I've been dating this woman who I met on a dating site. She let me know that she is dating a lot of different men upfront. This is okay with me. I've dated her about 8 times, once a week. I always take her to a nice restaurant. We are now close friends and she said she hasn't dated anyone more than two times, except me. Two weeks ago I took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. Last week I told her it was special for me.
She said she didn't realize I took her there. She has been dating a lot of men and several men have taken her to that restaurant. She just didn't realize I took her there.
How come she remembers some anonymous men taking her there but not me?
If she went on dates with other guys, they are not anonymous. She knows who they are. However, sounds to me that she is dating too many people. I am not even sure how a person dates more than one person at a time, let alone multiple people to the point you forget where you went.
I, for one, cannot imagine trying to juggle seeing that many people. Did you know she was dating this many guys? Did she make this clear upfront? If it were me, I'd walk away from this one.
Nothing worse than feeling like you are competing for attention. That isn't a good way to get to know someone. When I date, I focus on that one person. It is hard enough learning all the things you want to know about one guy/girl as it is.
I just don't see it fair to spread yourself that thin that you cannot even remember things like where you ate. She obviously can't be bothered, so why should you bother?
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"Did you know she was dating this many guys? Did she make this clear up front?" Yes, she told me upfront she is dating different men. "spread yourself so thin that you cannot even remember things like where you ate." But she remembered several other men taking her to that nice restaurant but not me. And I'm her good friend. Why is that?
@Bob92220 Honestly, sounds like she is playing as many guys as she can at once. Once one drops out, no fear... there are plenty left. I wouldn't continue dating this person if it were me. Just not something I could do.
I don't think there is a chance of forming a meaningful connection with someone that is dedicating time with other guys to the point she doesn't remember going out to dinner with you. At least she was upfront about it.
I guess that is the only good thing I can say. However, you did know this and therefore decided it was worth the risk of getting lost in the "crowd" of guys. I certainly don't think she views you as a partner. If she remembers others taking her out but not you, that isn't a good sign.
Any subsequent dates I would see as using you for a nice dinner. However, it is your choice and this is just the way I see it.
"I would see as using you for a nice dinner." I have a difficult time believing a person (in this case a woman) would go out with someone just for a nice dinner. It seems to me there has to be more than this. In my example, we "clicked." We got along just great. I'm sure she wouldn't go out with me just for a free dinner. I don't know - maybe I'm seeing her through "rose-tinted" glasses.
@Bob92220 It is easy to be blinded by someone's true intentions. Of course she will be nice if she wants more dinners out of it. Some women will put on a show for that. I don't agree with it and find it disgusting, but it is a possibility this is what is happening.
Let's look at it this way... you said:
"I have a difficult time believing a person (in this case a woman) would go out with someone just for a nice dinner. It seems to me there has to be more than this. In my example, we "clicked." We got along just great."
Now, if it was that great and that special, why did she forget where you even ate? Sorry but I just don't see it. That is like asking "why was the waitress nice to me". Well, she wants a good tip. Doesn't mean she is flirting or into you, right?
Sorry, this is just my view. I sincerely hope I am wrong. I really do. I just can't get past the fact she doesn't remember. I have been with my fiancé for a good while now. I can remember the first time I saw him and what he was wearing.
I remember what we both ate for lunch on our first date. I can remember what table we sat at. So, either she is a space cadet or what I said might be true. Again, I hope it isn't. Best of luck to you.
@prettypriya I want to thank you for taking the time to read my post and giving me your honest opinion. I really appreciate it.
"It is easy to be blinded by someone's true intentions." It looks like I have been blinded. I truly thought she saw me as a good friend. We confided in each other about our lives. I thoroughly enjoyed our friendship. I looked forward to seeing her. I just assume she felt the same way and wasn't just faking it.
"Of course she will be nice if she wants more dinners out of it. Some women will put on a show for that." I guess I need to learn more about people. I just can't understand why someone would put on an act for a free meal. Surely they must have better things to do than be with someone they don't think much of.
"Ask her if she wants to come over for pizza and a movie..." I'm unable to do this because I'm not seeing her anymore. Also, she lived 90 minutes from me and I know she wouldn't drive that distance to see me. It seems to be the man who should be doing the footwork. It's just the way I was brought up.
@Bob92220 You are most certainly welcome. I could be completely wrong though. I am just reading in between the lines. Now, you mention "good friend". Maybe she is! That maybe all it ever is and that is great.
But you had said in the initial details "dates". Friends don't date really. So, I took it to mean she was a romantic interest and not more of a friend thing going on. Why not suggest something casual and simple like I suggested and see what happens.
If she enthusiastically accepts and all goes well, I was wrong (and GOOD that I was!). If she isn't interested in anything other than fancy meals, you have your answer that way too. Simple way to tell without hurting anyone. Then you can make the decision of what to do.
If it isn't something that you are okay with, her nonmonogamous nature that is, tell her it won't work for you guys unless the other guys are out of picture. If I were you and monogamous and felt she was special, I'd have this talk asap. Before things get complicated.
