Should I tell my boyfriend that I was crying because I wish that we could get married and start our future already?

Question

I was crying for hours while I was right next to him in bed he was very sweet giving me hugs and holding me tight but I didn’t tell him why I was crying because I felt like if I told him it would be pressuring to him and I thought that maybe he’d think that I’m crazy or something. I was just feeling absolutely heartbroken because I want our future to start now I want to be married to him but I can’t because we both don’t have much money. And it made me feel even worse because it seems like I’m the only one feeling this way despite him telling me since the beginning of us dating that he wanted to marry me. We’ve been together for 2 years and 6 months now he is 25 and I am 21 he graduated from college and is working part time but I’m still in college waiting to start my new job. We both live with our parents still for financial reasons and we only see each other twice a week from 3 or 4pm to 10:30 . It seems like I’ve been going through the same cycle for over 2 years of having to sneak into his room to get any privacy at all and only getting a few hours of private time with him a week and worrying about his parents coming in if we get intimate and I’m a bit tired of it. I’ve hinted it to him that I’m tired of having to sneak around but I have not told him that I wish that we could get married right now. I feel like he is very comfortable the way that we are despite him saying that he is also annoyed by it and I feel like I’m the only one hurting that we can’t start our future together yet. I sometimes find myself just staring around the room that we’re in wondering when things are going to change and feeling sad but I don’t feel that he feels the same.

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

I'm so sorry this is happening J, pisses me off to hear you're crying.
But as someone who was around when you were asking questions when you first met him I kinda saw this coming and even warned you about it.

You're right. 2.5 years into a relationship you shouldn't have to sneak around to have sex like some teenage lovers who only spent one summer together.

A 25 year old graduate should NOT be working a part time job he should working a full time job (or starting a business if he's into that) the point is he's turning into a bit of a bum.

And I know the real reason you're sad is because you know this wedding won't happen tomorrow or a week from now, at this right it might be years ahead.
Now to be fair at 21 you have so much that you can do in your life without being married, but later can turn into never if things don't progress.

If he hasn't even proposed after all this time of promising marriage it's not a good sign at all.

I know it's hard to face the music belive me, but maybe it's time you took a long hard look on your relationship, what have you two done or aimed towards in the last 2.5 years? If it's just meeting up for sex once or twice a week else text for a while before bed then you haven't done much, how close are you to his friends? How close is he to yours? How often does do you go out into the world together?

These are foundations when you wanna build a bond, you put your love through the trials of everyday life.
Sex is easy, once a guy finds the clit and the g spot it's gonna be good.
A relationship is built and developed outside of the bedroom.

Let out the tears you need to let out but once you're done with the tears you need to take the action that is best for you

RealMarek · Accepted Answer

I think people need to consider that the real cost of housing, education, and necessities is much higher for your generation than it was for previous ones at your age. This among other things is actually pushing the marriage and birth rates down to very low levels. In light of these circumstances, it would be great if you could marry now. Perhaps family could help you have a place to stay or would allow both of you to share a room. That’s common in second- and third-world countries, and the US is not first world anymore for most of it’s citizens. Another thought is that you could stay in a low-end studio or room rental after marrying. It might not be nice housing, but you would be together.

zariahdp · Accepted Answer

1. You both need to have a conversation on future and current goals. No sugar coating and just put it all on the table.

2. Us women need to stop crying and getting in our feelings about shit involving our relationship when the guy doesn’t understand why we feel the way we feel in the first place, be honest about how you feel.

3. Your still in college, you still have so much to figure out and it’s only the beginning of your adulthood, you need to understand that marriage is life changing.

4. You do not need to be married to live together, non-married couples move in together all the time.

5. You need to tell him to set boundaries with him and his parents because it’ll only get worse.

6. As long as you both are on the same page you should have no problem telling him what you want, need and expect from the relationship.

7. Don’t let his parents or yours dictate how you both go about y’all relationship

8. Tell him you want to get married and give him a time frame because at the end of the day, you deserve to be happy and with someone who can make that happen for you & vice versa

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

You could tell him but what good would it do? Neither of you can snap your fingers and change your situations overnight. It would probably also make him feel bad because he can’t do anything besides comfort you right now and no man wants to feel useless when they’re doing their best. Things feel stagnant for you right now and I don’t blame you, two years going at the same pace and sneaking around seems like high school and it has to suck. But it sounds like maybe some traction is coming now that he’s graduated, and you’re moving along in school as well. So stay focused on you and him actually getting to a place where you can live together or at least see each other more. That alone may make you feel better then only seeing him a few hours each week.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

The knocking thing was funny though😂.

