Why doesn't my boyfriend ever listen when I talk to him?

[cobojovein]

Hey guys. Been dating this guy a year. Things are okay between us. His lack of listening is truly making me wonder about our future. he's a nice guy but i am really getting tired of saying the same thing over and over. Any advice on how to improve things here? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Ok talking to him or at him? If you’re talking at him yes he’s not going to listen. Hell I wouldn’t listen. I believe in general we as men don’t listen to things that aren’t important to us, or as important to us. To you yes that may be important. I hate saying it this way but have you ever noticed that a man can quote a million lines from movies years ago, or a few days old but can’t remember your fucking anniversary? Lol I know I can quote a lot of movies. In all honestly it’s not as big of a deal to us as you make it out to be to yourself. We care to a certain degree, especially when you throw a fit about it, start to cry. But for most men those things aren’t that important. Although it make take a few minutes or seconds to do as you ask he may feel it as an inconvenience because let’s say you’re disturbing his game or something. So maybe a little selfish, but if you forge to do it he will let you k ow for sure.

[Chazmatazz269]

Say something important to HIM. If he doesn’t retain that, dump him. Chances are you don’t value the same things. So when you speak he’s not detecting the key words in your speech. Almost certainly vice versa. You can invest the time and energy into training him, but ultimately that’s just manipulation. You wouldn’t dare, right? Ell oh ell!
If he DOES retain it, and you believe he might be “the one”, invest in couples’ therapy to improve communication.

[BarryLiverstone]

I can give some help to you. But do you have some examples of him not listening. Is it he same subject or when you have a certain emotion?

[cobojovein]

For example tonight i asked him to put 2 sodas in my bag. One diet and one regular. So 1st he gives me 3 sodas. I said i only need 2. I again asked for 1 diet and 1 regular. Get to work and have 2 regular sodas.

[BarryLiverstone]

So in general guys are not great at details. In this case I’d just let him know you wanted one diet and one regular. It’s a bit of a training routine with us guys to get to know what you need.

Do you expect us to get it right the first time?

[cobojovein]

I guess its tough to understand whats so hard about listening but actually comprehending as well. Also after so much time of that it makes you feel not really valued. Especially if you keep feeling like a broken record.

[BarryLiverstone]

Def I understand you feeling frustrated emotionally if you have asked for things repeatedly. My mom has a three strikes and you are out rule for this. What I would say tho is are you acknowledging when he is learning and what is important to you. Like I said in general is guys suck at details but if you feel like we are taking care of you overall doesn’t that matter?

[cobojovein]

Well we both work so we both take care of things. he's a good guy and also a good communicator but mostly i feel he just doesn't listen.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then what is the solution. If you feel like he doesn’t listen?

[Danny_dan92]

He doesn’t listen cause he doesn’t care