Do you agree that rejection has consequences?

Question

There is an assumption that when incels say they are rejected because of their appearance, that statement is somehow false and is simply used to cover a myriad of character flaws that are the *real* reason (s) for their repeated rejections. I think that is untrue to a significant degree. I believe the character flaws and rage *are caused by repeated rejections* and not the inverse.

Every single woman writing in here has rejected men before ever talking to them based on their appearance only. I have done this myself both to women, and so has every woman I know, and I know many. When this happens to someone repeatedly, anger and hurt are predictable outcomes. Let it happen enough times, and chronic anger and hurt is the outcome.

REJECTION HURTS and the effects are cumulative, so it is not surprising that those among us who do not meet contemporary standards of attractiveness are angry, depressed, and sometimes dangerous men, since is almost always men who do the approaching, and women who do the rejecting.

I am simply waiting to begin hearing of female incels — with men’s growing anger at women and rejection of them, I think this is almost inevitable.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have been rejected plenty of times and have had to reject others. However as an experienced man I learned a very long time ago that attraction isn’t a choice but respect is.

Most women I’ve met in the past could have done a lot better job by how they rejected me. Some were downright horrible about it but most were just wishy washy and shitty conceited.

However I have met a handful of women who have rejected me the right way. They were honest early about where they stood and said it directly yet politely. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear obviously but I never held any resentment or grudges afterwards. They had the class to respect the position I was in.

Ladies what a man desires most from you isn’t sex believe it or not. It’s actually respect. If you reject a man (who was never rude to you) never ever do the following:

play dumb while you make a unilateral decision to friéndzone him
talk and/or complain about other guys you like to “give him a hint”.
Embarrass him publicly
Exaggerate the negatives about him to self justify being rude to him. Maybe he has a mild inadvertent creepy vibe but you blow it out of proportion convincing yourself he’s a serial killer or something
ghost him

If you do reject him do NOT say the following:

that “some other girl” will like him
you are “too busy” (bullshit)
it’s not him it’s you.
try to give him dating advice
try gaslighting him with your problems
ask him if you can “just be friends”.
go into details why you rejected him UNLESS he specifically asked why.

If he’s a well meaning decent guy you just don’t feel attracted to (either physically and/or personality) the just say the following:

“hey so so. I need to be honest with you because I respect you. The truth is I’m not interested. It wasn’t easy for me to tell you truth but I want to be fair and respect your time and effort.”

Leave it at that. Now if he gets angry and insults you afterwards then take that as confirmation you made the right choice. If he acts sad and depressed realize he’s human and that’s to be expected. He might not thank you but he will be thankful.

I swear if most women could follow this protocol then incel/misogyny problems would be cut down by 50%. Yes men have loneliness and sexual frustration problems. But what we are really pissed or is the increasingly disrespectful attitude society has towards hetero met to begin with. That’s where I real (and justified) hatred lies.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

I really don't think it is just looks. Women make decisions within a few seconds based upon how hey feel emotionally. His goal is to impress her emotionally, or he's toast. It's that simple.

Part of that is looks, but it's just a part of the equation.

Yes rejection has cumulative consequences, or it's like Edison where he gets that much closer to a "yes", depends how it is viewed.

sunflower00 · Accepted Answer

Rejection hurts. I was not that attractive in school, I was pretty weird and didn’t care about my appearance that much so I didn’t put in much effort. Guys pretty much never even looked in my direction and the ones I did like never liked me back.

It’s not a nice feeling, especially as my friends had guys all over them. HOWEVER, this doesn’t mean I hate all men, men suck, they are awful people etc. and that it’s their fault…I’m in a long term relationship now and would like to say I’ve had a glow up since school lol.

