Does a woman approaching a man to ask him out set the tone for the relationship as her being more dominant than him?

Question

I know I have done a poll where men have asked for women to approach more often and fear of rejection or being called creepy/a sexual assaulter would be the reasons why they would want a woman to approach first, but is that not setting the tone for a woman to be the one calling the shots more often if she is the one taking the initiative even in the beginning. If so, does this bother you at all?

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I've been in three different relationships, and also at different stages of my life and in all three... they approached me first, they made the first move, and they made it very clear that they were either interested, or intrigued to say the least (plus two more times in which we did not end up in a relationship but we did have "situationship")

so I could tell you that out of those five times there was "no setting tones for dominance" whatsoever, most of my life I've been approached by women first, and this is not because I have a fear or worry, no concerns... is just because I am more passive about these things, and it also happened by chance, I am not one to go out on the lookout and think of asking people out to see how it goes

but no, just because they made the first move, it doesn't mean that they're dominant and that I am submissive... in fact, none of them were looking for someone submissive, as they said it, they were attracted to my "presence" initially and that's what they ended up liking the most

all of my relationships have been balanced and tilted to dom/sub... I don't even like that, I like someone that is as confident, and driven as me, not dependent and also with a strong personality like the one I can have so this does call for a balance...

like Priya wonderfully said it... we complement our strengths, and aim for that balance

HighlyVolatile · Accepted Answer

I don't know but I seem to be one of the few on here who doesn't like it. I'd probably reject her even if I find her attractive but then offer to hang out and be friends for a while, and then if we get along, take the initiative to ask her out now and take over the lead.

I'm on the extreme end though. I test 97% dom and 0% sub and 0% switch on some online test; I really like to be in charge of situations.

I'm also an old-school dater following the gentleman code. I arrange the date, pick her up, and pay for my honored guest (my date) as her host. Some newer people seem to find it foolish but I think that's because most of the new generation dates complete strangers, like people they meet online. I never did that and refuse to do that, only dating women I already knew and clicked with in person, and all my exes including my wife were very gracious and courteous guests on my dates.

I relate it to inviting guests to my home and preparing them dinner and entertainment. I don't charge my guests money for that. They pay for it by gracing me with their company.

A woman asking me out on a date throws my whole thing off. So I think I'll reject the offer at first but maybe take over by asking her out instead later on.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

No, I don’t think it does, I don’t have much experience with this, but I have asked a couple of guys out. Although I felt responsible for arranging the first dates, because after all, I was the one who asked HIM out, but on that first date, if you like the guy, and wanted a second date, I dismissed that “I’m in charge vibe” by saying maybe you could arrange the next date? After that they were basically just like any other dating relationship.

DermalPunch · Accepted Answer

In my experience, your value as a long term partner plummets significantly. I read a lot of men on the internet saying they would love the woman to initiate and blah blah blah. In my experience, if a man doesn't have to pursue you he won't treat you as a prize.

It's ridiculous. It's absurd. I don't know why it is but it has always gone badly for me.

Anonymous · Answer

No not in the slightest I’m already a pretty confident guy but I almost never could approach in person mainly just because I don’t want to make a woman uncomfortable or be that one creepy guy that harasses women. Part of this is because I don’t want to compromise my friend or work group environment unless I can do it smoothly. If she shows interest it takes a huge weight off my shoulders but not only that it shows that she’s confident and goes after what she wants in life. This attitude is extremely attractive to me because my last two relationships my exes insecurity and lack of confidence completely destroyed the relationship. I’m also pretty confident myself so I wouldn’t feel like she’s more dominant or assertive than me and even if she was a bit louder emotionally I workout and lift daily and am dominant in bed so no matter what she does I’ll always be physically and sexually more dominant and stronger than she is.

and if we are both sexual doms? Well that’s where the fun power struggles in bed can begin which are great and sexy anyways 😋. So either way I don’t care. Women who know and go after what they want in life are incredibly alluring to me.

Anonymous · Answer

How in the world does a woman letting a man know she is interested in him mean she is the dominant one in the relationship?

