Advice on how to handle this situation with a man? Initiate or move on?

[Anonymous]

should I keep initiating with this guy? Or just move on? (See context below)

We dated back in college 5+ years ago (did not end badly) he recently found out I was single and started pursuing a conversation/date. Ps he lives 3 hours away.

1. first date he cancelled on me last minute he called apologized a lot and asked if we could reschedule.
2. i invited him out with me the next night. We had a wonderful time and did brunch the next day. he was very complimentary asked me when he could see me again.
3. he came back to the city for a rugby tournament and invited me out with his friends but I was too tired so I declined. The next day I followed up with him and he asked me to brunch. Our brunch date extended to dinner and video game bar.

After this I didn’t hear from him for a week at which time I sent him a message I will post here. His responses seemed keen and with a lot of effort.

after that day I haven’t heard from him again it’s been almost another week. I’m trying to decide if he’s not that into me or if he needs validation from my end.
What do you think?

[Texaskid1]

He is into you but he does not want to suffocate you either.

I would say continue to see the guy.

As far as dating goes I am old school. Texting /phone calls are are for logistics ie. setting up a date. After that I don't talk to her much until the actual date. And why should I? I don't this idea that some people have that one needs to "check up" on the other person or be in constant communication all hours of the day. I have things to do so does she. Also, when there is some silence between dates it gives you more time to think about the other person and what they are up to. To a large degree this helps to build mystery and a stronger longing for the other person.

In sum: less history , more mystery.

[Asker]

I appreciate this perspective and if this is the view he is coming from, then that is fine with me. I guess I should just ask him. This is the sentiment I am getting from all the opinions.

[Texaskid1]

Good luck!!

[AviatorTom]

From your texts, it seems you are both competitive, and that he is busy. The 3 hours between you makes dating difficult. Maybe you should just keep him as a gaming friend and find a nice guy more local to date.

[kylee2437]

Before you X this out completely, I would simply ask. Ask to call him or simply ask to hang out! Discuss it with him. Ask him, hey I’m pretty confused about our situation, and just need clarification on what exactly you are looking for, we have been hanging out and I’ve been noticing a distance going on”

[kylee2437]

I always like clarification before moving on because you never really know what someone is going through and people deserve a chance to redeem their side.

[Asker]

I've debated doing something like this I think I will if I don’t hear from him by the weekend since I know he will be more freed up at that point

[kylee2437]

@asker do it now, don’t waste even more time. I know it’s hard to talk about this stuff but you definitely should ask him about possible plans ahead of time so he’s more likely to put you ahead of future plans, if he actually cares about you. Or even call him up. Either way, you will see if you are a priority to him based on the answers he provides.

[Asker]

Thats true, probably won’t change if I wait. thank you

[SkyeSymes]

I mean ignoring someone for a couple of weeks has little excuses, If he was truly into you he'd find time to at least say hello or goodnight or how are you, No excuse in my opinion personally.

Know your worth hun don't go chasing someone who isn't gunna chase you just as much!

[Guy13]

I would have been done after the second time but that's just me...

[Asker]

Do you mean after the second time that he did not initiate contact for a week? That’s basically the point Im at right now it’s the second week and trying to decide if I just forget about him

[Guy13]

Yes Mamm,... He must be really good-looking... If he is going to stand you up in "Good Behavior Time Zone" then can you imagine the Future. Did the reasons he gave you for missing really hold water after thinking about it again? Obviously, he did something for you... and one wants to give another every opportunity and benefit of the doubt BUT... it is your decision.

[Asker]

Well for me I would never stand someone up for any reason other than a true emergency. I decided to give him one chance only because he called and faced me and apologized. If he stood me up again I would be immediately done. The lack of contacting me is now the concern but maybe you’re right and I’m giving too much leeway. That’s what I’ve been mulling over hence this question post…

[Guy13]

SEE, you are a classy lady, whereas, this guy is more clownish. You've got a great heart and a backbone. Serious men appreciate a woman with your mixture. Sorry this didn't go like you hoped.

[Asker]

Appreciate the kind words thank you

[Avicenna]

If you aren't getting what you want and see no prospect of that changing, don't stick around

[Asker]

It’s hard to say this early on if he might prioritize me more with time or not… I’ve just been conditioned that a man will initiate and contact frequently if he likes you. So this is throwing me off. He seems very keen when we’re together but the lack of communication between points to otherwise…

[Avicenna]

Tell him that you'd like more communication when you're apart, and come up with constructive suggestions for doing it.

[Asker]

Okay I’ll try that and see how he takes it

[Avicenna]

I hope it works out for you

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice