Dating Question?

[basebase101010]

So wondering what to do and think about my current situation.

Dating a girl for over a month now. The first 2 dates went great. The 3rd date not so well as felt weird and maybe I came on too strong a little but she also felt weird. She wanted to go out again though so we went out on date 4 recently and that went really well as I was much more confident. I mean we had a great time and we’re close the entire night. At the end of the date she said she wanted to be honest and told me she was dating another 2 guys as well (I already knew that but didn’t know one guy was 4-5 dates also). I played it cool and told her she has to do what’s best for her. At the end of the date she agreed and wanted to go on date 5 this coming Saturday

The next day I was bothered by the other guys a little so I wrote her saying I really enjoy getting to know you and had great time but I don’t want to be an option right now to someone else as looking for something committed (was longer message). She wrote back saying she is enjoying getting to know me, she likes me but isn’t ready to exclusive bc in past she rushed into things and worked badly. I understand that. She also said she thinks something is there with us and is looking forward to date on Saturday to build toward exclusive relationship.

2 days later I just wrote a simple message have a great day talk later and took 7 hours to respond to it. Seems like during week she is more distant which I think talking/dating other guys which I know. Should I stay distant until later this week unless she messages me and how do I handle this as I don’t want to be an option much longer. I really like her and want to be exclusive and one day I think it will be and another day I have doubts. I want to give it time but don’t want to be a pawn in this. Appreciate any advice

[KBird]

I feel like Im the same as her, except I wasn't dating anyone else. I didn't become committed to my current boyfriend until a month after dating. My boyfriend wanted to become exclusive after the fourth date, which was waaaaay too fast for me. I rushed into previous relationships, and they never worked out, in fact they crashed and burned. I really wanted this one to work.

The great thing about waiting and taking it at my own pace, was that it alleviated my own anxiety around dating, as I previously associated feelings with anxiety. This is the first relationship where I haven't had any panic attacks, but it has taken me a bit longer to fully commit. Im in a process of relearning.

As for her not talking much during the week, I wouldn't worry too much about it. People busy during the week, and she may be a more quiet person or introvert and wants to spend her evenings alone. Im like that, and I dont like being around people or even texting them 24/7. I text my boyfriend a couple times a day, but I usually wait for when we're in person to talk about stuff (movies, trending articles, friends, etc.). Im not a huge fan of texting.

[KBird]

If I were you, I would definitely give it time, but I would do the same as her. If this works for you, I would date other people too. If its not your style then thats fine, but I wouldn't hyperfocus on this relationship. Keep your options open, as others have mentioned on this thread, "there are plenty of fish in the sea". If she wants to keep it casual, then you keep it casual (if you're ok with that), and let her take it at her own pace. And if you end up finding someone else that is a better match for you, or wants more of a commitment, then you can drop this one.

If this continues to really stress you out, I would leave, because your instincts are telling you that somethings wrong, and you should trust them.

[PrettyPriya]

I hope you are not planning to spam this question more than once again. You did it from your other account (now inactive). This will be a very easy question for me to answer since I already have done it once, a week ago. Here is the answer:

Dating Question?

Now, please refrain from spamming or trolling our community with the same questions over and over. Did you not get the answers you wanted last time? Oh, I took the liberty of taking a screenshot of this question and my opinion.

Should my opinion mysteriously disappear, I will know that I hit the jackpot and will ask the GaG admin what to do about your account. Please take this as a polite warning, even if it doesn't come off that way. Thank you.

[Vegasrunner]

@PrettyPriya I'm glad he shared this question because it is an excellent and provides a male POV which is typically lacking in forums like this.

[WonderBell99]

@Vegasrunner So? Spamming goes against GaG’s guidelines. If he wants to ask a question, he is more than welcome to do so, but it is also the duty of the Moderators to remove repetitive questions.

[PrettyPriya]

@WonderBell99 correct. I gave a polite warning and the user deactivated his account. Good thing he did because he had duplicate accounts.

I doubt very much the user you are responding to gives a shit about rules considering my previous interactions with him.

[WonderBell99]

It would be wonderful if GaG admins removed questions of inactive users from the live feed.

I read everything and almost typed down a whole essay until I noticed that the Asker is inactive.

[Vegasrunner]

@WonderBell99 Perhaps you huys are attempting to decide who is spamming and who is not based on your feelings about the question. This is a common trait of women, when they dont like something they pretend as if authorites need to be involved or rules are broken. The user post a general question, (one that I have not read by the way) Yet you're attempting to silence him simply because yoi dont like the question. in my opinion that is a sign of a bad person at heart.

[WonderBell99]

@Vegasrunner I do not want to start a pointless argument with you. I can assure you with the utmost confidence, that Moderators cannot remove posts “based on their feelings”. That is simply not how their job works. If they do so, their question removal ratio will be affected tremendously which would cause them to lose their title as a Mod. I do not think anyone has the time nor the patience to mull over one question. Although, I dare say, it seems like you are the one who is offended by @PrettyPriya ‘s opinion than her over the question. Have a marvelous day.

