28F, should I assume I’m not attractive because I’ve never been approached by my type of guy?

[Anonymous]

You know the saying the good ones are already taken? The good looking ones always are, does that mean I’m not one of the good ones? This post comes across as very defeatist but I’m just being blunt, I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve become more and more inactive, I can’t tell if I’m uninterested or burnt out. Getting matches have never been the issue, it’s just working out. I’ve never been approached by the kind of guy I’d actually date, people tell me that guys look at me but they never do anything about it. The ones that do aren’t the types of guys you’d want, don’t want to overthink it either but I have a very low sex drive. I don’t socialize so the apps are the only way, I don’t want kids & think it’s time to come to terms with this. My mom said this a while ago, “if you choose to be single your whole life that was your choice”. That was a bit insensitive & ignorant

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

"I’ve never been approached by the kind of guy I’d actually date" - not to be insensitive, but that, right there, could be a big part of your problem.

I don't know you. I don't know what kind of person you are, what you look like, or anything about you, so I could be wrong. However, in my experience, the women who say that are the women that have set their expectations way too high.

They get approached by plenty of guys, but they overestimate their own worth, simply because that's how they're raised. Women are taught to "date up". They are taught to seek a provider, or a man that's out of their league. They all feel entitled to men that are 9's & 10's, while they are only 6's & 7's, with nothing to offer that offsets the difference.

These are the women that reach their mid-30's and ask "where are all the nice guys?" Well, those women turned down all the nice guys while they waited for the 10 that they didn't deserve, so now they're alone, while all the nice guys got married to women who had more reasonable standards.

I think that's what your mom meant: you're not single because nobody is interested in you. You're single because you keep passing on the guys that could turn out to be great boyfriends & husbands. That's the choice you've been making so far.

Again, I could be wrong, who knows? I don't have enough information to come to a different conclusion, so I can only base my opinion on the majority of people, both men and women, who ask this question.

[SnowedIn]

You should not assume that. First, take out your highlighter and highlight what @Ms_Facesitter said.

Stop waiting for a guy to approach you.

Also, you don't know if he's your type until you get to know him (unless this is all about looks in which case that's part of the problem).

Finally, get off the apps. Start going out. Live your normal life but make an effort to make eye contact with and talk to people. The reason I say your normal life is that if you connect with people during your routine, you're more likely to connect with them.

[Ms_Facesitter]

What bothers me is that you view attractiveness on being approached and good guys as the ones who are taken.

- Start approaching someone you like. I don't get why so many don't do that, it's just a waste of time.
- The good guy who is already in a relationship, is a normal guy who worked together with his SO to be where he is now. So be a bit more open to people approaching you if they don't have any red flags.
- Be more active on Every tool you can use to find people.
- And if you get rejected you can ask them why, truthfully and whatever they say can be used to reflect on what could be better.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, well, these days it's not unusual not to be approached by men. It's not a critique of your looks. But you can easily start up a convo with men you find attractive or interesting.

[Anonymous]

Unattractive or you simply overestimate your marketability. Most women aren't unattractive. They simply punch above thier weight. If I may paraphrase something @purplepoppy said " how would you feel if you were a guy with a nice restaurant and some dirty hobo came in with a bag full of pennies? Would you want to serve him"?

[Berethor]

They do the right thing to not approach you if you have very low sex drive and don’t want kids, but they can't read minds, so it likely that attractive guys just not like you looks.

[slatyb]

How many men do you know we'll enough to greet by name? If you have a male friend that will tell j you the truth, ask them.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Questions like this don't work.. We don't know what you look like and we definitely don't know how you act in person... No clue

[zagor]

Why was your mom's comment insensitive and ignorant? Apparently it was spot on.

[Anonymous]

If the type of guy you want is not interested in you, it means you have your standards set too high.

[Anonymous]

The right guy will come just prey for success. Maybe try approaching guys you’re into. How many guys have approached you?

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve gotten approached more than twice actually, it happened in high school a lot and even years later

[TrustOfWorthington]

What is your type of guy?

[Anonymous]

I don't like girl with low sex drive...

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

Probably