I'm scared my strict Asian parents will be furious my boyfriend is a white guy twice my age (I'm in love). They don't know. How should I tell them? (Page 2)
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tell them its cool he's got money and shit (hopefully he IS in fact loaded or else this won't apply obviously)
or tell him you're already committed and you're pregnant with his love child.
if you are in fact pregnant if not then well i shouldn't have to explain how to fix that lol
anyways hope you don't take this seriously lol
He makes a fairly high salary. That'll definitely be a big plus for them, but I'm worried they'll still be super upset about him being so much older and not being Japanese/Asian
I don't want my parents to have any clue that we have a very active sexual relationship. I want them to remain as ignorant about that as possible.
Now that's a love story! :) Sometimes we find love in the most unexpected places with the most unexpected people.
I think you shouldn't tell your parents about him. Let them see who he is when you introduce him to your parents in person. Chances are they'll end up liking him this way.
If you tell them about him before they see him they'll surely be just mad at you.
Why would they act so much better if they find everything out right on the spot when they meet him?
Because that "puts them on the spot" and they are less likely to start yelling at you and at him if they can see him in person and talk to him and observe him, and see it with their own eyes that he is a good guy.
They'll probably start asking him about his job, his hobbies and interests, his plans with you and why he loves you etc.. And if they like his answers, they'll start to like him.
It is easier for you as well, he would have to win over your parents, you just need to stay calm hah.
My parents are also strictly against interracial dating but I kept my relationship with a mixed (half white, half Indian) guy secret and that's probably what I'll do in the future as well. I might even get married secretly. Once I'm married my parents won't be able to do anything.
That's what I've been doing for the past several months. However, I can't do that forever. Moreover, I'm in a position now where I pretty much have to let them meet him.
My heart goes out to you. I understand how difficult this must be. I don't see a question to answer but I did want to say good luck and I hope you're able to be happy and have your parents approval eventually. It might be a bumpy road short term but hopefully if he's a good man they will see that.
If any girl I meet and I find our her parents are racist I would have to dump her. Because I would want a stable up bringing for my kids with a loving family, which means grandparents the kids can see. I don't wanna live a life where I can't bring my kids around anyone's parents and keep my girl or wife away from her parents. I don't want my kids to be ashamed of who they are.
GAG needs cry emoji. You are right though I guess. Such as curse having racist parents fuuuu
@LovingLoverReturned yes It makes it impossible
Hate to burst your bubble... But long story short... relationships with that age difference are so creepy and they don't work... I would NEVER let my child get used like that... Not on my watch
How do the parents stop their 22 year old daughter ( an adult) from being with him? They are both consenting adults.
Agreed with Rock. It’s borderline pedophilia! Dude is a creep. I’d have to question everything about him. i had a 25 and 19 year-old recently make sexual advances at me. they are young enough to be my kids. Hard pass!!! no questions asked. by the way, both were pretty hott! Get your shit together young lady, this is a game to him!
@Texaskid1 meaning I will talk her out of it.. Threaten to walk away from her life...
@OnlyOneMe34 respect
1. I'm not a kid or pubescent teenager. It's not even close to borderline pedophilia
2. He was very respectful about my boundaries regarding sex. In fact, he waited until I was totally ready. I was the one who made advances towards him when I wanted to start having sex, not the other way around. To be honest I probably have a somewhat higher sex drive than him right now.
@OnlyOneMe34 Why would it be a game to him? Just because he is much older? Do you think a guy her age would not be capable of playing any mind games?
"Borderline pedophilia"?
Are you high? Since when is a 22 year old women a child? By that age they are adults , they can have children , they can drive , they can join the military , they can vote, they can get a university degree. A 22 year old women is not a child - she is a adult.
If they are truly in love with each other what would you have them do? Break it off just to keep others happy? and those two will be miserable?
Look up RealFemSapien, maybe she'll have some advice for you. She's mid twenties engaged to a guy 25 years older I think. She does youtube videos about relationships in general. Maybe one of them will help you.
Yes, but she doesn't have Asian tiger parents that she constantly has to worry about disappointing or upsetting. I do have that.
Don't tell them simple as that
If u do tell them ur not in control of my life I love who my heart loves
They can't fucking control u
If they start shit pack up and leave to ur man house simple as that
Well, they already know I've been dating someone for a while. They just don't know about the age gap and that he's not Japanese or Asian (I kept those parts out). They're flying over and are insisting on meeting him. I don't think I can get out of it at this point.
