Why is it easy to talk to girls that I like a little vs the girls I like a lot?

[Anonymous]

So I noticed that I can easily talk to girls I like a little bit vs. girls I like a lot. Usually, the girls I like a lot tend to be very problematic vs., a girl who is chill but I like less. Every time I like a girl a lot, I either tend to screw up, or she screws up vs. the girl I like less. The girls I like less seem to be more fun and outgoing and know how to ask questions. The girls I like a lot are kind of boring and selfish. I also get really nervous to text a girl I like a lot too. It's frustrating cause I know they are going to disappoint me. It sucks a lot. So obviously I end up dating the girl I like less and it slowly becomes caring for one another but I'm tired of girls I like a lot being such a headache. Am I just choosing the wrong girls?

[Anonymous]

Well, look at the type of woman you like a lot vs the one you like a little and compare them. What attributes does one have that the other doesn’t? Sometimes I think the people you are attracted to isn’t necessarily what’s good for you, it’s just that over the years you’ve taken certain qualities and trained your mind to believe that those things (or that thing) is what you want, while the woman you like less is what you need, but you can’t accept that so you’ll settle. But I think growing and maturing as a person is recognizing that the one you want may not align with what’s good for you going forward. You acquired a taste in your 20s and stuck with it, but that sort of woman may not be good for you in your 30s and that’s why it falls apart. Take some time to look inward, think of your future and what the adult version of you REALLY needs. Definitely someone to help you mature, so you can confidently call her a woman and not a girl.

[Asker]

I agree except for the girl part. I accidentally wrote girl because I was just writing fast.

[jennifer_bloom]

You anticipate a higher degree of risk if you choose the better looking or higher status woman. This is a normal response. I've met people who did not event attempt to study at elite schools cause they were afraid of failure even though their grades were higher than people who graduated from those schools.

[Asker]

Wow. Thanks you might be right

[chilldude33]

Could be that you're an anxious attachment triggered by an avoidant attachment, and you see that as high attraction.

Non-avoidant girls don't trigger your anxiety, and you're able to chill with them.

Do you have some sort of fear of abandonment? That's probably what you're experiencing when you're too nervous to text them.

[Asker]

Holy crap! Yeah, when I was young I was kind of an outcast for being different. As an adult, I have a hard time letting people go.

[chilldude33]

Same, bro. That made me learn this stuff to understand this.

[Guy13]

More Risk, more Reward or pain, and that can make one nervous. Semi-like... not so much.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, you are choosing the wrong girls. Because you just said that you end up dating the ones you like less. Well, obviously that hasn't worked out, has it? Because you're not married yet.

[Asker]

Excellent point

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks!