I can’t let my toxic girlfriend go because I won’t find anyone else. Would you rather be with a toxic person or be single forever?

Question

My girlfriend is very toxic for me. We were eating at Applebees today and she started yelling at our server calling her “stupid.” It’s a long story but what happened was the server was new or training and she told my girlfriend the item she wanted wasn’t on the menu. She called her stupid and started to belittle her talking to her like a child or if she was insanely dumb. I felt so embarrassed and the girl felt bad.

kylee2437 · Accepted Answer

I’d rather be alone forever, especially because toxic partners will isolate you from people that aren’t going anywhere like your family. I’d rather be single and have my friends and family in exchange

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Get out now before you waste your 20s. I stayed with a guy that was toxic and now im single at 29 which sucks as I don't have much time left since I'm a female

Investigator · Answer

"I can’t let my toxic girlfriend go because I won’t find anyone else."

I used to be like this myself, not putting my foot down and letting my woman treat me poorly, because I was very inexperienced with women and I didn't think I'd ever be wanted by another woman again. You're probably gonna read this comment and think to yourself, "sure, maybe things worked out for you, but I'm not you. You have no idea how hard it was to get with her. No one else will want me..." I don't know your circumstances, but if I had to guess, you're thinking that way because A) you have a scarcity mindset and B) you're dependent on her to be your life house in a stormy ocean. This does not work if she is the storm.

Here's the reality: this is NOT a functional relationship, because you are not being a functional person. You are to the relationship what an alcoholic is to the bottle: you know she's bad for you, but "the devil you know is better than the devil you don't." In your mind, whatever toxic traits she has is outweighed by the fact that, at least you have someone. You aren't just by yourself. This is textbook desperation--a sign of low self-esteem and a lack of self-respect. Why should she respect you, if you don't respect yourself? Absolutely no good can come from this arrangement.

The bottom line, you need to tell her that you've come to your senses, this relationship is beyond repair and that you're leaving. DO NOT, under any circumstances, "leave without leaving", i. e. using your exit as a "cry for attention", hoping she'll suddenly "see the light" and try to win you back. If you leave, you leave with purpose; it has to be clear that your resolve is absolute and she is dead to you.

Is it going to suck, being alone? Yes. Is it better than being with a partner you can't stand. Also yes. It's going to take time to recover, so give yourself time. It took me several years to get over my ex, but like the cliche goes "time heals all wounds". Well, it certainly heals this one. In the moment, you're gonna think I'm full of shit and that leaving her was a bad idea, but that's what happens when you're in a fog: you make bad decisions. There will come a point where your outlook and prospects are better, but you need to actively work towards a goal to make that happen. Passively sitting around and waiting for the "better" to materialize itself leads to stagnation.

Oigit · Answer

I had a relationship with a woman with drinking issue and I don't drink myself. In a lot of ways she was the best girl friend I have had. But it simply was not worth sticking around for. I ended up getting her to a hospital due to some issues she was having with chest pain. I ended leaving her shortly after that. Simply because in her late 20's they found serious issues with cirrhosis of the liver due to her drinking and that is where her chest pain was coming from. Despite loving her and the good aspects of our relationship I left. Because she didn't attempt to stop drinking and I was not going to stick around a watch her further self destruct.

The drinking was an issue for me and it was not going to stop. So I had no choice to leave. Simply because self preservation can be way more important then your feelings towards someone. So if you know your girlfriend is toxic to you and pulling that kind of stuff on public it's best to leave. Self preservation does fit into your issue as well. Because the company we keep does reflect on us. So you have to ask yourself do you really want to be know as the guy with a girlfriend how acts like that?

zeitgeist057 · Answer

okay first, shush. you're freaking 22, so omg literally shut it with the "alone forever" histrionics. No offense, but C'mon. You have years and years of possibilities in front of you. Honestly, I saw that Applebees scene and played it out in my head where you told your girlfriend in front of the server to shut her foul mouth and apologized to the server and tipped her big and told her thank you for putting up with this trash person, and I want to thank you because this has made me realize I cannot be with a person like this who treats people so terribly. To girlfriend: You and I are done. Please grow up and learn to treat people better. To server: again, I'm so sorry, you don't deserve that.
Man leaves Applebees.
End scene.

I can’t let my toxic girlfriend go because I won’t find anyone else. Would you rather be with a toxic person or be single forever?

If you stay with this toxic person you will literally be alone forever, while simultaneously trapped in this relationship that is the same, actually worse than being alone. Because you don't have a partner, you don't have a friend. You have a burden.

PastorJohn69 · Answer

You have to realize the psychological damage that is being done to the both of you.
The stress and resentment and built up anger does a massive amount of damage to the human body.
It effects your internal organs, your muscles, sleep, apatite, mental well-being.
It can create users, chemical unbalance in your brain which can affect your spine... the list is huge.
You will find that not living under those conditions will make you feel better and happier. You will find that you become happier.
After you separate yourself from the situation, you will realize just how unacceptable your situation was. Keeping someone around just so you are not alone is really unfair to both of you. You resent her attitude, she feeds off your resentment and responds in kind. It's a visious unhealthy ugly circle.
You circumstances could affect you in profound ways toward future relationships.
Please walk away before it turns bad, bad.
Odds are in the favor that it will.