Meanwhile guys who get rejected often become incels and literally DESPISE women while wanting their attention, call them bitches, sluts, fake, gold diggers, attention whores and are very objectifying and degrading towards them, and treat them like shit. Rejection doesn’t make them this way, it’s their shitty personality and lack of accountability. Lots of women get rejected and don’t act this way. Some men get rejected and don’t act this way. It’s their fault for becoming an awful person because of it, and they should get therapy if it affects them so bad because it’s obviously causing them problems in daily life

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I know what it's like to be rejected, when I was in high school guys didn't ask me out, I was far to geeky and awkward, and even though I was shy I felt comfortable with these guys I had gotten to know, so I did the asking and got rejected every single time. Then as I got older I decided to quite doing that, and just be more traditional and let guys do the asking and well, very few of them have done the asking and they were all the ones that ended the relationships. So I definitely understand bitterness, as at some point I just gave up, though I haven't really rejected anyone since that last relationshp as a guy would have needed to ask me out for that to happen. I think I may have rejected like three guys in total but mostly it was because they got the impression that I was desperate and therefore easy to get into bed, and well, that pissed me off because I take relationships seriously. I have a low body count partly because I'm still a bit geeky but also because I don't do hook-ups.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes to a certain degree, but that’s only if you allow rejection to bother you , My thing is , I rather be rejected then never knowing , if I see a beautiful girl that catches my eye , I rather introduce myself and take the chance then not take the chance at all , if I am rejected , hey at least I got an answer. It sucks that she wasn’t interested in me but oh well shit happens lol I don’t think I am the hottest guy on the planet , and I know not everyone is going to like me , but we don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads stating what we are into or what are relationship status is or what our personalities are like , so to me , it’s best to just take the chance , I wish more girls would take the chance as well and yes some do but the truth is a lot of people are shy and nervous of rejection and sadly they really shouldn’t be , If a girl approaches me , whether I find her attractive or not , I still treat her with respect cuz I put myself in her shoes and realize how nervous she was probably feeling to approach me so I am nice to her no matter what , the only time I will be mean is if she doesn’t take no for an answer but other then that, I tell her thank you I am flattered , I can’t stand people that are rude right from the start , like their shit do t stink , those people need a wake up call

coachTanthony · Answer

Rejection is a part of life. Imagine the arrogance one must have to think EVERYONE they talk to should be their cup of tea. So lets not reject someone because it hurts?

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. I think some have thicker skin then others. I think some trust more easily then others. I can only speak for myself and try to guess for the rest. I have a running joke that I'm 0 for 500 when asking women out. But I'm 100% when I just wait for them to ask me out. So if you were me what would you do? It doesn't matter if you're male or female the answer is pretty clear on that one. But the typical women response "you're asking the wrong women out". Problem is these women that would say that don't take into account guys really don't make the first move. Guys usually ask out women who give them signs of wanting to be approached. So this comes down to either we are misreading these women or JUST AS LIKELY, these women are baiting us. Why do some women do this? Because to SOME women men do not have feelings. And even if they do her feelings, her self esteem will always supercede a mans.

I think a lot of rejection can have a cumulative effect. I did get to a point where I just stopped trying to date. Then something happened. I turned 40. And the women started approaching me, attractive women at that. I know a lot is said on this sight about women "hitting the wall". I've always said a good woman will always be a good woman at any age. But stereotypes don't just manifest out of thin air. There is at least partial basis in fact. So at least these women feel they've hit the wall. Either way, I hold so little trust in women anymore and thier motives most are barking up the wrong tree when they approach me. I cannot trust thier motives anymore. I don't know if I'm the last stop on thier tour, if they're using me as filler till something better materializes, or if they really do see me for who I truly am. Some women will read this and say he lacks self esteem. And to that I say no more or less than anyone else. I just lack faith in female gender when it comes to ANYTHING beyond friendship. At this point I simply don't see the utility of romantic relationships. I mean I've lived 40 years. Without one. Why do I need one now? What possibly utility could a romantic relationship with a woman bring to my life?

So all I can say to you is the tide tends to turn after 40. Women start expanding thier horizons as thier opportunities lessen. It's up to you whether you're still interested anymore at that point.

