Me & ex of 2 years broke up 4-5 months ago (mutual mostly - I asked if we should end things, he said it’s best for me if we break up, I think it was more for him really but hey, that’s another story).
On New Year’s Eve (daytime) I posted a quote on social media saying “If there’s even a slight chance at getting something that will make you happy, risk it. Life is too short and happiness is too rare.” It wasn’t about him, it was about chasing dreams & goals in general.
But he replied to that post on the night saying “I hope you and your family have a good New Years! You all deserve it. Xx” I replied back wishing him well. He then replied with “You’re all lovely people. Glad I met you all xx”
So my question is did he likely send those messages because he thought my post was about him & he wanted to let me know it’s over? (I already know it is. And he’s also recently posted a couple of pictures with a new woman I presume he’s dating, so I’d hardly be chasing him).
Guys, I’d be grateful for any wisdom you may have to share on this. Thanks 🙂
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
He may be dating someone else but comparing her to you and realizing he made a mistake. He may have made that statement to see if it drew a response that indicated some mutual desire.
The fact that he’d been posting with another woman isn’t going to make me think he wants me though.
Him posting his picture with her may be like my step-father posting the photo of him with the deer he shot.
I think that probably appeals more to other men than women, or at least exes.
*not exes (doesn’t appeal to me anyway).
Yeah, he showing off to other dudes.
Yeah. He probably didn’t care enough about how it’d make me feel to hide that story from me though 🙂
Or simply didn't think of that aspect of the situatiion.
Isn’t that pretty much the same thing? Maybe not I guess.
Thinking about it, he said the same thing (he’s glad he met me and my family) when we broke up (as I said I’m going to have to explain it to my parents now too after they’ve got to know him a bit, as I’d rather have held off intertwining our lives so much until we knew what was what). So it may not mean that much in that context. Or maybe he was just going through a rough patch with his current girlfriend and just wanted an ego boost as he’s been slightly more quiet towards me again recently.
Good lesson here about not introducing guys to your family too soon.
True enough
I tried to avoid it for as long as I could but he insisted on it
If your partner doesn't respect your judgment about the right time to introduce them to your family, then that is itself a warning sign!
If I had my way they wouldn’t have met so soon or often, but I figured it was a fair compromise.
It’s not like he was horrible about it.
Do you think he said this (the statement in the question) to reiterate the breakup now though, since he also said it when we broke up…
Perhaps, but it is equally possible that he made the statement to express some regret about the breakup. He may not be convinced that it's the right decision for him and thinking he will regret it later.
Yeah, it’s a tough one isn’t it. Well thanks for your insight anyway.
You are not finished with this guy. Please post an update when something develops!
I will do ☺️
Hey, just a quick update ☺️. Based on what I can gather now I think it’s all done and in the past now. He liked my post of me in a dress toasting to a new year, he hasn’t liked other selfies though. I liked a post of his about a tattoo he got and has wanted for ages and was telling me about his design while we were dating, he replied to that one and we had a small talk about it. He’s also cracked a couple of jokes on my posts here and there trying to be funny. Bit when I sent a message about a film I watched that he mentioned in a joke he didn’t comment back, just liked it. The new person he’s dating…her mom is also commenting on his posts now too as well as his date liking his posts so I think it’s safe to say he has no interest elsewhere now. Wouldn’t you agree?
I feel like I can post pictures of dates I’m about to go on now without feeling as guilty too.
@olderandwiser are you there? 🙂
You think he as lost all interest in you? Maybe, but f I had lost all interest in a girl, she wouldn't hear anything from me in any way. No calls, no texts, no social media likes or comments. . . nothing.
Yeah I guess that’s a fair point. But I do think that as it’s only some posts he likes and comments on now, not most.
We did agree to be friends so not could just be that.
*so it
True. I think that is a silly agreement for people in your position, but I understand that is a popular choice among younger people.
I’m considering unfollowing him soon. We may still run into each other so it just felt better to keep it friendly. And it’s hard to cut someone out completely straight away too sometimes.
He seemed to interact with me more while he was away on holiday without his new date. Now he’s back home and probably seeing her he seems to have gone quit again. Still watches all my social media stories but not interacting with likes and messages as much. What’re your thoughts on that? I have mine, just curious about yours.
He misses you but is making some effort to be loyal to his current girlfriend.
Well I’m glad he had some decency. Funnily enough I get like he felt the same about his previous ex when he was with me.
*felt like
A guy who is always looking backwards instead of forward. . .
Yeah seems to. He says all the right things to make you feel like he’s looking forward, but actions felt different. I felt like he needed more space to perhaps go through some things alone, but he jumped straight into trying to find someone else when we ended it. He justified it to me by saying he “has needs”. I just don’t think he’s too comfortable being alone. I think he’d rather have girlfriends even if he doesn’t love them.
I was the first person he dates after his divorce though so I had a bit of sympathy there. It has put me off divorced men though, I must admit, which is a shame as I know you shouldn’t pre-judge.
