Sitting at a bar for an hour or so and only ordering a few cokes?

[red324]

I need to put myself out there more and do something besides online dating. I don't usually go to a bar alone, but in my experience they don't usually charge for non alcoholic beverages. I think it's due to that designated driver thing. Anyways, is it a problem after a while if I start going pretty often. If they don't charge me I'm just going to tip the bartender like 10 bucks to still make it worth their while for their efforts. Opinions?

[Anonymous]

The bar isn't always ideal - it's more of a one night stand kind of thing, I think.

I used to go to bars/pubs quite a bit - and I usually don't drink.

I do my best to not be obnoxious or be a bad customer.

I usually order food

I'm usually in a group, and usually the guys behave decently (though that hasn't always happened), and I tip well, and usually my friends do. If someone from the group is an ass, I try to apologize for their behavior, both with a good tip, and if I can talk to them after. "Hey, we're not ALL like that. I don't know what HIS issue was. We'll talk to him." Usually, even if one of the guys gets drunk or acts like a pig, there are several of us who would call him on it. The few times we had a dine and dasher in our group, we'd all chip in for the loss. Stuff like that.

If I'm at the bar, I try not to take too much time.

Once they know me, like if I'm a regular, then it becomes a little easier.

But as for meeting women, I never really go to bars to meet women. I mean, if someone cute happens to be there, that's a bonus, but usually, I tend to be a bit shy (I don't want to bother them, so I usually won't pursue). If I'm alone, maybe at most, I'll just try to do small talk, but that's not very often. Other than that, I don't know what advice to give ya, past becoming a regular, and being friendly with the bartenders/staff.

[ryanontario]

it obviously depends , some servers will be ok with this , the manager might get annoyed if your not spending money and taking up a prime seat but depends how busy the place is and if staff likes you or not.

i'm not sure how many dating options you'll meet though seems more like a way to meet female staff who might not be single and used to guys like this so not really looking to meet dating options at work

[red324]

Well that's the idea. Keeps the workers happy lol I don't think hitting on the staff is a good idea though. That's not what I'm there for.

[red324]

I prefer to just let them come to me. Everytime I've approached a girl by herself it was because her guy either went to the bathroom or went to get her a drink and then I'm talking to her and he comes back. I didn't do that on purpose, I just didn't see the guy.

[ryanontario]

you won't meet a lot of single women this way , i've been to a lot of places like this. usually if i'm at the bar by myself only girls i'd meet are the staff. some are ok with this and is possible to create some sort of a connection with them if you see them enough and actually talk to them.

single women tend not to talk to random guys at the bar who are alone , they usually stay in groups and sit at tables with other girls and socialize with people they already know

[red324]

I think the only ones that have come up to me were fairly drunk though. I have no idea where they came over from either, so I couldn't tell you if they were alone or not.

[ryanontario]

pretty uncommon for girls to go to the bar alone , so if you see one at bar by herself i'd definitely scan the room to see if there is a guy who appears to be with her or an extra drink beside her or something that indicates there is another person with her

i've had some success asking girls to do " shots " with me at the bar , a lot seem to go for this but never seems to lead to much , maybe they were curious to meet me or just wanted a free drink

[ryanontario]

will be drunk women at the bar , if your trying to avoid that might be best to arrive early before there drunk maybe? once your past 11 pm the drinking has usually started to get heavier

[red324]

Yeah I'd go at maybe 8 or 9 and stay until 11

[ryanontario]

your more likely to meet staff at that time slot as a lot of people don't come out until after 10 pm usually. its mostly staff bored and not busy if you go at 8-9 pm , but can depend on the bar some might be busier

[red324]

Eh that's okay. I doubt they date customers though.

