Is this fake love?

Question

Why does my man stay in a relationship with me when he is not physically attracted to me? Just because I'm a good person? I feel used and I feel like I'm not in the right place.  Why men do that?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

So, there are a few old sayings in American.

"If you cannot be with the one you love, then love the one you have." That means he may not truly love you, but he loves having you around because you are the one, he has and does care about you on some level.

Bottom line is men and women both date people for all types of reasons. Maybe he does care about you but does not see a long-term future with you. Maybe he thinks he can do better, but you are the one that is here and now.

I have met some really great women, and I did care about them... but there were some potential red flags at the start, but I thought maybe over time things could work out. I wanted them to work out. But as time went on those things became bigger issues for me, and even though I cared about these women I realized that long term it was never going to work, and yeah maybe I could do better. Over time I did do better and every woman I dated and cared about taught more and more about myself and the process and eventually I found as close to the perfect women for me that could be humanly possible. Nobody is ever going to be that 100% perfect person, but she is pretty damn close.

But as I figured that out for myself, I held onto relationships longer than I should of, yes partly because of the sex, partly because I did care about these women, and I wanted it to work even though I really knew it would not. Eventually the women themselves realized it as well and the relationships ended.

It's not something you, or let me say I, never did intentionally... but on some level I always knew something about it was never going to work out and it took time to figure out exactly what it was. But I did enter into the relationship with best of intentions and did truly care about and still do care about these women... but it just was not meant to be.

This is not a man thing; this is a person thing. Many women have the same types of stories, and it just is how the dating process works. It's not that you are a bad person or not a great catch, and it not that he is a bad person either... it's just not meant to be. But you will learn from this process, and you will improve upon it and next time you will find someone better and eventually you will find the right someone... as long as you do not get bitter or give up hope.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

How do you know he isn’t physically attracted to you? What is making you think that way? Me personally isn’t going to be in a relationship with a girl I don’t find attractive? So my question to you is what is making you feel that way? If he doesn’t tell you that you are beautiful or he doesn’t compliment you and say nice things to you or he doesn’t show affection and want intimacy with you then he might just like the convenience of you , but to really know for sure I can’t tell, cuz I can’t see your relationship. If he doesn’t compliment you and doesn’t respect you and doesn’t make you his priority then yes he is only thinking of himself and only likes the convenience of you, making him a selfish person , but if he is complimenting you and saying things like you are beautiful , I miss you , I love you etc , saying hi beautiful , Hi baby etc. then you might be projecting your own insecurities on to him assuming the worst case scenario , which most people do when they give their heart to someone , a lot of times you can be your own worst enemy , thinking negative thoughts that this person really doesn’t love me, they are just using me. Now if he is flirting with other girls and excluding you from things and no making you his priority , then yes you need to kick him to the curb cuz he is just stringing you along until someone else in his mind is better ones along , if that happens let the other
Girl have him , she will be doing you a favor cuz he will do the same shit to her eventually , people like that need a wake up call and in time they will receive it cuz karma is a real thing , Always remember we can’t force someone to love us all we can do is treat someone the same way we want to be treated , if they choose to walk away let them go and never take them back, if they try to come back, Value yourself worth and realize you deserve someone that will fight to be by your side , it has to go both ways for a relationship and love to grow

KaiidiraX · Accepted Answer

How often do you two have sex and are you still affectionate with one another? Men have their fantasy women. It doesn't always mean theyve lost interest. I know when they look elsewhere it can cause insecurity but the only way to figure this out is to talk with your man about it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Probably because of the familiarity and no one else catching his eye yet. Investing in someone new requires a lot of work. If I were you I wouldn’t stay in an unhappy relationship or wait for him to end it.

Guy13 · Answer

Sounds like he's buying time with you. Something else better is coming along soon mentality.

Mr_Potatoman · Answer

Firstly, how are you so certain he doesn't find you attractive?

