So there is this girl at my job. I really like her and I think she might too but I'm not sure. I told my friend that I like her and he's like "go for her but careful so she doesn't think your goal is to get in her pants". I'm thinking he's right because I know a lot of guys in the past that only intention with any girl they knew was to sleep with them and that's it. But me I want a long term relationship and a loyal partner.
So, honestly there is a thin line here. Because you want to ensure that you express that you have a romantic interest, but at the same time you do not want too over play your interest or desire for a serious relationship.
At this point all you want to do is date this woman with the intent or possibility or potential for something serious. It's true a lot of women think men are only interest in one thing, and they are not wrong in that regard. But it's not always just about that one thing, it's about more than just that to most men. But if you start out by talking about how you are not looking for hook ups or one-night stands, well women may or may not take that at face value. So, there is really no point in saying anything about it at this time.
Since this is a real life, and not online thing... then I would just ask her out and through the course of organic conversations and through the course of person-to-person interactions work it out and build trust with her. But talking about it too soon or in a nonorganic way, can raise red flags. Because by raising the point that you are not looking for a hook-up / one-night stand, puts the thought in her head that you have already been thinking about it, when there was never any cause for you to even consider it was a possible with her to begin with... so it can come across wrong to her.
I am not into hookup culture, or one night stand either... but I can't tell you that I haven't had them. Sometimes you meet a person, and it just feels right, and it happens... and relationships still grow out of it, and sometimes it doesn't. I never approach any women with the intent of a hook up or one night stand... so I feel no need to have to make the pion to her. So, I stay away from feeling like I need to approach any relationship from the start with need of telling her that I am not into that... because truth be known if I went out with her on a first date and it ended in sex then I would be okay with that too. But it's not up to me to decide if I would or not with anyone, she has the right to decided that for herself... it's just not a deal breaker for me to date a woman without having sex right away.
But I will be honest I have never dated a woman, be it on the first date or 12th date, that when she felt comfortable about sex that I did not do it. So don't over play or over play anything at this piont, just ask her out and see how things go, and let everything progress at natural pace... no need to force sensitive topics on her or come off as if you have pre-determined for yourself what your expectations are. If you are not interested in hooking up or one night stands then don't do it. Why start off with the need of making it known, if she feels that is all you're interested in, then you are saying something now, later, or ever will not change her mind in away.
This is a bit counter intuitive but demonstrating that you are not interested in a hookup is generally a losing strategy. Has it ever worked for someone somewhere sure but here's the most likely ways it will play out.
1. She will think you just want to be friends.
2. She will want to hookup and go sleep with someone else whether you're dating or not.
3. She will not find you attractive since you're not aggressive enough.
4. She will think you're gay or somethings wrong with you because "what man doesn't want to have sex with a girl he likes?"
But really, you're a weak position because you are interested in a ltr before you even know her. You should assume she doesn't qualify for a ltr until she proves she does. You're basically thinking this through backwards.
Say you don't want a girl who would just hookup with you... you're doing it backwards too. You can't take a girl and then artificially as the man delay sex and then have sex later and go "see she's a good girl for ltr because we didn't have sex for 3 months" bullshit. That's not what it means at all. It doesn't mean anything unless she is the one who doesn't hook up. So the best way to determine if she will say no is to try and hookup and see what she says.
Just my thoughts on your post. And personally I have gone through these thoughts myself. There is no benefit to either virtue signaling your own purity or trying to hold off on sex, that's the female metric not male.
Why not just ask her out, and let her get to know you? There is nothing you can say that would make her just believe that you are not a “player”. She needs to get to know you, in order to understand/believe that you are just not like that! While I would DEFINITELY not bring up the “I want a long-term exclusive relationship with you” on the first (or second date) as that can REALLY creep a girl out! “Here we are on the first date, and he’s already planning our future together! WTF?” For the same reason, while its okay to ask her if she wants children, asking what the names of those children will be, then repeating those names with your last name attached to the end is SO unbelievably creepy and inappropriate! Just don’t do it!
Yeah I agree with your friends. So just don’t get sexual in your conversation but show your interest clearly like ask for her number or ask her for a date. Going to a date and not inviting her in or going to her place is going to send that message. You can also say whatever you want explicitly and be upfront ofc
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UNTIL you know, make this Relationship yours and dictate, with a gentle and clear envisioning to her, how you two will proceed.