[ryanontario]

usually they won't and many aren't even single , be surprised how many girls with boyfriend's or even married still work in those places , i guess the money is just too good for some to leave. is a couple married girls at my local pub , been there for years , never seem to want to leave or able to find anything else which can bring in same money

sometimes can be useful connections as they might know other girls who are actually single but find they usually don't want to get involved with that.

a lot also have private accounts on social media so can be hard to figure out there relationship status if they won't say publically , they know guys will look them up so make it hard for them to find anything about them

[red324]

I know. They pretend to be single so guys keep thinking they have a chance and keep buying drinks. In my area 8pm is plenty late enough for people to be there. Honestly with all the girls there, why waste your time with the bartender when someone way better looking and a fatter bank account hits on them daily? I'm just being honest. Honestly me sitting in the living room drinking a Coke and surfing the internet isn't any different than me sitting at a bar doing the same thing except that I won't meet anyone sitting in my living room.

[red324]

It's very relaxing for me.

[ryanontario]

true that its better to be out in the real world than at home , some people have been successful online but others not so much. for some the though of sending messages and getting no reply when bored at home isn't viewed as exciting.

i find at bars girls tend to be more likely to socialize with people who are drinking than those who aren't , from my personal experience there more likely to talk to a fellow drinking than a guy sipping a pop at the bar. you can try if you must but feel this approach is way more likely to yield bar staff than anything else

[red324]

I can say it's jack and coke. They don't give me a 12oz can

[red324]

Never understood why people make such a big deal about not drinking. Make me a drink that doesn't taste like pure alchohol and maybe I'll drink it. I don't like the smell, the taste or the that it burns my throat going down.

[ryanontario]

true if your glass looks the same as a drink they won't know but some girls will be turned off and bothered by this. might view it as an attempt to take advantage as your sober at bar and there not , so you have an advantage over them in terms of judgement and such , just saying some will wonder why the sober guy is trying to meet girls who are at the bar not sober

[ryanontario]

nothing wrong with meeting staff , i've meet many over the years and created some actual friendships , often i'd see them at other nearby bars and we'd talk and get drinks. but keep in mind these girls are very good at there jobs and so can be virtually impossible to determine if there being genuine or not and if they actually like you or not. some can be so nice at the bad then so see them somewhere else and you don't even exist to them , its like your nothing , i've had that happen before too but not that often fortuently

[HollyK21]

I actually met my current boyfriend at the bar, so that’s not the worst idea lol, but I don't know if I’d recommend it. Usually if you meet a woman she’s out with her friends (as I was, but he was with his as well), so there’s no space to actually chat with her without pulling her away from her group and also she’d have been drinking, so it’s not a sober conversation. I’d suggest something else, like asking a friend if she or he can set you up with a single friend. Another option is picking up some sort of hobby, then if you meet a woman there, you already have something in common. There’s also speed dating, I have two friends who have done this and were successful.

[red324]

I did the friend setting me up thing. That was a disaster because the friend kept trying to help and she really didn't.

[red324]

What hobbies would you suggest that women also like? Women never really like my hobbies

[HollyK21]

So she was too invested? Yeah, that can be a bit much, you don’t need your hand held through dating lol. Well sorry that fell through, I’d suggest asking another friend but after one bad experience you may not feel comfortable to risk it again. Aside from this route, I’d genuinely say that putting yourself out there and being social is a good way.
Go up to women, be confident and casual, as if you’re making a new friend. This can happen anywhere, dog park, coffee shop, public areas in general. Same goes for if you pick up a hobby, don’t be afraid to start up a conversation when there’s a window of opportunity, I’ve even chatted with people while standing in line for something lol. As for hobbies, what are you interested in? There’s so much out there that women enjoy as well, pottery, photography, youth groups (like helping kids in sports or whatever on the weekends), church events, the list goes on.

[red324]

She was a friend of a friend and I didn't know her well enough until I tried dating her cousin that I saw one time and asked about. The friend that set me up had adhd which I didn't know about and she would go off her meds to keep it under control. It was just a mess. It was a shame because I really liked this girl. Part of it was my fault too because it's not often I get excited about a girl and I was a little too over eager on my side. It doesn't matter now although 3 years later I still do secretly wish she would call me to give it another shot.