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I view her as a good friend and enjoy our time together. I live 90 minutes from her (she lives in Los Angeles and I live in the Inland Empire) so I don't mind doing the drive and taking her out for dinner. For me, it's worth it. I told her this and that it doesn't bother me if she dates other men and doesn't see me as a potential.
I understand what you wrote about her being detached and acting that way towards me. I'm getting feedback that she is using me for a free meal. If I stopped taking her to a nice restaurant would she stop seeing me? I don't know because I'm not seeing her anymore.
I know that there are men, especially older men, who do things for her, more than I'm doing, and she graciously accepts these gifts. If a woman isn't interested, why would she accept these gifts?
Before this question could have been posted here, might be it would have stressed you a lot. Calm down, relax. It shows the kind of interest, efforts, time and your true portion of yourself that you've invested on that person but you kinda feel that there might not be a mutual contribution from the other side, doubts which might make us overthink if that person is using us Or trying to get some benefits from us. Time to take a deep breath, assuming might end up in two ways, 1) either that person might be going on a serious thing with you but the emotional attachment you tend to have with her might make you ask few questions to you, 2) or that person can use you only for benefits and if benefits end, things can end. It's better to understand the priority of you in her life, how does she react if you are not contacting her for a day in her life, how is she behaving if something happy or sad happens in her life, are you the first person whom she reaches to tell you about them? Does she cares for you when you are sick or when you end up with problems and you needed someone to boost your mitivations? How much efforts she is putting in your life to. Make you feel better is the question which matters your inner soul getting nourished!! If we tend to give on everything so true from our end but what we get in return is not giving us peace to our inner soul means then it might be like, we are used for the benefits we give or we don't understand the other person. Take time to analyse these and your soul will answer you. Be in the place where you feel better and you get the peace, we dont deserve doubts and dilemma when we put in so much efforts on someone. Take care, ensure you have a good sleep first and have peace ☘️
Understandable to be dating multiple people and being open about it very early on.. though after about 4 dates surely you would make a decision and stick to one by then?
But to answer your question I think that’s quite a offensive thing to say that would leave me quite hurt.. if I took her to a place I think she’d like then at least have the courtesy to remember it, also to not mention the detail other guys took her there..
You might need a new girl buddy
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"though after 4 dates surely you would make a decision and stick to one by then?" Looking back, I think she saw me as a good friend and not a potential. We "clicked" and enjoyed each other's company. As far as her not seeing me as a potential - it didn't bother me. I enjoyed her friendship.
Why do you think it's rude to mention the detail that other guys took her there and didn't remember me taking her there? Isn't honesty the best policy?
Offcourse honesty is the best policy but you said that place was special for you. Her mentioning other guys took her there just sounds inconsiderate even if you put in a certain effort to do so
But yeah could be the case with the friendship thing.. just as long as you’re ok with it
Bro you shouldn't have allowed this in the first place like what is wrong with you, your one of the reasons men are looked at as dumb I'm not saying your a piece of shit, but your not smart, this ticked me off like how do you allow yourself to sink so low grow some standards, I've rejected plenty of women and believe me they weren't ugly at all, I got with them but I knew it would've disrespected me and my standards if I dated them so I didn't get with them, get your priorities straight bro and when you find them, cause clearly you haven't, follow them, this isn't me being a dick this is me hopefully showing you that you are worth more then what your going for, stop that bro, find better women that's all for you not for multiple💯💯💯💯
And just too clarify don't snap on me cause I will go off but listen bro sorry if this sounded rude it's not what I wanted but it's getting me mad in general that you seem like da type of dude that you let them run over you, you get them things, and they date other dudes, just to clarifying tho sorry If this situation brought you pressure and all that, but see my advice as constructive criticism really take in what I said, besides all the insults, again my bad for that, that's more me mad at the women than you bro but again don't let yourself get run overed like that man up toughen up for the right reasons unless your dating multiple women then never mind bro ignore everything I said and do you 😂
They are anonymous to you not to her. Infact you are the anonymous one here. If you couldn't read the righting on the wall then be ready to face the inevitable which in your case will be use and throw.
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What is the "writing on the wall?" The feedback I get is that she is using me for the free meals.
It's difficult for me to believe that a person (male or female) would do this. That is, to spend time and energy with someone that they don't think much of just for a free meal. And when the free meal's end then she ends the relationship. That seems pretty shallow to me. Surely they have better things to spend their time on.
Probably because she's been on more dates with you. It may be easier to remember restaurants she has been to with the guys she's only been on a couple of dates with.
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I understand what you wrote. When someone does something nice for me, such as buying me a nice gift or taking me to a nice place, I always remember it and say "thank you." It seems to me that a lot of men must be giving her lots of nice gifts and taking her to really nice restaurants. So much so that she can't remember who did what, unless she is interested in him. If that be the case. and correct me if you think I'm wrong, she doesn't think much of me - so she doesn't remember.
Yeah, I'm the same. I'd never forget either, but not everyone is like you and me.
This is the downside of dating a woman who is keeping her options open and d dating multiple men.