P. S. I speak this from experience. I allowed a chicken to drag me through the coals for three years. i wasn't allowed to be me around her. I turned to drugs and developed a drug addiction because that was easier than making the decision to kill k her to the curb.
After I did. I found myself again.
Yes I have been in only short relationships since then, but on the plus side, I will never allow someone to treat me badly again.
I truly am happier.
I hope this helps

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Dude, no. Leave. It's a huge red flag if someone mistreats a waiter/waitress, because if they are going to do that in public to a stranger, they can do worse to you in private once they feel they have full control over you; don't get Amber Heard or Jada Smith'd on. You're 22, focus on your career and getting yourself situated for the right girl you're going to meet later. Never settle for toxic.

Also, don't stay because she "might," get better. You love someone for who they are now, and welcome positive changes as they come later. If you had a good beginning, but she changed horribly and not ACTIVELY seeking serious help to remedy the issues (seeing a therapist/psychiatrist/medication/etc) or even worse she's blaming her illnesses to justify her continuously bad behavior, then she belongs to the streets.

RealMarek · Answer

Been there, done that, will never do it again. You’re young. Don’t let this drag on for 20 years like I did. Have you ever thought your belief you won’t be able to find anyone else might be something you believe because of her? It’s difficult to feel attractive when someone is running you down 24/7. Don’t put up with this. If she excuses her behavior because of depression, her upbringing, you, this, that, the other thing, etc., etc., etc.—not owning her own problems—she’s never going to change. My quality of life was way better the very first day I got myself away from that. It was like I could breathe again. After a year I felt way more confident and attractive. I recommend getting free of toxicity, then waiting until you feel better about yourself before dating anyone else otherwise you might just jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Also, it is way better to bring a woman into your life once you are content with your own company and the life you have built for yourself.

Moose304 · Answer

Let me ask you a question! When you are standing outside at 12 NOON can you see any other stars other than the Sun? NO on a normal day you can't! Think about this a minute. You can't see the light coming from the other stars because the Sun's light overpowers that light. If you are in a toxic relationship GET OUT! After a while, you will start to notice other females. This is NOT an opinion it is a FACT! Right now as long as this person is in your life you won't be in a position to see a better girl. I might also add that "being in love" is only in the eyes of the beholder.

nice-girl · Answer

Maybe you're toxic too. If you can't leave a toxic person it means that you are both toxic.
You can develop together to get out of that. Follow any kind of self-development program to get out of that state together.
Then, if you develop and she doesn't you will feel ready to leave her. And you won't believe anymore that you can't find someone else because you will be better and have more opportunities.

Anonymous · Answer

Dude, you have to learn to respect yourself, have strong morals and believe in yourself that you will find someone better. But realizing that, taking those steps and moving forward won't be easy. I can't teach confidence, none of us can. The question you answered is unsolvable because majority of the answers may be like mine. I hope you make the right choices and find the girl. But I think it is a positive that you are addressing her bad behaviour and her bad behaviour towards. Sit down and have a civil conversation.

tulipgirl18 · Answer

What makes you say you’ll be alone forever if you guys break up? there's no current proof if you guys break up that you’ll be alone. I say take the chance to break up With her if you feel like it’s toxic, it’s unfair to you and to her bc your letting her act like that. If you guys are meant to be or she’s willing to fix it then stay and talk to her, bc being in a relationship also means bettering ur partner, so tell her and fix it or, just break up with her.

axe_can · Answer

I have experience with having a toxic girlfriend. I broke up with her, and I am much happier now being single than being in a relationship that makes me anxious and unhappy every day.
I would much rather be happy on my own, than being unhappy the rest of my life

Hürrem · Answer

I rather stay single than stay with a toxic person. Cut out the rotten part of apple before the entire apple gets rotten otherwise you won't be able to enjoy the fruit!

"because I won't find anyone else" I read on your title. You're only 22, you cannot assure those words as you don't know what your future holds. If you were able to find a toxic person, for sure you can find the opposite one. Just be nice and kind enough to yourself to let go of the toxic ones.

slatyb · Answer

"I can’t let my toxic girlfriend go because I won’t find anyone else." You're 22. You will find someone else. Let her go before you ruin your life. Seriously, been there, done that, nearly wrecked my life. See a therapist if you can. I finally did and it turned my life around.

cth96190 · Answer

I walked away from women decades ago.
As empty and painful as it is to reach out during the night and find nothing, it is better than risking what a woman could (probably would) do to me.
In my experience, most women are scheming, vindictive, narcissistic, spiteful and generally insane.
If unicorns exist, they are so rare that for practical purposes they do not exist.

Anonymous · Answer

Well there is your trouble. You think leaving a toxic person the only other choice is being alone forever. BULL S#!+
Pull your head out. Dump the toxic person there publicly in front of that waitress and ask the waitress her number.
Then get the number of the 50 other women in the restaurant who offer it to you for being a real man.