You are correct that men are much less comfortable approaching a woman now due to fear of being accused of something or being labeled a creep. But the other frustration men have in all of this is that women are cryptic or completely passive about what they want and there is no way for a guy to know where he stands with a woman without being upfront and asking her out, and thereby putting himself at risk for the things mentioned above.

Half of women say men don't pick up on their "cues" that they are interested, and the other half complain that men think they are interested when they are just trying to be nice. All of that is a result of the fact that women don't take any initiative at all. They don't have to be "dominant" to do that. They just have to put themselves at risk... like men do.

The dynamics in a relationship have nothing to do with who approached whom. They will be sorted out as the couple get to know each other and the relationship develops. There is no correlation between any of that and whether or not a woman has the courage to let the guy know she is interested.

Men just want women to stop sitting on their hands hoping the guy they are desperately interested in notices them and asks them out. Half of that is entitlement and the other half is cowardice. That's the problem, not who is going to "call the shots" in the relationship.

BluishGaze · Answer

I rather like the idea of a woman taking that level of initiative. It's a very rare thing, and because it's so rare that it can make some guys feel pretty special. Heh.

Still, to address why men are hesitant to make the first move; well I'm of the opinion that men should ONLY approach women platonically, with the express purpose of wanting to be friends. Then they can work their way up from there, and he should learn how to pick up the subtle signs that a woman gives telling him that she wants something more. That's just me.

Approaching a woman to ask her out spontaneously CAN work... but it's a gamble, and this is probably what most young men are alluding to when they talk about how difficult it is. It's scary because it depends on how the man approaches, if the woman even suspects him approaching, and whether or not if she's having a bad day. I personally don't like this approach, but I understand why some people do it. Some people like it spontaneous.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I don't think it does. All it demonstrates is that this woman is more forward and goes for what she wants, so she does show a level of dominance to a degree, but a one time instance isn't going to set the tone the whole way. If it was a continuous thing of her doing it and going on multiple dates with the same guy, then yes, she is essentially filling the role of the man and being dominant in everything that they do together from there on.

Now if the guy she was interested in took her upfront invitation and then was the one making the calls from there on because he knows that she is interested, then no, he is the one assuming the dominant and masculine role.

Ultimately if a woman made the first move on me and asked me out, no, it wouldn't bother me. I would be flattered and take it from there.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

Hmm not to me no. If anything, she would stand out from everyone else and I’ll have a lot of respect for her to stand up for what she wants/ needs in her life when the opportunity presents itself.

Would I think she always will be “dominant” and the relationship dynamic will mimic this behavior permanently? No of course not. There’s a difference between being assertive and dominant, they’re similar but not the same thing.

I enjoy a woman who is not afraid to say to me, “Hey, you seem like the type of man I want/ need in my life. I would like to discuss that over coffee if you’re available this weekend?” , shiiitt , a woman say that to me, I’m already like screw waiting till the weekend, I’m free right now !

hahahmm · Answer

No. But if you don't live in a place where women outnumber men, think twice before asking a man out. The natural order of things is that a guy is MOTIVATED to ask you out. If you skip that step then he might just be with you because it's easy. You know what else is easy? Dumping you for the first woman who smiles at him. He's got no investment in the situation if you do all the work. And I'm guessing that if you had to step 1, you're likely to have to do step 2-3 and so on.

That said... I can see why a lot of women feel desperate. Women -- in general -- have less to offer men than they did in the old days & guys are starting to wake up to this.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

The parameters of a relationship are usually set out in the early stages, and your question poses quite a thoughtful miling over.
Yes I believe it does set the tone. However, the response she gets also plays a significant part in deciding who's boss.
For example. If she asks, "hey i noticed you looking cute, wanna go out?" and he replies., "err. um".. and nervously responds with "yeah ok. " He's already on the back foot.
However, if his response to that is to fold his arms, look her up and down and say.. "Absolutely" The tone is back in his power.
Of course, if you don't care about the phycology aspect of the relationship, (as I don't) then I believe playing it by ear and see how things go works too!

DonkeyDan · Answer

I don't know that I would say if she approached me it means she would be calling the shots more often than me. I am happy for a woman to to call the shots now and again, what I don't expect her or necessarily want her to do is lead the relationship if she has approached me for a date.

