feel like it will, then go ahead.

[Asker]

Yea I completely agree. I want someone who would put more effort in to planning dates and communicating. I don’t have time for these mixed signal deals. Just makes me angry the fact that he even asked me what I’m looking for and never spoke up that he didn’t want the same.

Guess I’ll just wait it out for now. If I don’t hear from him before my vacation will message him to end it.

[HollyK21]

I’m really sorry, I know you like him a lot and it sucks. If you decide to message him then no judgement from me of course, but I wouldn’t. Every single thing that you do for him and accept from him is laying the foundation for what will happen in the future. If you create a cycle of reaching out first, then he has no incentive to. What you’re showing him is “hey, you’re being pretty shitty to me, but that is ok because I will accept it”. He will learn that there is no repercussion for his poor behavior, and so he will keep doing this, and that’s not fair to you. I know how hard it is to hold back when you really want to talk to a guy, but I’d advise you be incredibly strong and refrain. Every day that he doesn’t contact you, allow that to make you even stronger and stand your ground. Distract yourself, especially in moments of weakness. He needs to reach out first, it shouldn’t be you again. And when he does, don’t jump to respond, let him wait it out. It needs to start transferring in his mind that you are a prize and he is he biggest fool to even risk losing you. Make him work for your time don’t just give it to him, because at this point he needs to prove himself and understand you are not desperate. Having that mentality of knowing your worth changes everythinggg I promise it does.

[Asker]

Yea I know. I just don’t know how to get that closure for myself without straight out ending it with him. And yea tbh at this point I feel like he could care less if he talks to me again. What a sucky feeling. Was thinking of saying this…
I have so much fun with you but i get the feeling you have different priorities right now. I’m looking for something more serious and If I’m dating someone for it to be serious I need more communication. Just think we’re on different pages right now.

[HollyK21]

I like what you want to say, but it just seems more fitting for a guy you were talking to consistently and it’s just not working out. With this guy, you don’t haven’t had that opportunity to create even a real friendship, just drinks a couple times followed by radio silence. Since you haven’t spoken in so long, it just seems random to message him talking about looking for a relationship and not getting that vibe from him. It just seems like he’s already showing you he doesn’t want anything serious, so for him to actually tell you would not only hurt you but give him a final chance to be messed up, and he doesn’t deserve that opportunity. At the same time though, sometimes wanting closure is really a last ditch effort from us in hopes that he will try. You want him to see that message, preferably apologize and ask you out again, which you will agree to, have another fun bar night, and not be upset to not hear from him the next week or so because you already expect that. You see how messed up that is, right?

[HollyK21]

It really is a sucky feeling, and even if he gives you closure it won’t suck any less. When you’re trying to get over someone, I think the most important aspect is acceptance, and you can’t do that until you are fully done trying. You’ve built up a very good outlook of him, but a lot of it is based on such a small portion of your relationship that I think shouldn’t equate to how generally unworthy he really is. Bar nights are 9/10 always fun because the drinks are flowing and if he’s cool when he’s tipsy it makes the night better. But you can’t base your desire for him around 3-4 nights, since those are only s few hours. As a whole, he is in a very different place and you deserve the dude who’s right on your level.

[Asker]

Yea I see what you’re saying. I will hold out and not message him. But if he does message me I feel like I need to do something. Whether it’s the talk in person or a message via text.

[HollyK21]

If he does reach out, I wouldn’t reply straight away, probably because I’d be annoyed it’s been so long lol. But you are entitled to responding if you want to, and if I were you I’d be asking some serious questions right from the start because it’s time to get some clarity. Aside from saying hi, I’d skip any small talk and just be like “listen, I really enjoy our nights out, but I’m not looking for anything casual. You asked what I wanted, and I told you it was a relationship. I still want that with someone, and if you want the same then it’d be nice for you to act like it. If you don’t then I am not the woman for you”.

