Does he talk to me because I sent money?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy here in my city that I am talking to. We have been talking for a whole month now. Still didn’t have the chance to meet up because I’ve been really really busy. I sent him some money to help out with some issues he has. He’s going to school doesn’t have a lot. He says he loves me and wants to be together. We do talk about regular stuff but it just seems shallow to me just I miss you and Financial stuff. He doesn’t ask me for money I just sent it because I am this way.. is he saying he loves me to take advantage? I told him even if he did only want some support from me to be real and even if he wasn’t interested romantically I would still help out if I could. Yesterday I texted him on snap and he didn’t answer me for 4 hours he was out with his friends. I posted something to get his attention and he saw the story but didn’t answer my text. Why do people do this? I just really wanna know what you guys think. Please be nice I don’t have make friends so I just wanna get some opinions.

[WonderBell99]

If you are sending him money in hopes that he would spend more time with you, stop this immediately. You would basically be bribing him then. Is this what you want your relationship with your partner to be like?

It is impossible to fall in love with someone just after talking to them for one month AND not even meeting them. That man is clearly lying, or just incredibly naive. I used to chat with a guy who was somewhat similar to this one. This is what some psychologists would brand as “push-pull behavior”. Does he behave hot and cold with you often? Or just this one time?

Please stop sending money to people you have not even met in person yet. Even when you do so, do not lend them without promise of return and it is never wise to send a huge amount of money to anyone, not even your SO. This person could be a scammer taking advantage of your vulnerability. Be safe.

[Asker]

Thank you for answering shouldn’t just remove him from snap? He has my number if he tries to talk to me to be with him is it him just trying to get me to stick to him?

[WonderBell99]

Well, that would depend. Did he ask you for money? You’ve mentioned that he did not and it was solely your decision for you to lend him money.. why would you think he is the one using you then?

[Asker]

He does hint on it. I’m not trying to bribe him either I just cared really I’ve been in tough spots myself so I know how it’s like. He has my number still hasn’t texted me. I just feel like there is no way he loves me and there is s reason behind talking to me everyday. Maybe loneliness maybe because if the money. Im just confused because my female friends say he is using me but he seems so nice on text sometimes he’ll will go cold on ne too. It’s complicated.

[WonderBell99]

Some people try to “distract” themselves from loneliness by talking to others and finding someone or something else to replace the void. He could be using you as a distraction or you might genuinely make him happy… or he could also be using you for financial stuff since he knows you like him. He could easily manipulate you since you empathize with him and have been in a tough spot in the past yourself, so he could easily get money out of you just by hinting at it.

This hot and cold behavior is also known as “push-pull” behavior. Look it up. This is a form of manipulation and deceit that some people use in the beginning of a relationship to keep a person hooked.

Have you heard of the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? The manipulator uses this as the premise and tries to get the person addicted to them. For example, if you give your pet a toy, it would probably not give much attention to it.. but if you dangle it and then pull it right back up creating movements, it’ll go crazy for it. Strange analogy, but this is actually the case. The person *might* be able to get the other person interested, but it won’t work long term.

If you are looking to find a meaningful relationship with this guy, please don’t. You would be ruining your life if you do so. Does he even pay back the money he borrows? You’re not a money lender. He doesn’t seem to be in a good emotional place for a relationship either. Please be careful and don’t waste your time on him. Find someone else who has their shit together and wouldn’t treat you this bad. Hot and cold behavior is a tell tale sign of immaturity and toxicity.