Ask ask out my friend or tell her I like her?

[Anonymous]

She had a breakup less than two months ago so I've been weary of crossing that boundary, we've been getting to know each other a lot lately and I really want something more with her, should I just ask her or tell her how I feel and see if she feels the same way?

After tomorrow, I'm not seeing her until next week as she will be spending time with her mom so asking her on a date this week would be unlikely. I don't want to waste more time as she is always so sweet with me and wants to spend time with me, she should know either way how I feel

I'm nervous though because I don't want to lose her, she really brightens my day every time I'm with her and when I'm not the day, is just a day

[quaranta]

It looks like you have chances, by what you say. So, I think you should consider the potential behind the "way" you confess. It speaks a lot about what you would offer in a relationship and it can fascinate or repulse the person you are confessing to, regardless of their previous feeling towards you. Most people don't have a clear idea of what they want, exactly, with someone they "consider", and haven't a ready answer in case a confession comes (unless they know about your crush already from other people or from very obvious signals). So, the way you confess, matters in rearranging what they want. This is a very understimated aspect.
So, the way you should -not- confess is through text and via desperation or expressing discouragement, insecurity etc. This allows her to have all the time to screenshot you and send to friends while thinking about an answer, and puts her in a position of power, while she is not the one with a ready answer and shouldn't be requested to fix the way you feel about her. Plus, all you offer, in that way, is fragility. You wouldn't communicate safety and what you could really offer to her, so just don't present your feelings as something you have to be ashamed for, or insecure about.
When you meet her in real life, find a way to go somewhere with her, a safe and cozy place, not crowded, after you had a good conversation about deep topics, or good laughs. Confess with confidence, explain her why your feelings for her are grown recently, what you like of her in particular that made you consider something more with her (so that she feels selected and understood, not just picked because she is a female), smile during that, make it look like you really know what you want with her and don't give her too much power in the conversation (don't tell her about your feelings and waiting for what she says, rather, express your feelings then ask her how the idea of dating makes her feel like. Guide her thoughts). This way you communicate that you know what you are ready to offer to her and that she could (should!) either join you or not.
If she has no answers (she might be overwhelmed), then, with serenity, you let her have space and time to think about that and you both go back home. She is probably recovering from the breakup so she needs to feel safe and not pressured first of all, with all the freedom to decide. She might start to picture how things would be with you, after the confession, much more than general checkings she did before, and remembering how emotioned she was while receiving a charming confession. So if she didn't have feelings before, she might develop some afterwards. And she should contact you first after that, anyway.
While if she really says no to this, well, you exit the situation with an elegant and mature confession behind anyway...

[quaranta]

Oh and don't anticipate anything and don't let her pull out words from your mouth. Be in control of your confession, don't let her prepare reactions in her mind before you manage to confess.

[Asker]

Thanks for your very detailed response! I think she does know I like her at the very least but I've never actually said it. After her breakup she actually invited me for a drink and she invited me to her house but we didn't do anything. Since then I've invited her to lunch a couple of times, not dates, but she hasn't been able to. She was very touchy with me when we went out and has recently also been that way, though not as much as that day since we were in a different environment. But I do think she knows I like her at the very least

And yeah no text, want to do it in person when we're alone together

The way does worry me though, and the when. I've thought about doing it while walking her home

" explain her why your feelings for her are grown recently, what you like of her in particular that made you consider something more with her (so that she feels selected and understood, not just picked because she is a female)"

I really like this though. I do kind of like her since she's picked me since before her breakup, and a lot more since after the breakup, but that's just how my relationships go as I usually don't approach others and she knows this.

So just tell her how I feel but not ask her how she feels, just ask how she would feel about going out on a date?

It might be too rehearsed but how does this sound: "I need to be honest with you, I really appreciate the time we spend together and I've grown to like you a lot. How would you feel about going on a real date this time?"

If she's unsure like you said at least she'll have a long time to think about it before we see each other, but it'll be excruciating for me lol. Overall like I said I just don't want to push her away, she makes my days so much better, and so much worse when I don't see her

What do you mean with don't let her pull words out of my mouth though?

[Asker]

Agh I just found out her mom is here early so I won't be seeing her until next Monday :(

[quaranta]

I would spend more words in explaining what made your interest grow in her, and something about the compatibility you see etc. Don't prepare a scripted sentence because most likely you won't anyway repeat it perfectly, at most, prepare in your mind "phases" of what to say, like, you start with the thing of "having to be honest with her", then you explain your feelings and motivate them as if they sound grounded and not just a random attraction (but don't sound desperate or needy otherwise you get the opposite result, don't tell her how you feel worse when you are not in contact with her because it's clingy and can come off as repulsive, as if she has a responsibility already on your wellbeing), then phase when you finished and ask her about how she would feel at the idea of a real date.

By not "pull words out" I mean, don't give small hints while trying to confess so that she has to guess your feelings with questions (because she understood already in advance and wants to make sure). It's bad...

[Asker]

Phases, I like that..

Yeah I wouldn't tell her I feel bad when I don't see her. That's between me the internet and my therapist, lol. You're right though, making my days better is too broad of a statement. I gotta find something. I guess the fact that I actually want to talk to her (she'd understand since I don't talk to anyone) or that we can turn anything into a joke together could work