Also when I have been approached by women for dates before, and they're not necessarily all out dominant, it's just they felt comfortable enough to come and talk to me and it ultimately be her that suggest we go on a date.
It's not like girls walk up to a guy and just say "hey you want to go out", well very rarely. They spend some time talking to you first, and see what kind of guy you are and if things seem good say, so maybe we should go out sometime or something like that.

HighValue · Answer

To me it just means that she will actually initiate things in the relationship sometimes. That could mean things as simple as initiating a hug, giving her opinion on where she would like to go occasionally when going out, or her initiating intimacy too, etc. Some women always wait for the guy to initiate everything every time and to me, it makes me feel unwanted if she never initiates anything. If the girl asks the guy out first, at least she obviously would be willing to initiate stuff sometimes.
That has nothing to do with who would be the one making more decisions or taking charge more in the relationship.

MTC29 · Answer

Only a handful of women have ever asked me out, but in my experience, this had nothing to do with her being any more (or less) dominant. Women usually end up calling the shots regardless. This is why tomorrow night the SO and I are dining in a vegan restaurant whose specialty is a "Deliciously Sweet Salad with Maple, Nuts, Seeds, Blueberries, and Goat Cheese." YUCH!

I don't want to eat the crap, but I will.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

No not at all.

it’s common for a girl who is submissive, maybe picking up on how you are or she knows you are Dominant and that’s part of her attraction.

The simply asking part does not usually define the relationship, other than usually it means the asker has some level of confidence

PrettyPriya · Answer

Absolutely not. I asked my now fiancé out first, and I definitely don't call the shots. If anything, we are fairly 50/50 in our relationship. We both play to each other's strengths.

ohshee · Answer

I dont have a clue

I'm more Disturbed bye something so innocent so beautiful can be turned in such a fucking disaster and made so difficult with all the new fucking labels because that's how people see it what in the fuck happened where did we go wrong why are people like this why does everybody have to have a title now
Why is something so easy and so innocent turned into something so negative and ugly just because somebody does something it's Unique or off the wall or because they want to they have to put a label on it they have to put a spin on it that's what disturbs me

nitsuj86 · Answer

It doesn't bother men, but it bothers women. Why?

Because a lot of women have a bigger ego than most men. They might say it doesn't matter, but then you will get into a fight years later and she will use it against you. Think you didn't like her enough to approach, that you approached other women probably, etc...

I think women view it this way, and because of that, they treat those guys like shit and then blame them for not being "assertive" enough.

Most men that I know like when women approach them. I've never heard a man complain about it. Just women.

NamerOfStars · Answer

I think that's reading too much into it. Basic inertia states that if NO ONE makes an opening move, nothing happens. But being the one to do it doesn't mean you have more motive force; just that you happened to be the one who applied it at a specific point.

Mooseypooo12 · Answer

Yes. Men should be the initiators and the ones making the communication and plans. Ladies, don’t chase men or ask them out.
I am in a happy relationship with an amazing guy who had the balls to come tell me I’m gorgeous one day, asked for my number, asked me to dinner and drinks, then kept pursuing me after that. Now we’ve been together for over a year. I have never seen great success where both people are genuinely happy where the woman asked the guy out.

Seinna · Answer

That only depends on the guy, if he lets that happen... I'm not totally against a girl asking a guy out (though I'd never do it myself) but I dislike fretful and shy men who see this as their only chance of having a girlfriend. Because maybe then that means they're not supposed to have one? In my experience even girls who'd be willing to ask a guy out don't want that kind of guy.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

No this is just a rationalisation for women to unburden themselves of the notion of approaching. The approach serves zero purpose except to begin an interaction. If the man is a natural leader then he'll quickly start to steer the conversation despite the woman having approached him.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Only simps and cucks are asking for that. I literally just had convos with 3 different women while out doing errands today. Said hi or had girls say hi to me many times too. Not particularly to get a number but easily could have asked without it being crazy.

If a girl opened by just saying hi, smiling and making herself look pleased to see me thats about the most id accept from a girl opening me. Or if she has a reason to say something to me. I still need to be the one to ask her number.

