How do you get your S. O. to be more affectionate with you?

[Anonymous]

One of my main love languages is physical touch and I’m super affectionate with my boyfriend but he doesn’t seem to reciprocate. All of my past exes have been super affectionate with me so I never even thought about asking for affection. I did ask my boyfriend to be more affectionate but he still doesn’t seem to be changing much… It just feels one sided, he expects me to still remain affectionate with him but won’t return the favor.

What can I do to get him to be more physically affectionate with me? Do guys even like when their partner are physically affectionate with them?

[jennifer_bloom]

I have not been in that situation but I think if you want somebody to repeat a behaviour, you reward it, so you could give verbal affirmations or smile if he makes you happy, maybe ask him how his day was if he does something you like.

[Asker]

Great idea, I only usually use positive affirmations by touching him more since he likes that - I will try verbal affirmations next time. Thank you!

[jennifer_bloom]

Yeah, I hope it helps : )

[jahaims]

I am the physically affectionate one in my marriage. You can't blame someone for not wanting to show love and affection in the same way as you. We both communicate and compromise. She is more affectionate than she naturally would be and I am less affectionate than I would naturally be. She will communicate when I need to dial it back and I communicate when I feel like it is lacking.

[Asker]

The thing is my boyfriend loves the affection, when I dial back he would actually call me out on it and ask for more affection out of me. He wants me to constantly be all over him, cuddling him and stuff in public but he won’t hug back lol…

[JoyGirl]

You have to explain to him that physical touch is your love language, and you feel neglected.

[Asker]

Yeah I will try, he gets defensive sometimes though and would just say “but I’m not like that, I show love by doing other things, can’t you just appreciate my attempts?”

[JoyGirl]

If he is like that, then he is not ready to change. That is something you can’t force him to do. He has to be willing…

[Asker]

Yeah 😔 I don't know what to do tbh, maybe I’ll try to talk to him again when he’s in a better mood. He’s been stressing out over work for the past weeks. Thanks a lot for the advice!!

[JoyGirl]

No problem! 💜