RavVid · Answer

I think there is a lot of truth in what you have said.

Hyper-gamy has always been a thing, women have always sought a male who has higher status. I think Dr Orion Taraban (Pyschacks - YT) has something to say on this. Recently he pointed out there are 5 sexually active women for every 4 sexually active men.

Inherently this means there is a degree of polygamy going on. In some way the women are sharing the men. Further the women are unlikely to be equally keen on each of the men. So the degree of sharing is likely to be far greater.

If the female objective is a relationship - I'm not saying marriage - then there aren't enough acceptable men to go around. Note this a consequence of female judgement and not a male decision.

If the female objective is to have children then they are likely looking at marriage as men are still useful in raising a family. The female problem is still there are not enough acceptable men to go around but male decision making now kicks in.
1. Those men doing well in the hyper-gamy polygamy duality most likely don't see much reason to change the game with marriage.
2. If a man is inclined to settle down quite likely he will look for a younger woman and not one of his own age. Why wouldn't you?
3. Men are sentient beings and can infer from divorce stats that marriage doesn't last that long and divorce is financially disastrous for them. It is 50% odds that it lasts 8 years or less. Men can still be persuaded that with this woman it will be different but there is an increasing a no way, go to hell attitude and ditto for kids. I would expect that to increase.

If a female waits till 30 to have children she will find it not impossible but certainly harder. If she has had children as a single, very much harder indeed. Her own ability to conceive is much reduced.

I don't think you will hear of female incels. The term is "Hitting The Wall" and it is here now. There are more involuntary childless women now.

Dr Orion Taraban's hypergamy/polygamy duality has interesting consequences. Just an 8 min watch. Here is the link

goaded · Answer

Yes! I think the problem is that young men (and probably women) are told "this is the way you get a date/meet your soulmate/whatever", when they should be told that rejection is part of the process. A very large part, in fact.

For example "be yourself" is rubbish advice for a scruffy oik. You've got to look and smell decent. Almost always, anyway.

Advice on how to reject without unduly hurting the person you're rejecting, and how to accept rejection well is what's really needed. That, and some nuance in dating advice; no one approach works on all women (or men), and some approaches are likely to turn off possibly the type of person you'd most like to meet and get on with. The trouble with that kind of advice is that there will always be psychopaths who will just use it like a hunter's training manual.

The reason I first came to this site was an article about an incel who'd posted something about never wanting anything to do with women any more. The article and its commentators didn't have any empathy for him, just saying he was doing it "all wrong", but it turned out the author of the article had never been rejected in his life. He'd asked out a girl he fancied in school, married her and spent his whole life with that one woman. I mean, that's a dream life, but it's not reality for 99% of boys.

It's been six years, I hope he found his way eventually.

Anonymous · Answer

What...do...you...want...women...to...do...exactly? Of course rejection has consequences for that person, but regardless of the reason for rejection, are you suggesting women should be forced to date or flirt with someone they have no desire to? Men who have been repeatedly rejected are free to feel angry, upset, to be mad at the world, but none of that will change it. I repeat, none of that will change it. It won't make them more attractive, it won't fix a personality, it won't make more women like them or want to date them. No woman is going to apologize for not liking you, and they have nothing to apologize for, and I sure as hell don't expect any man to apologize for not liking me or other women because you like whatever you like. Is life unfair---hell yes! Does is 100% suck to be a part of that percentage of men who can't ever seem to get a break in the dating world, absolutely. But if the only solution you can think is to force relationships and flirtations to solve this problem for that percentage, then sorry not sorry.

Anonymous · Answer

My girlfriend would say so. I have mixed feelings, but here is a small part of our story.

I'd been wanting to be with her for years, and she knew it, but it had just never happened that we were both single at the same time. Finally, at the end of the year a couple of years ago I asked her out... she declined.