In my experience girls who open and ask for number are fucking nuts and low quality.

annabananna · Answer

I do t think so but I’ve never asked I guy out. I think if I asked the guy out I would wonder if he ever really liked me. I feel like when a guy asks you than you know he’a interested. I know you can flip it around and say well how would the guy know you’re interested but I don't know it’s just how I was I felt more comfortable and secure doing it that way.

Anonymous · Answer

I’ve never had success with approaching men first. I’ve done it 3 times and the guys always seemed appreciative of the fact, but then they seemed to lose interest quickly. But the guys who pursue me first seem to keep interest a lot longer. So I’m done pursuing lol.

bolverk · Answer

Does a woman approaching a man to ask him out set the tone for the relationship as her being more dominant than him?

No, not necessarily, if the man is secure in himself.

But you should also realise that if a woman did this she leaves herself open to the same kind of knock back responses that women routinely give to men in the same circumstances, do you honestly think a woman would leave herself open to public rejection, as men routinely have to do?

VanillaSalt · Answer

I would assume a woman that stepped up wants to be in charge initially until I got to know her more… that being said. What’s the alternative? Spend your life alone because men don’t wanna risk themselves that’s fine.

Jeremy_loves_coins · Answer

No. It tells me that she is serious about it. And more than that, it means she is courageous enough to do something out of her comfort zone and i respect that. Being dominant or sub does not neccessarily have an impact on this. Although in some cases it may happen to be true.

It also means she will be straightforward when highlighting issues in our relationship rather than expecting me to guess exactly whats wrong.

cookiecrusher · Answer

No, definitely not.

I have always been the one approached in the relationships. Always been the dominant one.

Depends on the gut a bit, if you pick a guy who is busy with his life and doesn't have time to chase women or go out to party then you will most likely get a dominant guy.

Just_call_me_Levi · Answer

If I'm REALLY going to be honest, I'm not a fan of it.

I'm old-fashioned and want to be the one to tell her what she means to me... Vaguely asking me out is fine, giving hints also fine, but I want to be the one to take her on dates and I want to he the one to say it, but only when the time is right. (also like to toy with her just a bit)

I've never been called controlling, but I know with this I definitely am.

Кураж · Answer

A woman making the first move doesn't come across to me as dominant at all.
But then again, I don't think women should be the ones to initiate.
But then again again, I think men who want women to approach are crybabies so iunno.

AviatorTom · Answer

No necessarily. She may just have decided to ask him out before he asked her out. Sometimes guys delay things, and it's fine for a woman to get things started.

Anonymous · Answer

No because I still have testicles and I'm dominant, I would not let a bitch rule me.. if I ever got into a relationship ima set the boundaries and rules. Not her... It's jus that I don't want to give a girl the opportunity to reject me... Cos if I try flirting with a girl first.. 9/10 times she will reject me jus to feel good about herself and laugh about it... Even if she's actually attracted to me.. she will still say no and reject me jus cos they love making guys feel upset... So I jus don't like giving girls the opportunity to do that and get off on their sick fetish of rejecting me

VanniusSella · Answer

I don't think that encouraging a woman to pursue whomever she wants sets any kind of tone, other than one of respect. Asking someone out shouldn't be gender locked, and I don't think any stigma should be attached to a woman who does. I'd love it if a woman asked me out, and I wouldn't assume it meant she was going to be super dominant because of it.

exitseven · Answer

This is a good question. You are correct that what happens early in a relationship often sets the tone of the future. I'm not sure that asking a guy out will have a real impact if the guy is assertive to begin with.

RealMarek · Answer

I doubt it sets the tone for the whole relationship. That comes down more to personality and values. Who made the first move might relate to personality and/or values but does not necessarily mean the other person is not as dominant.

LaNc3L0TT · Answer

Does it bothering me, no. For me, there is nothing better than a woman who knows what she wants and being direct. If she is like that I think relationship is heathier 100%.

Guy13 · Answer

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Dear 👸🏻/Dominant🙃, TAKE IT‼️

Firstly, you make it 💵, THEN, you Keep it, THEN, YOU KEEP IT AWAY-just to keep 💵 (Family).
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Anonymous · Answer

Absolutely, if you had to make the move then he’s not changing with time. That’s who he is.

