How do you get good happy men to find you attractive and want to pursue you?

[Anonymous]

I’m a very extroverted, positive, and friendly person. If you asked anyone who’s met me they’d say the same yet, I only tend to attract broken men. I had a very healthy supportive upbringing with 2 parents who are still together. On top of that I’ve gone to therapy and learned all the techniques for setting boundaries and coping mechanisms for anxiety, stress, and depressive feelings.

I’m always working to better myself and I just want to be happy and spread joy to the people around me. Somehow confident, happy, social men never seem to find me attractive. I don’t even mean like rich 10/10 attractive guys or something, I’m 18 money isn’t a big deal for me at all and looks are subjective! I just only attract genuinely unhappy, depressed, or even at some points narcissistic psychopaths.

I just want a kind happy man, what am I missing, what do I need to do?

[MementoMori777]

I believe you attract broken men because you are a perfect reflection of what they lack so it attracts them, just cause men are broken doesn't mean they want everyone else to be broken so they are attracted to women that are more of their opposite I guess, everyone like a happy girl so it's logical tbh, don't stress it too hard tho, at some point you'll land the person you seek for.

[MysteriousT]

I believe you do deserve a good guy from what you say. It's just that life isn't fair for everyone tbh. Are you currently dating a guy?

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s less about getting a good guy to pursue you and more about who you are around and the vibes you share. If those guys are attracted to you and they are toxic why are you attacking just them?

[Asker]

The only reason I'm so negative about them is because it gets incredibly drianing constantly being a therapist to people who refuse to get help. I've been stalked on multiple occasions by these mentally ill men because they assume their obsession is love. Unlike them I've put in the effort and work to be better, the least I can get is a kind boyfriend.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are like me then. We were both raised with two loving parents. Both have been stalked. Both attract toxic people and have been drained being a therapist.

You mentioned getting help and setting boundaries. Has that improved how you are treated and have you been able to better form relationships with quality people?

[Asker]

Overall everything I learned from my own therapy has been really useful in all my friendships and even with family. I feel I’ve gotten better at managing the guys I sorta-“date” although that hasn’t stopped the flow of new guys following the same insecure sad cycle.

I may just need to be more forward with the healthy men that I do meet and just get rejected because clearly the flow I bring in isn’t working for me.

[BarryLiverstone]

Your own therapy meaning the seasons you paid for or your parents paid for? I’m glad that has improved your non romantic relationships as having that support is critical for us.

I don’t understand why you sorta date unless you mean casual. Definitely if you want to date in pursuit of a long term committed relationship you can’t be casual in that regard.

Oh yes never fear rejection. The most successful people in our society are only that way because they have failed the most and learned how to keep taking risks. Your parents ever tell you the risks they took when they met?