I realize they can't control me. I have absolutely 0 intention on breaking up with him and recognize that would be a massive mistake. However, I still love my parents. I want them to be happy for me (or at least respectful/somewhat understanding of my where I am). I don't want to strain the relationship (or at least strain it as little as possible). If possible I'd like for them to get along well. I'm trying to figure out how to best go about making that happen (or at least what I should do to make that more likely to happen)
Trust me, you don't want a relationship with someone 20+ years older than you. They'll be 60 when you're 40, and 80 when you're 60. It's a bad idea.
some people think with emotions rather than logic. but I can guarantee she will run into trouble eventually.
Why don't you think a healthy, loving, committed, supportive, etc. relationship can work out long term if there's a large age gap?
Experience.
Could you explain/give me insight from your experience?
@Asker
It can work out. Its not 100% doomed. You will just be less fulfilled.
@shaysh87 Why don't you think a healthy, loving, committed, supportive, etc. relationship will inevitably be less fulfilling if there's a large age gap?
@Asker
I have explained it to you under the read of my answer to your question. I'm guessing you didn't read it.
@Asker
I have explained it to you under the ***thread*** of my answer to your question. I'm guessing you didn't read it.
@shaysh87 I just read it and responded.
Come back and take a look at this question when you are 42 and he's 64. Lets see how happy you will be by then.
I think I could very well still be happy with him when I'm 42 and he's 64.
@Asker
Just don't make a mistake that you will regret. Many people regret marrying someone too much older.
Its very hard to grow old with someone who is already old. I personally wouldn't recommend it.
Why exactly do you think it's so much harder to grow with someone so much older?
Imagine still being young and full of life at 40 and then being married to a 62 yr old senior citizen that you're not longer physically attracted to, can no longer satisfy you sexually, can't keep up with you energy wise with the all the activities that you like to do. Its like being married to a grandpa.
In a few years, their knees might start hurting, having trouble catching up with you during a walk in the park. You might find yourself escorting him to the doctor and reminding him to take his medications while other women your age are having sex, riding motorcycles, traveling with their husbands.
Things may be happy now but it doesn't mean it will be happy forever. Unless you can envision yourself being happy married to a senior citizen 20 years from now, I wouldn't recommend marrying a guy like that.
Personally for me, I was 24 when I rejected a man who was 46 years old. I just couldn't imagine a long term future with a guy like that. I knew I wasn't gonna be happy being married to a senior citizen by the time I am 40 years old. So I dumped him. I didn't want to start looking for a new husband all over again by 40
And not only that, but you will likely remain single for the remaining 30+ years of your life. On average, women live longer than men. So if your husband is 22 years older than you, get ready to spend 30+ years of your life dying alone all by yourself.
Is this something that is worth it? only up to you to decide.
I guess if he doesn't work on keeping his body in good condition that's very likely to happen. However, right now he is actually pretty fanatical about keeping in good health. He does strenuous exercise routines religiously. It's sometimes really hard to eat with him because he's so crazy strict about only eating really healthy food. Consequently, I think there's a super high chance he'll still be in great physical condition at 62. Will his body have worn down some by then? Yes. However, if he keeps doing what he's doing (and he's been doing this for a super long time) I think there's a far more likely than not chance he will be able to keep up with me in 20 years and we still will be having hot sex (also, I'll be 20 years older too. I'm sure I'll have worn down a bit by then as well).
I know it's likely he'll die before me. That does make me sad. However, even if he was my age there's a really good chance he'd die before me anyways (like you said, women live longer). I know it'll probably be earlier since he's older, but I'm not so sure it'll be as early as you think. I think there's a super high chance he'll be around for 45-50 more years (maybe even a little more than that). That's still a lot of time. I'll be pretty old by then too.
And just because someone you love dies doesn't mean the relationship you had with them was a mistake. On the contrary. Not pursing amazing loving, supportive, and happy relationships because you're afraid you may loose them latter is a huge mistake. People are still happy they had the time to be with their loved ones after they die. They usually don't wish they hadn't had the relationship at all because they passed away. I think my relationship with him won't be any different.
20 years is a long time. There are many changes that go on within those 20 years. You can't easily predict what will happen after so long.
Personally, I wouldn't even risk that sort of relationship. It's not worth it. For me, I rejected a 46 yr old when I was 24 because I simply knew that I would have trouble remaining married to someone like that forever. By the time he is 67 and you're 45, it is almost guaranteed that you will have a hard time, regardless of how good he takes care of himself. Age catches up to everyone. It will only be up to you to serve the consequences.
