Is it wrong for a 16-year-old girl to date a 20-year-old man?

Question

(No hate please) Is it wrong for the guy to want to get in a relationship with the girl? Is it safe? Even if they are really nice?

NotYourCinderella · Accepted Answer

Yeah it is. In some parts of the world it is the minimum age of consent at 16 so worth checking the law in your area. That being said, why would a 20yo be interested in a 16yo? Can they not form healthy and stable relationships with people their own age? Why is that? Also, you'd be in high school. Why is someone who graduated 2 or 3 years ago interested in pursuing a high schooler? A few red flags. I was a teenage girl once too. A close friend of mine became close with a 21yo guy when she was 16 and they started dating a couple days after her 17th birthday. He was 4 years older than her, which for adults isn't much of a gap, but when you're 17 and 21 it's a huge difference. She was in high school and had a casual job on weekends after school and was a young teenage girl and that guy was 21 and midway through a college diploma and working a night job. Totally different lives. I live in the UK and here in England the age of consent is 16 so it was legal, but it is still very suspicious and raises a few concerns as I mentioned in this. My friend and that guy did stay as a couple for 3 years. They broke up when she was 20 and he was 24 and a year later when that guy was 25 he got with a girl who had just graduated school and turned 18-Years-Old only a couple months ago. 😳 It definitely is a bit weird he keeps going for teenage girls. Him and that girl have been together almost 3 years now and he's 28 and she's 21 now so I guess that's a fine age gap as they're both adults but I always raise brows because why can't that guy ever date or have meaningful relationships with women their own age? Anyway, I digress. My advice? Follow what is legally permitted where you are and have a good support system and your wits about you. I personally wouldn't get involved with someone at that age until I was 18

honeynut-scenarios · Accepted Answer

Legally, yes it is wrong. Morally, yes it is wrong. You’re a smart girl for asking yourself this, and I can tell you may see an issue with it already just by how you phrased the question. You’re referring to yourself as a girl, and him as a man. Nothing is wrong with being 16, and wanting to date someone older, but not at the age of 20. He could be the nicest man you’ve ever met, he could be telling you things you’ve never heard of, or making you feel things you’ve never felt. Please don’t let this fool you. Why does he want to date you? Is he trying to be intimate? From my observations, the main reasons why men date underage women is because they’re weird, and can’t obtain a relationship with someone their own age. What’s his dating history? It’s easier to take advantage of someone younger or less experienced, because everything is new and exciting to them. This sounds harsh, but ultimately he’ll rob you of your adolescence, and only leave you with unnecessary heartbreak leading to trauma, and issues in your future relationships. You can have everything you want in a relationship with a boy who’s 17 or 18. Don’t rush your youth away, tell him he’s gotta go!

Damian3205 · Accepted Answer

My opinion may be biased, but I don't think it's wrong. I actually started dating my now wife of 15 years when I was 18 and she was 14. (Although we didn't know each other's age at the time, as we were in school together and she thought I was younger due to my appearance and I thought she was older due to hers) After we found out like 2 weeks in I wanted to leave it alone. But we still decided to have a relationship anyways and see how it went. However, it wasn't a sexual relationship. I graduated and left her in school. Her parents knew about me and my age and allowed me to see her under their supervision. Maybe because I respected their rules and didn't seem like a dick. Nonetheless, she got older, more freedom and here we are today as a family.

Conclusion... There is nothing wrong with a relationship of that age once it is not physical at that time, the guy is decent and respectful and the girl respects herself and is open and honest with her parents so they can guide her. Now, once she turns 18 then hey...(Chris Brown's voice)... Go Crazy.
Not much guys can wait, so if she finds one that do, he may be worth holding onto.

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

Okay from the question.

quote - Is it wrong for the guy to want to get in a relationship with the girl. Unquote.

Yes, that bit is wrong, he should not WANT to get into a relationship with her, as the older person dealing with a minor he has a duty of care.

With ages it can get a bit black and white though.

Would the following be wrong a 17 yr old with a 20 yr old?
The girl could be 16 in a week and the guy 20 in 2 days.

In the UK it happens often by chance where they meet at a sports club or similar

A 16 yr old girl can look older or younger than her real age, ditto with a guy.

A lot comes down to intent of the older person, are they dating the girl or her age.

it’s one of those things that needs to be done in the open ideally with parents aware.

the other thing is for the guy peer pressure is a bitch, he will get shit from others.

safety is key to it all.

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

It's wrong, yea. Essentially, because it's not safe. That's in general, not to say that the guy means you harm because he wants to date you. Just that... he shouldn't be ok with dating a 16 year old.