The result was a huge blow to my self worth so I got online and started sleeping with men, just hookups, not even one night stands, partly out of horniness and partly becausei was looking for affection... I don't remember mentioning that I was going to meet someone but I must have, she remembers telling me to "be safe and have fun"... it was only supposed to be 30 mins because I had work the next morning.

An hour and a half later I called her, freaked out, stunned... the first 30 mins were consensual, the following hour was not. I remember only knowing one person to call, she's my best friend, and saying "I think I was raped".

To this day she blames herself for my rape because if she hadn't turned me down I would have been in his arms instead of there, looking for affection. I can't put the blame on her, because I made my decisions, he made his, and neither she nor I chose for me to be raped... but she doesn't see it that way.

Sorrento-Sun · Answer

Rejection is very painful. It can lower your self-esteem and make you feel unlovable and worthlessness , whether a person is viewed as attractive or unattractive

Most of us, if not all of us, have probably faced some type of rejection in our lives.

I honestly believe in the cliche phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" I used to date a guy and everyone would comment that he was ugly, but I didn't see him that way. He was handsome through my eyes. I never let other people's opinion of him affect how I saw him. I always defended him.

A guys appearance attracts me, but it's his personality that I fall in love with.

Even I'm not physically attracted to a guy, but I find his personality attractive, his appearance can change. He can suddenly become physically attractive to me. Same with a guy I find attractive. If he has a shit personality, his appearance suddenly becomes unattractive

inhua · Answer

everything has consequences. even those doing the rejecting who reject everyone will have to face consequences.

I'd say it has less to do with the rejection itself but all the other extra shit like character assassinations and public reputation destruction that gets people pissed alongside a arrogant sense of superiority e. g. "oh how dare this ugly old creep approach me? who does he think he is? he didn't say anything and I already knew he was a creep! I better tell everyone to watch out for this creep!"

some people doing the rejecting like to think they're so much better than the people they are rejecting. the amount of ego some of these people have

RolandCuthbert · Answer

But the assumption is true. I posted my photo in this place and got a four. Any incel here posting their photo is pretty much guaranteed to get a higher score than me.

And it isn't character flaws that are the issue. I mean isn't your point that women are attracted to men who have huge character flaws?

And Femcels are rising. The weird things they share all the same traits as incels, only in reverse.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/cbmAxYDL7Jg

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Adult men reacting to rejection like this

Do you agree that rejection has consequences?

🤣🤣🤣🤣. Rejection hurts? Now! Why don't you put some big boy pants on and start focusing on what is real and what is not real. If no one rejects , NOT A SINGLE WOMAN rejects a man, how would that look like?

If you never rejects a single woman, how would that look like? Have you ever thought like it was inappropriate approach, and offensive word, not in the mood, already taken, not the type, not the personality and so on. Every single individual person have their own Do's and Don't's. If you get hurt for being rejected! Stop doing it 🤷‍♂️

TheMystic · Answer

Definitely! , emotionally, mentally and physically.

I have three rejections in my mind that I will never forget. Some bitches can be very rude. In one case two bitches looked disgusted at me and in another case a big group of girls remained silent after I said to all of them that I find them pretty and then I was so retarded to ask one of them for their number from behind.🤣 Leave me the heck alone man, I drank about 50 to 100 ml of pure vodka on that evening, that's why I did that shit. You feel me? as the niggas say, hahaha. Seriously, if you wanna approach girls and women and milfs, do it on Tuesday, Wednesday and maybe on Thursday and maybe on Sunday, but never! ON Friday! AND NEVER ON Saturday! The dumb mean wicked demon whores are out on the streets on exactly these two days! Friday! AND Saturday!

I warned you!