Eventually you will find yourself feeling like more of a nurse than a wife.
You need to accept the possibility that he will one day be a grandpa while you are still young and full of energy. If you cannot deal with it, I highly do not encourage you pursue marriage.
You cannot go through a relationship thinking that this day will never come. It will come. And if it comes, you need to be ready to deal with it.
Sure, I can't guarantee he'll continue to keep himself in great tip top physical shape. It's possible he could one day drop it, get completely out of shape, loose all his energy (including sex drive), and all the problems you're suggesting will come true. However, I think it's a lot more likely that won't be the case. He's religiously vigorously (and I mean VIGOROUSLY) intensely exercised and had a strict, healthy diet since he was 25 or 26. If he's been doing this consistently for 20 years I think there's an extremely likely chance he'll keep doing so/still be in really great shape in his 60s/still be able to keep up with me in his 60s/still want sex. And if his sex drive becomes a problem we could use viagra. I think it's extremely likely he won't need a 'nurse' until I'm in my late 60s or early 70s (and some women/men that age need a nurse too)
With that being said, no relationship is a guarantee. If I was with a guy my age it still wouldn't be a guarantee. Consequently, taking a risk in a relationship is something I'm going to have to do anyways regardless of who I'm with or what their age is.
Furthermore, I have a ton of great things going with my boyfriend. In fact, I've got a million times more going for us in our relationship than I ever had with the 4 other guys my age I dated before him (who all were not even close to being as good). I have a million times better chance with a great long term stable, happy, supportive, loving, etc. relationship with my boyfriend now than any guy I've ever dated who was my age. If I broke up with my boyfriend now it would still be extremely likely I wouldn't be able to find a guy my age who I could have as much incredible potential for long term happiness with than the boyfriend I'm already with.
I can tell you're too young with no life experience. Because its ridiculously rare for a 70 yr old to be able to keep up with a 45 yr old. Even if he can keep up with you, he wouldn't be the slightest bit attractive, and you likely wouldn't even want to have sex with him. there's a big difference in optimistic thinking versus objective thinking.
If you want to marry him , drop your expectation that he will be able to keep up with you forever. Because there will always be a chance that he won't be able to , so then what? you will just be stuck in a subpar marriage for the rest of your life. There are many women who married significantly older men who end up regretting their decisions 20 years later. Don't be like the rest of them.
And plus, women tend to live longer than men. If your husband is 22 years older, its very likely you will spend the remaining 30-40 years dying alone. Is it worth it? depends on you.
How things are right now, does not determine how things will be 20-30 years from now. Every marriage starts off happy, but 40-50% of all US marriages end in divorce.
1. When he's 70 I'll be 48. He's not quite that much older than me.
2. Men staying in pretty good shape until their 60s, 70s, and even 80s is more common than many think. If my boyfriend keeps what he's doing right now (and what he's already been doing for the past 20-30 years) he absolutely will be one of those men.
You're right, I absolutely don't know what'll happen 20-30 years from now. However, him working this hard to stay in great shape for 20-30 years is an extremely good sign he's in a solid habit of doing just that. Moreover, it's an extremely good habit he's far more than likely to keep going in that for a lot longer (very likely for 20-30 (maybe even 30+) more years.
Also, sex isn't just about physical appearance. Do I absolutely love and drool over his mature yet incredibly handsome face as well as his ridicously muscular and sexy body? One million percent yes! Will he look the same way in 20-30 years? No (although I think he'll still be super hot for an old man.) But at the same time I'll age and looking differently too.
Moreover, even if he does age that doesn't mean he won't still know how to work my body sexually and what he needs to do to turn me on. That's a skill separate from looks. That's something he's already super good at and is only getting better at over time. Moreover, romantic love/connection greatly enhance sexual attraction/experience/desire.
Im pretty sure he won't be sexy and hot by the time he is 65 or 70 or 80. If you find senior citizens to be hot, go marry him. If you dont, dont marry him. You will just end up regretting it. By the time you have kids and both names signed under a mortgage, life insurance, it will be too late to change things.
You keep glowing about how hot he is now. Just wait till his dick stops working at 62. Or face the fact that you will likely spend 30+ years dying alone.