There is just a huge difference between 16 and 20. More than it might seem to you. A 20 year old guy should feel judged for dating a 16 year old... it's not something his friends should think is ok either.

It begs the question... why isn't that guy going for girls his own age? (more than it would say 3 years from now)

I think that it's a bad idea. For many reasons.

It's not something I think is ok.

I doubt you're going to be swayed by the answers here. I hope I'm wrong about that.

Yes, it's wrong. (sorry)

SometimesASiren · Answer

He's probably a strange 20 year old if he's looking to date a 16 year old. But I'll answer. 😀

Is it wrong for the guy to want to get in a relationship with the girl? A: I could see it potentially being genuine. I don't know you guys. It really depends on what draws him to you. If he likes you for your body or relative lack of experience, then he's wrong. But if you're a mature 16 year old who communicates well and basically acts like the average 20 year old, then he's not wrong.

Is it safe? A: I would take a good hard look at him and ballpark how many women you think he's been with. Definitely use a condom and honestly, I'd have him take an STD test, but that's just me.

Even if they are really nice? A: Hopefully he's really nice! Guys are sweet as pie when they're interested. It's when they're uninterested that you see their true character.

Good luck love! 💕

TheorionMage · Answer

Define 'Safe'...
ALL potential relationships involve exposing oneself to numerous risks irregardless of One's age.
Wise 'gamblers' don't 'wager' MORE than they're prepared to lose---

"Faint heart n'ere 'won' fair Paramour~ But... use common sense regarding birth control and STD's.
"No 'glove' NO 'Lovin"... you don't wanna end up playing 'Who's yah Daddy?"

A broken heart WILL heal 'older & wiser'... naively STUPID = Abortion, Adoption or 18 years commitment of the PRIME of YOUR life!
Not to mention the 'Monday Morning Quarterbacking' ( Well I WOULD HAVE... they weren't in that sweaty back seat with him rubbin THEIR Nubbin! )
Nature evolved to 'dumb down' critical long term judgement, especially if abetted by alcohol or drugs! >:O

concerned4u · Answer

I did it myself. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I would ask myself: "can I see myself marrying them?" and then making sure that he feels the same. Mine did, and I didn't know it (he never said), and then I had to move elsewhere, and... we could have married. Now, the first one I was with did something entirely inappropriate and (subtly, therefore scarily) abusive in bed. Being so young, I REally wouldn't have know it, and therefore it's like Russian roulette. It can be scarring mentally if things are bad. My vote: if I'd asked him if he felt the same, and his life showed evidence of this, then... I never ever would have dated the abusive one. So, I'd pause and ask myself and him, also take it slow, waiting until marriage being preferred. Also, check the laws in your state, make sure he won't be seen as a 'statutory rape', then you'll know how much to keep the relationship hidden from others (sorry, just being honest, some people can just want to stir up trouble for you).

Gordyshore · Answer

Can we ask why a 20-year-old grown man is even interested in a 16-year-old girl? When I was in high school I knew this girl who got pregnant by a 29-year-old man; the way he spoke to her; or about her was odd. I got the feeling that I just didn't want to be around them. We have to ask ourselves what the heck is wrong with you to not be able to seek someone around your age or at least 18.

Anonymous · Answer

What state do you live in? In some states this would be illegal. Other states have “close in age” laws. When is your birthday?

I personally would of never dated a minor in my early 20s. A few of sister’s friends (some very attractive) had huge crushes on me too. But I just didn’t want to mess with that. It might of been “legal” but I am still dating a HS girl who is a minor. I did get in lots of age gap relationships when I got older but the girls were always at least 20.

I heard a good formula for the lowest dating age ranges should be half your age plus seven. So this guy’s bare minimum should be 17. I would wait to your birthday and double check your states age consent laws.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Its legal here, a 16 year can date and even have sex with a 20 year old, but a 15 year old could not, a 4 year legal window, a 17 year old could do it with a 21 year old.

A 18 year old could a 14.

Right or wrong, depends on what you mean by that and how serious it is. Dating and nothing more, no big deal to me but having lots of sex, is risky to me.

whereismyjohnny · Answer

Legally it’s okay (well, in most European countries at least) but personally I don’t think it’s okay.

16 year old and 20 year old are at different life stages, and after all, 16yo is basically a kid while 20yo is an adult (although most 20-year-old guys don’t act like that).

DanaeAdam5 · Answer

Legally? Depends on where you live

Morally? Not gonna lie, it's extremely wrong. A four year age gap might not seem that big of a deal, however a 20 year old and a 16 year old are in completely different levels of maturity. I mean can you imagine yourself dating a 16 year old? Because to me that concept seems absurd and disgusting.