Lol do there parents know you guys are having sex i think they know you must be loud lol i can guess 🤣..

Did you cry after having sex? He might be thinking his performance was bad lol.

Ok what other options does he have ss it's not like he can book an apartment with part time job.

Offcourse the guy is getting sex and you want it too he will be satisfied.

You are silly for crying , if you have complete trust on him there is no need of marraige as of now living together will suffice.

How staring at a room or crying and imagining about your future will magically happen if you are not working for today.

His 25 and still doing part time why? Is he trying to do post graduation or something?

You should start finding jobs with him support him and also motvate him to go find a better work things don't happen by themselves you need to make them happen..

You want to marry him but that passion in work and motivate yourself to work to afford and appartment those days are gone were you could sit and cry and your parents helped you out.

If you want freedom then you have to be independent do mistakes take ownership and move on.

He won't likely move out of house if his family is indian it's not how they roll.
He will be very comfortable at his home with restrictions as well 🙃.

Other wise another solution would be to get pregnant always works with Indian families 🤣🤣🤣.

Go and say to his parents Hindi language "main Nat ke bache ki maa Bane wali hoon ashirwad do".

I am being mother of your son Nats child please bless me and go with your suitcase.
Always works with Indian parents 🤠.
Poof half of your work is done then it's his headache how to survive.

Your future will be started but not sure how it will end.

mickmrly · Answer

I think you should definitely tell your boyfriend about how you feel. This is a big thing that you want and keeping it to yourself is just causing you unnecessary anxiety.

As for the logistics of getting married, that’s a tough one. Marriage under the age of 25 has a high chance of not working out and these days the global economic landscape is messed up and getting worse. However saying all that, the most important thing is if you and your guy want to live through thick and thin together or not. People who say that you should save and get a better job etc. are forgetting that money and jobs can be lost just like that. And even if you do have everything going for you both, divorce can still happen anyway.

I’d say bring up your interest in marriage and at the same time do some searching for where you could both live together and how you could both afford it. Logically, sharing a bed and living together can only improve both of your lives but such benefits are minimised in todays society. Just because you are both in a humble situation, doesn’t mean you can’t be happy together. Although I would recommend being careful about the possibilities of pregnancy as having kids is a much bigger hurdle to meet then simply living together.

shaysh87 · Answer

I think these questions are the types of questions that only women ask. From my experience, its always women who base their life decisions on others. Things such as : "I'm freezing my eggs because my current boyfriend isn't sure when exactly he will be ready to commit to me". Or in this case : "I'm crying because my boyfriend doesn't seem like he has any real plans to take this further"

Girl, you need to develop a spine of your own. Stop basing all your entire life's decisions on other people. You need to ask him if he actually wants to get married any time in the near future. If he says he's not sure, give him however much length of time to figure it out. It you give him an extra couple of years and he still can't decide, its time to drop him.

If I were you, I would give him an extra few years to figure it out. After that if he still doesn't have any plans, I would get rid of him. Because a man who loves you enough to marry you WILL MARRY YOU.

Be very careful about how much time you waste on these guys who don't want to get married. Because your childbearing years aren't forever. Ideally find a man by the time you hit your early 30s.

Paulalove98 · Answer

It doesn’t hurt to have an open, honest conversation if you feel comfortable doing so but really it’ll be so worth it when you guys are more financially stable, and you both have steady incomes to live together, marry, and start your lives. These things don’t happen overnight girl. I get you have anxiety and I feel the same way. I don’t have a boyfriend but I get anxiety like crazy sometimes about my future cause I too hope to get married, have kids and share my life with someone but Rome wasn’t built in one day and trust me when I say this I thought about it over and over since I was 18 and your age 21 and up to almost 24 since I’m almost 24 but if you guys truly love eachother the time is really a test and you guys will have that future together if you both work toward it❤️

curlyfirecracker · Answer

If he said he wants to, let him decide. Even if he hasn't said he wants to, let him decide. I dated my husband for 3 years, then we were engaged for 4! Most guys have their reasons, and if you try to pressure them into it, it will not be a happy thing for you both. Maybe try to ask him and see what his thoughts are on the matter? It might shed some light onto his perspective. If you do really want to marry him, it's important to know what he thinks and feels about a lot of things. I know that she wants to, but it might not be the right time. One thing, is don't think about starting your life once you get married. Your life with him is already starting now! Make the best of it! If he is worth it, wait for him.