If you can say yes to both these things, go marry him. If you are hesitant, dont marry him
I wouldn’t tell them, he’s a foreigner, wait until you sure he won’t cheat and y’all want kids, my girl is Asian and I know you don’t wanna lose that respect from your parents
I'm pretty trusting he won't cheat. We've talked about it and we're on the same page with wanting to have kids (or more kids in his case). We've got a pretty amazing relationship going right now. I can't know the future for certain, but I'm pretty confident we'll get married.
Besides, I've avoided telling my parents about him for a very long time. I honestly probably would still keep not telling them, but I'm in a position where I can't avoid it anymore. Besides, if I don't do it now I'm more than likely going to have to do it latter anyways. It would be way better to do it now than springing it on them when I'm pregnant or about to get married.
Better to just knock the conversation out of the way sooner rather then later otherwise it’s just gonna continue to eat away at you.
i mean does he have a good job and is stable etc?
That's the big plus I've thought of (at least in regards to what my parents will approve of). He's a computer engineer with a solid job, a masters degree, a good income, and a very stable job. That'll win big points in their book.
I still think they'll be really upset about the age difference and that he's not Asian. However, his education, job, and income will win him some pretty solid points for my parents.
He sounds like what most Asian parents go for when it comes to husbands for daughters in regards to income, stability, etc.
I think so long as those are points you point out to them and he leaves a good impression on em it should be ok.
So you don't think the race difference or age difference will bother them at all? Why do you think the professional/financial positives will cause all those other (major) concerns they have to go away?
I mean I haven't had to much interactions with Asians in general so I couldn't 100% say either way but I do know Asian parents value job security and stability a lot so it'd at least win some points.
It'll definitely be a major plus that will help a lot. However, I'm pretty certain it won't stop them from still having major problems with our relationship due to his age and not being Asian/Japanese
Like I said only one way to find out. It’s gonna happen sooner or later better then sooner then later.
Otherwise it’s just gonna eat you up inside till then.
Nothing to worry about. You'll catch up to him, soon enough.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/PLjq3I8ZyMoOh yea, these guys are math experts lol!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS2aEfbEi7s
@ElvenMr I trust them!
You are young and still learning so much, and you want to be with a guy who's already learned a lot from life. If end up having kids, he will be long dead and you still got years of life left with kids lol.
Eh, 44 isn't that old. Also, he's in incredibly great shape. He takes super amazing care of his body and is very healthy. I'd actually like to start having kids after I finish grad school/a little after my first post graduate job, which should be in 2-3 years. He'll have a lot of life ahead of him by then.
I'm not sure and my fiance was Japanese. I lived in Hemi Yokosuka area. I know I pissed off the parents by cheating. I didn't even meet them.
Is he well set up in life? Assets, established career?
He's got a solid career and makes over $200K annually. That'll be major points for him for my parents. However, I'm pretty certain it won't be nearly enough. They'll still be super upset that he's so much older and that he's not Japanese/Asian
Maybe you could make a fortune cookie and when you open it, it says 'Hey I"m dating a white guy.'
Again, there's no need to be making racist comments.
Hey, I had to make a lot of Asian friends before I figured out there was paper inside of them.
Sounds like both Samurai and Kamikaze Combo forthcoming 🎎
You don't need to make racist remarks
your parents are right. if you ignore them you set yourself and children up for nothing but pain. my best friend is the child of an Asian and white relationship with a large age difference.
I listen to my parents about a lot of things. In fact, for most of my life I listened to them about who I date. Every boyfriend before my boyfriend right now as an Asian (and most were Japanese) guy who was my age. In fact, at the beginning I really fought my feelings for my boyfriend because I didn't want to date someone they wouldn't approve of. However, he was just way too sexy and charming for me to resist him. Haha
It’s really weird considering this:
5 years ago, you could not date someone who was 3 years older than you.
when you were born, he was almost graduating college
your dad is the same age as your husband
My dad is actually 35 years older than me, so that's not true.
I was already very aware of all those things. However, we still have an amazing relationship, he treats me super well, and we still have a deep connection. In fact, we have a way stronger connection than I did with all my ex-boyfriends who were my age. He also treats better me way, way, way better and expresses way, way, way more love towards me than any of my ex-boyfriends (all my age) ever did. Consequently, the age thing isn't a big deal to me. In fact, in some ways it's kind of hot.
For me the age gap isn't an issue. My concern is that it'll be an issue for my parents (that and the fact he's not Japanese (or at least Asian))