Further more the power dynamic of the relationship would be extremely unfair towards the teenager.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

That all depends, if the guy has real intentions of treating the girl right and not to use her then it's fine to date, thing is that it's hard to know a person's intentions so it's why it's considered at your own risk, sexual activities shouldn't be a part of the relationship until the girl is at least 18, the age of consent is 16 in many places around the world but it's safer this way, to prevent any problems.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I wouldn't, too much difference at that age in general. In very rare scenarios where she is very mature and he is not... yes, platonic, just don't touch them.

my daughter, no way. why the heck you need to date at 16 anyway, you've got a lot of work to do to set yourself up for life.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Nothing wrong with that.
Well it's not safe to date anyone really so that's your judgement, I knew someone who was 16 girl with a 21 year old guy and she came onto him first and they've been together since 2012 now happily. So that gap never affected them.
Not that it wouldn't effect you.
Really just depends in that person is truly a good person but that's the risk of dating in any case.

The1Girl · Answer

I was seeing an older guy when I was 16, turned out he just wanted sex. Plus it makes you wonder why they can't get someone their own age. I know I'm slightly older but I would never date a 16 year old (and dating a little younger doesn't bother me), 4 years at that age is a huge gap, you're in different development stages. He might think that by dating someone so young, they'll be easier to manipulate in to doing what he wants. My advice is don't go there.

slatyb · Answer

Wrong? That's complicated. A 20-year-old man who is willing to date a high school student is probably rather immature for his age.

Safe? Safe in what way? Is the young woman safe from sexual assault? That depends entirely on the man's character. Her age doesn't matter much. Women can be sexually assaulted at 16 or 26 or 36 or 46.

DWornock · Answer

That is fine, for them to date. 16 is the age of consent in 2/3rds of the states, and throughout most human history, 16 or younger was a marriageable age. Shakespeare’s Juliet was 2 weeks shy of age 14 when her parents were going to marry her off; and, at the time, people didn’t think she was too young.

skyeee_ · Answer

it depends on where you live. the legal age is usually 18 but if it's 16 where you're at then you dont have to worry about it. it's ok to have a relationship where sex ain't involved tho or even if it's consensual your boyfriend will be charged for statuary rape

Tjw78 · Answer

Females usually mature faster emotionally than guys. Sex isn't a good idea until you are at the age of consent in his interest. Even if it is consentual, all it would take is one of your parents to call the cops and he will get labeled as a sex offender.

Prints · Answer

I would say be cautious and take things slow, this period is important and can shape you both.

In life timing is important, I’ll give an example….

In 4 years time no one will think anything of it he will be 24 and you will be 20.

Another example of timing…

40-50 years ago this was extremely common.

Take time & TC

DaveJord · Answer

Yes it is sick, a 20 year old women or man could so easily brainwash or take advantage of a 16 year old. Yeah, Yeah... every 16 year old these days think they are sooo smart but trust you just don't get how sick it is.

Ekvark · Answer

Life isn't a fairy tale. It's usually not a good sity. Althought it's possible because a 4 year difference gets seem less wild as you get older (i. e. 20 with a 24y. o) please just be careful because you're eager but things can go south real fast.

Raphaëlle · Answer

The age thing is not a bad thing. The thing is that ages are in different stages of life. Can you find some things in common? Are you mature enough for each other? Do you want the same things? How independent are you and so on.

Anonymous · Answer

The reason why this is happening is caused by the time a girl is 18 she's already a bitch and originally over a hundred years ago there was no such thing as a real feminism So they're looking for someone that's young and uncorrupted The problem is the process of sex has a tendency to do that so it's a damn do you do damned if you don't. You can keep demonizing men for having these desires or go to the root of the problem and make women great again.

artstatues · Answer

I would think that it is wrong because he has a different social group than the 16 year old girl. Because he is older, he may or may not take advantage or her because she is young and naive
Also, it may not be legal in many places of the world

Anonymous · Answer

So I have an opinion about this. Yes that is not the best choice but also I do think it’s disgusting that when someone turns 18 it’s automatically fine. It’s not a big age difference. When I was growing up I still felt like a child at 18. So the people who date someone at 17 what makes it right at 18? It’s a year difference what changes in a year. Does your mind switch to an adult at 18 because I know mine sure didn’t. It’s mind blowing to me.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s kind of pushing it, but in my mind the difference between 16 and 20 is pretty negligible considering we all develop at different rates. The law says otherwise though... and young people can be pretty stupid... that being said I think most 16yr old girls are a lot more mature about relationships than 20 year old men lol

laurieluvsit · Answer

Nothing wrong with it as long as the age of consent is 16 where they are so there are no legal issues

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Legally, in a lot of places it is wrong.  Morally? Same with the above.

