How do I know when a guy wants to make a move and if we are ready for a relationship?

[Imjusthere123]

Me and my friend have both admitted to liking each other but are both hesitant on relationships and have agreed to just vibe and see what happens. We are both really close and he's always there for me in times of need but our feelings often fluctuate.

I'm starting to realise I start to hesitate on a relationship and question my feelings when I think he doesn't have those feelings for me due to insecurities or him being hesitant dating like me and so on.

Often lately we end up brushing up close together like when walking side by side or we lean in close together or even just sit close together to the point are legs are against the others.

Yesterday at one point when our arms brushed against each other I caught him glancing down briefly and I couldn't tell if he was debating holding my hand or not. We then sat down at one point and there was an awkward silence developing and I felt like he wanted to say something but I presumed it would be something along the lines of just be friends.

Instead I ended up saying something cause I needed to vent about some of my own shit going on in my life and he hugged and comforted me unprompted which I wasn't expecting.

It doesn't help we keep avoiding talking about relationships in person and instead talk about it over text 90% of the time. I don't want to rush into anything and I wanna take things slow but sometimes I think that's mainly due to me presuming he doesn't actually like me and is just confused.

We both have aro/ace tendencies and it's hard to tell if he really does like me at times cause even when he says he does I just don't seem to believe it.

So is it just me or does he not like me?

[tesniolite]

One way to try to gauge his interest is to pay attention to his body language. Does he seem to enjoy your company? Does he make an effort to touch you, even in small ways? Does he seem to get nervous or excited around you? If he's exhibiting these behaviours, it's a good sign that he's interested in you.

Another thing to consider is how he talks about you. Does he compliment you? Does he talk about wanting to spend more time with you? If he does, it's a good sign that he's interested in you romantically.

Of course, the only way to know for sure if he's interested in you is to talk to him about it. It's essential, to be honest with each other about your feelings. If you're both on the same page, you can start exploring a relationship together. But if you're not, then it's best to keep things platonic.

It's also important to remember that you don't have to rush into anything. You can take things slow and see how things develop. There's no need to put pressure on yourself or on him. Just enjoy getting to know each other and see where things go!

ALSO that's a cute picture

[Wise4myage]

Great answer.

[TheSpaceGnome]

1. If you don't want to rush, stop being impatient.
2. You shouldn't rush.
3. His reactions are confirmation he cares about you, but you are overthinking it because you want it to be more than friendship. But if you are both asexual, then friendship is all that will come of any person either of you are ever with, because a relationship is just best friends who agree to be exclusively sexual with eachother for life.
4. Despite claiming asexual tendancies, you seem to want more, and he keeps staring at you, so figure out for sure what you 2 even want first, because the asexual part sounds like it might be denial.
5. Do not screw up his chance with you by overthinking everything, think about what you really want, make that known to him, you both sound like you need confirmation that the other likes you to admit anything, so one of you has to step outside of that comfort zone, or this situation will be stuck at a standstill forever.

[Imjusthere123]

Thank you this is really useful advice!

Honestly I don’t think I am asexual, I don’t know about him though, but for me it’s more just a general lack of interest in relationships like the idea of seeking one out is foreign to me it’s more just if it happens it happens if it doesn’t it doesn’t but when I make a genuine connection with someone I become interested like I have with him.

When it comes to his interest he says he is similar to me where he gets to an idea of a relationship with someone and then becomes confused as sometimes he can only see me as more than a friend and sometimes only a friend and I seem to be in the same boat.

As for the sexual side of things we both have expressed interest in each other and we both find each other attractive, I myself am hesitant due to past unfortunate experiences and meanwhile he just doesn’t seem to believe it. Anytime we express attraction for the other there’s usually a back and forth between us for a bit of ‘oh wait really?’

As for my impatience it is less about wanting a relationship and more just general frustration with myself because I’m so hesitant and indecisive.

[Cupido29]

It is difficult for the male (but actually the female too) to explicitly tell you that it is a date. However if you interpret it as a dating, it is. For a male, an appointment with a girl is always dating, except in exceptional cases; for the girl, on the other hand, it is not always so. You should try to make the next move yourself if he doesn't seem to know how to move. Try to get him to open, and maybe even explicitly tell him that you like him and would like him to be more open with you on the feelings.

[Christoff92]

Check to see if he's decisive 😀

[Jamie05rhs]

"It doesn't help we keep avoiding talking about relationships in person and instead talk about it over text 90% of the time."
What's wrong with that?

[Imjusthere123]

It’s just easier to read body language and tone in person and looking someone in the eyes and saying how you really feel is harder than over text so it feels more genuine in a sense if that makes sense

[Jamie05rhs]

@Imjusthere123 ... Oh. You just listed everything I hate about talking in person! 😂. Because I get so nervous that I can't think and I can't put words together. And my anxiety gets really high.

[In_Trance]

Your communication is not as fluent as it needs to be. You're not ready

[Imjusthere123]

How will I know when we are ready?

[In_Trance]

Well, the ability to have open and honest communication about wherever is on your mind is a good indicator

[Imjusthere123]

We do have open and honest communication, I feel like I could talk to him about anything and I essentially do lmao, but I’m always hesitant to bluntly ask things like ‘hey were u making a move?’ or stuff along those lines out of fear of him feeling uncomfortable or him feeling like I’m pushing him to make a move or move things along. Especially when I’m hesitant myself

I really care about him and I don’t want him to feel pressured into dating me cause ik he’s scared of hurting me and I fear he’ll compromise on what he really wants just to keep me happy or avoid hurting my feelings.

[In_Trance]

In your initial question it clearly states when you start to think he doesn't have feelings for you. If you had open honest communication you would know exactly how he feels all the time

[Ihatethewill]

Ask him to a date and see what happens

[Imjusthere123]

See yesterday could've been interpreted as a date but neither of us said it. I went up to the town he lives in and he had planned to bring me to a cafe but it was closed and also revealed he had planned to pay for my food there and so instead he paid for my McDonalds instead. We then walked around talking for hours.

I'm worried if I bluntly say it was a date or ask him out on a date in the future that I'll make him uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Be bold. Or go home.

[Wise4myage]

He’s showing signs of that already.