NathanDavis · Answer

he has said he wants to marry you...

if you start to put emotional pressure on him it might backfire

you should work on your trust instead... the trust you do not feel for him today, you need to build that up if you want things to work well with the two of you

JPresidente · Answer

Yes. It will probably take a fight to get him to understand your position. You have to make him uncomfortable before he will change. He’s too comfortable with how things are. Tell him he needs to find a way to make it happen and start now because you’re fed up with the status quo.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

He might be just as upset but is dealing with it like an adult.

Crying isn't going to make the money to have a wedding or buy a house appear, and these things are unreasonably expensive these days.

But here is the thing.

If a guy loves you, and you are a couple, you are already married in his mind, so there isn't a wait, the deal is sealed, he has you.

And because he is so thrilled with your company, the negatives of your current lifestyle go unoticed or are seen as trivial, because it's worth it to him to put up with inconveniences just to be with his SO.

This can make the things you are complaining about fade into the background, and may explain why he isn't having a fit over it.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

If you guys aren't both bringing home serious dough please which it sounds like you're not realize it's hard to be married and afford to live somewhere especially at your age. Love and money are funny. It shouldn't matter but it does. It shouldn't be everything which would be bad but you are both super young. Unless you make a decent amount or live in a low cost of living place he might need time to save for the things that marriage costs.. ring, wedding, honeymoon, housing etc... Be patient if he's good to you and of course if you love him too.

If you want to propose think about what I said above and realize how expensive this all is and ask yourself if you could do half the list. Ring and half the wedding costs.

If you don't think the money is a factor then you might be acting immature.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

So you think it cost money to get married nope court house would be cheaper only $250 in my state.
Can’t afford a ring well that’s another expensive item that not necessary for marriage.
Worries about the parents interrupting sexy time; just wait till it’s your kids lol
I understand your frustration, but it sounds like you want privacy and a big party more than marriage.
Humble yourself what would you sacrifice for marriage with him?
If nothing than don’t get married.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

I always hate when people say, can we start our future when we get married… lol you are in the future with him now. When you committed to him and he committed to you.. you started it. All marriage is is a legal document saying if he fuck up or does something you don’t like, you are entitled to half his stuff. That’s it. So if you looking at it like you haven’t started anything yet is the wrong mindset and therefore it will lead to complacency.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes, you are feeling shame... or continue suffering. you need to grow up fast. you might go and confess your sins to his parents as well, don't have to give details. I'm serious, it's catharsis... takes the weight off you, then you can make decisions as to what is next.

he's not going to do anything unless pushed...

Paris13 · Answer

Finish college and Begin that New job. Maybe you BOTH can get a Room some Place in Town that Perhaps you have to Share the Bath and Kitchen but IT'S a Start. if Not, Finish College and Maybe by Then, He will have Full time Work. Talk it OUT, For Crying Out Loud!!! xx

SolitarySolace · Answer

Millions Of Men No Longer Want To Get Married, And You Can Thank The Government For That

Luopio27 · Answer

Just tell him what you told us. Keeping him in the dark only makes him worry more. It takes love to get married, not money, unless you require expensive wedding.

Being financially poor and in love is always better than being rich and alone. Many rich guys can have fake people around them for their money.

mermaidcancermoon · Answer

doesn't seem like he's ready for marriage. I think you should discuss moving in together or marriage, see where his head is at. But usually guys are quite eager to get a place together when theyre into you.

DiegoO · Answer

Civil marriage comes with a greater responsability.

Marriage can be seen as the top of the mountain, but it needs to be carefully planned. You just don't married, not because of emotional exclusivity. It's more than an emotional experience. A lot of legal rights and responsibilities, bond in that ceremony.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

You should feel comfortable being able to tell him anything, and he should be understanding.

If you can't tell him things now, you won't be able to tell him things later. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Guardian45 · Answer

Well, if you're both on the same page, then there's no reason you can't planning things.  Set a future date, but have certain milestones to get to that point along the way.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

So is the reason you want to get married just so you can have sex without being afraid of getting caught?

Should I tell my boyfriend that I was crying because I wish that we could get married and start our future already?

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