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Not being able to accept that rejection happens has consequences. Women take repeated rejection a lot better than some men. Men who have been rejected so many times create this narrative that the issue isn't them that it's women, they're bitches, they're sluts, they're whores blah blah blah, if every women is rejecting you then the problem is you not them. Whether the reason is you just aren't attractive or your personality is shit, it happens. Doesn't mean that unattractive people (by societal standards) could never get a date, just means they may have to work harder than others and if you don't have the attitude to deal with that then you're fucked.

jshm2 · Answer

You mean "femcels". Which are women who cannot get a man, and get all violent and pissy about it.

Rejection doesn't hurt - never been rejected to any great degree myself - but rejection doesn't stand on it's own anyway. If you're a fucking fool and/or not playing the game right, then of course you're going to be rejected. That's a given.

It's like asking for a restaurant to only charge you money, if you like the food. Then getting all mouthy that if the restaurant was "so confident" in it's service and food it would take up the "offer".

You are the fucking nugget that needs to adapt and understand you don't get to make the choice for others. Especially when you're not even in their league, let alone a position of power.

smølf · Answer

I can say that rejection can indeed have consequences. Rejection can be painful and can cause feelings of hurt, anger, and sadness, especially if it happens repeatedly. This can lead to a range of negative emotions and behaviors, such as depression, low self-esteem, and, in some cases, even violence.

However, it's important to recognize that rejection is a normal part of life and is not a personal attack on someone's appearance or character. It's also important for individuals to learn how to cope with rejection in healthy ways and not resort to harmful or violent behaviors.

AdithyaR · Answer

I know I'm not good looking and I have been rejected before for it. Not once has this made me angry at the individual who rejected me or women on a whole.
You need the maturity to realise that everyone is allowed their preference and not everyone is going to find you attractive.
I can say this boldly that even if every single person on the planet found me unattractive, I'd still not resent them for it, I'd accept it with grace and move on. If repeated rejections are causing anger to build up in you, that's a personal issue you have to sort out before asking out other people.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course constant rejection can turn someone into an angry bitter person and feel like they're being treated unfairly, but that doesn't mean the blame lies on the people who rejected them.
I've seen plenty of drop dead gorgeous women with ugly, hairy, nerdy looking guys.

It's not just the opinion of women, it's a fact that constantly being rejected is a series of flaws and mistakes on your part, not just your appearance.
You could be coming on too strong, too creepy, or going after women who just aren't in your league socially. Those are just a few examples of many as to why men get rejected.
Maybe the girl you went after would've said yes, but she's feeling off that day and you caught her at a bad time?
You just never know

All in all, if you're getting rejected consistently and you're actually trying consistently, your best course is to look inward, not blaming women for "not giving ugly guys a chance"

es20490446e · Answer

It's just about how you interpret rejection: you take it too personal.

That someone rejects you as a partner doesn't mean they reject you as a human, not even that they see you as unfit to someone else.

The fact is that different people have different preferences. Where someone loves heavy metal, someone else hates it.

The problem comes when you want someone who doesn't like heavy metal to like it, versus targeting someone who does.

That way of wanting people to change is very immature. That's what's wrong with incels, they want the world to adapt to them versus growing up and adapt themselves.

It's immature, entitled and repellent.

genericname85 · Answer

well in essence: women are superficial. everyone who says otherwise is full of shit. of course a rejection can still mean that you're not interesting to them. that you have no game or that your character is flawed but superficial shit is also a thing for sure.

why does rejection hurt you? cause you were expecting something right? and the disappointment of that expectation is what hurts you. so maybe if you wanna avoid being hurt, work on the expectations that you have.

oh and by the way: "Incels" are not a thing. it's a bullshit word. nobody is involuntarily celibate. everyone can fuck. it's just a matter of how war you're willing to lower your expectations and learn to play the game, if "getting fucked" is all you want.

SnowedIn · Answer

Rejection hurts. Hurt is a consequence. So, yeah, rejection hurts. Sometimes earned. Sometimes that's just the way it is.

My point is that every guy can't say yes to every girl and every girl can't say yes to every guy. That just doesn't work.

Do you agree that rejection has consequences?

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