[Asker]

Ok yes will take that method. So you think I should just get straight to it via text though? At this point I’m like I don’t even know if I’ll hear from him again lol. But I’ve also thought the same thing after every date and then he just appears like no big deal.

[HollyK21]

At this age I’ve gotten very serious about my time and not having it wasted. I wrote down what I wanted from a guy, and what I had to offer. I am not perfect, no one is, but I knew that I am a very good partner and I don’t deserve to get hurt, disappointed, or strung along, because I would never do that to someone. So when I started dating, I had zero expectations until the dude aligned with what I wanted in a man, and had no attachments until the guy showed me he was worthy. Everything changed once I put my standards on a pedestal and flat out refused to settle for less, no matter how lonely times got or how much I wanted to be loved or just be with someone in general. That’s how I met my current boyfriend, after a lot of toads lol, but it’s worth the wait :)

[HollyK21]

If he texts you then sure, text back, but I wouldn’t reach out at all. In the mean time, keep your options open. You have vacation coming, which I think will be great for you. Maybe occupy your thoughts with that, like outfits, activity plans, etc., just something to keep your mind off of him or at the very least keep you from giving in and reaching out.

[Asker]

That’s great to hear ! I know I will find someone one day. Feel like I’m getting closer haha. I think my biggest issue is letting things slide in the beginning. I need to pay more attention and treat these as red flags and on to the next but I ignore and get in too deep. I feel like I know they’re issues but make excuses. Need to be better in setting my boundaries !

[HollyK21]

Tysm! I think I had got so used to things not working that it’s weird for to actually be ok now is a good change of pace lol. And yes, you will find your person! It was actually a friend of mine who’s a relationship coach that advised me to be forthright about my intentions from the start and learn his, so that if we weren’t on the same page then I could walk away. It was scary to actually integrate that practice because I always had this irrational fear of “losing”, or scaring the dude off. But I realized in acting that way, I was doing myself a disservice because I wasn’t able to really be myself. I didn’t speak my mind out of fear, I didn’t uphold my boundaries and in turn, I was getting these really lame guys who would waste my time for weeks and months by never committing to a relationship. I got sick of that, which I think helped me be firm from the start. Of course good judgement matters as well, because men lie to get what they want all the time, then if they aren’t getting it they get bored or tired of trying and move on to a girl who is easier to get into bed, or sext, etc. That’s why if you decide to give the guy a chance, don’t make any attachments or have expectations until he really proves he’s worthy of you. Even that helps a lot, knowing your worth! Like in your moments of fear, ask yourself why are you afraid? Why would this guy feel like a loss if he isn’t even being the person I know I want? I am someone to regret losing as well, and so are you. With your guy if he doesn’t reach out, remind yourself it is 100% his loss, and you are not losing anyone special.

[Asker]

This is great advice ! When you say you set your intentions at the start how do you go about doing that? Do you just ask what they are looking for on the first date? This has been my biggest struggle. I usually just let the guys lead so if they don’t ask upfront then I end up getting hurt because I never clarified.

[HollyK21]

Don’t worry it was a struggle for me as well lol and it took a little time to actually be confident enough to just ask, because I was very much the same as you when it came to letting the guys take the lead. I had to do it in a way that felt comfortable, and for me it was just the initial greeting, and if we click and exchange numbers it’s one of the first I’d ask through text or on phonecall. At first it felt weird to ask ‘what’re your intentions for talking to me?’. I made it more casual and instead said, ‘so what’re you looking for right now? Are you open to dating or just looking for something casual?’. 9/10 I got some honesty, whether it was that they wanted to date or just flat out didn’t want anything serious right then. Other times it seemed like excuses to try and keep my attention but still drag their feet, like saying they’d just gotten out of a relationship and not looking, too busy with work or life to date, etc etc. and I stopped giving those guys a chance because in my past I know for sure they are not serious and will not be. I definitely don’t wait til the first date, because by then we’d already done some talking and I’d rather not even do that if it’s going to be a waste of time, you know?

