I want to fall in love and I’m insanely jealous of people in relationships. Why can’t I fall in love with anyone romantically?

[Anonymous]

I feel platonic/familial love for all my friends and family, I love them all with my whole heart but I can’t seem to fall in romantic love with anyone. I love the idea of being in love and want to truly love someone. I have very in love parents who raised me we so much care so if not even a thing with bad role models for relationships.

I get infatuations near daily and even go out on some dates but at a certain point I lose interest, or feel sick, something along those lines especially when anything gets intimate, even kissing is too much for me despite if I still have interest in him.

I just want to be able to have a relationship normally without inevitably friend zoning, ghosting, or awkwardly rejecting guys I was once obsessed with. I’m don’t know why I can’t fall in love or at least stay interested.

[MrOracle]

You need some therapy - something makes you uncomfortable with physical intimacy, and that fear drives you to push people away. This is a mental health problem, but you can think of it as being similar to a physical injury: it requires professional help in order to properly heal and restore full function.

Imagine you went skiing and had a bad crash that shattered your leg. Multiple broken bones. Would you avoid going to the doctor, and let the leg try to heal without being properly set? At best, you would be crippled and the leg would barely be usable, but probably not usable at all. Yes, it might require surgery, and painful, uncomfortable rehab, but in the end, proper treatment would give you a working leg back.

Your issue isn't a lot different. You need some sessions with the right kind of doctor, and you will probably have to have some therapy, which at times won't be comfortable, but at the end, you will be able to have healthy relationships. You will be so much happier in the end.

[Asker]

I’ve been to 2 therapists before for separate issues like anxiety I used to face before. Even when I would kinda get to these topics the answer would always be something like “I’m just not ready and that fine ” or I’m not with the right person but that doesn’t really help. Mostly because I don’t have any issues with non romantic affection and they believe my physical boundaries shouldn’t be pushed and intend respected. Main point being my therapist have never seemed to take issue with it despite how frustrating it is to me.

[MrOracle]

You need a relationship counsellor/therapist - someone who is used to dealing with romantic/relationship issues. Too many regular therapists are Feminists and would prefer you didn't have relationships at all (which is a terrible position for them to take).

[FilmGuy93]

It sounds like you're in love with the idea of love, and not trying to fall in love with actual people.

[Asker]

I’m not sure how to try fall in love with the actual people. I don’t think I try at all either way unless I’m still in the pining from afar stage. Once I’m really with a person, I’ll try to really get to know them but as awful as it sounds (which is not a reflection of my thoughts on them as people) I get bored.

[FilmGuy93]

The way you fall in love with actual people is to stop chasing excitement and butterflies

[Asker]

The think is I don’t even like being a round the guys after a certain point. It’s not a matter of them not being like super exciting as much as like I have no interest. I want to at least we’ll as positively as I do about my friends as I do with a guy I’m dating.

[Asker]

feel as positively*

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah; because you’re chasing the excitement, not actual love.

[FilmGuy93]

Semicolon was a typo lol

[Anonymous]

Are you allowing yourself too? Im about to but I keep fighting it

[Asker]

I try to allow myself to, I don’t see how I wouldn’t be.

[Adaeva]

Do guys a favor and don't date.

[Asker]

I still want a boyfriend at some point, I don’t understand the point of ruling out dating all together.

[Adaeva]

Because based on your comments, you don't know what you and you are not adaptable to to be satisfied with guys that would find you acceptable. It is best you forgo dating and not waste yours and guys time.