Would you decline a second date with someone who said they didn't want kids/marriage, BUT you do?

[Anonymous]

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. I would. Because that's what I'm ultimately hoping a first date might turn into if things worked out between us. If I know from the first date that you're not looking for the same type of relationship I'm looking for... then I'm not going to keep dating you. If you're just looking for fun that's fine, but since that's not what I'm looking for, then it doesn't make any sense to see whether I really like you once I get to know you better... because... what's the point?

[anon1903]

I don't think avoiding kids and marriage in future comes from the lack of commitment.

[SteveSmith1985]

@anon1903 No, I suppose that's perfectly true. But I am a person for whom a lifelong commitment would involve marriage. So, someone who is of the mind that "I believe in commitment, but I would never get married"... is someone who I see as being unwilling to committ to a relationship in the way that I'm talking about.

I do not want to be in a committed relationship for 10 or 20 years. I am hoping to find someone to spend my life with. So to me, avoiding marriage in the future does indeed come from a lack of being willing to commit the way I'm talking about.

I do not think that people typically are super opposed to the institution of marriage; while being fine with the level of commitment and intertwining of lives that marriage implies and entails.

[anon1903]

Okedoke.

[Walt832]

I'll move on because I am wasting time.

My Ball sack is full of minions and the first thing I will say "babe, here comes day/night care".

Side the joke if was a joke.

I was what 26 dating a 30. She was mmmmmm delicioso 😋 Colombian female. We dated and until she brought a no kids and marriage conversation. That right there, was a turned off. Well, the only option was i wasn't gonna let that delicious 🤤 go easy. We hit it multiple times and then we split move on. Hell when a female just tells you nothing serious, meaning just bump her up and move on.

Unless y'all both are elderly. Common sense right.

[jennifer_bloom]

If a guy does not want kids, his biggest flaw to me would be that he is a possible runaway from commitment type of guy or a possible materialistic and unloving type of guy. Not having kids is a survivable issue, but a guy that has no desire to love or protect a kid, or a guy with no intention of forming a permanent connection through children, might suggest a possible heart deficit either in commitment or in love.

[Saarr]

For me, it's exactly the other way around; if I got to date someone who's really passionate about having children and starting a family, I would be really hesitant to go on a second date. On this point in my life I can't image ever wanting to become a mother, so I feel like we wouldn't be compatible if we think that differently about such an important topic.🙃

[Avicenna]

Maybe not. I already have kids and don't want to get married again.

[Summeroflove]

Probably because I just don’t see a future.

[Pinay_ako]

If I want marriage and kids, absolutely

[crossdressingrihno]

No absolutely not.
Things like that change when you’re actually in a long term relationship. Circumstances change opinions.


For example right now I would be horrified to have children however if I was married to a wonderful wife and had a good stable income then hell yeah I want kids.


if they’re right for you and you make your make it clear you want children then eventually someone will probably change their mind and if not at least you have a wonderful life long partner you can be with which should be plenty.

[molonski2]

I certainly wouldn't at that point of the equation , its far too early to be judging that far in advance , circumstances change and its just taking things too seriously too early , so I would certainly be proceeding , far too soon to be concerned by such judgements , enjoy the circumstance firstly.

[Asker]

I would be on the fence. Maybe a first date is too early to get into a deep conversation about why they don't want kids or marriage, but if everything else checked out, maybe there is some underlying reason why that can be cracked, but I don't think I'd wait until he would be down on one knee to figure that out. This is a "need to discuss" conversation because it can heavily impact your future as a couple.

[molonski2]

But certainly NOT in the first couple of months , lets just wait and see how things go , too much pre judgement is not a good idea , and its just far too much advance planning.

[abc3643]

Well, this is easy.

You be 100% clear: You want kids; he doesn't. That's a mutual incompatibility and thus precludes any long-term relationship.

It's not that you have anything else against him like he's an asshole, lazy, had bad hygiene, or is ugly. It's simply that you two have radically divergent desires on a fundamental life issue.

[Drumlin2001]

No. Actually had this happen. She was a nice woman, maybe a little heavier set than I expected (met online). But she had two kids and didn't want more. I'd have been OK with step kids but would have wanted at least the possibility of my own. Didn't go any further than first date

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want kids, I want marriage though, so I'd decline being her boyfriend for that reason. Also I wouldn't be on "dates". I don't do that, I date, as in dating = being a couple who is not yet married. The geting to know her part is being friends first, not going on dates.

[bamesjond0069]

Depends on how important it was. I think those are important things BUT I also think for many people they are negotiable.

Would you prefer to be just serious relationship with the otherwise perfect person or have someone who will marry you but they aren't as desirable for you? Thats the question. Tbh that's often the trade these days.

[Asker]

It would certainly have to be someone where the date went exceptionally well otherwise to go towards a second date, but you also have to know yourself like the other person knows they don't want kids/marriage. I think since you know little else of this person, if they are telling you it's a no go, I think all you can do is believe them or risk being burned if things get serious.

[Mangospacho]

Yeah, that would be weird because I would talk about the kids I already have on the first date so it would be weird if she waited until the second date to say she hates them because she’s talking about something from like 30 conversations ago and is putting a lot of emphasis on a stale conversation.

[David4358]

depends on where I was in my life. If it was early 20s then i have no problem with a second date because although I knew I wanted children in the future I wouldn't want them at that time anyway so dating someone just for fun is all I would be looking for anyway.

Now if i was older and getting to the point where I want to start settling down then i would probably pass.. unless she was really hot... then there might be a few more dates lol

[ShellyB]

Not automatically but it would be a concern and something I would want to know more about, sometimes people make big statements and then the truth is more complicated like maybe "... unless the situation is right".

[Paris13]

I would be Tempted to Keep going with Them. Hopefully to Change their Mind. xx

[Jdjfjcjj]

I'd of immediately let if be known that's something I'm looking for. I'd still stay, eat, and pay. But I'm no longer qualifyjng her any further

[Sour-rose]

if I did... yeah. I'm tryin to make a life, and if she doesn't want that... why am I wastin' my time

[Brittanyroseee]

I don’t want kids. Marriage i am open to. However if he wanted kids, i would not continue further with the relationship or dating aspect.

[electromagnetic]

You probably should if you do not want problems later in the relationship.
I’ve seen this happen to family members and it doesn’t end well.

[Adam1978]

Yes it's not something I would give up on, and I am not wasting any time in a relationship that doesn't go towards my goals.

[richardcory]

If we were looking for somethign long term, then yes, I'd turn them down - since no long term relationship could ever work

[HighValue]

I have no interest in someone if she doesn't want kids. No point in dating her since it couldn't work out long term.