Can I get some advice on dating a male INTP (30)?

[Anonymous]

I am an INFJ female and I asked this guy out for coffee about a month ago and he said that he was busy because a friend was coming over to spend the weekend. He’d already shown interest before, but the next time we talked, he asked me if I had plans that afternoon and I said I had to work. After that he also started to show some interest by asking me questions and approaching me more often and he’s been very smiley since then, but he hasn't made a clear move either.

I'm told that INTPs are very logical and take things very literally, but also overthink everything. For me it's much easier to be direct with a person because I'm not great at flirting and I'm hard to read so I don't show my feelings until I open up. I think we have chemistry and I’d like to explore that but it's hard to get together and have a proper conversation so I’m considering asking him out again more directly this time and make my intentions clear. Would that be a good move? Thanks!

[quaranta]

I don't think your personality types matter a lot here, I think you are looking at them because you feel clueless and try to make him fit in a category to be able to read him and do the right move in advance, but things won't depend on your move: if he is interested too, things will happen sooner or later. The fact he didn't make a clear move means what it is: he didn't make a clear move while knowing he could, since you asked him out already, so he knows there are good chances you would be up for it. And yet... So I think he is taking it casually and slowly and is just "seeing where it goes", or maybe he is talking with another girl as well and doesn't want to lead anyone on. Or afterall he is not looking for anything at the moment.
I think you could take it slowly as well, or, if you like him a lot, to ask him out more directly. If he refuses again just accept it and wait to see if he spontaneously proposes already an alternative, rescheduling it for another specific day. If he does, he is giving you a chance. If he doesn't or give you an indefinite time (like "soon", "maybe next week"), then you're probably not on the same page at the moment and you should detach a bit in that case, opening your options to other guys.
Just remember to not justify his lack of social skills or responsibilities or bad communication by assigning him a personality type, and afterall anyone can improve some skills during their life regardless of their personality type. If you don't feel good vibes from the way he is, then that is valid as an orange flag at least and seeing further than what you're actually getting can lead you to get wishful thinking and read things in a biased way.

[Effably]

Myer Briggs I see. Scored INTP on it since forever. I do not at all view myself as a very literal person. I am however going to note every. single. word. And so a minor slipup can throw things off completely but always open to rexamining things as well.

I do overthink and I also find the ability to be direct very attractive - as long as it does not detract from being able to have long conversations shifting from deep and meaningful to silly and lighthearted at the blink of an eye.

I believe the direct approach is sensible. You can also manage and be open with expectations. He very likely will make seemingly small obstacles, such as a first meeting, much larger than they need to be. I suppose you could view it as dating a very friendly, somewhat sociopathic, childishly naive, logical and intelligent person. With impeccable humour of course. The main problem you'll face is the childish naivety. Might be a difficult trait to spot but it is most certainly hiding there behind the apt social skills.

[Guy13]

Go with the flow in Relationship or see a counselor or dating coach. You got one on here.
Guys don’t care about your INFJ, INTP, LGBT and sensitivities but we will tell you and fake whatever to get inside your pants. Those acronyms are all the same to us.
Please though.. I can guarantee the express train to Read and Ghosted 👻 are emotional bombardment 💣💣 in dissertation texts 😎

Good Luck 🍀. Hopefully you land in the pot of gold at end of the rainbow.

[Zandoval]

Well I'm also an INTP for what it is worth. In my case, it would be easy if you just be direct with me and cut the drama.