If you think he likes big perfect butt and boobs (the ones you can find on the instagram and in porn) doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It could mean that he has some kind of an addiction to porn. I've struggled with that in the past and know how that affected my relationship.
Try to get to the root cause with him and talks things out.

Secondly, if you are right and he does not find you attractive, wouldn't it be a bigger issue if things were reversed and he find you attractive and stayed with you only because of your looks?

Lastly, if you don't feel comfortable you can always break up, there doesn't have to be some big reason ie. cheating to break up with someone. It's just that I see some potential to make things work the way you described it and to fix it. The only question is do YOU think it is worth the effort or should I say is he worth the effort?

Best of luck to you both

zeitgeist057 · Answer

People do this not because it's "fake love", but because they actually love you. They care about you, don't want to hurt you, want you in their life. This is a problem created by monogamy that says you have to check all the boxes with just one person when obviously if you have a big boobs box and love someone with small boobs that's not going to work. But why throw the baby out with the bathwater?

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I think he may be using you as a safety net. He probably likes you and feels safe that you're unlikely to sway, as you are a good person. However, he may be the type of guy that wants his cake and eat it too... meaning he has you to fall back on, which allows him to go out and meet other women. That way he's never alone.

inhua · Answer

are you sure he's not physically attracted to you?

understandably you don't want to be with him if he's just "settling" for you but know this however, when men do settle they are often satisfied with whom they've "settled" with even if she's not his 1st option. the other way around doesn't way.

GallopAcrossEurope · Answer

This isn't fake love... this is typically described as true love. Love that goes beyond physical looks. He stays with you because he respects you. You might be lucky, this isn't as common as you think.

I think you're too worried about appealing to physical attraction at this point. Perhaps it's a sign of jealousy on your part? Just let him know you want him to let you know that he likes you for your looks, and I'm sure he'll oblige.

Anonymous · Answer

Did he say he is not physically attracted to you at your face? And you stayed? pack your bags and leave do this when he is home so when he comes back only way to find you is to reach at FBI even there place his name as an un wanted guest
Oh and leave a note at the door that his carrot is out of season

Jaylenn · Answer

If you're not married, bounce!.. I would rather be alone and miserable than in a relationship and miserable. You just have to convince yourself that you are worth it..

awkwardddgirl · Answer

Girl always trust your intuition. If something feels off leave. You can try talking about it with him and if you don't feel like you can talk about it , that means you are not comfortable around him which is a red flag. Try talking to him you will get to know the situation and act accordingly

summiter · Answer

He just may like the companionship or maybe it is because of the sex. ow is your sex life with him?

Anonymous · Answer

Talk to him. If he doesn’t talk, that’s all u need to know.
Often we can put up with things and blame the other person, when really we haven’t put our boundaries in place. Check your boundaries. If he’s looking at women online and being minimally affectionate and caring towards you - that would leave me feeling unwanted too.
I’ve been single almost my whole life and it feels better, I don’t fool around but I don’t put up with sh*t

humanearth · Answer

Don't give up on American men We not all that way Besides I like girls like you discrbed yourself. I like the all natural girl, mix of good old fashion tomboy thrown in

Dav1dTh0ma389 · Answer

I had a girl lead me on, as "just friends", until I finally got her to go out with me, and she said "but don't call me, I have a boyfriend, and don't want to cause drama" That was the last straw

milkov · Answer

Why would you think that? Is there something wrong with his actions

boobliker · Answer

we all have what we like in someone else hay that not wrong

Daniela1982 · Answer

And the guys jump on this like flies on shit. And it wasn't even a dick question. 😂🤣😅😆

slatyb · Answer

How do you know he's not attracted to you? Did he say that?

Ninania · Answer

Romantic and sexual attraction are two separate things, so it's possible that he loves you, but lacks the physical attraction.

Anonymous · Answer

They can actually like a good person after so many bad experiences. It can be settling or real liking too, and women do it way more often than men.

Paul09 · Answer

Well he doesn't sound like a keeper. Maybe leave him, and let him go get his plastic women. Are you unhealthy? Not Fit? Could it be any of those?

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