[HollyK21]

There’s no way to reconnect? Doesn’t seem like you lost touch on bad terms?

[red324]

I contacted her maybe 6 months later to no avail. Pretty sure she blocked me because I never got closure as to why. So she must have gotten a new phone because it went through and she didn't recognize my number. She just kind of blew me off and I didn't get anywhere.

[red324]

Not sure what would become of things if I texted her 3 years later lol

[red324]

Doubt she has the same phone though so the text or call should go through.

[red324]

I figured I'd just look like a desperate idiot at this point. I'm sure this happens a lot. Rarely ever does someone get the one they truly want. Or at least keep them

[red324]

I've been thinking about texting her. Figure i don't have much to lose.

[HollyK21]

I did not realize I hadn’t responded to this so apologies for that! What I intended to ask was if you had a way of checking her social media first to see if she’s still single? Given the nature of how things ended, it wasn’t on bad terms, but I’m not sure what to make of how she went about it. Like you said, there’s not much to lose if you reach out, but as for your intention, do feel like it’s because you genuinely miss her? Or because dating isn’t going so well? You don’t want to hit her up out of loneliness.

[red324]

I don't think she's on social media. Or she got off to avoid family drama. I don't know why girls block guys and don't really give them an explanation as to why so I can't check if she's single or not. I miss her. We had great conversation and she had such a great personality and was so entertaining.

[HollyK21]

Some women are just avoidant, and feel that blocking or ghosting is easier than having to explain themselves. If you two hadn’t really gotten off the ground, then that’s added fuel to feel justified and how she left things. It’s too bad she isn’t on social media, how would you go about contacting her otherwise?

[red324]

We always talked on the phone. I have her phone number still

[red324]

That's always what upset me was we talked on the phone so much then all I get is a random text saying she just wants to be friends only to never hear from her again.

[HollyK21]

@red please excuse this man, he’s been creating new profiles to stalk and harass me with death threats for months now. @PrettyPriya could you please report this profile?

[PrettyPriya]

I froze the user and will remove his content. Thanks!

[HollyK21]

@red324 to actually answer your question, it’s possible that maybe she wasn’t interested in dating at the time or maybe wasn’t really feeling connected. However since it’s been a few years I don’t think it would hurt to reach out. As you said, there’s not much to lose.

[HollyK21]

@PrettyPriya thank you☺️

[red324]

@PrettyPriya I reported it too

[HollyK21]

@red324 thanks, I’m not quite sure what this vendetta could be to keep creating profiles in order to find me but it’s strange.

[PrettyPriya]

Most welcome. He does it again and let me know! 🙂

[jennifer_bloom]

I used to hang out with two friends at a bar multiple times at month and we would pay $3.25 for coke and then spend around an hour drinking our cokes and talking to each other. They charge for coke at the restaurants I visited. Another time I would hang around a restaurant and order only an extra large coffee and spend around an hour chatting with my female friend in the restaurant while enjoying my extra large coffee.

[WindAtMyBack]

The bar is a horrible place to meet women unless all you want is a ONS. It's probably better than not being around people at all, but there are a lot better options.

You might be drinking cokes, but she probably won't be. A woman drinking is an automatic yellow flag. A woman drinking a lot is a red flag.

[BarryLiverstone]

Don’t go to a bar just to sit there. You can : play poker, play billiards, sing karaoke, play trivia, listen to an open mic, have dinner.. there are lots of activities to do at a bar and just sitting at the bar alone isn’t the best flex.

[red324]

Usually the games, pool, billiards, etc already have a group of people playing. It's not often a game will be available and I'm not sure about joining a group of random people playing

[BarryLiverstone]

So just join them or ask how you can join. They chose to be out at the bar instead of being at home so they actually want to be social and want to meet you. Don’t keeping avoiding groups, just be kind and ask them how to join.

[red324]

Even if there are girls in the group? Some guys are possessive and may not be into having a random dude join.

[BarryLiverstone]

Sure even if there are girls. Why not say hi

[red324]

Might as well