Women should show interest, make it easy for us to approach and make a move… if what you want is a dominant man then let them be dominant.

Don’t go after a submissive man and then expect things to change with time. If you give the signs and he’s interested he’ll bite.

SmokyOne · Answer

I don't think so. The few times I have been asked out by a girl there was never a feeling of one being dominated by the other, just two people getting to know each other.

jshm2 · Answer

Ernm. No? Most of my approaches were women side. Dating a girl, her sister or friends wanted me on the side. If anything, there are more issues when girls are the initiators than the guys.

JSmuve · Answer

No, it doesn't set the tone necessarily. It depends on the personalities involved. But it does mean that she's paying for the first date. You know, the whole "whoever asks, pays" shtick that women say.

Splatmate22 · Answer

I did approach a man through my high school when I was in still in high school and got rejected by. I give the a letter to. Other guys that I am not sure.

20yearsolder · Answer

I don't believe it's setting a tone for the relationship, I would appreciate a woman ballsy enough to go after what she wants. More power to her

globetrotter22 · Answer

This is becoming more of a requirement thanks to radical feminism scaring the hell out of men. Also many guys have had a few bad experience of being rudely rejected (which feminists applaud) when approaching women.

The chances of a man rudely rejecting you are slim to none. The worst he might do is outright ignore you if he’s not interested and/or in a bad mood. But have you ever seen a man publicly humiliate a woman for approaching him?

Paul09 · Answer

I'd be very happy, complimented, surprised, impressed, if that ever happened. Would take off so much stress from my shoulders. I'd respect that woman way more too. You like me and you came up to me ! Wow only in dreams.

Evilbunnyfoofoo · Answer

Nah. She’s just a gal willing to go after what she’s interested in. Everything else is for the future development.

anon1903 · Answer

I'm a bit turned off by guys initiating things, tbf. This is the ideal way for me. I'd love to read other opinions on this 💕

RedBullRacingLemia · Answer

It depends on the situation. I dropped my stream earlier, You seemed to be having fun 😀

Bluemax · Answer

I don't think it sets the tone. I doubt my asking my wife set the tone.

Mark987 · Answer

Not at all we're in 2022... it's time for things to change.. and I have been asked out by women a few times.. didn't change anything.. it's actually flattering

shanom · Answer

I wouldn't want women approaching, not like they would anyway, now because of the power dynamic, I would just find it suspicious that she makes a move on me. I feel like it's a setup to get robbed or something

jammcm · Answer

I would take it as a complement. I would think of the woman as outgoing but not dominant.

Pohjolan · Answer

No. It only means that she is willing to communicate what she desires.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I don't think so. I've been asked out several times and it was never an issue.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Nah. It’s just a woman stepping up to the plate and knowing what she wants. It’s actually a turn on when a woman will go after what she wants

Jouth · Answer

I've had a few girls approach me. It didn't make them dominant.  I was still just as dominant as I usually am (It's worth noting I'm very naturally dominant)

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, it does not lol. It's just an introduction! Sheesh.

nik4play · Answer

Not really, I think women are becoming more equal and are having as much right to adopt a more assertive tone. I think power to that woman.

anylolone · Answer

No. Certainly that doesn't work that way with guys, so I don't see how that would work in such a manner with girls.

Zolly99999 · Answer

No I don't think so.. i often get asked out by women.. it doesn't change the dynamic of the relationship what so ever.

Anonymous · Answer

The way that males interact with females is instinctual. I cannot be changed with a coin toss.

cth96190 · Answer

Women have made themselves too dangerous to be around.
Men, do not approach, do not date and absolutely do not have sex with a female.
Today’s consensual sex is tomorrow’s false rape allegation.
Use a concealed bodycam to record all interactions. Keep the files on a server at home, as well as the cloud.
You may need those video/audio files to defend yourself against a false allegation.

AydenHazor · Answer

I don't think this sets the tine for either to be more dominant necessarily.

Does a woman approaching a man to ask him out set the tone for the relationship as her being more dominant than him?

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