Does talking to someone else while you’re not yet in a relationship count as “cheating”? (Page 2)
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That’s a tough one but I don’t think it counts. You and K were just friends plus S knew about it and he was cool with it at the time.
It is kinda complicated lol, I guess I did mess up by still keeping in touch with an ex (even tho only as friends) but other than that I don’t feel like I did anything wrong
I don’t think you did either
Thanks for the reassurance, my boyfriend is making me question myself 😬
You’re totally doing the right thing. You’re allowed to be friends with your exes as long as you tell your current partner about it and you guys are just friends (no messing around).
Yeah I decided to cut off contact with my ex wayy before my now boyfriend and I were official so I don't know why he’s flipping out now lol
Me either lol. You did the right thing.
Thank you ❤️
"Just talking" is never cheating. Cheating involves physical person-to-person contact of a sexual nature.
I think you can also “emotionally cheat” without having any physical contact with another person. The thing is, all of my conversations with my ex were purely platonic. We’ve known each other since middle school so we’ve been friends longer than we’ve been lovers, I even told my ex about the new guy that I’m seeing
It would be cheating if you was meeting up with K and kissing or sleeping with him. But chatting to him whilst you and S were not even official? Come on, that's far from cheating.
Tell K, very clearly, you did nothing wrong, you were not intimate with K, that S knew you were chatting to K whilst it wasn't official, and NOTHING is going on. If S cannot handle this, that's his problem, not yours.
Well, there's 2 schools of thought.
Definitionally if you aren't in an agreement (a closed relationship) then it's not breaching that agreement.
The porn test: I know it when I see it. If it feels like cheating, it is.
True! I wasn’t hiding anything bcs I know I wasn’t cheating so I’m not understanding why my boyfriend would flip out so much over this when he was also still talking to his ex bcs they were “in the process of moving on from each other”
No it’s not. If you’re talking about a commitment relationship then yes. When you’re officially not taken by anyone. You’re at your free will.
This seems highly logical, thanks for this!
For me it depends on the context and intentions behind it, if it's just true friends normally chatting all good or if he is trying to get to know someone and is flirting etc... in your case I don't see it as cheating, cause you were really open and S actually knew about all that and he didn't seem to have a problem with it back then... so why now?
It wasn't cheating. It wasn't even a shitty thing to do. You're allowed to retain platonic friends, even if they are your ex.
Besides, cheating is going behind someone's back. And your were honest and open the entire time.
You're boyfriend is being a jerk.
First of all, no you were not in the wrong. You were doing less than he was doing by actually meeting his ex in person. Arguably he owes you an apology. I guess the better question would be why are you so overly concerned with what that magnitude of a hypocrite wants thinks or feels?
Nope... although I totally understand why so many people are hella not down with that.
Yeah I can see why my boyfriend would feel hurt but then again, I did ask for his permission and he said he was okay with it…
That's always weird, right? Like, the person knew what they were asking for. They knew what was going to happen. How is it anyone else's fault that the situation just hit different from how they were expecting?
My big thing is that I always always always set clear boundaries and contingencies with my partners. I tell them to set non-negotiable boundaries. So that way, I can figure out where the acceptable places to color outside the lines are, and where it's not.
That’s very good advice right there, thank you!!
I'm confused. What did you actually do that was bad? Which of your actions are you describing that were "really shitty"?
I was still friends with my ex while I was seeing my now boyfriend (back then we were still casual), my ex and I would sometimes text each other (I showed the text messages to my now boyfriend, all friendly conversations, purely platonic)
I don't see anything wrong with that.
I mean other than still keeping in contact with your ex in general haha. Usually it's best to leave the past in the past.
I agree, I’ve cut all of contact with my ex even way before I became official with my now boyfriend so I don’t know what the problem is tbh lol
Okay; that's good.
And he probably just was feeling anxiety. You just reassure him calmly and give him a tender hug and a kiss.
Lots of people misunderstand "dating" and "relationship". A lot of people think that because you're "dating", you're "in a relationship". You're not
Yeah he told me that “even though we weren’t official back then, I was already on that mindset with you” like how was I supposed to know bcs you never told me that back then lol
It depends on the couple tbh. Everyone has different relationship dynamics.
Yeah that’s very true, we both agreed that it was okay (back when we weren’t official) but now that we’ve been together and I’ve completely cut off contact with my ex even waaayyy before my now boyfriend and I are official, all of a sudden my boyfriend switched up on me and thinks that it wasn’t okay…
Well if you'd earlier agreed it was okay, it shouldn't be a problem. Especially considering you've now cut off the ex.
If you're not committed and exclusive it's not cheating.
Yeah I agree! Thanks for the insight
You weren't in a relationship so how could you cheat
I think my boyfriend felt betrayed bcs he told me that we were already in the process of being in a relationship back then, but I didn’t even know bcs I mean… he never told me until just now lol
No, until you are in a relationship; you can't cheat. Who would you be cheating on? Nobody, you're single.
Technically yes that’s true, how can I convince my boyfriend tho… he doesn’t seem to want to grasp that you really can be just friends with an ex
Chatting with someone isn't cheating either.
Yeah but according to my boyfriend it is 😬 even tho I only chatted with my ex wayy before my boyfriend and I were even official lol
Ask him if he has a problem with it now; why he didn't say anything about it then? It seems like he is trying to make you feel guilty about it; so he can pressure you to do something he wants that you won't want to do. If that is the case you should probably find someone else.
You mean literally just TALKING? What am I missing here?
Yes, 100% platonic text messages. Not even a phone call, not even a meet up… Sometimes my ex would send pics of his dog but that’s it.
Okay, so what am I missing here?
Technically no, unless you have a promise ring or an engagement ring on.
Yeah technically, we weren’t in an official relationship yet back then plus I was only having purely platonic conversations with my ex
You're not official but you're in relationship with him... and it's depends what was the convo between you n your ex.
This is half truth.. we need details of conversion between you n your ex.
We were only casually seeing each other at the time bcs he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, he needed time to move on from his ex
I was talking purely as friends with my ex, we’ve known each other as friends since middle school. Only started dating towards the end of our college years, broke up, then remained as friends. I even told my ex about the fact that I’m seeing this new guy S, my ex was very supportive of it
Ex was supportive? Does this even matter... you're weird.
If you are intending to have them as a potential partner then yes.
I can see your point, thanks for sharing!
It's not cheating. But I personally let the person I'm talking to know I'm talking to other people so they know where I'm at. It's just common courtesy if I'm under the impression that it could go somewhere serious.