Guy cancels our second date two times. Should I move on?

[Marvellous_marie]

Hi everybody! So, I'm a bit confused whether this guy likes me or should I forget about him and move on. I would really appreciate your advice.

I know this guy from work and I like him a lot. Before we haven't talked that much and it was me who approached him first, I initiated the first conversation, and after a while of texting and talking at work, I mentioned that we should have coffee sometime. He agreed and we set up the date. The date went very well, we talked a lot, we took a walk and he even walked me back home and we hugged before parting. The next day he texted me that he was still thinking about me, that I was so beautiful yesterday, and he initiated the second date. I agreed. But when the day of the date came, he didn't contact me to set up the exact place and time. I waited and in the afternoon texted him if we were still hanging out that day. He told me that something came up at work and he couldn't make it. I was a bit upset, couldn't he just let me know in advance? Then he told me that maybe we could do something on the weekend, I said that I didn't know yet and that we would see.

He contacted me in a few days and we set up the date again for Sunday. But on Sunday he texted me that he was feeling a bit sick and as he wasn't sure if it was Covid or not, it would be better not to meet. But he suggested another day for meeting. Unfortunately, I am busy on that day. So we said that we would see some other time.

Now I don't know what to think. It seemed that he liked me and wanted to see me, but now he acts like this and cancels our date second time in a row. At first sight, both excuses are acceptable, but I still have a doubt. I don't know if it is my insecurity or he is just not taking me seriously enough.

I really like him, but I don't want to lose time and to end up broken-hearted. What do you think? Should I move on or should I give him another chance if he reaches out again? Or maybe I should directly ask him if he likes me?

Updates

1 y

Update: I found out from our collegues that he really is sick and that the other day he really was at work till late at night. Plus, he has texted me to see how I'm doing since then. So I think if he initiates another date, I will give him one more chance. If he doesn't, I'll just move on. Thank you all for your opinions 😊

[Adaeva]

You said, "I don't know yet" so there are times you are not available too, yet you blame him but not when it is you that does it. Regardless, two events are not enough to establish a pattern in what he does. Nevertheless, twice is enough to justify questioning if he is serious. I suggest let him call you and/or initiate the next date. Then, if if happens the third time, he has established a pattern that is unacceptable.

Another way of judging if he is serious it to ask, "Is he doing well and you are above his league (not likely) or are you doing well and he is above your league (more likely). If it is the first, those things happened and are unlikely to happen the third time. If it is the second he is not interested except when the date is convenient to him. That is; he will not invest much, money, time, or effort to get into your pants.

[sage2021]

Sorry today, but this guy is a player and he us lying to you each time he breaks a date with you. Plus the fact that you work together is another reason to not hook up with you. He doesn't want you to cramp his style when he is hitting on some other girls at work.
Please, save yourself and don't get involved with this guy. He is sending you all kinds of signals to you that he's not interested in anything further with you.
You say you really like him, yet you don't really know him. You are in like with the idea of what you two would be like together. You need to look at him for what he is - a heartbreaker 💔

[Finchie40]

Move on, the fact that he isn’t calling you and keeps canceling on you last minute just shows you aren’t on the top of his priority list , It sounds like he is weighing his options with someone else and stringing you along until then , when someone really likes you they don’t hesitate to call or forget about calling and canceling plans last second so your best bet is to not fall for his games and realize you deserve someone that is excited to see you and thinks of you and contacts you as soon as possible , whether something came up or not, when someone is into you they don’t hesitate

[fembotnpc777]

oh it does

[Finchie40]

Sadly I been down this road , a lot of us have

[Summeroflove]

This depends on how you feel and him. Sometimes shit happens and you have to understand that. If he seems genuinely interested and makes a effort and seems bummed out. Then stuff might have just happened.

I would say he needs to be honest. If he isn’t interested then he needs to say so.

It is up to you. If you like him and still want to go out. Try to arrange a new date. If you feel it’s not meant to be. Then don’t

[coachTanthony]

The key to cancelling a date is being enthusiastic about still seeing you and giving you an alternate date or dates to choose from. If that isn't happening and he's just cancelling then he's not into you.

[Avicenna]

Since you really like him, I‘d say give home ONE more chance

[Bethany22]

Yes, you should just let him chase you now, especially since you were the one who approached him fist

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you now for sure that he is not married or iving with someone else?