When when we were talking about ending it he said he’d started to feel guilty too, but had never cheated or looked for anyone else. I thought he meant about being hung up on his ex still, but maybe it was because he felt like he couldn’t give me what I was looking for even though he said he was happy with me. Maybe a bit of both, I don’t know. He also said he didn’t want to date anyone for a while until he’d sorted himself out and said if he was ready for a serious relationship it would’ve been with me, even though that’s what I thought we were doing after previous things he’d said (looking back he was pretty hot and cold and confusing!) He invited me to meet his family fairly soon but I held off. It now looks like this new girl has been involved in meeting his family and his hers so seems serious even though that’s what he told me he wasn’t looking for. It’s rubbish having feelings for someone who struggles with the truth and/or doesn’t know themselves.
When he was still newly single after we broke up he’d message me flirting saying he always liked my hands on him etc (as I’m doing massage therapy now) and I said i missed that. He then said maybe in the future but I need to sort myself out first, then later said I wouldn’t expect you to wait you’re too lovely for that. I understood that was him telling me he wasn’t really interested so I said I know. So now I just feel like he likes me there as an ego boost just in case he hits any bumps with this new person. Which if that’s the case rather than friends, I think I just need to delete him from all areas of my life. Do you think that’s what’s happening now too? Sorry, it’s just good to talk to a stranger who has some experience and is neutral to the situation. I appreciate the insight you’ve given so far.
Although he was flirty and asking to meet up after all of that. Then he found out I was having banter with another guy (just friendly) but I said I don’t want to date anyone at the moment and didn’t want to lead him on as he was asking to hang out, he asked why I didn’t want to date, I said I just didn’t, nothing to do with anyone else just me. So maybe that put him off, or maybe he was already getting to know a new women anyway. Who knows.
All I know is I’m overthinking this way too much now. Time to forget it. 😊
I have a friend who is very uncomfortable being alone. He is an employer and he will call employees into his office to "discuss" matters and those meetings will last for hours. Two days later, he has the same meeting with the same employee. It is extremely unproductve and wasteful, but it is as if he is addicted to being with someone else. It doesn't matter very much who it is, so it isn't very flattering to be the object of his attention.
Think of how that works when he is dating. He is with you because you are convenient to fulfill his need, but it isn't because you are a nce lady or a wonderful person. It's much more like being used, but not in a conscious way.
Yeah I know.
So just to confirm, he’s just trying to keep me there in case the current one fails, until he meets the next. Right..
Yeah, it's reassuring to him to have a backup plan.
Thanks
He can be alone in day to day life, he’ll do things alone, but relationship wise I don’t think he can. I also think it may be a bit of a status thing too that his friends may wind him up about or egg him on to do. He apologised to me and said he feels terrible as his first relationship after his divorce couldn’t have been with a nicer person (but he’s a confusing character in general as I feel he’s full of contradictions)
He’s just posted another “happy” looking picture with his new girlfriend on a local trip away. So I can only presume the answer to the original question is that he probably did think it was about him and so he was probably trying to say it’s over in some odd subtle way (even though it wasn’t aimed at him - ego much lol).
On reflection I think my mind was maybe creating a negative view of the situation as a way to cope with the hurt of him seeing someone else now maybe. Don’t get me wrong, I want him to be happy, but it still stings a little that it’s someone else and not me. I’m fine knowing about it but I still just don’t really want to see it. I think he’s probably just trying to move on. And I need to figure out whether I can do that by remaining friends or cutting contact.
"it still stings a little that it’s someone else and not me" and that is why trying to maintain a friendship is a horrible idea.
Yeah. I thought I could tbh, I was honest at the time, but I have waves of feeling otherwise. Didn’t see it coming.
Why might he maintain a friendship with me then? Doesn’t effect him as much?
I think when I find someone I can maintain that friendship. It’s just still a little raw sometimes, not as much as it was, but it’s not 100% gone yet.
Keep you on the string as his backup plan when things go wrong with the current Ms. Wonderful.
That’d never work though. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t get into something where I’d feel like 2nd best.
Self-centered people don't have enough emotional maturity to realize that.
I guess
I feel like he would realise that as he’s very caring most of the time, although it’s a bit of a contradiction as he can seem a bit too self interested at other times.
I guess I’ll probably see, but I’m hoping this’ll be the end now if it’s nothing worthwhile.
". . . if it’s nothing worthwhile." If? Are you in doubt?
A little yeah. I don’t know what he’s thinking for sure.
He never wanted me to feel like the breakup was because of anything I’d ever done. And he did seem hurt at the time, but I don’t know.
Hurt that he’d hurt me because he was still grieving his divorce at times I think.
He’s risking on you…going after something that he thinks will make him happy
What do you mean? He may want me back?
Perhaps, you said go for what makes him happy in your post….
That’d never work though. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t get into something where I’d feel like 2nd best.