I wish I was an independent woman who doesn't need a man, but (if I'm being honest) I'm a hopeless romantic. Is that dumb? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I really want to not care if I ever find the right man for me. I really want to be like women who are able to be happy being single for the rest of their lives if they don't find a good man. I want to be completely happy and OK with being independent and unattached (if needs be). A large part of me wants to be like those women who don't need a man in their lives to make them happy or 'complete them'.

If I'm being honest, I crave to have an amazing man in my life (and I'm not talking about my brother, my dad, my uncles, or platonic guy friends). I want a guy who deeply loves me and I deeply love him back. I want him to be both my best friend and the man who makes me feel incredible things by making sweet love to me through the night (and I don't want to experience it via hookup. I want him to be my one and only love). If I'm being honest, I don't really want to be a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man. I want to be a woman who finds an amazing man who is her rock and is her everything.

At the same time, I've had a lot of breakup and heartbreak. I'm completely aware a ton of guys are jerks and can't be relied on. It makes me kind of scared to hope for my one true love. I'm afraid I'll just be heartbroken again and again. I really wish I was like those women who didn't care either way and were fine being on their own forever. However, as much as I try to deny it, I still want a (not platonic) man in my life incredibly badly. I still get ultra jealous when I see couples holding hands and looking into each others' eyes. Despite my better judgement, I watch 'The Notebook' over and over again. I absolutely want the kind of love Noah and Allie had. I know it's just a movie, but I know couples who have super happy, loving, and committed relationships. I want one so freaking badly! I'm just scared it won't happen to me.

Is it bad that I'm a hopeless romantic and want a man in my life as much as I do? What do you think the best mindset is?

[NamerOfStars]

The remedy, in this case, is to go to your local library, ask the librarian to fetch a copy of the collected works of Kahlil Gibran (they'll have five or six different versions), then have them use it to bonk you on the head.

"Said a sheet of snow-white paper, 'Pure was I created, and pure will I remain for ever. I would rather be burnt and turn to white ashes than suffer darkness to touch me or the unclean to come near me.'

The ink-bottle heard what the paper was saying, and it laughed in its dark heart; but it never dared to approach her. And the multicoloured pencils heard her also, and they too never came near her.

And the snow-white sheet of paper did remain pure and chaste for ever, pure and chaste—and empty."

Why would it be a bad thing to want companionship and love? We're not solitary animals; we weren't meant to be. There's a reason that every culture on Earth uses solitary confinement as a punishment.

[Rockstarrrrr]

" I don't really want to be a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man. I want to be a woman who finds an amazing man who is her rock and is her everything. " okay there's nothing wrong with that... That's pretty healthy

[LazerBean]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find love. Independent doesn't mean you are an emotional robot, it just means you are capable of supporting yourself.

[Asker]

But does 'independent' only refer to financial independence?

[LazerBean]

The way most people use it, yes. Wanting to be alone for life is not normal, and nobody is going to expect that from anyone. But if you are saying that you are just desperate to have a man then yeah you have a problem.

[Asker]

I think there's a lot of women who use 'independent' to mean 'If I find a great guy then I'd be happy to marry him, but if I don't I'm perfectly happy to be on my own too. I don't need a man to complete me'.

If I'm being honest, I don't feel that 'independent' (at least as of now). I certainly would rather be single than be in a bad relationship (I've broken up with guys because of this). I'm not going to say I feel like a man would 'complete' me, However, at the same time, I really hate the idea of being single forever. I also want a man super crazy badly. In fact, I want one so badly I can sometimes physically feel it. I also really want kids, and I don't want them from a sperm bank. I want to be impregnated by my man.

I really don't think I'd be terribly happy being single forever. Consequently, I honestly do think I need a man to make me happy. Maybe that's stupid, but it's true. If I didn't feel like I needed a man to make me happy then I'd probably feel like I could be happy being single forever. However, I really don't feel that way at all. I strongly feel pretty much the exact opposite

[SiberFox]

Remember, if you don't need a man, you won't keep a man.