[Asker]

Ok I’m totally doing This! I feel like we’re just ingrained that the guys are supposed to do everything so I get nervous to show any initiative. But I think it shows a lot of confidence to come out and say exactly what you want. It shows maturity and that we’re not going to waste any time. Thanks for all the really helpful advice. I’m excited to start this haha.

[HollyK21]

So happy to hear that! It’s also very empowering to take control of your own narrative and overcome your fear. I grew up with a very similar perspective of how things should go and men being the ones who should take the initiative. For some women that logic still works and more power to them, but after enough negative experiences it just gets exhausting and protecting yourself the best you can becomes most important. Take your time, move forward in the way that works best for you and remember to go easy on yourself if you mess up somewhere along the way. You’ve got this! Also, no worries, I’m glad to help where I can! If you need any other advice feel free to comment here or dm me☺️ good luck!

[Asker]

I finally said something. Messaged him casually after not hearing from him and then said “hadn’t heard from you so was just checking in but seems like we’re looking for different things”. His response was that yes we should’ve clarified that on last date but he’s not looking for anything serious now and doesn’t want to waste my time. He said he enjoys spending time with me and would hang out again though but leaving that up to me. Ughh this is the hard part saying no. How do I respond to that?

[HollyK21]

Oh man, I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but I really wish you didn’t say anything, as I feel like his actions were already relaying his position, I think a big part of you knew this as well. Honestly there isn’t much to say, just something simple like that you understand, thanks for being honest and for him to take care. That’s if you need to respond at all (I personally would not). Just don’t say anything open ended, like “well in the future if you’re free”, “well if you change your mind”, etc. I totally get the dates were good but nothing is amazing enough to chase when it isn’t reciprocated and you aren’t desperate. Don’t let him think he has you like that or leave the door open for him to hurt you again— he’s done enough.

[HollyK21]

Another thing surprising to me about you reaching out after all this time is that you seem to be ok with just picking things right back up if he was willing to, after radio silence on his end. Of course I hope you know I am not judging, but I do have to ask how this would’ve been ok for you? I mean I get that you two had similarities and fun dates, but would you have really wanted someone who’s putting in zero effort how he was before you reached out?

[Asker]

No I’m glad I reached out because I know eventually he would and I’d get sucked back in so I wanted to just end it before that. He actually is in work busy season and when I messaged was going on ans on about how bad work is and he wants to quit. Kinda makes me see that he isn’t for me at all. Not as confident and hardworking as I thought. And no excuse for not reaching out as it takes 2 seconds.

He said we should’ve clarified this on the last date but I had made it clear on the date before what I wanted so even more disrespectful on his end. Will say what you said and leave it on a civil note. Thanks !!!

[HollyK21]

So you were reaching out more for closure rather than initiating anything, right? If so then that’s understandable, we’re all on our own journeys and have to do what feels right for us, that’s why I say no judgement on my end. I know you liked him a lot, so I’m sorry that he wasn’t better and this is the outcome, especially since you were upfront and told him what you wanted but he didn’t do the same. Which is really silly on his end to say “we should’ve clarified”, like no dude, YOU should’ve clarified rather than be silent when I asked, definitely rude and super immature on his end but as you said, someone like that isn’t for you. The right person is coming though, probably when you least expect it and not looking, that’s how I met my current partner and it’s been the healthiest of all the draining situations of the past lol. Also no worries love! I’m glad you reached out. If you need to do so in the future of course I will be around. Take care!

[Asker]

Yea I wanted to do for closure rather than leave hanging. I had a few similar situations in past where I reached out to end it and felt like it helped empower me to speak my mind.

I sent the message to the current guy and I already feel better haha. Like I have control now peace out lol.

You’re right. You find them when you least expect it. That is what happened with my ex. But I am going to make sure I clarify from now on in the beginning.

Thanks so much for all the help! Enjoy the weekend.

[Asker]

Ugh we’ll I did something really bad and now I feel like a complete idiot. Has been two months and still thinking of him. Something reminded me of him and I just sent him a message saying hope all is well.