SnakeBoop · Answer

i would avoid generally as there's always the option of some type of manipulation/grooming at that age. Also 16 years old are no where near the same mental place as a 20 year old.

Cyberbrat · Answer

yes absolutely. there isn't anything a 20 year old should have in common with a 16 year old girl. Im 20 years old now and I don't even have the same mindset from when I was 16. Trust me babes if he isn't dating women around his age group it's for a reason. And the reason is he is most likely a loser who wants to control you.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on which state you're in. If you are in SC or Hawaii then have at it. But if the age of consent isn't 16 in your state then he is taking a risk. Nothing is morally wrong with it in my opinion. if you were 20 and he was 24 nobody would blink.

Guy13 · Answer

It depends on what you want to see your Dad DO to him…or Mom for that matter‼️  Do you have a Prison Wish for your parents going on ⁉️

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Whether it's wrong depends on the age of consent in the state the couple lives in, but I can tell you it's always creepy, without a doubt. The girl is just too young.

TyLeeAndPink · Answer

I think you should wait until you’re 17. A 4-year age gap isn’t actually wrong at your age, but it’s better when you’re older. Just make sure you don’t get intimate and you’re golden! 😁

maverick2022 · Answer

Nope I did it when I was that age and it was the girl that pursued me. Some guys just have white knight syndrome and feel the need to protect every girl from other guy's dicks.

Selena1987 · Answer

Wait until you get older
For this kind of relationships, you will have a lot of time in your life
Now, for you it’s better to think deeply about your future and try to prepare a good resume to apply for college

fonduegirl · Answer

If it is a sexless romantic relationship, I think it's okay. Otherwise, depending on where you live, this can get messy.

OddBeMe · Answer

Yes. I wouldn’t do it. Your infatuated with his independence, etc. There’s a reason 18 is considered adult.

by the way, don’t you find it weird he’s interested in such young flesh? Pretty sure he’ll dump you for another 16 yr old.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

That is way to young , Just wait until you turn 18 .

Drumlin2001 · Answer

First question is what is age of consent where they are? Nobody wants a rape charge. It can work out, may face resistance from others

Anonymous · Answer

it makes you wonder why he doesn’t want to be with someone the same age youngest possible is usually the reason emotionally and experience the differences are great.

uwu_princess · Answer

No, it's not fine. You are still a kid. Better wait 2years 🤦‍♀️

jammcm · Answer

It is an issue of the law. The 20 year old could go to jail. The difference in age is OK but both parties need to be over 18. You will get there in a couple of years. Enjoy your sweet 16ns.

exitseven · Answer

It might be seen as strange but as long as no sex is involved it is okay.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Are you the 16 year old girl?

Dchrls78104 · Answer

In my country, it is. The age of consent here is 18. Men here have been arrested for dating 17 year old girls.

Paul09 · Answer

Oh yes. And when I was 18 I dated a 14 year old. Age wise seemed wrong. Would have been better if she was at least 18 and over. Maturity, and all that so different.

Mac-One · Answer

In most states, it is illegal for him to have sex with her. Nothing legally wrong with them dating.

megabamse · Answer

4 years difference, it just happens to be a 16 years old. It's a bit on the edge yes.

KATaylor · Answer

i don't think so. I think it depends on what they like and have in common

Shy_Steve · Answer

I'm not sure what the laws are, But I don't think it's a Good idea, I reckon you would feel much better having sex after you turn 18.

Zenit93 · Answer

My wife was 16 when I met her. I was 20/21. We’ve been happily married. Today our age difference is nothing.

genericname85 · Answer

no. but it's wrong for a 20 year old man to date a 16 year old girl.

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

Some areas it is legal. But hopefully he talked to you about things

nawtee_me · Answer

Depends on where you are. If in the U. S. then no she is not legal. If U. K. then yes because she is legal.

noohair · Answer

As a father, I would have a problem with this on both sides. I draw the line at 18 as that is the current age of majority in the US.

Layafell · Answer

I think it's fine as long as long as the law allows it in your country

Surely · Answer

Maybe not wrong. But definitely fround upon by a lot of people.

zagor · Answer

Better check the local laws before things get too heavy.

Nagatoro · Answer

As long as you don't sleep around until you're 18 and he's not a jackass, then I guess it's fine

Anonymous · Answer

No. It depends on the state though. But in another few years you can be in a relationship no problem.

Is it wrong for a 16-year-old girl to date a 20-year-old man?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it okay for a 35-year-old man to date a 19-year-old girl?

Is it wrong for a 16-year-old girl to date a 20-year-old man?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it okay for a 35-year-old man to date a 19-year-old girl?

We're glad to see you liked this post.