Should I explore my options?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been taking to this guy for three months. In the beginning it seemed so sure that we were going to be in a relationship. We are three months in and I’ve asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with me and he said “open” . I found through social media that he has been liking this other girls posts a lot and I feel like at this point I’m an option? Like I feel like he’s in a way now making me prove I’m a good option for him when in reality it seems like he’s fishing for other womens attention through social media? Should I explore my other options too since this one obviously isn’t sure of his feelings? I had a talk with him yesterday about just more effort

[AviatorTom]

If he is about your age, he is probably looking for the right girl for him, and you might call that "fishing". But isn't that what everyone does? You don't start a relationship saying "This is the one for me". It's really up to you, and you "exploring" other guys is a perfectly normal thing to do until you settle into a committed relationship... it's obvious you're not there yet.

[NathanDavis]

I think he made it very clear that he has no interest at all in having a relationship with you... at least nothing like you would want

[Asker]

He hasn’t directly told me to my face though that he isn’t interested in a relationship, he said he is open to one

[NathanDavis]

like @Aerissa_Jade said

anything else that is not a clear YES, it is nothing like a yes... he might have pointed out that the "door is open, but I did not say come in"

also... the same door is open to other girls as well, not just you, and I doubt this is what you really want to be just another one and not the front runner either

[Asker]

@nathandavis I haven’t asked him if I was an option because I kind of forgot to yesterday. We talked yesterday , should I bring up to him tomorrow that I honestly feel like an option?

[Asker]

By the way our convo yesterday was on how we haven’t seen each other in two weeks because he’s been sick and his texts don’t seem very lovey and it’s because he has a hard time expressing his feelings through text. He told me the solution is to call him.

[NathanDavis]

again... he tells for you... to call him

but, he will not call you... does he? will he... he hasn't

he will keep you hanging or going through obstacles, and just to keep you at distance

[Asker]

Should ask him if I am an option?

[NathanDavis]

and give him the chance to lie to you, or manipulate you?

why would you insist so much on going towards a dead end...

[Asker]

Or should I just not call or text him and he if he does first?

[NathanDavis]

and what if he takes it days, a week.. a month?

what will you make of that?

[Asker]

Then he isn’t interested lol obviously but usually when I don’t text first he does go out of his way. He have texted everyday in the past 3 months

[NathanDavis]

well, then go ahead and try... but one thing is almost certain, people who are genuinely interested on someone... will not act uninterested for three months long

[Asker]

I mean he did make sure to go out of his way to talk to me yesterday when I asked if he could talk to me

[NathanDavis]

also... you're already considering to explore other options

what I see here is, two people that are not actively intrigued and interested on each other, every gravitation towards each other is a forced one, not a natural one so... what's the point of that?

[Asker]

I’m interested in him, I’m just concerned with how things are going and don’t know if I should give up

[Asker]

I’ve been interested in him, it’s just if there’s another person that sees my worth , why not go for it? I feel like I’m potentially missing out on something but am unsure if I am or not

[Aerissa_Jade]

It is terrible when you put in a lot of effort only to be an option to the other person. They keep you hanging, but soon as you go to move on they step up.

Explorer other options, maybe he'll step up or maybe you'll find someone far better.

[Asker]

Yeah I told him honestly I don’t like talking to multiple people because it gets messy but I feel like he’s taking advantage of me choosing him as my only option

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s taking advantage of you and he hasn’t committed to you in months. Why not talk to other guys?

[Asker]

It’s been 3 months , I am trying to chance it out just because we literally met three months ago and he has been used to relationships where they knew each other for a little bit.

[BarryLiverstone]

You met 3 months ago irl. How many times have you seen him on dates?

[Asker]

Probably once every week tbh I haven’t seen him in two weeks because he has the flu, although he did go out of his way to talk to me yesterday in real life. He did say he’s talked to me the longest than he has in over 3 years

[Asker]

Longest than he had talked to any other girl in over three years*

[BarryLiverstone]

So here is the truth, no reason to sugarcoat it. He’s not into you. Does he like hanging out with you? Sure. Does he feel any attraction? Maybe. But he’s seen you weekly for 3 months and hasn’t decided to commit to a relationship or ask you to be his girlfriend. If a guy meets someone and sees a future (whatever that future is) with her after 2 months he tells her that he wants her in his life and he sees her value and gets concerned that another guy will want her also. This guy is “open” which means he has no concern another guy will sweep you off your feet.

I have a bestie and she also starts to emotionally commit to only one guy after like 2 dates as she doesn’t wanna date multiple guys and be messy. But those guys know she doesn’t require a commitment and therefore they stay on the dating apps and they go out on dates with others. She is stuck waiting and hoping they commit to her. Now if you had to give her advice what would you say!

[Asker]

The thing is, is yesterday he had opportunities yesterday to say he’s just not into me like that. And also he texts me everyday. Literally everyday. Thats what makes this whole thing confusing is he literally texts me “Goodmorning love 😘💕” every morning or “good morning beautiful”

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s not confusing. Let me ask you. If he asked you to be his girlfriend what would you say?

[Asker]

I would say communication between us needs to be worked on because right now I feel insecure in our situation , which I addressed yesterday

[BarryLiverstone]

Again bottom line is he isn’t into you.. he isn’t stepping up and taking action to make you his special person. You will eventually realize this and decide to go away from him in 2023. Im not sure how else I can help you. I’m sure I could communicate this in a softer way

[Asker]

Should I tell him tomorrow that I just don’t feel like a priority in his life?

[BarryLiverstone]

However you wanna say it. Just let him know you wanna be his girlfriend in a committed relationship based on the past three months and how you feel about him. See what he says

[Asker]

It’s just confusing because sometimes he will text me first saying “good morning love”

[BarryLiverstone]

Maybe I’m wrong and he will agree. But my hunch is he will not commit but also give an excuse.

[BarryLiverstone]

“Love” isn’t confusing. I’ve got friends who say that

[Asker]

I mean essentially I did tell him before we can take it slowly so I don’t want to all of the sudden rush, but I feel like we just aren’t progressing because there’s no Communication to try and get to know each other more. Me and his schedules are kind of opposite at the moment

[Asker]

His solution is to call more instead of text because he just doesn’t communicate through text well which he isn’t wrong because when we first met we didn’t text at all much prior

[BarryLiverstone]

Try to communicate as I suggested in your own words this week and then let me know how it turns out. If you wanna follow me here feel free. As I said he could have 2 months ago asked you to be his girlfriend and he didn’t.

[Asker]

I’m trying to get a full understanding before I just let go completely so that’s why I’m kind of playing devils advocate. I think tomorrow I’m just not going to communicate with him first and he what he does

[BarryLiverstone]

No need to do it all at once.. that’s why I said this week figure it out

[LazerBean]

He's still in his hoe phase. Just move on.