I wouldn't necearily say it means she doesn't think much of you or thinks more of other guys than you. You could view it this way too-she thinks more about you because she's went on more dates with you. A word of advice, be careful spending too much h money on tali g a woman to fancy restaurants when they have multiple men. Because she obviously doesn't care about men spending Monet on her and nlt dating them again. That's a red flag.
Sometimes people can misremember something. She is dating several people and I can see how it can happen. I took my wife to a restaurant. Our kids gave us a gift card there. As soon as I drove into the parking lot it seemed familiar. I did not think I was ever there. I could see the exact place that I sat but to this day I still cannot remember who I was with and what I was doing there.
I wouldn't of got to date 8 if I knew he was dating multiple women.
She obviously see's you all as equal, clearly has no morals or empathy.
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Looking back, I believe she saw me as a good friend and not a potential because she didn't date any other man more than twice and I went out with her 8 times, This doesn't bother me. I thoroughly enjoyed her company. So I don't think she saw us as all equals.
I just don't understand how she remembers several other men taking her to that nice restaurant and not me.
It's obviously bothered you a bit as you've come to ask gag. Which is completely understandable. Most of us would be bothered. I said no morals because it's a basic standard to treating others, lacking knowledge of what's right and wrong, ok she's been honest but to what avail? You feeling more for her then she does for you.
I understand what you wrote. I can't imagine saying that to a woman. I imagine if a man said that to a woman it would indicate he really isn't that interested in her. He doesn't think much of her. So he doesn't care about how that affects her. I guess that would make him inconsiderate.
But if she didn't think much of me, why on Earth would she spend all that time and energy going out with me? I can't imagine that she would go out with someone just for a free dinner if she didn't care for him. She would have better things to do, right?
Unfortunately there's many women and like this. They take advantage of a decent person.
The only thing you can do is talk to her about it, after 8 dates surely it's times to ask the where are we going question. She's the only that can answer how she feels. If she isn't interested in a relationship or doesn't feel how you feel at least you know now.
Two dates and been there…”not impressed even though you are”. Try paddle boat and feeding ducks type things..,🤷🏻♂️
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"not impressed even though you are." I am impressed with her and apparently, she isn't impressed with me. But then why would she spend all that time and energy with me? She must have saw something in me she was impressed with or she wouldn't have gone out with me.
She likes you, however, I think the message is…don’t buy me…you can’t afford me anyway…I’m bored. I like this: an outdoor Movie on blanket with backed chairs. And one of the Lebanese Whole and Fresh Foods bite to eat come in shorts we don’t care Pre-Movie. It’s a Shared date…let her put Something into-show her heart. You’re responsible for hidden vase for flowers you purchase at Trader Joe’s on the way to movie. If you’re driving bring Champagne for her…”serve her”-have one to her three…If you’ve kissed etc…on her third glass drink a swallow. If you know how to shake snd stir martini 🍸 🍸 Fancy date…”every date is a fancy date with you” Emotion is what you’re trying to tap into🤷🏻♂️
If you’re able to orchestrate a date like I do (above) THEN make sure she’s holding the flowers as you’re heading to the movie. You may be able to smell the pheromones or emotion. Don’t talk unless spoken too. This is the right kind of awkwardness💪💪
Sounds like she has to many men to keep track of I don't know hon if your good with it be all in buy personally I wouldn't put up with that
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I posted this question on another forum and I get the feedback that a normal person wouldn't say something like this because it's rude and inconsiderate, even if what she says is true. It would be the same thing if you bought a guy a very nice present and he told you that 5 other women have given him the exact same gift.
I understand that we all learn in life. I remember when I was a kid I did some horrible mistakes and my Mom told me that this is wrong and I shouldn't do it. I was young and didn't know any better.
She is 27-years-old and I make the excuse for her, "She is just young and learning in life." But I don't know. Is 27-years-old young and still needs to learn about life? I've heard women mature a lot faster than men. But I just don't know. What do you think?
U O slap that ego back into place. Don't get all insecure with a dash of desperate. Not some anonymous man to her. And she very likely can't keep track of all the places and people. If you had 8 dates with her and she still just as casual I might start dating others as well. Makes me wonder if she just wants a list of options to keep her entertained. You might be the easiest one on the list. Personally I would check that by going other places and activities.
She is dating many at the same time so you're just one of many.
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Well, she said that she only has one date with most of the men, two at the most. She has had 8 dates with me. If I was one of the many she would only have one or two dates with me.
So you're some kind of simp or maybe even cuckold by this point if you're here for a relationship. If you're here for sex and you haven't had it 7 or 8 times by now then you are a failure.
Gtfo. Should have demanded sex the first date since she's a ho and if she didn't go for it block her.
You should be asking yourself if she's a gold digger. Or a free meal digger 😂
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I've posted this question on a different forum too. I do get the "free meal digger" a lot, not so much a gold digger. It's just hard for me to believe people are that way. Why waste your time, energy, and effort and go out with someone just for a free meal? Surely they have better things to do.
She has a bunch of different choices and you're just one of the many. You're not very exclusive in her eyes, so unfortunately not seeing much in this relationship working all that much.
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