[PrettyPriya]

Spamming is asking a question over and over, which he did. 3 times to my knowledge. He also violate the site rules by having multiple accounts.

So, that is two violations he infringed upon. If you like his question so much, go read and opine on the other two I’ve found, one of which I provided a link to. Otherwise, stop with your nonsense.

[PrettyPriya]

@WonderBell99 I told you it wasn’t worth it. This user just wants to argue with any woman he can find a reason to. And they aren’t even good reasons.

Just look how he completely contradicts himself:

“ I'm glad he shared this question because it is an excellent and provides a male POV which is typically lacking in forums like this.”

“ The user post a general question, (one that I have not read by the way)”

How can it be such a great question and make POV if you haven’t read it? Hmm… he just wanted to argue with a girl is all.

Plus, he hasn’t addressed the two accounts. Perhaps he would like to see more trolling content on the site.

[Ευδεμονια]

I sincerely think she probably isn’t so serious at the moment and you two are living the thing on different levels, you seem really involved. I suggest you to take it easy and keep a bit of distance, in order to make her search for you, like you do with her. Don’t let her have everything for granted from you, make her asking things to you and missing your company and maybe asking for appointments, since as I saw is always you asking for dates. It’s ok for her to have some time to think, but you already had 5 dates and she’s also seeing other people, it’s time for her to make a little choice, at least skimming the others. It’s ok not to rush things but taking things too slow is a risk since you can get bored of that situation.

[Qdbrown]

Stop talking to her. There is not a word or phrase that will attract her. If anything it will get her to question why she likes you.

Attraction for women come from men that are a challenge. They like to be chased, but they also like to see the guy set boundaries on her.

Walking away is a good technique. I have had girls call me up from two weeks to two months, and suddenly they are interested.

It sounds like she is checking out other guys. That means don't be the orbiter. Back off and forget her. If she shows back up, take advantage. If not, your not wasting time and energy on her.

I would use this time to ask other girls out.

[ElementoP]

Call it narcissism, I don't care, but if a girl was dating other guys too, it's to the dump with her. You're not an option and you're not a crutch to her past relationships, which are starting to make sense why they went south.

I'm not saying she has to be totally invested in you right away, but my God. She's a girl that likes to keep her options open and there's no sign that that won't go away even after you do get serious.

If I were you I'd stay clear of that one, but do what you want. I just hope you don't have to find out the hard way as to why sticking to her is a mistake

[DaveJord]

Dude, are you getting laid yet? If you been out on 5 dates with a women dating two other guys at the same time as you and you're not getting laid, then you're being played.

Hell yeah you should stay distant and start looking for other women. There so many red flags here you need to bail on this women.

[LazerBean]

The whole point of dating is to pick the best option. You can back off, that's your choice and that would be the best choice if you're wanting to find a different girl anyway. But if you are still wanting her then backing off with make you a less good choice, and would automatically put you lower on her priority list.

[PrettyPriya]

He's a troll if you look at my opinion.

[LazerBean]

Ugh, now I'm annoyed that I took the time to read that whole long thing 😒

[PrettyPriya]

User is already inactive. Sigh

[Jacobbbb]

Man that's a rough situation but I feel you on that man don't let yourself be an option when she has multiple dudes under her fingers. It'd be best to just let her go, but if you feel a certain way about that situation and you really do like her, then tell her to ditch the dudes if she really wants you

[Chazmatazz269]

Know your worth and remain true to yourself. You told her you didn’t just want to be an option, and then you let her keep you exactly that. Back off and let her play her games with the others. Find someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

[Vegasrunner]

You almost had it. You should have stuck to you guns after telling her you didn't want to be an option. There are a couple of advanced ways to make this situation work for you, but you sound a bit novice to dating. I would say the best thing for you to do is move on and fins a better woman.

[Twalli]

I guess say that if she wants to go on another date after this 5th one it has to be exclusive with you. You can't be an option anymore and if she wants to continue to date you, she can't date anyone else. If you want, you can say the exclusivity starts with date 6, so she can end it officially with the other guys.

[Blackthorné]

Honestly. If you want a committed relationship and she's not ready, leave and find someone else. If she already said no, it's not going to magically turn into a yes. You're just lining yourself up for long term disappointment.

[Guy13]

I woukd back off. One of them is getting some action and getting Tested. If that’s not you then friendzone until other one blows up. Fallback guy…

[Avicenna]

Well, it all depends on whether you can work with her slower timetable. If you really like her, I'd say show some patience. Most guys aren't patient, so if you are, you can often win out in the end.

[love_conquers_lust]

Hahaha. Leaaaaaavvvve. Fucking leave dude, man. Have some self respect. Other fish in the god damn sea.

[Anonymous]

Date around, man. Don't get hung up on any one chick. Don't let go of other options if you're an option

[Agape93]

Stop asking this dude