He wrote back that he’s seeing someone seriously. Now I feel like complete crap. He had said he just wanted something casual. Now I realize it was just with me and that really hurts ! Feels like it is the same with every guy I date so what is wrong with me ?

Actually talking to a guy now where he told me he liked me after a week but now I’m starting to see the same distancing in him that I see in every guy I date.

It’s like I make a good first impression and then they change their mind and just see me as hookup material. Ughh I’m so over dating.

[HollyK21]

Oh man, I’m genuinely sorry to hear that this happened, both that you went back and that this was the outcome. I do wish that you hadn’t reached back out to him, mostly because in my mind, if he hadn’t reached out in two months, why attempt reopening that door with someone who was fine having you out of his life for so long? Even prior to that, his general pattern of not seeing you for weeks and stuff had become something you were willing to settle for. My takeaway from this entire situation is that it’s time to raise your standards, regain your confidence and remember your self worth. Of course this is not me implying that you have none, because I know you do. But you’ve gotten to a place where because dating hasn’t gone so well, you are willing to accept bare minimum when there’s a glimmer of potential on the horizon, and that mindset is what’ll land you with men like these.

[Asker]

I know. I wish I hadn’t either. I got in my head and was obsessed with finding a way to message him. But now thinking back it was a terrible idea. He clearly showed no interest when dating and after so not sure why I did.

Feels like I was punched! He didn’t even seem to be respectful of my feelings when responding. He said “things are actually really well. I’m serious with someone” and I wrote back good luck with everything and no response. Like clearly no care in the world for me. Makes you feel like crap.

Learned my lesson! I think my biggest issue is just feeling lonely. I get so desperate to have companionship that I settle. I’m going to try and brainstorm this weekend clubs or ways to meet people. All of my friends are married and never want to hang out so weekends I don’t have my son I have no plans. I know I’m in a bad cycle so will have to figure this out.

[HollyK21]

Hey don’t be too hard on yourself, because if you hadn’t reached out I think there always would’ve been that element of what-if, and even though it wasn’t the best idea to act on your curiosity and reach out, it would’ve been on your mind until you did it. But now that it’s done, you can really move on from him and I think that’ll be the most helpful. I think a downfall here that is also making it hard is that you put him on a pedestal before he earned the right to be up there, and in the future it’d be better not to do that. Like even if the guy checks everything off the list of things you want, don’t set any expectations for at least the first two months. Make him earn that high regard and such a coveted position in your heart.
Fortunately it’s only Tuesday, so there’s plenty of time to plan for the weekend! I don't know how often you do solo things, I know I’m really bad at it. But I’m in a similar boat, where all my friends are in relationships now, most of them with kids. I haven’t been in a relationship for a super long time, so when I was single I would find things happening around me and if I had gas to get there I was going. It’s very strange doing things by yourself but that’s when you meet people, get invited to group outings and stuff like that.

[Asker]

Yea that is the one good point. Now I can really move on knowing there is no possibility anymore.

Yup it’s really rough being the last single one. I have done solo vacations and such but would not feel comfortable going out solo in my city. Would feel awkward if I ran in to someone lol.

How did you find events in your area? Trying to get ideas of things I can join. Was thinking of heading back in person to the gym and maybe scheduling some weekend getaways within driving distance.

[HollyK21]

I can’t say I don’t hear you when it comes to the awkwardness, I’m all too familiar with it lol. Surprisingly one of the first things/events I did was the gym. It was an all women’s facility and I’d attend the classes. I was surprised to see women of literally all ages, made quite a few friends where we meet outside of the gym to either workout or grab drinks/food. In extension some of them invite me to other things, which was super convenient because like you, all of my friends except for one is married with kid (s).

[Wise4myage]

Ask him about the lack of texting, and start being the first to initiate contact. He might not be into texting.

[Asker]

Seems like it but I’m nervous to initiate and ruin it. I initiated with the previous guys I dated and feel like it scared them off.