Is it okay for friends with benefits to establish boundaries?

[Anonymous]

I asked mine to do two things. He talked to me about us two hanging out this past weekend. It wasn’t set in stone plans but I was like sure. He mentioned during the week maybe having to work. I didn’t hear from him all weekend.

I texted him and asked me when we talk about plans and things come up I would like him to send a curtesy text. I told him I was out with my pals so it is no big deal. It’s just a respect thing.

He also talks to girls and other girls in front of me. I told him even though we are just hanging out, I really would prefer it that he didn’t talk about other girls or to other girls in front of me. When I’m hanging out with him or spending my time with him, I kind of want him to myself. Again it is just a respect thing. That I require a certain amount of mutual respect from the guys I talk to or hang out with.

He got mad and said it was to many rules and ramifications for two people just hanging out. He wished me the best.

I think boundaries are important including for people just hanging out.

Boundaries like this are okay.

It is to much to ask for friends with benefits.

[Anonymous]

I think a big part of a friends with benefits relationship is having zero expectations, knowing who you’re dealing with and knowing what you’re getting yourself into. Some people are at a place in life where they can truly accept the casualty in, well, casual sex. Others like yourself, maybe not so much. The only semi-fair request on your end was about communication and letting you know if plans change. I say semi because this comes with expectations and knowing this guy as a person. Like if you were hooking up with a consistent, respectful and punctual person, then you know he will at least give you that. You can expect that, so it’s a fair request. But then you have dudes like yours, who really shoves the casualty of your situation in your face by flirting with girls in front of you, flaking on your plans and essentially not having the mutual respect for your time and presence in which you have for him and his. All this to say, if you genuinely are ok with friends with benefits, then that’s fine, but at least do that with someone who consistently upholds the same standards and boundaries from start to finish without fluctuation.

[mandyfire98]

It all depends on the people involved and the arrangement you have going. Anytime I've had friends with benefits I always let the other party know right out of the gate what I personally was looking for. I was looking for a fuck buddy. I didn't want a relationship but I would only be having sex with them and them alone for safety reasons. If I'm getting sex I don't need it from other people. I also let the other person know that my sex drive is high and that would probably mean I'd want sex on a nightly basis. At the end of the day it's still an arrangement and it's ok to let them know what you're ultimately looking for and what you want out of it. My own personal thing I wanted was to have sex with one person but not have to take part in any of the relationship stuff. Some people think friends with benefits means you just go out and fuck everybody but for me it's never been that way, my fuck buddy is my fuck buddy and I only need one.

[FilmGuy93]

Assuming that everything you told us is what was actually said; those boundaries sound very reasonable and very healthy.

Boundaries are an essential piece of any relationship, whether it's a friendship, romantic relationship, professional, etc.; they all need boundaries to function properly.

[Berethor]

Looks like you was getting jealous, it understandable.

[clampfan101]

Two words; human rights