Firstly, do not assume she is a “hook-up or body counter girl”. She may be and that will be evident in both short and long-term Futures. She may think that’s the way the Tramp becomes a girlfriend/lady…We know it is not ‼️
Present Plans, Opportunities, and Joint-Ventures that all have a Goal…or a “That’s where this is going” realization in the daily life too.-Not just dates etc 😎
Easy. You explain that you're not into hookup culture. How you do that is up to you. You can say things about 'hookup culture' in her presence which makes your views clear to her. Or, if you two end up in a "so... we like each other..." conversation, then definitely tell her at that point that you're not into hookups.
But this isn't too difficult man. Just make a point to let her know one way or another. 🙂
Okay, just say exactly what you told us if she's dropping hints she only wants a hookup.
Being respectful and patient. Over time, that gets noticed.
How about finding out if she needs to go shopping for the holidays and parley that into getting a bite to eat. Something after hours. This way you sound interested in what she may need to buy, maybe even offer an opinion or two while with her. If that time spent is solid, work the quick food angle and boom you covered how many bases and no harm/no foul. Also, word to the wise, when it comes to your friend at work - keep those cards real close to your vest. Now a days too many chumps like to back talk, blow you up, only to score some pussy - plus at work you gotta be careful. Good luck.
Befriend her, first gain her trust and friendship then hang out. Then try to show interest and sand show her that you might want to be more than friends but don't do anything crazy. Then one night ask her out to diner or something and tell her then straight up, but make shur it is a slightly romantic setting or a place that means something to the both of you.
Just ask her out on a regular date. Go to the movies, have dinner, go for a walk on the beach, by the lake, near a creek. When you bring her home, just walk her to the door and expect nothing more than a little good night kiss. If she invites you in, tell her you think it’s too early in the relationship. It’s simple.
Tbh it’d probably be better if you do get romantically involved with her to just go for a hook up cuz I’ve seen so many people start a relationship with their colleagues and when they go sour someone has to leave, protect your career and hers. Unless you don’t really mind that possibility in which case you do you 👍
Its just another bridge to quietly deal with... every girl you meet will probably react in different ways to whatever it is you decide to try.
Not trying to move a at a pace that makes her uncomfortable is probably best, and hardest to judge. Just go with your instincts and do be aware almost every person in a new relationship has similar concerns
The more you try to convince her that you are not, the more she will be convinced that you are. If you reject all forms of whoreishness, her showing skin, tattoos, booty pics on instagram etc, she'll lash out and claim you're a prude of trying to control her or whatever cosmo is telling them to believe. If she obviously doesn't have the values as you then don't bother. These push-pull games are stupid.
You just need to be subtle about it but don’t worry too much about a long term relationship with her before you’ve even started dating her. Just take things slow at first and if you end up dating then she’ll figure out you’re not into just hooking up.
Here's what I'd do, better results if you kindle a womans interest first before letting her know you're not into the frivolous & letting her know you want something serious, she has to EARN your attention, don't just give it away for free. Give her time to see you in that way first & build on that. Make sure you choose a like minded woman or you're just going to waste your time. I made that mistake when younger. :/
Ask her out for something very casual, like coffee. Have a chat and don't even think of mentioning anything sexual. Show her that you're interested in her and not just her pussy. You can subtly let her know you're interested in long term but don't just blurt it out in the hopes she says "me too"... that's not how you do it! Be genuine and again, don't be sexual.
for starters what i would do is on break i would ask everyone (small office) "I'm going for coffee anyone want anything". By asking everyone it will seem innocent enough. if you see her in passing keep it simple by asking "how's your day going" and keep on doing whatever you were working on
Just take things slow... Relax and be yourself 😊 If she vibes with your energy, is at the same level of understanding that you are, you will know it eventually. And then take the next step in knowing her and gradually start investing.. Everything else will fall in place one after the other 😊❤️ Good luck!
You can't man. All you can do is be the genuine you. It's not you, it's her paranoid brought on by all her bad choices. You can't FIX these women. They can only fix themselves. But first it starts with them using thier head. And if they don't want to do that her paranoia will persist. Best of luck to you.
Get to know her (talking to understand).
if she qualifies Then take her out on a date.
Your best bet is to show her your patience and consistency in being genuinely interested in her and having a real relationship with her. The truth will be evident through time.
In this case, your reassuring words might have to speak louder than your actions. Show her that you deeply care but tell her your intentions are sincere.
Be honest. Sometimes being straight forward about how you feel is actually the best way. On a date just be like “ you know I’m not into one night stands, how do feel about that?”
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