He said he didn't mind not having kids and has now changed his mind?

[Anonymous]

I'm 40 and met him on a dating app, my profile states I'm not planning on having children due to my age really. When we first spoke he told me that it wouldn't be a problem for him to not have children and he liked me. So we have been dating ( long distance) Had our 3rd meet up yesterday and when he got home he messaged me to say he DOES want children and if we are to carry on dating I must agree to try and have children with him in the future if we get married... I REALLY like him but this has thrown me off. I have been crying all night and can't sleep, he said he changed his mind and definatley wants children... I have put time and emotions into getting to know him so now I'm hurt... What can I do? :-(

Updates

1 y

we have spoken/met/video chatted for 5 months - only met 3 times due to covid/work/family commitments from both our sides

[MTC29]

Where were the 40 year old women who didn't want kids back when I was in my 40s?

His flip-flop on kids is unfounded and unfair. At 40 I can understand that you don't want children. My sister had her last child at age 41 and had a much more difficult time than with her first child at age 35.

There is no middle ground on this issue. The best thing to do is to say that a child doesn't fit into your future plans and leave it at that. If he flip-flops back to not wanting kids, do not automatically take it as a positive sign- if he flipped twice, he could do it again. If things between the two of you get serious you don't want that to happen.

You seem very nice. I hope things work out for you.

[Guy13]

Dating applications are rarely straightforward and fully truthful. Man is not wired to be truthful. You are a rarity. This should be of little surprise but definitely disappointment…

[Anonymous]

He should have been honest from the beginning. Yes, it's difficult to let go of someone you like, but expecting you to accommodate his wishes is not fair to you.

[Berethor]

There is no much point in getting married if you don't want children.