YvonneTIreland · Answer

I was in a toxic relationship. Things finally ended in Oct 2020 as he laid his hands on me. I was exactly like you thinking I would never find another love but the reality is, there is someone out there for everyone 🙂. Don’t be afraid to leave as you will find someone who loves you even more than your current girlfriend and you will be so glad you left as it’s only after leaving a bad relationship, you will realise how unhappy you were. Good luck 🙂

GatewayRealm · Answer

I ain’t be Tripping out like that.
But I gotta be able to do my Goals
And shit like when I Sleep naked and when I’m super Tired and a Girl starts waking me up like that just to Blow me and if she’s toxic it’s even better cause she ain’t ever going take No for an answer.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

She acts this way because of your mindset. Most women will shape up if you just say no. Ie afterwards if you pulled her aside and said if you ever talk to someone that way again we are going to be over because id never date a woman who acts like that in public. You will speak when spoken to and polite like a lady. Period.

Either she shapes up because she knows you're right and is willing to obey for your sake. Or she has no respect for you and doesn't care in which case you walk.

Hrumf · Answer

I have been on a toxic/abusive relationship and it was on and off for about 2 years. I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than feel that way ever again. Toxic relationships are NOT worth it.

Sour-rose · Answer

Uh-uh. I ain't have no bish walking with me when I'm shopping and embarrassing me at ihop for a mexican guy just tryin' to do his job. I'll be on my own, thanks

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

I'd rather be alone than stick with somebody who makes me miserable.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

You and I are VERY different people buddy. I would have picked my g/f up, apologised to the waitress, and then preceded to carry her out of there, kicking and screaming if need be!

TheLoneTigress · Answer

@captain-obvious - not finding anyone else is what your girlfriend wants you to believe because, reality is, is she can't find anyone else. Toxic people target others who are "weak" - usually lack of self esteem - and use that to make such people their pawns.

Dump her.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

A lot of people in toxic relationships have that same logic. I also thought the same way when I was with people who treated me like shit. But I promise that leaving a toxic relationship will be one of the best things that has happened to you.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

I've learned I'll be fine and happy on my own, even moreso when I'm leaving toxicity behind. My life and happiness have improved with every toxic ex I've left.

Blackcosmo · Answer

Don't be so negative. Leave the girl and You'll probably find someone else who is much better. If you stay with her, you're only going to be miserable and she'll rub off on you.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

I'd rather be single for awhile than to be with someone toxic. You're choosing to hold on to something no good, because you think you won't find better? Dude, grow a pair and dump her. You'll find a better one

MegaMachina · Answer

Rather be alone than with someone toxic. Being in a relationship is nice, but I'm not gonna make myself unhappy to be in one, I'm not that desperate.

1GoldTwins · Answer

Being single does not equal unhappiness or failure. I'd say it's an improvement from your relationship.

jshm2 · Answer

You are both dimwits.  Her for feeling you have her back as her enabler, and you for not putting her in her place when she needs it.

genericname85 · Answer

you found your current girlfriend, so you'll find someone else. of course not while she's still with you. to me, being single is better than being with a toxic person.

lilyanony1 · Answer

If you're 22 without reading the information. Walk away...

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I'd rather be alone than with a toxic person, but not everyone is toxic, so alone now means good company later.

Raphaëlle · Answer

I'd rather be single forever. That toxicity is going to affect you in the long run and no person is worth it if they make you feel bad as well.

Anonymous · Answer

not when I was in my start 20s but by now I'll settle for worse. Though I woukd let them know how I feel about their shitty sides and probably not spend like all my time with them

JustiReno · Answer

You’re so young, you gain emotional intelligence with experience that can come with age, I do believe in relationships karma tho

ChrisMike1919 · Answer

You can break up with her and find someone else. Life is not just this or that, toxic or alone.

Avicenna · Answer

Id rather be single than together with a crazy woman

Massageman · Answer

I'm out.  I'd be free to find a decent relationship with the time saved rather than try to fix the unfixable.

exitseven · Answer

I vote B but it sort of depends on how hot she was and what she did that was toxic.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I'd never put up with a toxic partner. I'll stay single for the rest of my life rather than deal with that everyday

Anonymous · Answer

Well, if you DO stay with her, your probably going to want to avoid sharing her meal at a restaurant because it's pretty guaranteed that her food will have a LOT of cum in it.

skyeee_ · Answer

i'd rather die single than let some little shit control and damage the fucc outta me

Freyke · Answer

Easy choice, single. No way I am staying with a toxic partner, there is just no way.

Jltakk · Answer

I had a toxic friendship with a girl, wouldn't go through it again. Being alone forever is something I'm already used to.

Anonymous · Answer

I stay with cheating girlfriend cause I don't wanna find a new one

zagor · Answer

Dump her and ask out the waitress.

Joker_ · Answer

stay with the toxic person

Waldoe · Answer

Nothing is Forever... not even being alone

Anonymous · Answer

Is your girlfriend by any chance a white woman?

jimmy2 · Answer

Are you really that hard to lol but I hear you

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

You need therapy

I can’t let my toxic girlfriend go because I won’t find anyone else. Would you rather be with a toxic person or be single forever?

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