[DubiousIntentions]

Sounds like you have already lost time over him. You could have saved yourself some time and time guessing by asking him point blank if he wants to go out or not. That would be a yes or no, and after hearing his reply you could decide whether to pursue it further or just move on.

[Chazmatazz269]

Direct approach is best, in my opinion.
To be fair, you both clearly have other things going on. So he’s likely feeling like he’s getting mixed signals as well. Reach out and tell him what you’re thinking and feeling. Then ask him what he’s thinking and feeling, though from what you described he’s already offered that much. Just make sure he’s still on that page.

[Anonymous]

I really like him, but I don't want to lose time and to end up broken-hearted.

I will give myself permission to translate that into some more veriability: I don't want my pride to be trumped on.

Pride, not a broken heart, is what you risk at this stage of the relationship.

But anyway, while I point that out, I also say that it would be rather nonsensical that it be you again to contact him and breach the issue of going outdoors together. It's his turn.

[slatyb]

"But when the day of the date came, he didn't contact me to set up the exact place and time. I waited and in the afternoon texted him if we were still hanging out that day."

For whatever reason, you aren't a priority. Are you sure he's single?

[Sorrento-Sun]

After reading you're update , I think you're right. Give him one more chance, then move on if he cancels on you again.

Even if his excuses are genuine it doesn't take away the fact that he's unreliable and will leave you hanging whenever something else comes up in his life. So really, a person having valid excuses for cancelling doesn't make them more dateable if it is a regular occurance

[Pyrofox]

I'd say get the FACTS if he has a LEGITIMATE reason for cancelling that he has evidence for. And if it comes down to him over booking himself I'd say he has too much on his plate to even bother with a relationship. Muchless who would want to be with someone you can't take their word seriously for.

[Kiss_Me]

Yep. Move on.

If he wants to see you, he will make it clear. Otherwise, just move on with your life.

Find someone else and ask THEM out for a date. It sends the message, "I am worthy. I am in demand. I will NOT waste time on you. I can and will replace you if you do not make your intentions clear."

[Man-O-Metal]

Nah. It's not worth it. Friends of mine have tried sticking it out to make it work but then it just ends up ruining their whole schedule cuz they constantly cancel things with friends because it's the only time they can see that other person. You want to date a guy whose schedule better aligns with yours. You'll never find the perfect, always available when you are, kinda guy. But there's definitely better than this.

[Quigly]

After canceling twice he should want to make that up if he was being sincere.

You should move on, If he calls to make it up, give him a chance.(His last chance). My expectations would be low. Don't chase after him, the ball is in your court and not his.

[Adam1978]

Well do you want a guy that can't commit to times he set himself. Either you aren't priority or he hasn't control over his life situation. Both are bad in my view. Everyone can get sick, but excuses twice in a row is a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Has he texted you otherwise to see how you are doing? Also when he canceled the second time did he reschedule? How old is he?

All in all this doesn’t sound good. It might be possible he really was sick. I would withdraw and let him reach out to you for a third date.

[loveslongnails]

Dump him, but don't actually "do anything" to dump him. "Something came up and I couldn't make it", an after the fact excuse, is total bullshit. Sounds like he plain forgot about it, and even if he didn't, not contacting you is complete disrespect.

Take him off your radar and silently move on. If he contacts you again for a date, which I doubt he will unless you're a backup plan, I'd turn him down anyway. You're obviously NOT a priority to him.

[Anonymous]

Give him a third chance. Sometimes things come up unexpectedly and are unavoidable. If this continues for a silly excuse for a third time too, then ask about his second opinion if he likes you or not. Don't be too quick in your judgement which can make you look desperate which doesn't give a good impression of yours before him

[gerald5466]

i'm not sure, but think of it this way if you liked a guy and something came up at you work and you had to cancel and then you planed another one and then you got sick how would you feel if he didn't want to plan another one because he did not want to get broken hearted. so before you make a decision think about how you would feel if you were in his shoes and the excuses weren't excuses and they were true because for all we know he could've lied he could have a wife and 9 kids

[D_Bone_Steak]

With me, traditional dates are pointless, to begin with, and I wouldn't do it. If we agree to meet and they canceled I probably would've moved on the first time. Flakey people are horrible to deal with..., especially in the long term.

[jillybeanns]

I really can’t tell you what to do, but if it were me I would move on. Remember the rule: you train people how to treat you. So if you stick around after he cancels back to back you’re allowing him to disrespect your time and schedule.