Is it stupid that I actually want my boyfriend to objectify me? To tell me how sexy I am?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 19 yr old girl. My guy's 20. We've been dating for a little over 4 months now.

He's really big on valuing inner beauty over outer beauty.

Recently I sent him a playful text asking "what part of me do you find attractive?"

He sent a response saying "I'm not really that interested in looks if you remember. That said, you look just fine".

Can't quite explain why but his response made me want to cry a little.

I love that he values personality and character. But truth is... I wish he would've indulged me. I wish he would've told me that he really likes my long chocolate waves or my lips or hips or something...

I'm wondering: Is it stupid that I actually want him to objectify me? To tell me how sexy I am?

(And anyone who wants to tell me to stop being shallow, don't bother, I already feel guilty enough for not just feeling grateful that I found such a sweetheart like him who cares more about personality and character than looks).

[bean2k21]

Pretty much every woman I've ever met has wanted someone to make them feel sexy. Some will even ask you constantly if you think they're sexy. And, as you've found out, there are some individuals who refuse to indulge them in this desire. The reason why they refuse to indulge them is most likely due to some philosophical or ethical perspective. Buddhists, for example, believe in the inherent beauty of all things in the universe but without attachment, because physical beauty is transitory. To a Buddhist monk you would be equally as beautiful as a grasshopper or a tree, because Buddhists believe that desire leads to suffering. So, if you espouse this philosophy, then yes it is ignorant to want to be desired for your beauty.

[_piotr]

"Is it stupid that I actually want him to objectify me?"

No! You justly want him to appreciate you as a whole, and finally notice your carnal part, that he ignores.

I hate this propaganda that noticing someones good looks equals objectification. In reality: sexual objectification is when somebody "treats a person as a mere object of sexual desire" MERE implies "only", "solely", etc...

The self-righteous people who use this propaganda usually brag how they only care about personality, which actually means they are ignoring about half of their supposed loved person. They dismiss and trash one's body/appearance as completely unimportant, as a trash.

I fully understand you. For me, I am a guy, it's hard to find a girl who would love me not only my character, but also for my body, because all girls are like "I only care for personality".

[kylee2437]

Well I think it’s normal, why? Because we do go for someone for their looks before personality and I think being sexy to your partner is important. We desire for our partners to think we are sexy. You need to let him know that you enjoy being called sexy and want him to like your body as well as your personality. I think it’s personally a red flag when someone says they only go for personality. You are allowed to pick out a sexy ass partner with a bomb personality

[Hairylegs222]

Sounds like you want validation from your man involving him finding your body sexy and telling you he does. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel wanted, sexy, etc from your personality and looks. Everything as a whole.

His response to you is kinda lame and boring in my opinion. Personality is great but also diving into looks expressing to your partner why and which ways you find him/her attractive can really make someone feel good. It's that special acceptance from only that one person that truly desires you as a whole. Comforting feeling too.

[NamerOfStars]

Stupid? No- but it's not objectification you want. Seeing you in a sexual light isn't seeing you as an object, it's just seeing another facet of you. We can argue until the cows come home whether your mind is "more" of what you are than your body is, but they're both *part* of you. Why would you NOT want to be appreciated for both of them? Humans are sexual beings.

[Rob70]

You are not being stupid. Most everyone likes to be complimented on by their partner. I think you should talk to him. Let him know you understand that he doesn’t just view physical beauty and takes inner beauty into consideration also and you respect that but at times you want to hear him compliment what he does like on your body

[20yearsolder]

copy and paste your very own paragraph and send it to him

I love that he values personality and character. But truth is... I wish you would've indulged me. I wish you would've told me that you really likes my long chocolate waves or my lips or hips or something...

[Wubs3000]

Is that objectifying though? I feel like if someone you know who loves you for more than your looks compliments your looks it doesn't objectify you. It's just complimenting you.
It's different if a stranger just wants to fuck you but doesn't care about you

[Jay3344]

I get it. It’s a non starter if your like hey what do you think is sexy and there like I don’t care about looks. It would have been sexier to say that your personality turns me on. At least he’s getting the idea…but if you want some compliments and he’s too idealistic to get the romance of it, maybe have a conversation about it.

[Waldoe]

sit him down and have an open and honest conversation, he will appreciate it... tell him that a "GIRL" (you) appreciate compliments, when she gets all "dressed-up" for her 'Man'... and she likes to Know that he notices and likes it... "Girls are different" and it is GOOD to notice and compliment her appearance

[RavVid]

Why is it being shallow to want to be desired by your guy? It seems to be very natural to me.

[JSmuve]

All women want to be objectified. They just don't want to admit it.

[Anonymous]

In this new pussified male society women have created, it’s not surprising that guys are pathetic but it’s also womens own fault they get what they whined for.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend is a product of beta male soy boys who treat women like they are gods grace. It’s not his fault he’s a loser.

[Guy13]

No. It’s quite normal.

[pizzalovershouse]

No cuz guys usely do that when seeing a girl

[Iron_Man]

I’m sure you get enough attention already

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

It's normal since he's your man.

[KrakenAttackin]

There aren't words for this hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to seek compliments.