Friends with benefits, I want more, should I risk it?

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing:

I met this guy, he is everything I had ever hoped for: he is sweet, kind, considerate, doesn't look at the constructs for beauty, and he is so so so handsome, and he has an "international perspective" on life. We met about a week ago, but things have been crazy, and yes, I know at this point it might infatuation that Im feeling, but I enjoy his company and talking to him. We started seeing each other to be friends with benefits, through an app meant for that. However, one day, I asked him if he wanted to hangout (I had plans for it just to be another friends with benefits meetup) BUT he ended up suggesting we bought some cardboard wine and sat on a park to just talk and watch the sunset. Later, when we came back, I assumed I would have to leave, but he invited me up, and well... I ended up staying the night--- bear in mind, we had only been talking for about 4 days now. He made me breakfast next morning, and we had deep conversations. And so, here I arrive to my dilemma, because I feel such a connection with him, and I love talking to him, but I do not know how he feels. Maybe he is just THAT polite, and maybe he doesn't even see me as a potential partner. He is also 16 years older, and our lives are so different. But I want to know if I should touch this topic, or just lose feelings.

It hurts. Help?

[MrOracle]

You met this guy on a hookup app, and you've essentially admitted that you are batting above your league. The reason that a guy would be on such an app in the first place, and why he would date down some, is to assure that he gets what he wants without any expectations of a relationship. That is the very definition of friends with benefits.

The truth is that most women can't handle friends with benefits, but they agree to it so they can attract hotter, more popular guys, in the hope that they can convert this into "something more." In most cases, they convert it into much less, as the guy will dump her and block her.

I can't tell you what this guy will do, but the odds are high that pursuing more from him will end your arrangement. That might well be the best for you in the long run - the more attached you get, the less it will hurt to lose him.

The real lesson is to not start off a relationship with a lie. The lie here is that you can honor a friends with benefits agreement - clearly you can't - so you should be upfront that you are a relationship person and aren't interested in casual sex. Yes, that will limit your pool of interest, but those still in it will at least be expecting a relationship desire if the relationship goes well.

[MystiKaL]

You need to speak to him for sure. Look, you are 'friends with benefits' any way, so the worst that could happen is he doesn't feel that way and you carry on just friends. However, there is every chance he likes you a lot, feels the same, wants more, but is just being respectful of you.

[Anonymous]

The thing is you can tell him, but I doubt you will get the response you seek. Why? Because 7 days ago you mutually decided for friends with benefits, so you can’t suddenly ask for more out of him. If you’ve already gained strong feelings in this time then by continuing hanging out and settling for friends with benefits will only strengthen your feelings and get yourself more hurt in the end. Personally I think it’s better to get out while you can still walk away not feeling totally used and broken.

[Guy13]

You have no choice but to rials it…as I see it. Caught feeling virus 🦠

[Asker]

"rials" meaning?

[Guy13]

Sorry…big fingers-hand. Risk it. You have no choice but to risk

[Philyouup]

friends with benefits. someone always catches feelings. if both of you don’t. then good luck.

[AsaKyo]

Your problem lmao